I was still stunned. So many emotions raced through me, and I couldn’t sort them out. I didn’t know how to respond. But one thing I did remember was Cap dragging him back into the room and him saying that he didn’t want to be here. “You weren’t here.”
He lifted his head and shook it slowly. “I couldn’t,” he said brokenly. “I stayed for a week, but…they didn’t think you were going to wake up. I couldn’t watch you slowly die.”
“You…you left.” Again, stating the obvious, but I just couldn’t find the right words. Everything was so up in the air. All I could think about was that I was almost dead. He was there and making me all these promises, but he had been so terrible before that. Was that what it took? Would he only love me if I was about to die? And then I woke up and he was gone. I was missing huge chunks of time, and I didn’t know how to piece it all together in my head.
“Sunshine, I know that I left. I know that I was an ass, but you have to believe me…I never would have left if I had thought you would make it.”
I was so confused. How was I supposed to respond to that? A huge part of me wanted to just take everything he would give me, but another part of me just couldn’t get past the fact that Coop always seemed to have one foot out the door. First, he wouldn’t talk to me. When I finally got him to, he wouldn’t let me into his life with Kayla. And when I fucked up, he very viciously cut me from his life, not caring for an explanation from me. Now he was back, but only because he found out I would live? I just didn’t understand.
“Coop, I can’t keep doing this with you. Either you want me or you don’t. I want you, but you just cut me out of your life.” Tears sprang from my eyes and my chest tightened. It was all too much. My life and my head were a mess right now. My body felt beaten and barely functioning. I just couldn’t do this right now with him.
“I know, I did. And I was wrong. I was an idiot and-”
“And what?” I practically shouted. I wasn’t sure where it came from, but the anger was burning deep inside. I wanted him so much, but I didn’t just want to be a convenience for him. I wanted him to need me the same way that I needed him, and not just when the time was right.
“Sunshine-”
“No,” I said firmly. “You came back because I was hurt, but are you going to leave again now that I’m alive?”
He shook his head slightly. “I could never leave you again. I was so stupid,” he said, his voice cracking. “You have to believe me, when I was at your house with Kayla and I saw how our breakup was affecting you-”
“Our breakup? Is that what you think it was?” I could see the pain on his face, but mine was still running solid through my body. I couldn’t just turn that off. “You tore me down and tossed me aside. I was nothing to you. No, I was less than nothing. I tried to talk to you. I tried to apologize, but you wouldn’t listen. You had me banned from the property and cut off from the only family that I had left. You know what it meant to me to have all of them around, and you turned them all against me. Did that give you some sick satisfaction, to know that I was all alone and you had all the power?”
The door opened and the doctor stormed in, followed by Cap. “What’s going on here? You need to leave,” he said to Coop, then turned and checked the monitors, which had started going crazy. “She needs to rest. You’re getting her all worked up.”
“I’m not leaving.” He looked to me to stop the doctor, but I was still confused and all over the place emotionally. I knew that he loved me. I knew that I wanted him too, but I just couldn’t deal with all this right now. I needed some time and space to get my head on straight.
“Let’s go,” Cap said, pulling Coop toward the door. He struggled to break out of Cap’s grasp to get back to me.
I was about to tell him to stay when the doctor yelled out, “Get him out of here.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Coop
“Let go of me,” I said, yanking my arm out of Cap’s grip as he hauled me out of Becky’s room. “I need to talk to her.”
“Not right now. She just woke up,” he said angrily, shoving me away from him, “and you’re already upsetting her. You can’t just walk in there and think that she’s going to take you back. You fucking threw her out of your life.”
“She asked for me,” I insisted. “At her house, she asked me not to leave her. She begged me to stay with her.”
“She was dying, and she still loves you, even if you were a complete asshole to her. Of course, she wanted you to stay with her. But that was then and this is now.”
“Look, I know that I fucked up. I know that I was…terrible to her, but there is no fucking way that I’m just gonna walk away from her. Fuck, I just got her back. You can’t ask me to walk away!”
His face said it all. I was a fucking douchebag that didn’t deserve to be in her life. I already knew that. But there was no way I would walk away now. I had my eyes opened, and yeah, it was shitty that it took her almost dying for me to figure it out, but I did, and I was never letting her go now.
“Look, I want this for you. I really do. But you can’t just walk back into her life. What did you think would happen? That you would sit by her bedside and she would just be grateful that you finally pulled your head out of your ass?”
I ran a hand across the three days growth of beard that had taken over my face. “Would I be an asshole if I said yes?”
He glared at me and I sighed.
“So, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Just leave her alone?”
“Just…back off. Let her wake up a little more. She’s been in and out of it for a week. I’m sure she’s confused right now. She’s in a lot of pain and the last thing she needs is you putting pressure on her.”
“I won’t pressure her,” I insisted.
“Just being in the room is pressure. You saw how crazy her monitors were going. She’s trying to heal right now. But she can’t do that if she has to fucking look at you, the man that tore her to shreds, and she can’t fucking do a thing about it. Don’t you see how much that’s hurting her?”
I hated it, but I knew he was right. If she didn’t want me there, I couldn’t just shove my way inside. “Fine, but I’ll be right out here, waiting for her.”
“You might be waiting a while. Maybe you should just head home.”
“No,” I said fiercely. I wouldn’t leave her. I couldn’t. I had been such an asshole. What the fuck had I been thinking? This was Becky. She was the best person I knew. She pulled me back from sinking into a state of perpetual loneliness. She was the sunshine in a world that had seemed so black to me. “You dragged me back here, so don’t try and tell me that you think I should leave. I’ll sit my ass out here, but I’m only giving her today and then I’ll be back in that room with her.”
He shook his head, “You really are an asshole,” he said as he went back into the room.
The doctor stepped out a few minutes later, shooting me a glare before he walked down the hall. I sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall, and I waited. Derek stood outside her room, watching the hallways for anyone that shouldn’t be there and I saw Hunter stationed further down the hallway by the elevator. I assumed that Rocco was somewhere else in the building. Cap probably had a few more teams surrounding the hospital as well.
I thought about talking with Derek, but the glare he shot me told me to shut the fuck up. It looked like everyone was pretty pissed at me for the moment. Not that I could blame them. I knew how it looked. My anger had turned me into someone I didn’t recognize, and no matter how happy they were that Becky was alive and that I was here, that didn’t make my actions suddenly go away. But I would fight to have her back in my life, no matter what that took.
The whole day passed with Cap coming and going, but never giving me any sign that I should try and go in. He was never gone long, so I never tried to sneak in, even though I desperately wanted to.
“Excuse me,” a nurse said, staring down at me with pity. Did she know? Was it that obvious that
I was the asshole? “Visiting hours are over. You need to leave. You can come back tomorrow.”
I nodded and stood, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave.
“Sir?”
I nodded and looked one last time at Becky’s room before turning and walking away. I only made it as far as the lobby before stopping. I just couldn’t walk out, not when I promised her. I moved across the room and waited for Cap to leave. If I had to leave, then so did he. Sure enough, ten minutes later, Cap walked out of the hospital and I was in the clear. I snuck back up to Becky’s floor and waited for all the nurses to move out of sight. I had to make it past the bodyguard outside her door, which was now Cazzo. They must have just done a shift change.
“Don’t even think about it,” he said, not even bothering to look in my direction.
“I need to see her.”
“She’s sleeping. You can see her tomorrow.”
“I need to be there tonight.”
“No.”
“Cazzo, would you stay away from Vanessa?”
He turned his glare on me. “I walked away from her once. I won’t ever do that again.”
“I promised her when she was dying in my arms that I wouldn’t leave her. So, either you’re going to let me through, or I’m going to beat the shit out of you and then walk over your broken body to get to her.”
He snorted. “Like you could take me.” He glanced down the hallway and then stepped aside. “Make sure you’re gone by six.”
I nodded and moved past him, slipping into Becky’s room. She was asleep, but she looked anything but peaceful. And it was all my fault. She never would have been alone for that psycho to prey on if I had been with her.
I took a seat beside her bed and picked up her hand in mine. She looked so fucking fragile in that bed, and I still couldn’t believe that she was alive. How was it possible? There had been so much blood.
“Sir, you can’t be in here.”
I turned to see the nurse from earlier pursing her lips at me. “Please, I can’t leave her,” I said quietly. “I promised her that I wouldn’t leave her.”
She glanced at Becky and then back to me. “Fine, but don’t let anyone else catch you in here. The next nurse that comes in the morning is a stickler for the rules, so make sure you’re gone before she comes in.”
“I will.”
She smiled slightly at me and went about her work, checking over Becky to make sure that she was comfortable.
“Is she your girlfriend?” the nurse asked.
“She was, but I fucked it up. It’s my fault she’s in here.”
She glanced at me curiously, like she was trying to figure out if I had actually been the one to stab Becky.
“I didn’t do this, but I could have prevented it if I had been there.”
“She’s lucky to have such a devoted man by her side.”
I snorted to myself. If only that were true. If only I had been devoted.
“I’m Sally.”
“Coop.”
“Have faith, Coop. Women tend to be forgiving, but you’re gonna have to work for it.”
I intended to do whatever it took to get her back. I sat there with her the rest of the night, just holding her hand and making sure that she was actually still alive. When five-thirty rolled around, I knew I should make my exit now while there was still a chance of me sneaking out. Standing, I kissed her on the forehead and left her room. I would be back tonight. During the day, she had everyone surrounding her, but at night, I would have her all to myself.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Becky
I got this strange feeling when I woke up in the morning that Coop had been here. I wasn’t sure why, maybe it was wishful thinking, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. He walked in with Cap at eight o’clock and immediately sat beside me, as if he belonged there and no one would move him. He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, his fingers brushing against my skin as he slipped some hair behind my ear.
“How are you feeling today?”
I swallowed hard, completely mesmerized by his eyes. I knew he was asking a question, but I was asking my own. The sincerity in his eyes was shining bright and was unmistakable. I knew that he loved me, and maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he only left me at the hospital because he couldn’t stand to sit there and do nothing, but watch me die. He couldn’t have known that I was going to make it. And he had already been through so much with Kayla. It must have been so overwhelming for him.
I shook those thoughts from my head. It didn’t matter what he had been through. I had to look out for myself right now. I couldn’t fall back into his trap. He had led me on before and made me think that we had something real, but when things fell apart between us, he wasn’t the one that stuck around to figure it out.
I turned away and ignored him. He sat down in the chair and started talking with Cap about my case.
“What about Delaney?” I asked, cutting off their conversation. They both looked at me questioningly. “When is her funeral? I’d like to go.”
“They had it last week when you were still in the coma,” Cap informed me.
“Oh.”
I felt terrible that I wasn’t able to go. I had met her mother once before when she had come for a visit, so it would have been nice to pay my respects.
“Did Tony go?”
“He did.”
Geez, it was like pulling teeth to get any answers out of these men. “Is he okay?”
Cap looked to Coop, and they had some kind of silent conversation. “We haven’t seen Tony much lately. I think he needed some time. Speaking of which, I need to check on Maggie.”
Cap stood and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with Coop. I didn’t feel like talking to him right now, so I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep.
“You can hide from me all you want, but eventually, you’re going to have to talk to me.”
“Like you talked to me?” I snapped. His face closed off and he leaned back in his chair. I closed my eyes again and this time fell asleep.
After lunch, I felt itchy and gross and in desperate need of a shower. I pressed the call button and Coop was immediately on his feet, hovering over me like I was about to go into cardiac arrest. Cap wasn’t too much better, staring at me intently from the other seat.
“What are you doing?” I asked, pushing him back to get a little air. It was a pathetic attempt. I was weak and barely pushed him at all.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“But you pressed the button.”
“Yeah, to get the nurse.”
“I can do whatever you need,” he insisted.
“No, I’m pretty sure you can’t.”
His eyes narrowed in on me and he crossed his arms over his chest to intimidate me. It wasn’t going to work.
“Just let him help,” Cap said, opening a newspaper and shaking it out to make it smooth. “You know he’s just going to do whatever he wants anyway.”
“Whose side are you on?”
“I’m on the side of not having anymore men at Reed Security come to me for advice. Seriously, I could start an advice column by now.”
“Hi, sweetie,” the nurse said as she entered. “What can I do for you?”
“I need a shower.”
“I can do that,” Coop cut in.
“No, he can’t.”
“I’ve done it several times before. I’m pretty sure that I can get you clean.”
“He’s not doing it,” I told the nurse.
“Right, I’ll get the water started and let him know what to do.”
“Wait,” I shouted, confused by what she said. “I don’t want him to help me!”
“You should just let Coop do it,” Cap said, flipping the page. “If you don’t, you know he’s just going to piss off the nurse. Then you won’t get a shower at all.”
“Or he’ll get kicked out of the hospital, which I wouldn’t mind at all right now.”
“
Not gonna happen,” Coop grinned. “I’m on your security detail.”
“You can’t be. We have a personal relationship,” I shot back. The rules hadn’t changed.
“As far as the hospital knows, I’m on your detail.”
“Cap?” I turned, hoping he would help me out here.
He folded his paper and set it down as he stood. “Look at that. It’s time for that meeting with the rest of your detail.”
“You can’t leave him here with me. I don’t want him here.”
“I’ll try not to take offense to that,” Coop said as he pulled back the sheets and started easing my legs over the side of the bed.
“What are you doing? You can’t just move me around like that!”
The nurse walked out of the bathroom and motioned for Cap to go around toward my back. “It’s best if she walks. You need to help her stand.”
“I don’t want him to.”
Coop moved around and started to help me stand. I hissed in a breath and gently put my feet on the ground. It hurt so much, but being clean would be worth it. “Like this?”
“Exactly,” the nurse said, completely ignoring my request.
“I’d like the nurse to help me.”
“When you get her in there,” the nurse told Coop, “there’s a stool for her to sit on. If she can clean herself, that’s fine, but don’t let her do it all herself. She’s going to be very sore.”
“What about the wounds?” Coop asked.
“She’s okay to get water on them. The doctor gave the all clear.”
“Is anyone going to listen to me?” I asked as Coop started helping me off the bed.
“Let me know when you’re done. I’ll get the bed changed,” the nurse said, going about stripping the bed.
“It’s like no one knows that I’m talking,” I muttered.
“I hear you, Sunshine, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to the crap coming out of that pretty mouth.”
Cooper Page 28
