by Crist, J. D.
BOOK 1
ALONE
BY J.D. CRIST
Dedication
To my family, who has always stood beside me and encouraged me to take this step. You all have served as inspiration throughout this entire process. To my dad, I have kept my promise. I wish you could have been here to see this.
Chapter 1
The first morning of summer was waking up outside, and the world was full of life. Inside the suburban house, it felt as if the energy was being drained out of Emily. It was a morning like any other as she stood at the range where the hot plate sat cooking scrambled eggs. The stove had gone out four years ago, and they had still not found a way to replace it. Emily watched as the eggs finished, and she turned off the hotplate. It was then that the toast popped up. The toaster was the only thing in the kitchen that worked. Emily divided the eggs between two plates and set to work buttering the toast.
As she was finishing, her husband, Chad, entered the kitchen. He was, as usual, wearing designer clothes and sporting an expensive haircut. Emily could not help but glance down at her worn second-hand blouse and faded blue skirt. He always got upset when she did not dress as well as him. But if she asked for more of a budget for her clothing, he told her she was greedy. Emily glanced back up at Chad and could tell by the soured look on his face that this outfit was not up to his standards. Emily had long gotten over any feelings of embarrassment on this issue. She continued to make breakfast and pretended not to notice.
As Chad took a seat at the table, Emily grabbed a cup of coffee from the counter and turned to give it to him. She sat it on the table in front of him with a warm, "Good morning, dear" that Chad responded to with only a grunt. She chose to believe it meant "Good Morning." She then turned and proceeded to put toast on the plate with the eggs. As she went to give Chad his breakfast, he took a sip of the coffee. Emily was able to move out of the way just as he spit it across the kitchen.
"What the hell, Emily?! Is this instant coffee?! What is wrong with you?!"
Emily stood as tall as she could as she replied," It's the only option. The coffee pot went out, and we do not even have the ten dollars to buy a new one. Unless you are willing to cut something out of your budget..."
Chad interrupted before she could finish. "I should cut something out? You're the one who spends our money. Tell you what, Emily, until you learn to handle the budget better, I will buy coffee on my way to work. You can suffer from this crap!"
Emily nodded and placed the plate on the table in front of him. She knew better than to argue when he was like this. Chad had never laid a hand on her, but his words could hurt a lot worse than a slap if pushed when he was angry. Emily didn't mind her "consequences;" she would drink her morning coffee at work for free. She instead turned and finished making her plate. They sat in silence as they ate breakfast. When they finished, he left, no goodbye or anything. Emily had expected this as he was still upset, and it didn't bother her. She set to cleaning up from breakfast with a smile.
Emily took her time and made extra sure to clean up all the coffee he had spit at her. When she finished, she glanced down at her watch. With a gasp, Emily realized that she should have left the house ten minutes ago. She ran to the living room, where her keys and purse waited for her. Emily gathered them in a flash and was soon in her car, driving fast down the roads. She had not been late once in five years; she was not going to change that now. There was no traffic on the road this morning, and she made it to the office with two minutes to spare.
Breathing a sigh of relief, she walked towards the doors of "Everett's Landscaping." The crews would not be here for another half hour, but she had plenty of work to do until then. It was early June and their busy season. She turned on the lights while walking towards her desk. As she sat down, she saw the company logo flashing on her computer screen. She pressed the space bar to wake up the computer as she put her purse away. Turning back to the computer, she saw it was asking for her password, which she entered. She then proceeded to print the work orders and schedules for the day. The crews would be busy, so she would likely spend the rest of the day alone once they were on their way.
The printer finished as the crews began coming in the door. There was the everyday small talk and grunts as they reviewed the orders and schedules for the day. Each of the foremen asked, "How could you do this to me, beautiful?" or "And here I thought you loved me." She smiled and joked with them all. But, by eight, they were all gone, and the office was silent once again. Everett would most likely not be in today. He hated the office work and preferred to be in the field. Everett relied on Emily to handle everything at the office. Emily took the quiet time to check the few voicemails and the next day's schedules.
By the time she looked at the clock on her computer, she had noticed that it was twelve thirty, time for lunch. She reached down and opened her bottom desk drawer but saw only her purse. Emily began cursing to herself under her breath. With all the excitement of that morning, she had forgotten her lunch. She slammed the drawer closed and looked around. Everett had told her she could close and go out for lunch any time. But, after the fight with Chad this morning over money, she felt that this would cause more issues.
She decided that skipping lunch would help her keep her trim figure. Emily set back to work and tried to ignore her stomach. She frequented the water cooler many times to refill her cup. She hoped it would help keep her stomach from complaining too much. But this leads to more trips to the ladies' room, and she hated to keep getting up. With all these interruptions, Emily's afternoon flew by. By the time five came, she felt relieved to be going home. According to her pedometer, the only good thing about her day was that she had reached her step goal. Emily shut down the office and locked the front door. The crews would not be back for at least another hour, but they park the work trucks and go home, no need for her to stay.
Emily tried to come up with ways to get the money for a new coffee pot on the drive home. The coffee pot would make Chad happy, and her evening would be better than the rest of her day. But it was impossible to turn the two dollars in her purse into anything more. She accepted defeat as she pulled into the driveway. Chad was not home yet, but he would be by six-thirty. Emily headed up the front walk and unlocked the door. She set down her keys and made her way straight to the kitchen.
She walked towards the refrigerator and opened the mini-fridge on the counter next to it, yet another thing that she should figure out how to replace. With such a small fridge and only the hot plate to cook with, Emily had gotten creative over the years. She was proud of the meals she was able to put together. Tonight, she made fried pork chops and fried potatoes, two of Chad's favorites. The potatoes had finished as she heard the front door open.
"Emily! Emily! Where are you?!"
Emily could hear the excitement in his voice. He was definitely in a much better mood than he was this morning.
"In the kitchen, Chad! Dinner's almost ready!"
Emily had set the plates on the table as he flew around the corner with a grin so big one would think he had won the lottery. Emily stopped in her tracks, shocked that he was this happy.
After glancing at the table, Chad looked confused as well as happy. "How did you know?"
"Know what?" Emily replied. "I wanted to make your favorite foods to make up for this morning."
Chad's grin spread even wider. Emily could swear she could see his wisdom teeth. "It's finally happening!" He exclaimed. "Mr. Harrington came to me today and said that I was the perfect fit for the launch. He wants me to be in charge of everything!"
Emily could not help but gasp with excitement. Chad worked at a video game development company. He had been
trying for years to get this chance. His ultimate goal was to take over for Mr. Harrington one day. She felt the excitement that his dream was coming true and about the pay raise he would get. Money was a source of most of their fights, and she would be glad to see it end.
Chad took giant steps across the room and wrapped Emily in a hug, and kissed her. This was the first time they had kissed in a month. Emily kissed him back; she felt that they were the couple they used to be for the first time in years.
"My new pay raise starts on Monday, and we will have no more money problems. Everything is finally going to be how I want it." With that, Chad turned and sat down at the table and began making his plate. Emily stood for a moment while the weight of what he said sank in. While it was a simple enough phrase, he had said how “he” wants it, not how “they” want it. She thought about saying something but decided against it. Instead, she did what she thought a good wife should. She smiled and sat down at the table. She ate as she listened to him go on about the promotion and his plans. Chad spoke of everything he wanted to get himself and sounded like a kid at Christmas.
For an hour, she listened, and never once did he mention fixing things around the house. He did not even talk about a new coffee pot that had been the end of the world this morning. Emily could feel her smiling fading and the flush of red in her cheeks. She couldn't believe that they were finally on track to be happy, and he was thinking of only himself.
"Emily, are you feeling alright?" Chad asked, sounding concerned. This caused her temper to relax some, but then he spoke again. "You can't afford to get sick. The co-pays would kill you since you aren't even able to buy a new coffee pot."
"I can't afford a new coffee pot!" Emily felt the rage starting to spill out of her, and she searched for a way to stop it. "I pay for everything around here and get nothing in return! If you weren't such a selfish son of a bitch we could have a decent home. I wouldn't have to shop the thrift store rejects so you can have your designer clothes! We could have an actual refrigerator and stove, but your haircut is more important! For God's sake, we can't even get a new coffee pot, but you can buy designer coffee on your way to work!"
Chad sat for a moment from the shock that she was speaking to him this way. Emily was always the perfect wife to him. Emily never yelled, she never complained, and she always did everything she could to make him happy. Emily had no idea she could speak to him like that, and he seemed as shocked as she was. She did not give Chad time to regain his equilibrium and fight back. She couldn't hold this in anymore, and she couldn't stop it from coming out.
"You can't afford the fucking haircut you get every three weeks or the car you had to have. I have to pay for all those things, and then you say I can't afford to take care of myself. I don't understand why I have to suffer while you get to act like a rich asshole. None of what you get do you need." Emily could tell by the look on his face that he was already thinking of an argument. "Please, Chad, explain it to me! Explain how a new car will help you make video games. Please explain how a three-hundred-dollar haircut will help you be successful! I'm listening. Please tell me!"
She paused for a moment to take a breath, and Chad jumped at the chance to speak. "You are an idiot! If you want to be a success, then you have to look the part. Do you think I want to be like you?! Drive a ten-year-old car and dressing like a bag lady?! No wonder you will never be more than a glorified receptionist. Why would I give a shit about this house! It's not a home; a home is for a family! You screwed that up, so why should I give a shit?!" Chad's face showed that he knew he had gone too far. He recovered and was back to looking angry in a few moments.
Emily sat for a moment to allow his words to sink in. They were fighting about him being selfish, and he was now finding a way to blame her. She knew what he was talking about when he said she screwed up making them a family. They hadn't spoken about her miscarriage since it happened because he refused to. Having him bring it up now out of anger was more than she could take.
"I am done with this shit," Emily said in almost a whisper. She felt her pain turn into anger. She looked up at Chad and felt the words explode out of her. "I am done with you and your bullshit! You can buy your fucking coffee pot, pay your fucking car payment and pay for your shit! I thought we still had each other, but I'm not good enough for your royal highness! You can go fuck yourself and make your own family."
Emily stood from the table, slamming her chair into the counter behind her. She stormed down the hall and could feel her anger radiating from her body. She reached the bedroom and slammed the door shut behind herself. She felt her energy leaving her body as the thud echoed through the house. Emily did not know what came over her in there, but she would not apologize for it. Instead, she headed for the shower to wash away the pain of this day. As she cleaned, the memory of the miscarriage came crashing back to her. She stood under the warm water for several minutes and allowed the tears to flow. She looked down at her stomach and rubbed where there had once been a growing baby.
The doctors had said that it wasn't her fault, but she blamed herself from the moment it happened. She remembered Chad telling her in the hospital that it wasn't, but now she knew how he felt. Emily turned off the water and dressed for bed. Her emotions had drained any energy she had, and she crawled into bed at eight-thirty. As she laid there, she heard the front door open and close and Chad's car start. Right now, she didn't care if he came back. She wanted him nowhere near her. She felt the tears come over her once more and was asleep before they had stopped.
Emily's alarm went off right on time, and for a moment, she had forgotten the events of the night before. But, as she turned off the alarm, it all came rushing back. She looked to Chad's side of the bed to see he was not there. Perhaps he had left her; she thought as she drew back the blankets and proceeded to get dressed for the day. Once dressed, she headed towards the kitchen for a quick breakfast and decided to go to work early. She didn't want to be in this house a minute longer than she had to.
When she opened the door, she found the smell of food cooking and fresh coffee. She stood frozen in the doorway and even pinched herself to make sure she was awake. She walked down the hall and stood in the kitchen doorway. She found Chad cooking what appeared to be French toast. But her eyes were more drawn towards the counter, where a brand-new coffee pot sat. She had no idea what he paid, but it was the most beautiful thing in the world to her. As she stood there, Chad looked up from his cooking.
"Sit down, Em; everything is almost ready."
He had not called her Em in years, and she did not know how to react. She moved across the kitchen and sat down in her chair. As she sat, Chad placed a cup of hot coffee in front of her and, a few minutes later, a plate of french toast. He sat down across from her and began eating. Emily sat in silence, not touching the food in front of her. She couldn't believe that he wanted to have breakfast and pretend nothing happened. Chad looked up at her with a confused look on his face.
"You have to be hungry Em," he sounded like he was concerned about her. "Please, try to eat at least a little bit."
Emily slowly picked up the fork and took a bite. She couldn't help the surprise she felt that it was good. She continued to eat but kept her eyes on her plate. She could not bring herself to look at Chad. As soon as she finished, Chad picked up the plate from in front of her and began to wash the dishes. She could not remember Chad doing the dishes the entire time they were married. Emily turned in her chair and looked at him, trying to figure out what game he was playing now.
"So, is the food supposed to make me forget about last night, or was the coffee pot supposed to do that?" she spoke to the back of his head.
Chad breathed a heavy sigh and shut off the water. He walked back around to his chair and sat down across from her.
"I shouldn't have said what I did about the miscarriage. It wasn't your fault, and I'm the one who said I wasn't ready to try again. I was hurt, and I wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry, Em, I should have never said it." Chad
took a breath and looked deep into her eyes. Emily was reminded of the man she married and felt like he was finally returning to the surface. "You were right, you do pay for the extras around here, and it's time I take on my fair share. I'm going to take some time today and put together a priority list. We can go over it together if you want and figure out how to make it all work."
Emily sat listening to every word he said. He had not talked to her like this in a very long time, and she felt he was sorry. She was not ready to give up on her marriage. She wasn't the type that was okay with divorce. She took her wedding vows to heart, and if they could figure out how to make it work, that's what she wanted to do. He was showing that he was willing to let go of the anger and try to change. She should try as well.
"I can't live like this anymore," she finally spoke. "I want us to find a way to make it work, to be there for each other. I just can't.." Emily felt the tears coming once more and couldn't finish.
"I understand, and I want you to know that I am going to make more things about you. I tried to start with the coffee pot in case you didn't notice," Chad teased.
Emily turned and looked at it on the counter. It was nice and appeared to have more functions than she would ever need. Yet, she didn't know how this was supposed to show that more things would be about her. He was the one who made a big deal about not having one, not her. She turned back to Chad with a forced smile on her face, trying to think of something to say.
