by Abbi Glines
doing a wonderful job. I also wanted him to feel free to move on when the time came. He was my one and only love. He was my fairy tale. But it was possible I wouldn’t be his. He had a long life ahead of him, and I didn’t want him to spend it without someone by his side.
I placed both stacks of letters in the bottom drawer of Lila Kate’s dresser. On top of both piles, I left one letter loose: the first one he would read. I would tell him that they were there when I felt it was time.
I left the scrapbook lying on the top of the dresser because Grant knew about it. He didn’t know the real reason I wanted all those photos; he just knew I was making a scrapbook of memories for Lila Kate. I had framed my favorite photo of us sitting on the steps of the front porch. My head rested on Grant’s shoulder, and his arm was wrapped around me, his hand splayed out over my stomach. It now hung over Lila Kate’s changing table; you could see it the moment you walked into her room.
“You refolding baby clothes again?” Grant asked as he stepped into the room.
I laughed. He had caught me more than once reorganizing her closet and drawers. He didn’t understand it, but he never teased me. He always smiled and told me Lila Kate was going to have the best mother in the world. I really hoped that was true.
Grant never spoke about what could happen. With each doctor’s visit that went well—we continued to get good reports—he seemed less worried. He didn’t stare at my stomach as if he was unsure about it anymore. As if it was the enemy. He touched it often, and he had even started talking to her.
“I want everything perfect for her,” I told him, closing the drawer with the letters.
“It will be, because you’ll be there,” he replied.
Before I could say anything, he took a step toward me. “The photographer is coming back this afternoon. I have a few more pictures I’d like him to take.”
He did? I had started to ask him about it when he stepped in front of me and took both of my hands. Then, as if in slow motion, he got down on one knee. All ability to speak or breathe left me. I wasn’t expecting this. I had come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t ready for marriage after the ball. Grant had already taken a huge chance on me. He didn’t like taking chances. He was cautious.
“Harlow Manning,” he said as he pulled out a black satin box from his pocket. “I think it’s possible I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you. I couldn’t forget you. I looked for reasons to be around you. I dreamed and fantasized about you. Then somehow, over Chinese takeout, I managed to get you to sit in the same room with me for longer than a minute. I knew that night when I kissed you that I’d never be the same. Nothing would. You had marked my life.”
He swallowed hard and gave me a shaky smile as he flipped open the box. A teardrop diamond was nestled in a small velvet cushion. It was simple and elegant. It was perfect. I didn’t wear jewelry often, but this . . . this I would wear forever. My eyes were filling with tears and blurring my vision. This was really happening. I reached up to wipe the tears that had escaped and let out a soft laugh at the emotional mess I had become.
“You terrify me. Nothing in this world has ever shone as brightly as you do or made me want to be a better person like you do. I’ll spend a lifetime trying to be worthy of you, but I won’t be. No one could ever be. You’re a rare and precious gift, and I can’t imagine my life without you in it, by my side. You’re my happiness. You’re my home. Will you make me the luckiest man alive and be my wife?”
Tears were freely streaming down my face now as I stood there with this beautiful man on his knees in front of me. A man who had just said such heartbreakingly sweet words to me. “Yes,” I said, unable to say anything else. I didn’t have to remind him of the chance he was taking. He knew. We both knew. He didn’t care. I was worth taking a chance for. That was what he was telling me.
“Yes?” he repeated, grinning up at me.
I nodded my head, and he let out a relieved laugh, then shot to his feet and grabbed my face with his hands. His lips covered mine, and I knew that if I died tomorrow, I had lived. I had lived big.
Grant picked me up and started carrying me out of the room.
“Put me down, I weigh a ton!” I said, worried he was going to hurt his back.
“You’ve gained eighteen pounds, baby. That’s not a ton.”
He was headed for our bedroom, and I decided that arguing with him might not be to my advantage. If this was going where I thought it was, I was completely on board. Grant laid me down carefully on the bed and bent down to slip my shoes off. He kissed the arches of both feet before standing up and taking my shirt off. I let him undress me like I was helpless, because he seemed to be enjoying himself. When he tugged on my leggings, I lifted my bottom so he could slip them off, leaving me completely naked and him fully clothed.
“This is slightly unfair,” I said, reaching for the button on his jeans. He chuckled and let me unsnap them. Then he discarded them, followed by his shirt. I took in his firm, sculpted body and lifted a hand to run it over his stomach. I loved the way it felt, and when he flexed, it was even better.
“Lie back and spread those legs open for me.” His voice dropped to a sexy, husky sound, and his eyelids dropped as his gaze traveled down my body. I scooted back and opened my legs as instructed. Watching Grant’s sexy smirk before he lowered his head between my legs made me shiver in anticipation. I loved the way he made me feel.
When his tongue took a swipe up through my slit, I reached up and grabbed the headboard in an attempt not to grab his hair and take or lose control. Whichever. I was more sensitive down there than I had ever been, but I had read that this was normal. I thought about sex a lot more than I used to. Although looking at Grant often made my mind go to sex. Sweaty, hot, wild sex. The kind we currently couldn’t have. I wanted it, though. I wanted it bad.
“Give me your hand,” he ordered, and I quickly obeyed. He moved it over my wetness. “Hold it open while I lick.”
Oh, my. This was new. I reached down and used both hands to hold open my folds while he licked from my tingling spot, which was so close to an orgasm, to my opening, which was contracting in anticipation of being filled. I started to cry out as the orgasm grew, but right before it flung me over the cliff, he stopped, and his body moved up over mine. He slid inside me, slow and easy, as a growl of approval tore from his chest.
“I swear, every time I’m inside you, I think it’s the absolutely best fucking feeling in the world, but each time, it’s even better.” I clawed at his back, and he began to move faster. “Never can get enough of you. I want to live inside this pussy,” he said as my orgasm once again reached its crest. Instead of pulling away this time, his mouth lowered and clamped down on one of my nipples as the waves broke free, sending me spiraling into wonderland.
“Fuck, yes, that’s sexy as hell,” he said as his hips jerked faster, and my name tore from his chest in a growl before he rolled over, carrying me with him so that he stayed inside me but I was on top.
“Can’t stop,” he said, gasping. “Coming now.” He jerked again, and his body shuddered.
When he was finished, I kissed a trail from his shoulder to his mouth.
“When it’s safe again, I’ve got plans for you, sweet girl. Dirty, naughty plans.”
“Is that a promise?” I asked, smiling down at him.
“Hell, yeah, it is,” he replied.
Late that night, after hours of Grant showing me just how much he loved me and feeling every pleasure he could provide, a sharp pain hit me. Soon I was curled up in a ball and screaming. The pain was too much, and I knew it couldn’t be right. I had read all about contractions. Something was wrong. Very wrong.
Grant jumped out of bed, trying to talk to me, but I couldn’t make out the words or respond. I was doing all I could to keep from crying out in pain again. His voice didn’t soothe me. Nothing helped. The pain slowly started to fade and then hit again.
“Ambulance will be here in five minutes.” G
rant’s voice was filled with pure terror. I wanted to comfort him, but this time, I couldn’t. I had to take care of me and our baby. A cool, damp cloth touched my forehead as he told me how much he loved me and how he was going to take care of me. Then he cursed and felt the warmth between my legs.
“God, no. Fuck!”
I glanced down, and all I saw was blood. And then it all went black.
Grant
The doors swung closed behind the doctor and nurses who surrounded Harlow as they wheeled her unconscious body on a gurney away from me. They wouldn’t let me go any farther. I was numb with pain and terror. My life had just rolled away behind those doors, with no promise of return.
I stared through the small windows of the doors and watched the gurney disappear around a corner. I had to wait here. That was all they had said. Nothing more. They didn’t tell me if I would see Harlow’s smile again. They didn’t tell me if she’d ever open her eyes again. And they didn’t tell me if Lila Kate was ever going to see this world.
I knew nothing except that my heart and soul were back there somewhere with Harlow.
“Grant.” Rush’s voice called out to me, but I didn’t turn around. I kept my eyes trained on that window. It was my only connection to where they had taken Harlow. Arms wrapped around me, and one large hand rested on my shoulder. I hadn’t called anyone. I didn’t know how Blaire and Rush even knew. If I could speak, I’d ask them, but I wasn’t able to do that just yet. I was scared to do anything. I needed to focus on this door. I have to will her to live for me. To come back to me.
“Bethy saw the ambulance leaving your house on her way home from work. She called us,” Blaire said, without my having to ask. “She’s with Nate now. Woods and Della are on their way, and Rush is going to call Mase now. We thought we’d let him call Kiro.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rush nod, then head off to make the call.
Kiro. That was my one reprieve. I wouldn’t have to live without Harlow, because if she didn’t make it, Kiro was going to take my life, too. I would hand him my gun if he wanted it.
“Do we know anything?” Della asked as I heard footsteps running toward us. I didn’t look at her. I had to keep watching these doors. This window.
“No. Rush just went to call Mase. I was going to have him ask. I figured he could get someone to talk.”
“Woods will do it,” Della said.
I felt a squeeze on my shoulder. “I’ll be right back,” Woods said. “We’re here, man. It’s gonna be OK. She’s a fighter.”
I managed what I thought was a nod or something close. Because I wasn’t sure it would be OK. I wasn’t sure if anything would ever be OK again.
“Mase is on his way,” Rush said, walking up to stand beside me. “This place is about to be full of people. I’m sorry, but they all love you and Harlow. She’s a part of us now.”
She was the best part. But I didn’t say that.
After a gentle squeeze of my arm, Blaire finally let go of her hold on me. “Come sit down,” she said gently.
“No. I have to see.” I wasn’t going to explain more than that. I just wasn’t moving from this spot.
“Y’all go have a seat. I’ll stay here with him,” Rush said, seeming to understand my need to watch out for her.
The crowd slowly moved away, but Rush remained by my side. I wouldn’t tell him this, but I needed him. Just having him there beside me helped. I felt stronger. I felt like I might not shatter into a million pieces while waiting for Harlow if I had him there, helping me hold it together.
I hadn’t bothered with calling my dad. He hadn’t asked me about Harlow since that phone call months ago. He didn’t bother to care what I was doing with my life. He just cared about me doing my job. Eventually, I would have to call him. He’d have to know why I wasn’t going to work.
“She’s in surgery. That’s all I got. They will let us know more soon,” Woods said.
She was in surgery. I wasn’t there to hold her hand. I wasn’t there to tell her she was going to be OK. She was alone. She needed me.
“She needs me,” I choked out.
“She needs you to be strong. That’s what she needs,” Rush said.
I knew that, but I wasn’t sure how strong I could be, imagining her on a table being cut open. What if they made a mistake? What if her heart couldn’t handle it?
“When we were kids, she had open-heart surgery. She was so damn scared. She curled up in Kiro’s lap the night before, and he told her a story about a princess who went to sleep. All she needed to wake up was the man who loved her most to be there waiting for her. And if she knew he was there, she’d wake up to see him.” Rush let out a soft chuckle. “I thought it was a silly story then, but after the surgery, when I was finally able to see her, Dad took me back to her room. I asked her about being put to sleep and if it was as scary as she thought. She shook her head and said, ‘No. I knew my daddy was here waiting for me to wake up. So I did.’ And it was that simple. She knows you’re waiting for her to wake up. I have faith she’ll do it.”
I wanted to believe I was her strength. That she’d come back for me. That she wouldn’t give up. But right now, I was so scared that my hope wasn’t enough. I kept seeing all that blood on the bed and her face go so pale, and then she was out. Nothing. Her heart had been beating, and she had been breathing, but mine had stopped. It was my worst nightmare come to life.
I heard more voices fill the waiting room behind me, but I didn’t move or look back at them. Rush stood dutifully at my side, and we remained silent. I watched that door, and I think he did, too.
Nurses came and went through the double doors. One stopped and asked us what we were doing, and Rush explained that we were waiting. She must have seen the determined look on my face, because she didn’t argue. She just walked away.
Several people came up to me to pat me on the back and offer their support. Jimmy, Thad, Bethy’s aunt Darla, and even Henry, the valet kid. I wasn’t sure who all else had arrived. I wasn’t turning my eyes away even for a moment.
“Have you heard anything?” Nan’s voice surprised me, and I tensed. Right now was not a good time for her to show up. I wanted her to leave. She didn’t care about Harlow. She had never been kind to Harlow. She had made Harlow’s life hell every chance she got.
“No. If you’re gonna stay, go sit down in the waiting area with everyone else,” Rush told his sister.
I expected her to argue or say something snide. But she didn’t. She just walked off. If my mind hadn’t been completely focused on Harlow, I would wonder what the hell had just happened.
“You’ve been standing here for more than an hour. Can I get you a drink?” Rush asked.
“No.” I wasn’t fucking drinking a soda while Harlow’s life hung in the balance.
“Fine. Dehydrate,” he replied.
The doors swung open, and a doctor stepped out, scanning the area. His eyes landed on me. “I’m looking for the family of Harlow Manning,” he said.
I tried to say I was the family, but nothing came out. Panic squeezed my throat so tightly I couldn’t even breathe. This was it. This was my news.
“That would be us,” Rush said when he realized I wasn’t going to be able to do it.
The doctor walked over to us and glanced back over Rush’s shoulder. “Haven’t ever seen this waiting room quite so full,” he said.
“Harlow’s loved,” Rush replied.
I managed to gasp in some air, and the doctor’s eyes swung to me. “You OK?”
“He needs to know how Harlow is. He’s about to go into a full panic attack,” Blaire’s voice said behind me.
“I need immediate family,” the doctor said.
“She’s my fiancée,” I finally managed to speak out.
The doctor nodded. “All right, then, good enough. I assume the baby is yours.”
I nodded.
“Well, congratulations. You have a baby girl born at two forty-five a.m. It’s too early, but we had to do an emergency
C-section. She will have to stay in NICU for a little while, but she is completely developed, and her heart looks good. She’s three pounds ten ounces and sixteen inches long. I’ll need you to fill out her birth certificate when you’re ready to step back there and see her.”
Lila Kate was alive. She was here. On September 28, 2014, I had become a dad. I sucked in a deep breath. Harlow had done it. She’d brought our baby into this world healthy and alive. But what about Harlow . . .
As if reading my thoughts, the doctor went on. “We lost Harlow for a couple of seconds. She came back fast, though. She’s a fighter.”
“You lost her?” I asked, not understanding what he was telling me.
“Her heart stopped beating, but she came back with a little help. However, she hasn’t woken up and is in critical condition. I can’t tell you right now if and when she’ll wake up. Her heart and body suffered through a severe traumatic episode. She’s lost a lot of blood, and she’s going to need a transfusion. Because of her delicate nature, it needs to be A-positive. If there’s a relative handy with her blood type, a parent or sibling, that would be best.”
I was B-positive. I couldn’t help her. She needed me, and I couldn’t do anything.
“I’m O-negative,” Woods said, stepping up beside me. “I’m not related, but I know O-negative is a universal donor.”
The doctor nodded. “Yes, but if we had a family member with the same blood type, it would be best. If not, we will gladly take your offer.”
“I’m A-positive. I’m her sister. I’ll do it.”
At Nan’s words, the entire waiting room went silent.
My sweet Lila Kate,
Today you entered this world. I’m writing this before I’ve actually seen you. This is my letter to you if I’m not there to hold you and welcome you into this life. I can imagine, though, how perfect and beautiful you are. I bet you have your daddy’s blue eyes. I hope you have his smile. He has a wonderful smile.
If you never got a chance to meet me, know that you were my greatest accomplishment. You were a dream that I never imagined would come true. Since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mommy. I wanted a baby of my
