Falling in Love With My Ex’s Best

by Izabella Brooks

“You’re only saying that because you don’t think I’ll actually succeed.”

  Something flashes in Cozzie’s eyes and her lips purse. “I have to go. I’m sorry you were sick. Enjoy the soup.”

  “Bryn’s back in two days. I’m going to ask him, Coz, so you better be prepared.”

  She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and chews on it again. My cock just about fist bumps the air, it’s so excited, both at the prospect of being anywhere near her again—kissing her, touching her skin, inhaling her delicate, sensual scent—and at what she’s currently doing to her own lip.

  “See you, Trell. If you end up back in the hospital over this, I’m not bring you soup again.”

  Cozzie shows herself out. She’s never lacked confidence. Anyone else would probably have gone into full meltdown mode like I thought she was going to do, but she held it together and faced me bravely, with sarcasm as a shield and wit as a weapon. That’s the Cozzie I grew up with. Fearless, take charge, no-nonsense, not afraid to go after what she wants Cozzie.

  Maybe I’m reading too much into the situation. Maybe she only agreed with me because she didn’t know what else to do. It would be my own funeral. Or maybe she didn’t say no because, despite everything, all the hurdles—Bryn, our friends, the shitty timing—she might actually want me.

  Chapter 7

  Trell

  Maybe ambushing Bryn right when he got home from his business trip wasn’t a good idea. I show up at his door as he’s literally dragging in his suitcase. He has bags under his eyes and looks jet-lagged as hell. Probably not the best time for our man to man conversation about me making a move on his ex of all of a month.

  “Hey.” Bryn musters up enough energy to try and be nice to me. “Didn’t expect you to come over tonight.”

  “I knew you were getting back.” I hang by the door, but I’m too honest not to tell him why I’m really there, so I follow him in and close the door behind me.

  The place looks pretty much exactly the same. I can’t even tell that Cozzie is gone just by standing in the entryway and looking in.

  Bryn rummages around in the fridge and produces two beers. He passes one cold, sweaty bottle over to me and I take it because I feel like I can’t refuse, not because I truly want to.

  “Well, come in. Sit down. I heard you were sick.”

  “Yeah. Got this flu from hell, but I’m good now.”

  “It must have been bad if they took you to the hospital. You’d have to be pretty much on your deathbed to end up there.”

  “You know me too well.” You don’t know me at all. “So? How’s it been going these past couple weeks?”

  Bryn chugs back half his beer and glances around the living room. His face is a mix of horror and relief and I already know what he’s going to say.

  “It’s been okay. I hate to say it because it makes me sound like a dick and I don’t mean it that way, but it’s like breathing underwater or something. I know I shouldn’t be able to do it, but that’s what it’s like.”

  Dick. “So you’ve morphed into an amphibious creature?” I’m not exactly kidding, but Bryn smirks back at me.

  “It’s like I shouldn’t be happy that she’s gone and I’m not, not like that, but it honestly is a relief to come home and not have to face her. To not have to face anyone and be so fucking fake anymore. We were like plastic.”

  Asshole. Part of me wants to tear him limb from limb for saying those things about Cozzie. For stealing years with her that she could have used to make herself happy. Not with me. With anyone. Or alone. I know it’s unfair, since Bryn is like a brother and I know relationships are complicated. It’s pretty damn hypocritical for me to feel any anger towards him, but I do.

  I swallow hard and sip at my untouched beer. “So. I have something I want to ask you.”

  Bryn’s brows crinkle in at the center. “Shoot. It’s been a long trip and I’m too exhausted to guess what it is.”

  You’d never guess in a million years. I know I’m about to blindside the guy and I just hope his reaction will be somewhat favorable. He’s made it pretty obvious that he’s over Cozzie, or at least that he feels like he’s better off being by himself. I guess that’s what happens when you’re on the rocks for years and years.

  “Okay…” I chug back a good portion of my beer, but that liquid courage is just bullshit. Sitting right here across from Bryn, I understand why Cozzie threw down her ultimatum. He’s never going to give his blessing. I figure that coming out with it might be the best way, seeing as there really is no good way to put this kind of shit out there. “I was wondering, seeing as you and Cozzie are done, really done, if I could take her out.”

  “Take her out?” Bryn stares at me flatly. “Yeah, sure. Why not? We used to go out all the time. That’s not a problem.”

  “No, Bryn. I don’t mean like that. Not as a friend. Take her out. As something else.”

  That catches his attention. Bryn’s whole massive body coils up before my eyes. Everything happens so fast that I don’t have time to brace for impact. One second, Bryn’s slamming his beer down on the coffee table so hard the bottle smashes all over the place. Beer and glass rain down all over the place. The next, he’s on me. His fists are flying and I don’t want to hurt the guy, so all I can do is slam my arms up to try and stop the worst of the blows.

  Bryn might be big, but I’m not exactly a lightweight myself. He tries to hit me, but he’s sloppy. In a rage. Seeing red. I jerk a knee up, missing his balls by a few inches, which was my intent, and grip his shoulders.

  “You fucking asshole!” Bryn yells as we tumble to the floor.

  We’re now rolling around in glass shards and spilled beer. Bryn continues trying to smash my face in, and I wait him out. He’s got a good thirty pounds on me at least, but I’m far more graceful.

  Bryn ends up on top of me, caging me in with his knees, but he’s tiring, his fists flagging. He’s breathing hard, so when I throw a punch upwards, it hits him square in the chin, catching him off guard and off balance. He teeters and weaves, and since I have zero desire to beat him back, I bring my knee up into his stomach, winding him, and roll him off. This time, I’m faster. I have more energy. I roll on top of him and pin him to the floor with my body weight, only a few inches from all those glass shards. We were lucky. A few more inches and we could have been shredded completely, and I seriously don’t want another trip to the hospital so some nurse can sigh at me and roll her eyes as she picks glass out of my back. I keep his shoulders nailed down with my hands, breathing as hard and wild as he is.

  “No. I’m not an asshole or a shithead. You’re going to listen, because I’m only going to say this once.”

  Byron spits into my face, but I can’t say I blame him. I don’t bother wiping it off, because I’m not going to take a hand off of him. I don’t like to fight. Never did. I got in a few scraps in high school, but most were from necessity and I think three of four of them were at the hands of my best buds. Yeah, this isn’t the first time we’ve tried to settle things with fists. At Jake and Arla’s wedding last year, there was just about an all-out brawl in the limo and I can’t even remember what that shit was actually about. I just remember pulling up to the beach where we were supposed to have pictures and seeing the horrified, disappointed looks on everyone’s faces.

  “Listen up!” I stare menacingly into Bryn’s face. I’m not going to take no for an answer. I’m not thinking about anything other than Cozzie. “I actually don’t think you should get a say in this, because you’ve made it clear it’s long over for you both. So you don’t get to be a jealous fucker. You don’t get to tell Cozzie that she can’t be happy.”

  Bryn snorts. “You think you can make her happy?”

  It’s a cheap shot and I choose to take the higher road instead of reminding him who’s had his back all these years.

  “I don’t know if I can or not, but I want to try. I want to take her out and I’m asking your permission because I don’t want to ruin a friendship
that’s almost three decades old. Don’t be a shithead just for the sake of being a shithead.”

  “You think she’ll actually go out with you? You?”

  “Why not?” I lean down and growl in Bryn’s face. I’m angry and out of control, the adrenaline pumping hard and fast and it makes me stupid and reckless. “I’ve loved her since high school! I wanted to ask her out, but when I found out that you did too, and that she was interested in you, I encouraged you to do it. I gave you the go ahead. I’ve never said one thing all these years! Not one!”

  Bryn’s face is scarlet by now. He doesn’t struggle under my hands. Why would he, when he can rain down blows without lifting a hand? “So you’re some kind of martyr, that it, Trell? Hmm? You sacrificed so much? You waited in the wings all these years, stayed single for her, waited on the off-chance that things didn’t work out and now you’re there to pick up the pieces like a white fucking knight? Cozzie doesn’t have any broken pieces. We’ve picked them all up and moved on before we even broke up for good. She doesn’t need you there to be a hero. She doesn’t need you to love her. She’s always been capable of loving herself and taking care of herself.”

  “Yeah. I know.” I let out a hiss, my rage already dissipating like steam. “I know she’s capable. I know she’s whole and healed. I know she’s not some ruined wreck that I have to put back together. That’s not what I want. I just want to take her on a date.”

  “You’re her friend. She thinks about you like a brother.”

  No, she doesn’t! I keep that information locked inside. I don’t want Bryn to go off like a wild animal on me. He probably would, too, if he found out about that kiss we shared weeks ago.

  “I’m trying to do the right thing here and let you know that I’m going to do this. I’m not some white knight or some saint. I did try and move on. I’m not completely pathetic and I knew she was yours and I never would have done anything. I have my own life. I enjoy it. I would have been fine being friends for the rest of my life if that’s what it took.”

  “Right. Because you really are some white knight who sacrificed himself for my happiness. And hers.”

  “No. Maybe at first that was true, but I saw how happy she was and that she was loved and how much she loved you and I just got used to it. Like I said, I have my own life. Always have.”

  “So why can’t you keep it that way?” Bryn’s eyes burn a hole right through my skull as he stares up at me. “Why can’t you just leave her alone?”

  “Because…” I search for the right words, but, as usual, they aren’t there. “Because I can’t,” I finish lamely. “I just want you to not wreck this if anything comes of it.”

  “I think you’ll do a pretty good job of that all on your own. You ever hear how friendship turned to romance often goes to complete fucking shit? Cozzie and I…it was important to us that we didn’t wreck our friends when we broke up. You doing this, no one is going to think you’re a good person after. They’ll think you’re an asshole, which is appropriate, because you seriously fucking are.” Bryn heaves upward with all his strength. “Now get the hell off of me. We’re finished here.”

  I don’t let him up just yet. I keep him pinned down hard to the floor. “Arla and Jake are having a Valentine’s thing at their place.”

  “They do every single year,” Bryn spits back.

  “You said that no one would accept the idea of us. I’m going to see if that’s true. If it is, I’ll back off. Disappear. Whatever it takes to make things right. If they don’t have a damn problem with it, and why would they, then this is on. Me and Cozzie.”

  Bryn glowers back. “Why are you even here? You didn’t come to ask my fucking permission. You’re telling me how things are going to go.”

  “I’m asking you. I’m asking you to not be a dick about it.”

  Bryn heaves upwards again and this time I let him push me off. I roll away and get to my feet, staring him down, ready for him if he wants to try to tackle me again, but he gets to his feet and gives me a look that could turn ice into icier ice.

  “She’s not mine anymore, so you go ahead and do what you want, but I’ll never stop thinking about you as the backstabbing fucker who took her.”

  “That’s rich, Bryn. You didn’t appreciate her or want her. It’s over between you two. Get that through your thick fucking head.”

  Bryn flips me off and stalks off down the hall. The slam of a door vibrates through the house and I’m left in the living room, my heaving breaths rattling through me, turning my chest into a cage. I can’t believe the guy seriously just stormed off like a toddler.

  I show myself out, because what the hell else is there to do? When I’m back in the car, driving again, taking extra care because I’m pissed off and adrenaline is still pumping through my veins, I force myself to take a few deep breaths and settle down. Bryn didn’t exactly give his blessing, but he knows now. One down, four to go. I’m not giving up. Not without a fight. Not when everything I’ve always wanted is so close.

  Chapter 8

  Cozzie

  “You sure you don’t mind me coming with?” Taye models the new skinny jeans and cropped sweater she just bought.

  No matter what other people are doing, I can’t get on board with the high waisted jeans. Taye loves them because she says it feels like everything is tucked in and sucked in, though what she has to tuck or suck in, I’m not sure, given that she had a body most women would kill for. She likes them. She looks killer in them. I don’t. And I probably wouldn’t.

  “Yeah. Of course!” I glance at my sister in the mirror. The bathroom isn’t huge. All of my paltry makeup is spread out on the counter and she’s helping herself to a tube of mascara. “Why would I tell you come if I didn’t want you to be there?”

  Taye applies another layer of mascara, making her already huge eyelashes that much bigger. “It’s just, you never ask me to hang out with your friends. They were always so much older than me.”

  “Well…maybe I need a wingman now.”

  “Now that Bryn isn’t flanking your side?”

  I sigh. “Yeah.”

  Taye’s eyes flick down to the counter. Her lips purse as she studies the makeup. Something strange passes between us, almost uncomfortable, but I dismiss it as nerves. I’ve stayed away from Trell since that day I brought him the soup.

  Bryn texted me to ask if it was really true that Trell and I were a thing right after that, so I know he went over and did what I said. Asked Bryn for permission. I responded back that of course we weren’t a thing and I needed more time. Bryn then asked why Trell was asking for permission if we weren’t going out and I responded back, again, that I needed more time. I wasn’t saying no and I wasn’t saying yes. Obviously, that pissed Bryn off, and he didn’t text me back.

  Trell texted me a few times, asking me if I wanted to go for ice cream or go to a movie or this play that he’d won tickets for or to go see an art show that he’d somehow procured an invite to. All I could think about was his lips on mine. How they’d made me feel on fire. How I hadn’t felt that way. Ever. It confused me and scared me and I blew Trell off every single time.

  “Hey, you still with me?”

  “Yeah.” I snap my attention back to the present and turn to study my sister. Taye is looking at me strangely. “Sorry. I just zoned out.”

  “What’s going on with you? You want me to come to this party at Jake and Arla’s, which you’ve never asked me to do before. I think you’re hiding from someone and it isn’t Bryn. Who’s going to be there?”

  God, my sister is way too perceptive. It doesn’t help that we’ve been spending way more time together now, something I also feel guilty about. I don’t want to be one of those girls that doesn’t make time for her friends or family when I’m with someone. I don’t think I was like that before, but I realize how much more time I have now that I’m single. Even when Bryn and I weren’t really together at the end, he was still in the house, doing his own thing, but his presence made me feel l
ess lonely.

  I’ve had to get out more, most of the time because I just can’t stand the silence in the apartment.

  Arla, Bree, and even Taye helped me pick out enough furniture that the place doesn’t look like a ghost town anymore, but it’s still too quiet, even when I have music or the TV on. I seriously need to get a cat. I’m allowed to have two cats, max, or a dog from the approved list, whatever that is, but I just haven’t gone out and looked yet, even though Breona keeps pushing me.

  “No one. I just thought you might want to come. I know you didn’t have plans and it’s Valentine’s Day. Can’t I take you out as my date?”

  Taye rolls her eyes. “Why do you think I’m coming? I don’t want to sit at home like some pathetic, lonely, single person who makes herself a microwave dinner and crashes at eight because there’s nothing else to do.”

  “You could have a hundred dates if you wanted them,” I gently remind my sister. Taye is pretty and she’s also popular. Guys asked her out constantly in high school. It drove my dad nuts.

  “I don’t want them.” Taye drops her eyes back to the counter. She grips a pot of purple eyeshadow, the mineral pigments stuff. I spent a fortune on it when I got flagged down at some kiosk in the mall a couple months ago and I’ve never used it. “Want to give this a try?”

  “No.” My hand curls instinctively around the matching pot of a shimmery brown pigment. I was told by the salesperson, a very eager young girl, that they’d complement each other. I was kind of in a hurry, so I just agreed to buy the set. “But you can.”

  “Thanks.”

  “No, you look good in anything. I don’t.”

  “That’s bullshit.” Taye’s lips work, but she grabs the purple eyeshadow and a brush and applies a swatch that, of course, looks ridiculously good on her. “If you’re trying to impress someone, you can’t play it safe.”

  “I’m not trying to impress anyone.” I grab the brown-gold and apply a safe amount, so it’s barely there. I blink hard in the mirror at myself. I’m not trying to impress anyone at all.