by Taylor Rylan
“You want to tell me what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” I asked as I reached over and ran my finger down our son’s chubby thigh.
“You haven’t held or fed the baby once yet. So tell me why.”
I shrugged before getting up from the love seat and going over to the table to pick up my coffee. It was finally cool enough to drink, so I helped myself to a large swig before I turned and looked at my husband. He looked so good with a baby in his arms. So. Very. Good.
“I’ll feed him next time? And I have held him. You were just asleep when I did.”
“Okay, at three in the morning when I was passed out from exhaustion doesn’t count. How will I get a picture of you with him if you never hold him?”
“I’ve held him. I’ll feed him next. I don’t want to argue with you about stupid stuff, Jacob,” I said as I sat down on the edge of the hospital bed.
“It’s not stupid when I’m concerned as to why I haven’t yet seen you hold our son.”
I could tell Jacob was getting frustrated, and that was the last thing I wanted. “I said I’d hold him next. Hell, he’s just over five hours old. It’s not like it’s been days since his birth. This is only the second time he’s needed to be fed. I said I’ll do it next time and I will. I’ll hold him just as soon as you’re finished feeding him. Okay?”
Jacob sighed before he looked up at the ceiling. “What’s really going on, Isaac? Is it because he’s mine?” Jacob asked, and my heart shattered. How could he think such a thing?
“No. It’s not. I’m going to go out to the truck and get the car seat. It’ll need time to warm up,” I told him as I got up from the bed and grabbed my coat.
“Isaac, I’m sorry. I don’t…”
“Yeah, me either,” I said as I walked out the door. I swiftly walked to the elevators, and once I was on the ground floor, I hit the green call button on my phone as soon as I exited the hospital.
“Hey, new daddy. I wasn’t expecting you to call.”
“Logan, can I ask you a question?” I asked as I walked to the truck.
“You know you can. What’s wrong.”
“I’m worried. Mack hated me when he was a baby. He was so damn fussy. And I often wonder if it was simply me because he wasn’t nearly as cranky for everyone else.” I paused when I reached the truck. I starting digging for my keys to unlock the doors so I could get the infant seat out of the back.
“So the question is what exactly?”
“What if Colt is okay for everyone else but is fussy for me like Mack was? What if babies just don’t like me? I didn’t mean to but I made Jacob upset. I held Colt last night when Jacob was asleep, but I haven’t had a chance yet this morning. We woke up late, and that was because the nurse came in to take him to get his checkup.”
“Okay. So how is Jacob upset? Because you haven’t held the baby?”
“Yeah. He asked several times, but honestly, I just loved seeing him holding the baby and I didn’t want to take a chance of Colt crying if I held him. Jacob asked if it was because Colt was his, and I can’t lie, Logan. That really hurt. I already love Colt just as much as I do Mack. I’m excited about the new baby, but I’ve fucked up if that’s how I’ve made my husband feel.”
“Ouch. Okay, where are you now? It sounds like you’re outside?”
I slammed the truck door and relocked the doors before I turned to walk back inside.
“I am. I came out to get the car seat. We get to go home this afternoon.”
“Really? Already?”
“Yeah. The baby looks great and he’s eating and wetting his diaper, so it’s all good. I think we’re waiting for the tar poop.”
I heard Logan chuckle through the phone, and I knew he understood exactly what I was talking about. Their twins were just over three months old. He had tons of dirty diapers in his house on a daily basis.
“Yeah, possibly. Are you going to let everyone know? I think your parents were planning on bringing Mack up later.”
“As soon as I get back to the room, yeah. But what do I do about Jacob?”
“Just talk to him. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear, and I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by what he said. You’re both tired, you’ve had a lot happen in the last twelve hours, and I’m sure he has his own worries. I know I did.”
“Really?” I asked as I walked into the hospital. I sat down in one of the chairs just inside the door and waited.
“Yeah. Rhett stressed about the babies—he tried to do it all himself, and I let him push me back to work before either of us was ready for it. We worked it out, but you have to remember, we have a huge, overbearing family at times, but they’ll be there for you if you need them. Just be sure to talk to Jacob.”
“Thanks, Logan. Will we see you both soon?”
“I’ll see if Rhett wants to escape in the next few days. We’ll have to see if James and Taylor can come watch the twins, but they always jump at that chance, so I don’t see it as being a problem.”
“Great. I’m going to send out a group text, and I’ll see you soon. I should go talk to Jacob.”
“Talking is always best. Let us know if you need anything,” Logan said before we said our goodbyes and ended the call. I sighed before staring at the elevator that was across the lobby. I wouldn’t get back to my hubby and new baby without going back into the elevator so up I went.
I sent out a group text on the way, letting everyone know that we were being discharged this afternoon and we’d see everyone out at Wild Creek rather than here in the cramped hospital room. My phone was vibrating almost nonstop when I exited the elevator on the third floor. Sometimes having a large family wasn’t always the greatest thing.
When I was outside our room, I took a big breath and let it out as I opened the door. I did not expect to see Kristy in our room, but it was certainly a pleasant surprise.
“Hey! You look great,” I told her as I set the car seat down and went over to her to give her a hug. She’d done something incredibly amazing for us, and I knew we couldn’t thank her enough.
“Thanks. I feel pretty good. It’s the long labors that really get you. Jacob was just telling me you guys were leaving this afternoon.”
I glanced at my husband, who was sitting there, holding our sleeping son. “Yeah, the doctor said we could since Colt looks so good.”
I took my coat off and tossed it over the back of the chair that looked like it had once been in a clinic waiting room. I held up a finger before I went to the bathroom and quickly scrubbed my hands again. I was used to carrying wipes with me everywhere since we had a toddler, but for the next few weeks, there was going to be a lot of hand washing.
When I returned to the room, Kristy and Jacob were quietly talking. She kept glancing at the baby, and I had to wonder if she wanted to hold him or anything. I walked up to Jacob and carefully picked up Colt, hoping he wouldn’t wake up and start fussing because I was the one now holding him. Thankfully, he didn’t even fidget, so I took the baby over to the bed and sat down with him.
“Did you hold him yet?” I asked when I glanced over at Kristy.
“I already did. He’s such a chunk. Which is probably why I pushed him out so fast. All that pain and I knew the only way to stop it was to get him out. I really am sorry you guys missed his birth.” Kristy looked so sad about that.
“It’s okay. I already told you, we didn’t really miss it. Thanks to Matt, we saw the delivery, even if it was through FaceTime,” Jacob said
“Hey, yeah, where is Matt?” I asked.
“He’s home with the kids. Honestly, that’s why I’m staying until tomorrow. I could use a day away from them, and if that makes me a terrible mom, so be it.”
Jacob and I both shook our heads at that. “Nope. We get it. Trust us when we say we understand that. We love Mack, but at times, we just need a night away from him,” Jacob told her. I nodded. It was true though. Thankfully, we had family that was always willing to give us a night of
f.
“Matt will be back later with lunch, but until then, I’m just walking around like the nurses suggested,” Kristy said from her spot on the love seat beside Jacob.
“You sure you don’t want to hold him again?” I asked.
“I’m sure. Thanks though. I was thinking about taking a nap actually, so I’ll head back to my room and do that so you can enjoy your time with your little man.”
“You don’t have to leave. You’re welcome to stay,” Jacob said, getting up when Kristy did.
“I know. I honestly am tired. He’s beautiful and I’m happy to have helped,” Kristy said as she leaned down and gave Colt a kiss on his head before giving my hair a gentle tug, and then she was gone. I watched the door that she disappeared through for a moment before I turned back to Jacob.
“Do you think she’s really okay?”
“I’m sure she’s really tired but I’m messaging Matt now,” Jacob said as he typed on his phone. I got up and walked over to my husband, and when he moved his arms, I sat down in his lap. He instinctively wrapped his arms around my waist, and I leaned against his chest and rested my head next to his.
“Mmm, I miss this. We should cuddle more at home.”
“We should, but I think you’ve gained about ten pounds or so,” Jacob said before he chuckled. I glanced down at our son, who was still in my arms, and then sent a playful glare Jacob’s way.
“Har-har. I need you to know that I don’t care that he’s yours. He’s just as much mine as Mack is yours. I’m just so worried that he’s going to be perfect for everyone but me.”
Jacob placed a quick kiss to my nose before he leaned back again. “I’m sorry for what I said. I know you love him just as much as you do Mack. I’m just…”
“Stressed, tired, anxious. I get it. I do love him. And I’ll admit to being worried he’d be fussy for only me like Mack seemed to be.”
“Sweetheart, some babies are just fussy. Even though Mack was, that in no way means you’re a bad parent. Look at Jaden. He was just as fussy as Mack. But would you call Marie and Heath bad parents?” Jacob said as he ran his fingers though my hair. I needed to brush it desperately. But I simply didn’t care at the moment.
“No. They’re great and I keep forgetting that he was just like Mack. It’s hard sometimes since he’s so mellow now. But I still worry. Just as you do about things. I’ll get over it though.”
“I love you. And our boys. Don’t ever forget that,” Jacob said as he pulled me down for a sweet kiss.
Jacob — 7
Isaac changed the next diaper, and by lunchtime, Colt passed his first bowel movement and it was that thick, sticky tar stuff that all parents of newborns hate. I’d been harsher on him than I’d intended, and I’d repeatedly apologized since. Isaac kept saying it was okay, but that still didn’t mean I didn’t feel bad; I did.
Matt had replied and said he’d keep an eye on Kristy but that she probably was most likely just tired. She hadn’t been able to get comfortable and hadn’t been sleeping well. Knowing that was a relief. We felt bad she couldn’t get comfortable, but we were glad it was most likely simply lack of sleep.
We were released from the hospital about twelve hours after Colton was born and were on our way back to Wild Creek. We had an anxious toddler who was super excited to see “his baby,” and we both agreed it would probably be better to do that at home.
I glanced at Isaac as he sat in the passenger seat of his truck while I drove us home. I was so thankful he was collected enough to get us to the hospital last night. The fact that I zoned out to where I couldn’t drive us bothered me. Immensely. That wasn’t acceptable in my line of work, and I needed to seriously think about that over the next several weeks.
“You’ve gone quiet,” Isaac said. When I glanced at him, I saw that he was intently studying me.
“I was thinking about last night. I should have been able to drive us to the hospital.”
“Don’t worry about it. You’re allowed to be distracted when our son is being born, you know.”
I thought about it, and it seemed as if that was taking the easy way out. That’s not what I wanted. Not what I was going for at all.
“I can’t afford to let things get to me.”
“Jake, we were having a baby. You were off duty. Let it go.”
I sent Isaac a glare but did drop it. For now anyway. When we pulled up to the property line that was Wild Creek, even though we weren’t yet on the property, it felt like home. Once we drove over the familiar cattle guard, I felt a sense of relief, and when I looked at Isaac, I knew he felt the same.
“You know, I never thought we’d get to bring him home this early.”
“Right? I always thought they kept new babies for a couple of days. I guess that’s more for mom to recover than the babies. Do you think Mack is going to be okay?” Isaac asked. He’d turned slightly in his seat and was angled toward me.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine. He’s seemed really excited about his baby, so why wouldn’t he be?”
“Why did Chloe get jealous of the twins? Logan isn’t even her dad, but still she refuses to have anything to do with Ash or Abi. They were born a little over three months ago.”
“You know, I’m still trying to figure that one out and I can’t. But this is different. Mack has seen the pictures, he’s been around Kristy, he seemed excited. I think he’ll be happy about the baby,” I told Isaac as I pulled the truck up to the house. I hit the button on the visor, and when the garage door opened, I slowly drove into the stall and turned the truck off.
“I hope you’re right. I struggle enough with Mack still. If we end up with a jealous older brother, I don’t know what we’d do.”
“Sweetheart, don’t invite trouble. We’ll cross that bridge if we have to. Until then, enjoy Colt and the fact that he seems to be a calm enough baby.”
The smile Isaac sent my way was huge just then. Granted, Colt wasn’t even a day old yet, but he already appeared to be fairly calm. He had cried, but he wasn’t overly fussy. He calmed down quick enough, usually with something as simple as picking him up.
We got out, and when we entered the house, we knew immediately that Cammie and Sam had been there. The place was filled with balloons and several beautiful bouquets. “Wow. They went all out,” Isaac said. He set the diaper bag down on the island, and I carefully placed Colton’s car seat beside it.
“Okay, so we fed and changed him at noon, changed him again at three before we left…it’s almost four. He’s going to need to be fed again,” Isaac said as he started writing the info down on the dry-erase board on the fridge. We used it for various things, but Colt’s feeding and changing schedule for the next few days was a perfect thing to put on it.
“I’ll change him if you want to make the bottle?” I suggested and got a nod from Isaac, who went to the sink and washed his hands while I took Colt out of his seat and carried him into the office where we’d set up a changing table and portable bassinet. Later we could convert it to a playpen, so we were happy with the find.
Colt jolted awake when I cleaned around his cord and dropped a few drops of alcohol on it. It was perfect timing, so I opened his diaper and quickly recovered everything and waited. Once he was clean and changed, I met Isaac in the living room. He was texting on his phone, the bottle sitting on the ottoman waiting.
“You want to feed him?” I asked as I sat down beside Isaac.
“Matters not to me. You changed the diaper, but I don’t mind feeding him if you need to make a call to Dalton or anything.” I carefully passed Colt over to Isaac, and when he was securely in his arms, I handed him the bottle before I got up to go wash my hands. When I got back, Isaac had his feet propped up on the ottoman and was staring at our son while he drank his bottle.
I plopped down on the couch and laid my head in Isaac’s lap while I pulled out my phone. I snapped a quick picture of the three of us before I called Dalton to check in. Isaac chuckled above me while I chatted with Dalton. Multit
asking I was good at. Spending time with my husband was something I used to be great at but had let slide in my own panic to get everything I could finished before I went on paternity leave.
By the time Isaac was moving Colt to his shoulder to burp him, I was ending the call with Dalton. Everything was fine at the station, and I had to admit that they honestly didn’t need me there all the time. Sure, there were things that only I could do, but for the most part, nope, they could run the department without me.
“You okay?” Isaac asked as he ran his fingers through my hair. He had Colt on his shoulder and was holding him with one hand.
“I’m fine. Pass him over, will you?”
Isaac smiled, gently placing Colt on my chest. Once both his hands were free, he started rubbing my temples and scalp. I moaned at the pleasure it offered.
“That feels so good.” I could have stayed there for hours, which would have been completely unfair to Isaac, but he had other plans for us.
“So Mom texted while you were changing Colt.”
“Yeah? Everything okay with Mack?”
“Perfect as far as I know. She said he’s having a blast with Graham and Ty. I guess they took him to the arena today and he helped with all of the horses.”
I looked up at Isaac and smiled. I knew he loved the fact that Mack seemed just as taken with horses as he was.
“That’s awesome. Maybe we should look into him spending half a day with you once in a while. I know you try to come home to spend lunches with him when you can.” I ran my hand up and down Colt’s tiny back as he continued to snuggle on my chest.
“I do. Morgan is great with him though, and I don’t want to make things harder on her if he gets fussy when I go back to the arena. Sometimes things are good, others he’s fussy. But yeah, we can definitely talk to her about that. But really, he’ll start pre-preschool this fall.”
“Well, she’s already said she was willing to watch Colt, so maybe having Mack in that program will be helpful to her. I don’t want to overwhelm our nanny.” I shook my head while Isaac nodded his. It was true though. Mack could already be a handful at times, but in a few months, he’d be in a half-day program at the elementary school in town. Chloe and Phoebe had already gone to the program, and Kaitlyn had offered to take Mack with her when she went to town to drop the girls off anyway. It was a win for us for sure.
