by FJ Campbell
She went into the en-suite bathroom to change. She washed her face and rinsed her hair, putting it up in a ponytail, wiped off the mascara that had run down under her eyes with one of the pristine white towels hanging on a rail, and stepped out of the bathroom.
‘Looking good, Atkinson.’
Beth stopped in her tracks. Zack patted the bed next to him with a small smile on his lips.
‘Come here. I’d like to have a closer look at that skirt you’re wearing.’
‘I don’t want to.’ But she really, really did and he knew it.
Zack shrugged. He got up from the bed and started walking towards the door.
‘What’s the idea with you and Annabel? I haven’t seen you all evening and… what was that, in the kitchen? And why is the witch giving me shaken-up bottles of champagne?’
‘It was just a joke. Don’t get your knickers in a twist. It’s ’cause you’re the new girl. It’s like an initiation. They do it to everyone. You passed, by the way.’
‘Well, that’s good to know. Phew. I’ll be able to carry on with my life now. But you still haven’t answered the question – what’s going on between you and Annabel?’
He shrugged again.
‘What’s that supposed to mean? You’ve slept with her?’
‘Once or twice.’
‘When?’
He sighed. ‘I don’t know. Memory’s hazy.’
‘Why?’
‘Because she’s hot.’
‘No, I mean why’s your memory hazy? Is it since we’ve been going out?’
‘Probably – I can’t remember, OK? It’s really unimportant anyway.’
‘Unimportant? Un-fucking-important? What are you on? How fucking dare you?’
‘Jesus, Beth, calm down. What do you want me to say? I never promised you I wouldn’t sleep with other girls. It’s only Annabel, you know. She’s an old friend of mine.’
Beth couldn’t believe that Zack was being so brazen about it. Her heart was beating so fast. She was speechless. She sat down on the floor and hid her face on her knees. She felt like crying but didn’t want to give him the pleasure of seeing it. She hoped he would just go.
‘Beth.’ He was sitting cross-legged opposite her.
‘Go fuck yourself.’
‘Don’t be such a drama queen. Look, I really like you. But it’s not like we’re married or anything. I like girls, OK? And I wasn’t lying when I said you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. But school is… different from here. We can go out, you and me, at school, but when I’m here and you’re not – well, it’s OK for me to see other girls and you can see other boys.’
‘But I don’t want to see other boys. I thought we had something special. Just you and me.’ She tried to stop her voice from whining.
‘Can’t you see how boring that is? “Just you and me.” Come off it. We’re young, rich and good-looking. We can do anything we like.’
Beth felt miserable. None of this made any sense to her. ‘But… we were going to… tonight. Have sex.’ Tears sprang into her eyes. She brushed them away with the back of her hand.
‘The night is young. I’m looking forward to it. Nothing’s changed.’
‘Everything’s changed. How can I sleep with you now? You’re not even denying anything. Was Annabel at your house the night before last, when you said Justin used up your condoms? Is that what you were talking about earlier?’
Zack’s lip curled up, a bored expression on his face. ‘I thought you were different from all the other girls – cooler, more up for a dare. My mistake. But the offer’s always open.’
With his thumb, he wiped away one of her tears. The electricity coursed through her body and she flinched away from him.
‘It’s only sex, babe. It’s supposed to be fun. You shouldn’t take it so seriously. Think about it, yeah? Later.’ He stood up and disappeared out of the room.
Beth dried her tears and washed her face again. She looked at her reflection in the mirror in Annabel’s bathroom. She looked young without make-up. She stepped over her champagne-soaked clothes on the bedroom floor, found her coat and left the house, confused and despondent. He’d made her feel like a naive schoolgirl, which she supposed was what she was. But she’d been so ready to sleep with him and now she had to go back to school next week and everyone would know within hours what had happened. The truth were loud again, she thought, and felt a pang, wishing Livvy was here with her.
*
She walked around Holland Park for a while, stopping in a Wimpy to eat a giant hamburger and an ice-cream sundae, which made her feel sick. London was such a cool place, and everyone at the party had been so witty and good-looking. Zack had at least been honest with her in his own way, and she had known from the start that this thing they had wasn’t going to be happy ever after.
She wandered around the streets, watching people going in and out of bars, in couples, in groups or alone. They all ignored her. She was nothing in this city. She felt dirty and knew she needed to wash her hair. What was she going to do about Zack? She didn’t love him, and she knew he didn’t love her. Fine. But she did want to sleep with him because he made her feel like she’d never felt before. Just thinking about him – his body, his skin, the way he held her, hard to him, when he kissed her – made her blood rush. If she said yes to him, she would be able to keep him for herself, at least for a while longer. It was enough. He had practically dared her to go ahead. And she could never resist a dare.
She looked at her watch. Past midnight. She thought she knew the way back to the party, but took a wrong turn and didn’t recognise where she was. She found herself back at Holland Park tube station and there was a map in the entrance. Checking the directions, she set off with a new sense of purpose. She was going to Zack’s house to have sex with him. To have sex for the first time with a horrible, beautiful boy and she was going to enjoy every minute of it.
But when she got there, there was no light on in his cellar. She didn’t want to ring the bell in case his mother answered. So she sat on the doorstep and waited. She was freezing cold, shivering in her coat that wasn’t warm enough for the end of February. She nearly changed her mind a few times and once got up to leave, just as a taxi pulled up at the house. For a brief, awful moment she thought he wasn’t alone. But he stepped out onto the pavement with a broad grin on his face.
She stood still on the steps, trying to stay calm. He walked up them with slow, easy movements and drew level with her, his eyes glinting in the lamplight.
‘Changed your mind?’
‘Yes. But you’d better get me inside double quick before I change it again. Also, I desperately need a wee.’
Laughing, he took her hand and unlocked the door. He opened it for her and waved her inside. ‘Come on in, we’ve got a long night ahead of us.’
*
Beth wrenched herself out of Zack’s bed on Tuesday to return to Melchester. Anne had booked her a fast-track course of driving lessons for the rest of the week, with a test on Saturday which she desperately wanted to pass, so that she could use her new car. She did. On Sunday she drove the car back to the shed at Milo’s house and hitched a lift up the driveway with the next taxi she saw, which happened to contain Alice, her leading lady from Cold Comfort Farm. It reminded Beth that there were less than five weeks until the opening night.
Beth was reading on her bed that evening when Livvy walked in, struggling with her suitcase. She collapsed on the bed next to Beth.
‘Hello, roommate. So, how did it go?’
‘I passed.’
‘No, not your driving test, you div. I meant with Zack. How did it go? How was all the sex?’
Beth put down her book. ‘How do you know that there even was sex?’
‘Because you look different. You know, like you’ve lost something.’
‘Ha ha.’
‘So come on then, spill the beans. I want to know every single detail. All the ins and outs.’
‘Livvy, don’t
be lascivious.’
‘I’m not lascivious. What’s lascivious? Tell me later. How many times did you do it? Where did you do it? What positions? Did you have an orgasm? How big is his—’
‘Stop, stop, OK. I can’t tell you all that.’ She paused. ‘You’ll have to work it out for yourself; I don’t even know the words for some of the stuff we did. But I’ll tell you this: it shouldn’t even be legal, how good it felt.’
‘Oh. Wow.’ Livvy beamed.
*
The following morning, they woke up to Livvy’s alarm clock, blearily showering and dressing, not used to the early mornings. Beth pulled back the curtains and it took a moment before the scene in front of her came into focus. Their window looked out onto a grass bank about two metres high that separated the boys’ and girls’ houses. On it, spring bulbs had burst into flower over half-term. There were daffodils, tulips, and other flowers she didn’t recognise, but she could clearly see that the bulbs had been planted to spell out the words LOVE THE SPRING. Beth gasped at the beauty of it.
‘What’s that?’ asked Livvy and came up behind her, standing on her bed and putting her chin on Beth’s shoulder. ‘Oh, cool. What does it say – love the spring? What does that mean?’
‘Wasn’t it there before? I mean, last spring?’
‘Nope. That’s new. Oh! Do you think someone planted it there for you?’
‘Or you.’
‘Mmm, less likely. I don’t get it, though; it doesn’t make any sense – love the spring?’
‘It’s from Much Ado About Nothing.’
Blank look from Livvy.
‘You know, Shakespeare? Lovers love the spring. OK, well, maybe it was for me then.’
They giggled and looked at it again.
Livvy sighed. ‘That is seriously romantic.’
At assembly, the headmaster mentioned the flowers in his speech. He was pleased to see that the age of romance was not dead and applauded the long-term planning of the culprit, but the planting of bulbs was still damage to school property and punishable by a month’s Saturday night detention. A smile played on his lips as he spoke.
‘What does he mean, long-term planning?’ said Beth, who knew next to nothing about flowers, to Livvy and BJ as they walked to class.
Livvy replied, ‘It’s because whoever planted the bulbs must have done it last autumn. The bulbs lie in the ground all winter and appear in the spring. So wait a minute… if it is anyone who meant it for you, then it wouldn’t have been Zack, or even Edward – they didn’t know you then. It must have been—’
‘West,’ butted in Billy.
Jake whistled. ‘Damn. That boy’s got style, I wish I’d thought of that.’
‘It probably wasn’t him, and we don’t even know who it was meant for,’ said Beth.
‘OK, Atkinson, you tell yourself that. But you might want to stop blushing before you see your boyfriend or he’ll start to get jealous.’
CHAPTER 15
Edward found the atmosphere at The Island had totally changed since he’d left in January. He couldn’t put his finger on it. He felt different himself, having experienced and seen so much in Berlin. But it wasn’t that. Things had shifted and he felt at odds with the school, the pupils and the teachers. He was adrift and no one seemed to have noticed.
Was it all about Beth? She wouldn’t talk to him, not in public or in private. She wouldn’t ride with him, she wouldn’t play chess with him, he wrote her notes but she didn’t reply. He tried to catch her eye, but she always glanced away. Or was it Zack’s fault? When Edward saw him with Beth he couldn’t stay in the same room. He didn’t know what to say or do when they were there together, arms draped around each other, touching each other.
Or was it The Island itself? Had he outgrown it, or it, him? All that remained between now and the end of his time at school were his rapidly approaching exams, for which he needed to study, but he spent most of the time staring at the walls in his room. He couldn’t concentrate and felt that time was slipping away from him. He slept badly and sometimes woke sweating in the night, unable to get back to sleep, afraid of noises and shapes in the darkness. The dark circles under his eyes grew deeper and activities like shaving, ironing his shirts and combing his hair, let alone showering, fell by the wayside.
He felt like he’d lost a game, but he was unsure what the game was supposed to have been or how he should have played it. Maybe Milo would know. He only felt at ease with Milo. The two friends played chess together a few times a week, but never spoke about Zack and Beth. Edward didn’t know what the right words would be and supposed that for Milo too, it was a struggle even to think about it.
Edward longed to catch Zack doing something really stupid so that he could punish him. He wanted him chucked out of school. But that was the dilemma – the activities most likely to lead to his expulsion were sex and drugs. And he knew that if Zack was doing those things, it would probably be with Beth. Even though Edward knew that his chance with her was over, he still felt protective towards her and wondered, with an increasing obsession, how he could manage to get rid of Zack without it harming Beth’s position at the school.
The closest he got to it wasn’t nearly close enough, but he still felt a little happier than usual when he caught Zack smoking behind the sports hall one day, alone. Edward smiled as he gave him a Saturday night detention, looking into his eyes with a great deal of pleasure as Zack angrily stubbed out the cigarette on the wall.
‘You’re such a dick, Markham. You don’t have to give me this,’ he said, waving the detention slip at him.
‘You want another one?’
‘You want to tell me what the fuck your problem is?’
‘My problem… let me see. How about this: you knocked up my sister, and now you’ve moved on to my friend, and you are revolting and don’t deserve to be at this school.’
‘So, why don’t you tell “your friend” about Bonnie then? What’s stopping you? I’ve been wondering about that for a while.’
‘None of your business.’ Edward turned to leave, wishing now that this encounter had never happened.
‘I’ve been thinking.’ Zack followed him. ‘About Bonnie. She’s on my mind a lot. Last time I spoke to her, she told me that she’d always love me. All that soppy shit, you know how girls are.’
Edward wheeled round towards him, jaw clenched, but said nothing.
Zack continued in his sarcastic drawl, ‘So then, all of a sudden, she’s apparently not interested. And now I can’t get close to Fortress Markham, thanks to you, and so I try to put her out of my mind with a fresh start. So could you tell me, please, whether it’s all over for me and Bonnie, or whether you made all that up? And if it is over, what’s your problem with me and Beth? Because you know, a man has needs and she’s just the girl to help me get over your sister, if you know what I mean.’ Zack smirked viciously as he stood blocking Edward’s path.
Edward felt the blood rising to his face and rushed at him, not knowing what he was doing, lashing out. Zack skipped lightly out of the way and laughed.
‘You’re pathetic. You know, I do believe you’ve helped me make up my mind. Bonnie’s family is not quite up to scratch in my opinion. Beth has a much more interesting family, more my sort of thing, you know.’
Edward didn’t know what Zack was talking about. He stared at him, confused and in pain. Zack shrugged and walked away. When he was out of hearing, Edward slid down the wall onto the concrete ground, and wept into his hands.
CHAPTER 16
‘Right, listen up, everybody. Milo’s handing out a practice schedule. We’ve got four weeks until the dress rehearsal, and you need to be word-perfect for that, no excuses. In addition, Alice, you’ll have extra sessions with Milo to run through your lines. Zack, you and I can practise together.’
As Milo handed out the schedule, he noticed that everyone was paying attention to Beth except Zack, who was sitting next to her, his hand moving slowly up and down her thigh. Much too far up, not f
ar enough down. He caught Guy’s eye. Guy smiled sympathetically, put his fingers in his mouth and pretended to be sick.
At the end of the meeting, everyone disappeared except for Milo, Guy, Zack and Beth. They were talking about some band Milo had never heard of when a third-year girl shouted through the doorway that Beth had a call at the payphones. After she’d left, Milo and Guy also moved towards the door, but Zack called over to them.
‘Hey, West, hey… West’s sidekick… just between us, I wanted to ask you chaps, what do you really think of the play?’
They both stared at him in dumbfounded silence.
He tipped back in his chair, linking his hands behind his neck. ‘I think parts of it are really lame. I’ll try and pin Beth down on some of the scenes; I think I could definitely make some improvements.’
Milo opened his mouth and closed it again. He was pretty sure he knew how Beth would react to that conversation, and would have loved to be a fly on the wall. ‘Yes, great idea, Zack, you do that,’ he said.
Zack ignored the sarcasm. ‘Hang on a minute, there’s something else. You know Markham? He’s losing it a bit these days, don’t you think? I was wondering, you’re his friend, aren’t you, West? Do you think he’s all there? I can’t make up my mind whether I should talk to his housemaster, you know, so that he can keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn’t do something stupid.’
Milo clenched his teeth and took a few deep breaths. It was vital that Zack didn’t see how important this was. He left it to Guy to answer and they left the room.
Walking up to their house, Guy advised Milo to try and keep his cool with Zack.
‘Look, mate, I’m sorry it’s turned out this way. But he’s just going to keep winding you up if he sees it’s working. We all know how this is going to end anyway.’
‘How?’
‘Badly. And then you’ll be there, her trusted friend, her knight in shining armour, and you’ll live happily ever after.’
