by Jack Spain
‘It’s the middle of the night. You are waiting in a van with a dozen little men. We are parked outside a bank and wearing sunglasses,’ Balor replied.
‘Yeah?’ Old Man Grogan replied in a defensive tone.
‘Don’t you think that we look a bit suspicious?’
‘No,’ Grogan replied.
‘What movie was it?’
‘The Blues Brothers,’ replied Old Man Grogan.
Balor didn’t know what to say so he just pulled the sunglasses off Moriarty and indicated to the rest to remove theirs. He then pulled out a dozen or so tiny atomisers.
‘These contain Comither.’ He said. ‘I want you to spray you clothes with it but not get any on your skin. The guard dogs will smell it. It will make them forget what they just saw or smelled.’
Old Man Grogan looked back at the King’s Guard as they sheepishly put their sunglasses away. Balor turned to Old Man Grogan.
‘The wires?’ asked Balor. ‘What will that do?’
‘The machines have electronic components that start them and probably operate some of the valves on the hydraulics. If you cut the wires too, the machines won’t start. That should delay them for maybe another day or so,’ Grogan replied.
‘Good thinking,’ Balor said. ‘Get some wire cutters.’
‘How will we know what wires to cut?’ Moriarty asked.
‘Just cut as many as you can, especially red ones,’ Grogan replied. ‘It’s easier than sawing through hoses.’
Grogan pointed to the toolbox. Moriarty opened it and rustled through it, taking out one, two, three, and, eventually, four sets of wire cutters, and four hacksaw blades. Two of the guards were cutting extra pieces of string to tie around the wire cutters. Grogan was always losing wire cutters, buying new ones and then finding the old ones right afterwards, which is why he had so many. Each of the little men was assigned a tool, except for Balor and Moriarty. They all waited while Old Man Grogan opened the back door. Balor jumped down and Moriarty followed him. They made for the wall beside the van and then walked along the wall in the shadows to the corner, where Moriarty looked around. The coast was clear. Balor signalled to Old Man Grogan. The back door of the van was re-opened and the remaining ten little men jumped out and made their way to the corner.
They stood there awhile, working out the route to the fence of the builder’s yard. Moriarty pointed to some bushes by a pole and, one by one, the little men made their way across the road to the fence.
The King’s Guard moved incredibly silently. Moriarty was very impressed by their use of hand signals to communicate. In less than a minute, the entire group had made it across the road and was hiding in the bushes.
Fang was the leader of the guard dogs. There were five dogs in all. The other four were wandering around the yard by the four big earth-movers. Fang stood in a spot where he could see almost the entire yard. At one point, he looked over to the bushes by the fence, breathing slowly. He sniffed the air and then stopped breathing to listen. Moriarty watched Fang from the bushes. He knew that if they were seen, all would be lost. After a while, Fang lost interest in the fence. The security guard came out of his hut and used his flashlight to see the dogs. He sat down on the step of the hut, and Fang walked up to him.
Moriarty and one of the guards took a wire cutter and started to cut a hole in the fence, big enough for the little men to climb through.
About this time, Chopper, who had dozed off, woke up and stretched in the back of the van. He jumped forward onto the console between the driver’s seat and the passenger seat. Old Man Grogan patted the rabbit on the head and made calming noises as he watched the little men work by the fence.
The little men continued to communicate with each other using sign language to indicate which team would tackle which machine. They checked that the coast was clear and then, two by two, they entered the yard and quietly ran over to the first parked machine, with their tools strung over their backs. As they did this, Fang and the other dogs would occasionally glance over.
Whenever two little men reached a machine, they would signal to the ones behind them that the coast was clear, and then move on to the next machine. Soon, there were two little men under each machine. Two remained by the fence, each armed with a bow and arrow, tipped with Comither. Their job was to protect the men in the yard from the dogs, using cover fire.
The little men under the machines started to climb up into the engine bays to cut the wires.
Balor tapped Moriarty on the shoulder. He pointed to the corner of the fence to indicate that he was going to sneak around on the outside to take a look. Moriarty understood and nodded. Balor made off. It was the druid’s intention to create a diversion if anything went wrong.
Inside the fourth machine, the two little men were quietly snipping every wire they could find. After a short while, they were sure that they had cut all of the wires, and they carefully climbed down. They left the tools on the ground and made for the fence, stopping at each of the machines on the way. The little men in the first and second machines did the same. Moriarty kept a lookout and waved them across when the path was clear. By this time, the four dogs had started to wander in and out among the four machines, making the journey back quite precarious. As the little men ran across to the fence, they made a bit of noise. The dogs all turned at once and Fang, who was further away, started walking towards the machines with a very curious look on his face. The dogs ran around to the third machine and began sniffing the ground. They then moved towards the first machine. Luckily, the little men made it through the fence.
By now, Fang was aware that something was going on. He could sense it, but he couldn’t see or smell it.
Moriarty and the rest of the men moved back from the fence as the dogs approached and managed to remain out of sight. By this time, Fang was very suspicious indeed, but he couldn’t see anything. He stopped patrolling to listen.
The two little men in the third machine were not having the same good fortune as the others. Of all the machines, this one had absolutely no exposed wires. They were clambering all over the engine to no avail. Finding no wires, they decided to cut a hydraulic hose. Of all the hoses to pick, they chose the largest. The little men could not see this, but it was holding up a great digging arm under high pressure. Slowly, each holding one end of the hacksaw blade, they started to cut through the hose. Fang heard the noise and began walking around this machine.
The four other dogs had seen the security guard come out with some food and lay it on the ground in bowls. Fang decided that something was not right but decided not to stop the others from eating. The four dogs looked at him and waited. Fang had a good look around and then snorted, as if to say, Go on then, eat. The dogs ran over to the security guard and the bowls of food while Fang continued to inspect the digger.
The two little men in the digger continued to saw quietly through the hose. After a few moments, oil appeared around the cut which seemed to make the sawing go a bit faster, and fortunately quieter. A drop of oil fell on the ground under the engine.
Fang heard it. He immediately ran around to the engine side and peeked underneath. The two men stopped and held their breath. Another drop fell and Fang tried to see where it was coming from. Unable to work it out, he stood upright and began to move his head around to peer through the louvers on the engine bay.
When he moved away, the two men sighed with relief. They could breathe again. After a few seconds, they resumed sawing through the hose. The oil started to squirt out as if under high pressure.
Fang returned, walked around and stood under the arm. He could hear a creaking noise. He turned his head to the side a few times, looking up at the arm. There was a loud creak and then silence. Inside the machine, the guards had stopped cutting. ‘That should do it,’ whispered one to the other.
Fang heard them. He turned his head to face the machine. The pipe suddenly burst, blasting oil all over the place. One of the King’ guards was knocked to the ground. The other fell a s
econd later but was stopped by a rod. He hung over it, unconscious. The first one stood up and looked around. He saw Fang looking at him. Fang barked and bared his teeth. He had the largest fangs the guard had ever seen on a dog. But before Fang could pounce, there was a very loud creaking noise from above him. He had to pounce back as the arm of the digger came crashing down from above and, with a thunderous clang, hit the ground where he had been standing.
The guard looked quickly at his friend. There was dust everywhere. He couldn’t see the guards by the fence to give hand signals. He would have to go for help and, while the dust was settling around the arm on the machine, he ran off to the fence.
The four other guard dogs came running so quickly that they knocked over the security guard. The poor man hit his head on the ground and knocked himself out cold. The dogs ignored this and ran to Fang’s side. They skidded to a halt in a line beside him. Fang was breathing slowly with his eyes narrowed to see through the settling dust. The other dogs were barking. Fang snorted, and they stopped.
Balor had seen the commotion and signalled to Old Man Grogan to bring the van quickly. Old Man Grogan opened the door and Chopper immediately jumped down and ran towards Balor.
Moriarty looked all around him and did a quick count. There were only nine little men. One of the guards was still under a machine.
‘Where’s your mate?’ Moriarty asked. The last one through caught his breath and stood up straight.
‘He’s still under the third machine. He’s hurt. One of you will have to come back with me to get him.’
Moriarty turned to look at the machine. He couldn’t see the guard but he could see the five dogs standing in a line and slowly approaching it, cautious of the machine arm that had just fallen to the ground. He looked towards the hut and could see the security guard lying unconscious on the ground. He turned to see Balor and Old Man Grogan approach. Nine little men cannot take on five big guard dogs. Moriarty thought faster than he had ever thought and, after a few seconds, turned to the last guard to come through the fence.
‘Where is he?’ he asked.
‘On a rod beside the tracks,’ replied the guard. ‘He’s unconscious.’
‘I’ll go through and distract the dogs. Two of you will need to rush in and grab him when the coast is clear,’ Moriarty ordered. Without giving anyone time to react, he climbed through the hole in the fence and ran across the yard behind the dogs. Balor saw him and froze where he stood. He grabbed the fence and watched. This is too risky, he thought to himself. What is he doing?
Moriarty stopped behind the dogs. He scanned the surrounding area for a getaway and then he composed himself and whistled to the dogs.
Fang was the first to notice. He turned his head to look back and saw Moriarty standing there. The other four dogs stopped also and turned. Fang was in the middle, with two dogs either side. They were all growling and, a few seconds later, they began to bark viciously. Moriarty grinned, raised a hand and beckoned the dogs to come. This confused Fang, who was more used to people running away. Moriarty took a few steps forward, grinned and beckoned the dogs on again. Fang looked all around and then focused on Moriarty. Something didn’t seem right.
There was a short eye-to-eye pause before Fang snorted loudly, as an instruction to attack. The four dogs charged forward, growling and barking. Moriarty stood motionless for a few seconds before turning and running towards the security guard.
At this point, Chopper had started to charge the fence to get through. Balor turned to see this and tried to work out a way to get the sabre-toothed rabbit in. As Chopper began to dig furiously, Balor looked up at Old Man Grogan.
‘Quickly!’ Balor ordered. ‘Throw the rabbit over the fence!’
‘What?’ asked Old Man Grogan in complete surprise.
‘Don’t ask questions. Just throw Chopper over the fence.’
Old Man Grogan quickly picked Chopper up, looked at him, and then looked at Moriarty. Reluctantly, Grogan did as he was told and threw the rabbit over the high fence, which was a surprise to Chopper who hadn’t noticed that he was no longer digging.
Moriarty ran around the security guard and into the hut. The dogs followed him. He was hiding just inside the door and, when the dogs were in, he raced back out and towards Fang. Fang didn’t move. The dogs came running out again and Moriarty ran off in a different direction. Chopper began to pursue the dogs, which were pursuing Moriarty. At the same time, two little men sneaked through the fence and made it into the third machine, where they dislodged their unconscious friend. When they had him down, they started to carry him to the fence.
Moriarty was running around and around the hut, followed by the dogs, which in turn were being followed by Chopper. After the second circuit, Moriarty found himself chasing Chopper, who was chasing the dogs. He had a thought.
‘Chopper! Stop!’ he shouted. Chopper looked back and skidded as he turned around. Moriarty ran past Chopper and the dogs screeched to a halt a few yards from the rabbit. They formed a line and began growling at Chopper. Moriarty kept an eye on Fang. The dogs slowly began to approach Chopper, who took a pouncing stance. One by one, Chopper extended his claws on his front paws, and then those on his rear paws. He bared his teeth and prepared to pounce. The odds on the battle between the sabre-toothed rabbit and the four dogs were unevenly stacked. There weren’t enough dogs. Chopper pounced and tore into the dogs, biting, scratching and gouging them. In the confusion, the dogs found themselves biting each other more than Chopper.
Moriarty turned his attention to Fang. Fang stared back at him but something else caught his attention. He had seen the two little men carrying their fallen comrade to the fence, and he started to move towards them. Moriarty ran towards Fang and stopped. He composed himself and whistled. Fang turned to look at him, then back at the three others. He decided that Moriarty was the better target; after all, he had unfinished business with him. He turned to face Moriarty and narrowed his eyes. Instead of a sudden charge, he moved slowly and determinedly towards Moriarty, who was beckoning him on. Fang began to pick up steam and Moriarty prepared for the pounce.
Chopper was still engaged in battle with the other dogs. Balor looked through the fence in morbid terror that his best friend was going to fight a dog that was more than twenty times bigger than he was. Old Man Grogan shouted at Fang to distract him, but to no avail. The guards were shouting at Moriarty to run clear but Moriarty had no intention of moving until the stricken man was safe. Fang, meanwhile, had Moriarty in his sights and prepared to end his run up with a pounce.
Although Moriarty indicated to them to stay where they were, the remainder of the King’s Guard clambered through the fence and ran in the direction of Fang.
It was too late.
Fang pounced and landed on Moriarty in a cloud of dust. Everything stopped. Balor stopped breathing, not even a heartbeat. Old Man Grogan froze. Chopper looked across to see his master and best friend disappear into the mouth of Fang. The guards stopped in their tracks. All that anyone could see was Fang’s head in a cloud of dust, pressed into the ground where Moriarty had stood. As the dust cleared, they could make out Moriarty’s right leg twitching beneath Fang. Balor sank to his knees. All colour drained from his face and he felt as if time itself had stopped. He was seeing everything play out as if in slow motion.
The cloud of dust cleared. Balor, still on his knees, couldn’t bring himself to look. Old Man Grogan had watched the whole thing and whispered, ‘Look at this!’
Moriarty was lying on the ground under Fang’s mouth with a hand stuck up each of Fang’s nostrils. He had a tight grip on the nose hairs of the big dog and had pulled them together tightly. Moriarty sat up, in full control of Fang’s head. If Fang moved his head to resist, the pain of the nose hairs being pulled made him instantly comply with whatever Moriarty wanted to do. Fang’s eyes began to water as Moriarty gripped tighter on the nose hairs.
Moriarty opened his eyes to see that he was face to face with the big dog. For reasons tha
t he never understood, he thought this was funny and started to chuckle. Chopper resumed tearing into the other four dogs. Moriarty began to stand up and looked at the King’s Guard.
‘Get out of here now,’ he ordered. He pulled himself to his feet and started to walk backwards to the hole in the fence, dragging Fang by the nose hairs. Balor watched silently and was breathless at the spectacle. His heart was pounding so loudly in his ears that he could hear neither the battle between Chopper and the dogs nor the shouts of joy from Old Man Grogan. The guards cut a larger hole in the fence for their fallen comrade. Moriarty backed up all the way to the fence with his hands firmly in Fang’s nostrils. When he was by the fence, he whistled to Chopper, who ceased battle and came running over.
The four dogs were still confused by the battle and were still biting each other, and then biting each other back while Chopper ran to the fence. He slowed down as he passed Moriarty and took a long look. Mucus was being blown down Moriarty’s arms from the dog’s nose. Moriarty flicked his head back to indicate that he wanted the rabbit to get through the fence.
Chopper eyed Fang’s body and head before darting through the fence. Moriarty backed through the fence with Fang’s head.
‘Are we all out?’ asked Moriarty.
‘We are,’ a guard replied. Moriarty turned to look into the eyes of the dog. Fang’s eyes were streaming tears as he whimpered. Moriarty smiled, and pulled the nose hairs out as hard as he could. Fang shrieked in agony and ran back, shaking his head and whining loudly enough to stop the other dogs from fighting each other.
Balor ran up to Moriarty and hugged him as hard as he could. Moriarty was unsure what to do but he took the opportunity to wipe the nose hairs and mucus on Balor’s back. Balor suddenly realised that he was being watched and pulled away.
‘No more of this nonsense. Our work is done!’ the little druid said as he recomposed himself.
‘You’re right,’ Moriarty replied. ‘Let’s get out of here.’
‘You’ve lost your sword,’ one of the King’s Guard told Moriarty. Moriarty looked over his shoulder. It was missing, all right.
