by Aston, Alexa
“Can I make you feel the same?” she asked, having no clue how to achieve it.
He kissed her. “Always thinking of others.”
Reid started to kiss her again and Ashlyn placed her fingertips against his lips. “No. Tell me. I want you to feel the same.”
He opened his lips and captured her fingers, sucking on them. Ashlyn felt her eyes widen as the pull caused her core to start throbbing again. It seems no matter what he did or where he touched her, Reid made her come alive.
His teeth teased her fingers and she strained against him. Her breasts seemed to swell. With her other hand, she ran her fingers through his hair, loving the texture and thickness of it. Finally, she freed herself from him.
“How can I pleasure you?”
Those chocolate eyes seemed to melt. “In many, many ways. Kissing would be the start. Our coming together as one would be the finish.”
She swallowed, trying to hide her distaste.
“It hurt before, didn’t it?”
“Yes,” she said dully. “I never wanted to do it again.”
“It doesn’t hurt after that first time.”
“Really? Daniel told me the same but I didn’t believe him.”
“If you want, I can show you.”
She couldn’t lie to him. “I’m afraid,” she admitted.
“Have you liked what we’ve done so far?”
“Yes.”
“Then you would like it, too.”
“How can you be sure?”
His eyes filled with mischief. “Because I know how to make you like it.”
She batted at him playfully. “You can be awfully arrogant, you know.”
“I do. I was born and bred to be so. Raised from the cradle to be an arrogant duke,” he teased. Then his features softened. “I promise you that you will enjoy it, Ashlyn. Give me a chance. If you don’t, I’ll stop. Trust me.”
She looked at him. She did trust him. Moreover, she loved him. It was something she could never, ever tell him. She would have to carry the secret to her grave.
“I do,” she said solemnly. “I believe you.”
“Then it starts with a kiss,” he whispered and captured her mouth with his.
They kissed slowly. Leisurely. As if they had all the time in the world. Reid kept his promise and kissed her everywhere. Her breasts. Behind her knees. Across her belly. Her skin heated. His was already like a furnace. His fingers touched her lovingly. He caressed every part of her. When his fingers teased her fold and then slipped inside, she welcomed them. He brought her to orgasm again, one even longer and more intense than the first one.
Ashlyn still trembled from it when his member pressed against her. She tensed, squeezing her eyes shut.
“Relax, sweetheart. You’re dripping for me. With need. With desire. I have what you want. Remember—trust me.”
She opened her eyes and saw he told the truth. It caused her to do as he asked and as his mouth took hers, he pushed inside her. At first, his size and the pressure worried her but he withdrew and thrust back into her, causing the most delightful sensation.
“Oh, yes,” she urged him on as he repeated the action. This time, she met him. Her arms went around him, her hands running up and down his sleek back. She felt very possessive of him, wanting to take him in. He continued to move within her and they began a dance not unlike the waltz. There was a rhythm, a cadence, a music only they could hear as they joined as one.
Another orgasm overwhelmed her as he pushed into her and she came undone in his arms. He entered a final time and then withdrew quickly, making a strangled sound as something warm touched her belly. Ashlyn glanced down and saw he’d spilled his seed outside her body. No baby was made this night.
Only powerful, lasting memories.
Reid rose from the bed and returned with a cloth. He wiped her belly clean and then returned with a wet one, smoothing it across her and drying her with another. He blew out all but one candle and climbed into bed, gathering her in his arms and wrapping his legs about her, too.
“Why did you leave one candle burning?”
“To watch you sleep.”
“Reid!”
“Hush. Close your eyes, Ashlyn. I’ve worn you out. You need to get some rest.”
She wanted to protest but was too tired to do so.
Sometime later, she awoke to him kissing her fingers. She giggled as he worked his way up her hand and then arm. He made love to her again, slowly, sweetly, tenderly. He fell asleep first that time and she watched him slumber, moved by this man. When she awakened again, nestled in his arms, she couldn’t help herself and begin pressing soft kisses against his chest. She knew he woke but said nothing so she licked his nipples as he’d done hers.
“Ashlyn!” he cried hoarsely.
She looked up innocently. “Yes, Reid?”
He grinned. “You are very wicked.”
“It’s the company I keep,” she said airily.
“Oh, is it?” he growled and then hovered over her, covering her in kisses and then taking her swiftly.
Each time, he was careful and withdrew. It comforted her to know there would be no child but she realized it left him unfulfilled.
Ashlyn snuggled against him and he said, “No. I need to take you back to your bed. Dawn is near.”
He threw on his dressing gown and then reclaimed her night rail and slipped it over her head. The dressing gown came next.
Reid shook his head. “I haven’t a clue how to rebraid your hair.”
He’d undone it after she’d awakened the first time, wanting to run his fingers through her hair.
“I’ll tell Mrs. Paul that it was a little tight and causing a headache. She’ll believe me.”
He kissed her. “She’ll always believe you. Especially over me.”
She frowned. “That’s an odd remark to make.”
“Well, it’s natural that the two of you will be spending time together.”
Exasperation filled her. “Reid, I will be leaving later today or tomorrow. I’m sure the doctor—”
“Ashlyn, I don’t want you to go.”
She looked at him longingly. “I can’t stay, Reid. You know that.” She bit her lip. “Besides, you’ve told me you already have a lady in mind to be your duchess. Tonight was our only night to be together.”
He cupped her face. “Ashlyn, you are the lady I referred to.”
“Me?”
“Of course. It’s been you. Always you.” Reid frowned. “You actually think I would make love to you all night when I planned to wed another?” He stepped away but she still sensed the angry waves emanating from him.
He came back and took her elbows. “You came to my bed thinking that. Why? Why would you do that? It seems totally out of character for you.”
She stared into the face she’d grown to love. “Because I wanted to know what it would be like. There’s been a fierce attraction between us. I’ve told you—I had one night with a man which was a nightmare. That’s all I knew. Between us, though, I sensed it could be so much more. I needed to make love with you, Reid.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I’ve been so alone for so many years. I know it was selfish.”
“You are the least selfish person I know.” He kissed her tenderly. “You put everyone before you. It’s an endearing quality.” He kissed her again, longer and with more passion. “Besides, it doesn’t matter. There is no other woman. There’s only you. I want to marry you, Ashlyn. I want you to be my duchess. I want you to be the mother of our children. My companion for life.”
For a moment, Ashlyn wanted that life with him. She realized, though, that Reid needed a woman who would take care of him and the children he wanted. Who would love him as much as he deserved to be loved.
She could never be that woman. Once she’d been a mother and wife. She’d given her entire existence to her child. When she lost Gregory, she’d shut the door on ever giving over to those feelings again. It wouldn’t be fair for him to tie hims
elf to her when her heart would be forever closed. Even though she knew she loved Reid, she couldn’t risk the sorrow and heartbreaking loss that came with acknowledging that love.
She wished he hadn’t said these things. It would make it so much harder to refuse him—but she must. For his own good. For the future and family he would build with another woman.
“Say something, darling. Do you want the banns read? Should I ride to London for a special license? I’ll do whatever you wish.”
“I wish to go to my room,” she said quietly.
He enfolded her in his arms. “I’m sorry if you feel I’m rushing you. I know this is a lot to take in.”
Reid picked her up and carried her back to her bedchamber. He placed her on the bed and wiped away the tears that cascaded down her cheeks.
“Forgive me, sweetheart. Take all the time to decide what you want.”
Ashlyn steeled herself. There was no sense delaying the inevitable. “I don’t need any more time, Your Grace. I don’t ever plan to marry you or anyone else.”
Chapter Eighteen
Reid’s jaw dropped. Surely, he’d heard her wrong.
“Ashlyn, I think I misunderstood you.”
She winced as if he’d slapped her and looked as if she’d burst into tears again. Then he watched a change come over her, as if she dug deep within her. Her chin rose a notch and a steely resolve entered those bewitching eyes.
“You didn’t, Your Grace. I don’t wish to marry you.”
Her words took him aback. “But . . . I’m a duke.”
“I know that, Your Grace, else I wouldn’t address you so. I simply don’t want to be your duchess. You’ll have to find someone else to take on that task.”
He was speechless. Then he realized she must want words from him, as well as actions.
“I’m not Burke or Gray. I can’t offer you words of love, Ashlyn. I do care for you a great deal, though. In fact, I admire you greatly. I respect what you’ve done at Dunwood Academy. If you’re worried about being allowed to keep it, I have no objections.”
She crossed her arms. “Oh. So you have no objections. You’ll allow me to keep it.”
“Of course,” he said, wanting to placate her. “I know the school means a great deal to you. Naturally, you’ll need someone to run it for you. You wouldn’t be able to remain its headmistress.”
Anger sparked in her eyes. “My school means everything to me, as do my boys. I built it from nothing. It is my life. I’m not going to marry a man who tells me what I can or cannot do with my school or my life. I’ve been on my own far too long.”
“I like that about you, Ashlyn. Your independence. Your spirit.”
“How nice. Well, I plan to keep both. I will leave Gillingham today once I’ve seen the doctor.”
“You will not,” Reid roared, his patience at an end.
“I won’t be bullied into marrying you, Your Grace. I know you aren’t told no very often but this is one instance where it applies. I will leave once I see the doctor.”
“I forbid it.” Even to his ears, he knew how pompous he sounded and yet he refused to retract the words.
“So I’m to be a prisoner now?” she challenged. “Held against my will?”
“No. Of course not.” He tried to calm himself. He was losing her—and he didn’t understand why. “You’ll do as the doctor says.”
“Or as you say? Don’t think to waylay him before he sees me,” Ashlyn warned.
It was exactly what Reid had planned to do. She was far too clever for her own good.
“I will leave today,” she said firmly. “Even if I must crawl back the entire way.”
He couldn’t persuade her of anything in her current mood. Without a word, Reid left the bedchamber and returned to his own. Collapsing on the bed, the first thing that hit him was the subtle scent of her fragrance on the pillowcase. He turned into it, inhaling deeply.
What had just happened?
He’d spent the best night of his life with Ashlyn. They were well matched in every way imaginable.
Especially in bed.
He couldn’t fathom why she didn’t want to wed him. She wasn’t some merry widow who bedded every man who asked her. In fact, she was the one who had made it known to him of her desire. Why would she want only one night when he offered her a lifetime and wealth and privilege?
Had he bullied her?
Reid associated that behavior with boys at school being harsh toward one another, a larger boy exercising his power over a lesser, weaker one. Guilt flooded him. He’d arrogantly told her he was a duke. She had fired back at him for that. All his life, Reid had been a leader. He told others what to do—and they followed without question. Yet here, he couldn’t get one petite spitfire to do his bidding and do what was best for them both.
He knew Dunwood Academy meant a great deal to her but he’d underestimated the depth of those feelings. Her entire identity—even self-worth—was wrapped into the school. He’d not understood that before and it had cost him. He tried to look at things from her perspective. She’d been a young girl who’d been forced to wed a man who was practically a stranger. Obviously, only her father could have exercised such power over her. Ashlyn had been left alone and raised a child in isolation, with little society about her. With the deaths of her husband and child, she’d risen from the ashes of grief and reinvented herself. Starting an academy from scratch must have been exceedingly challenging. She’d done so and seen it grow successful in a short amount of time. He could understand how hard it would be to give it up.
He wasn’t asking for that. Yet he realized he’d told her exactly what he wanted her to do with her creation. Ordered her was more the truth. No wonder she was resentful. And hurt. He’d have to alter his approach. What worried him was the little time he had left. Reid feared once Ashlyn left Gillingham, she might never return. He’d lose his chance at lasting happiness with the woman he loved.
Wait . . .
No, he didn’t love. He didn’t know where that notion came from. He was comfortable in her company. Enjoyed conversing with her. Respected her intelligence. Admitted how much he physically desired her.
But love? No, that was impossible.
Maybe he should just let her go if she was so determined to oppose the match. His happiness and the future of Gillingham didn’t depend upon Ashlyn. He was a bloody duke. In the prime of his life. He could attend the upcoming London Season and have his pick of any woman present.
But none of them would be Ashlyn.
Bloody hell. He might actually be in love with her, after all.
He rose and paced the room, his thoughts jumbling. People fell in and out of love all the time. He hadn’t even known he was in love with her until now. It shouldn’t be that hard to forget her.
Reid collapsed into a chair. It didn’t matter what lies he told himself. The truth would always spring to the surface.
He was in love with Ashlyn. And she had rejected him.
It didn’t mean it had to remain that way, though. He was a soldier. Used to going into battle. He now found himself in the battle of his life. He must do whatever it took to win Ashlyn.
And her love.
*
Mrs. Paul brought in a breakfast tray and set it down. The thought of food made Ashlyn nauseous but she didn’t want anyone to know how miserable she was.
The man she loved had proposed marriage and she’d rejected him. It brought a modicum of relief to know there’d been no other woman that Reid had considered for his duchess. Despite the proposal, he’d behaved like a pompous ass. He’d become overbearing, telling her what she could and couldn’t do with Dunwood Academy. She’d already been forced into one marriage. She wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. Reid tried to bend her to his will. Ashlyn couldn’t allow that. She’d built a worthy school of impeccable reputation. She couldn’t throw it all away.
Even for a man she loved.
Ashlyn hadn’t known she could still have such love in her
heart. She thought all those feelings had died with Gregory. Instead, all her emotions had been directed toward her pupils. There were so many misfits that she’d seen make strides. Countless other boys needed her help. She refused to walk away and abandon them because she had feelings for a man who wished her to walk away from everything important to her.
Practically speaking, Reid was a duke. A wealthy, powerful man of privilege. He would have his choice of women. Besides, he’d admitted he didn’t love her. He deserved to find a woman he did. His friends had found such women. Reid deserved nothing less. He would find the right wife for him. She knew it in her heart.
“Would you care for a bath this morning, my lady?” Mrs. Paul asked, laying out a dress for Ashlyn to wear today.
She’d forgotten the housekeeper was there.
“Yes, please. The doctor is expected sometime this afternoon so a morning bath is preferable.”
“I’ll see to your hot water now.”
After Mrs. Paul left, Ashlyn toyed with her food, getting down a few bites. She allowed the housekeeper, with the help of a maid, to bathe and dress her. She asked for one of them to pack for her. Mrs. Paul said that she would do so and dismissed the maid after they’d helped Ashlyn to a chair.
As the housekeeper folded Ashlyn’s gowns and returned them to the trunk, she said, “Although I’m sorry you injured your ankle, my lady, it was delightful having you here. I look forward to your return soon.”
“What return?”
Mrs. Paul demurred. “I’m sorry if I spoke out of turn. I was referring to . . . your . . . understanding with His Grace.”
“There is no understanding with His Grace,” she said firmly. “Much as I’ve enjoyed your company, Mrs. Paul, I’m afraid this is the last time we’ll meet.”
“But . . . I thought . . .”
“I’m sure you are misinformed, Mrs. Paul.”
The housekeeper nodded. “Perhaps I am, my lady.”
The doctor appeared just after two. His demeanor seemed false and his voice too bright and cheery. She knew Reid had ambushed him.
