Jim slowly awakened from his sleep. At first, all he could do was open his eyes. Although he was groggy, he had a good feeling about where he was. The one thing that he could distinctly remember before it all got fuzzy was that he got in a cab and gave his own address. There was a 90% chance that he was somewhere in his own apartment. All of his body seemed numb, except for his head, which was buzzing. He needed some time before he could actually move.
Jim took a deep breath before he eased himself up from where he was. Taking time to survey the room, he realized that he was indeed in his own bedroom. He had gone to bed with his MTA uniform on. It was no longer night because he could see a few rays of sunlight cascading through the open folds of the blinds at his window. He looked over at the alarm clock. It was 8:30am. He was already an hour and 45 minutes late for his shift at work. Again.
“Should I go in late, or call in sick?” Jim asked himself. Either way, he had to make up an excuse and he didn’t feel like going through it with Greg. Jim had been using up quite a few of his sick days recently, but he still had a lot left in any case. In the past two months he had been out about 7 times. He had been late more often than that. His supervisor had been threatening to give him a negative performance review if he kept it up.
“Let them do whatever they want. I’m calling in sick”, he finally decided.
Jim reached into his pocket to see if he had his cell phone on him. Luckily it was still there. He took it out and turned it on. He had two missed calls. They were both from the depot where he reported for work. This was not going to be an easy phone call.
“Supervision, Bowling Green.”
“Hey Greg, it’s Jim….”
“How good of you to call, Reid. And so soon. Why it’s only been an hour, since the last message I left”, Greg scoffed.
“Look, Greg, I’m not going to be able to come in today. I’m not feeling well.”
“Next time could you call before your shift starts so we don’t have to scramble around like headless chickens looking for someone to cover your irresponsible butt.”
“I’m sorry, but I really am sick. I took some medication and I overslept.”
“Yeah, right. It’s always something with you lately. I’m warning you, you’re skating on thin ice. You better report bright and early at 6:30 Monday morning or your gonna be facing suspension. And don’t think I won’t be writing you up for the stunt you pulled today.”
“It’s not a stunt. I really don’t feel well...”
“I’ll believe that when I see a doctor’s report. So when you come in, make sure you bring it with you.”
“But…”
Jim’s supervisor had hung up.
“More problems”, Jim thought to himself.
“You’ve got to stop this, Jim. Everything is spiraling out of control”, the voice warned.
“I already have control”, Jim shot back.
“Oh, really? Is that why your facing suspension? Is that why you can’t stop drinking?”
“Drinking is not the problem. Lots of people drink.”
“Lots of people don’t get in trouble on their jobs.”
“I just have to keep it tight, that’s all. After all, there are millions of people who drink a lot and are high functioning people. I just have to make sure I keep my shirt tucked in.”
“Why don’t you just stop drinking?”
“I don’t want to stop.”
“Or maybe you can’t stop.”
“Please, I can stop anytime I want to. I could stop today. Right now even. And I can do it all by myself. I don’t help from anybody or anything.”
“All by yourself? Are you sure about that?”
“You’ll see.”
Jim got up and went to the shower hoping to wash away all the worries and thoughts that constantly chased him. He began to regret calling in sick. Had he went to work he would have had something to do; something to focus on so he wouldn’t have to listen to all the thoughts and questions of his conscience. He wouldn’t have to work so hard not to drink. Now he had a lot of time that he didn’t know what to do with. He didn’t have any friends to visit. He couldn’t go around Allen and the others anymore. It seemed like Tamiko had everybody trippin’ on Christianity. Even Tim was going to church. And now Allen had found a new faith buddy on his spiritual journey; some Puerto Rican dude named Davis Martinez, aka, the “new Jim”.
Everybody loved Davis. Tamiko acted like a schoolgirl with a crush around Davis. Richard and Davis got along like old friends. Even Tim, who usually hates on everyone at some point, managed to be civil, but what really stung was watching Davis with Allen. Jim had to admit to himself that seeing how well Allen and Davis got along really hurt him a lot. When they went to Emily Ann’s about a couple of weeks ago, Jim felt like the third wheel. He felt like he was invisible to Allen whenever Davis was around. This was the same Allen he had grown up with, who was like a little brother to him. People used to say they were like fries and ketchup: you often wouldn’t find one without the other. Now, Allen had someone else to look up to. To make matters worse, Allen was always on his back about how much he drank and Jim had gotten tired of his nagging. Things had recently reached a breaking point when Allen openly confronted him about it on one of their nights out. Since then, Jim decided to just let the relationship die. He knew that he and Allen were on two disparate paths.
Jim finished his shower and dried off. Then he wrapped the towel around his waist and headed back to his bedroom. “I need something to do”, he thought. “Where could he go? What could he do?” he continued to ponder. Maybe he could go down to the Blue Note. He wouldn’t drink anything. He’d just sit there and watch the T.V. Maybe he could go shopping and get some new sneakers or browse around the Apple Store and pick up a new gadget. Anywhere would be good. Anywhere where he would not have to be alone with himself.
After dressing in a hooded sweatshirt, jeans, and hiking boots, Jim grabbed his winter coat and left. He still didn’t really know where he was going. When he got to the lobby of his building, he checked his watch. It was now 9:30am. He didn’t have an appetite for breakfast. It was way too early to go to the Blue Note (not that he would drink anything if he decided to go there). Christmas shopping was out. Now that he had no friends and family, he had no one to shop for. “Maybe I’ll take in a movie.” Jim thought to himself. The Magic Johnson Theatre wasn’t that far away and they always had really early matinees. Jim walked down to the bodega on the corner to get a newspaper. The sun was out but it was freezing outside. Going to the movies would be a great way to get out of the cold. After making his purchase, Jim went to the diner across the street to get a coffee and have a seat while he combed through his paper.
The diner was almost empty since it was a weekday and most everyone was either at work or on his or her way. Jim took a seat at the counter and almost immediately a waitress took his order: one black coffee, two sugars. Jim opened his paper to the movie timetables and quickly located the listing for the Magic Johnson. There were several movies out; none of which he was really excited about: two romantic comedies, two kids movies, and an action flick. By the time waitress brought his coffee out, Jim had settled on the action flick. It was going to start at 10:15 so he had a little time. Jim decided to browse through the rest of the paper while he drank his coffee. This didn’t take long, and soon afterwards he was on his way to the movies. He chose to walk because he didn’t want to take his car and have to look for parking, nor did he want to wait in the freezing cold for a bus.
The walk was short and all the energy he expended along with the coffee he had just had, kept him warm as he traversed the frozen concrete. Even though the morning rush hour was over, there were still a lot of people out, most likely because of the holiday season. 125th Street certainly wasn’t 5th avenue, but there were a lot of little niche stores and outlets where people could resort for their holiday shopping. When he finally reached the theatre, there wasn’t a crowd or line at all, so he
was able to purchase his ticket with ease. There was barely anyone around and the theatre workers were just beginning to prepare concession snacks at their counters. There were two people waiting for the popcorn to be made as Jim passed by on his way to the screen room where his movie was being played.
The room was dark and the trailers were running when Jim came in. He would have preferred coming in before the trailers because he hated trying to find a seat in the dark. Luckily, there were only about 5 other people in the theatre so he didn’t have to worry about too much noise or talking during the show. Jim finally sat down in a seat in middle of the isle toward the back. As he settled in, the main feature began and he started to relax. Jim planned to sit back and think of nothing but what was in front of him. He just let himself be taken in by the spectacle of the show. The movie wasn’t very interesting and the plot was total nonsense. Despite the coffee he’d had earlier, Jim’s eyelids began to grow heavy. He tried to keep his eyes open but they just kept closing. All of a sudden, Jim got a jolt, as he realized his surroundings had drastically changed. He was on a boat in the midst of a river. The sky was cloudy and through the sounds of rushing water he could hear a faint and almost indistinct voice calling him. He sat up and tried to focus on the sound of the voice. It sounded vaguely familiar, almost like his mother’s voice. But how? She was dead? He stopped and listened again.
“Jim, come back. Jim, come back. Don’t leave us.”
It was Momma! She wasn’t dead. She was here somewhere. He needed to find her.
“Momma! Momma where are you!” Jim screamed.
He grabbed the oars of the boat and tried to steer the boat toward the direction where the voice was coming from.
“Momma!”
“Jim come back!” the voice was fainter, and the noise of the water grew louder. Jim continued to try to go forward, but it was taking all of his strength. The current was pulling him away from it.”
“Momma! I can’t! I need you to help me!”
“Jim, please. Come back!” the voice grew weaker still.
Jim looked back to where the noise of the water was coming from. He was about to go over the falls. He tried to steer the boat toward some rocks, hoping to get stuck there, but to no avail. Finally in an act of desperation, he jumped from the boat and tried to swim away, but it was no use. The current was too strong. Then in an instant, he felt himself being swept away into the shower of the falls.
“Nooooooo….”
When Jim woke up, the closing credits were scrolling down the screen and the lights had come on. He was drenched in sweat and was a little more than shaken. As he looked around, Jim noticed that he was the only person in the screen room. He leaned over, rubbing his face with his palms to gather his composure, trying to forget the images that loitered in the back of his mind. Then Jim checked his cell phone for the time. It was now 12:00. Jim had slept off the lingering remains of his previous hangover and he was ravenously hungry. So he decided to stop off at the nearest fast food place that he could find to get something to eat. As he exited the theatre, Jim was drawn to the tantalizing aroma of fried fish that wafted through the air and ended up heading over to Joe’s Fish and Chips, which was right across the street.
The shop was primarily a small take out place. There were only two booths where a few people could sit and eat, however, a woman already occupied these with her three kids, as well as a young woman and her boyfriend. The line was a little long, but Jim figured it would give him time to think about what he wanted. Service was quick and by the time it was Jim’s turn he had settled on a whiting sandwich with seasoned fries and a cola. When he got his order he double tied the white plastic bag to keep the cold air out. He looked at his watch again. It was only 12:20. The day was going by at an excruciatingly slow pace.
By the time he had gotten home, Jim didn’t feel like doing anything but eating. When he opened his bag, his food was barely warm, so he put it in the microwave for a few seconds. When it was ready, he took it out and put it on a plate he had gotten from the cabinet. Then he took the food and the soda to his living room. Next, he put on the television and turned to the food network and watched Emeril cook while he ate his food. The fish sandwich smelled better than it tasted. There was more breading than fish. The fish underneath the breading was hard and greasy. The fries tasted as if they had been fried twice. Fortunately, Jim’s hunger excused the poor preparation of meal. It was barely satisfactory but then he was not expecting it to taste like home cooking. “No one could cook fish like momma could”, Jim thought mournfully to himself. No one could do anything like his mother could.
Jim needed to stop himself before the lugubrious train of thought that began to ensue consumed him. He got up and turned off the T.V. It just wasn’t distracting enough to keep the thoughts out of his head. Next, he went into his bedroom and took the clothes out of the hamper and put them into a laundry bag. Jim then dragged the bag to the kitchen where he got some detergent and fabric softener from a cabinet and put those into the bag too. Next, he doubled back to bedroom to get the change jar off the dresser, and his mp3 player and stuck those in the bag as well. When he was done, he left his apartment and went down to the laundry room in the basement of his building.
The laundry room was a small, brightly lit room that had four large washers on one side, four large dryers on the other and a long narrow white table down the middle. The place was swept and neat, but the furniture and appliances looked well worn. There was no one else in the room when Jim arrived and for the first time he had the place to himself. Jim put on his mp3 player and then quickly got to work sorting the clothes, putting them into the machines, and finally putting in his coins and soap powder. Together, the work and the music were keeping his mind occupied and therefore safe from intrusive thoughts. It wasn’t long before the machines had stopped and he was busy again taking them from the washer to the dryer. Then the next thing he knew he was fluffing and folding. By the time he was done, he was sure that it might have been late in the day, but when he checked his cell phone it was only 2:30pm. So Jim brought his clothes upstairs, all the while trying to think of another way to keep himself occupied during this dreadfully long day.
When Jim got back he went to his room unpacked the clothes from the laundry bag and started to put them away. He was just about finished and was thinking of cleaning the whole apartment when his cell phone began to ring. Jim looked and was shocked to see Callie’s number come up.
“Hey, Callie. What’s up?”
“Hey!” said Callie sounding surprised “I thought I was going to get your voicemail. Did you take a day off or something? Are you sick?”
“No, no. Just playing hooky. So what’s going on?”
“Nothing. Literally nothing. Look, I really need to talk to you…I can’t think of anyone else who would care.”
“Callie, are you okay?”
“Honestly? No.”
“When do you get off?”
“At 3:00.”
“How about we meet for an early dinner. Anywhere you want.”
“I’m going to need a drink. How about the Blue Note, that’s close to you. Do you know where it is?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“I have the car today. It shouldn’t take me more than half an hour to get there. Meet me at around 3:30.”
“Sure. See you there.”
“Later.”
Jim changed out of his sweatshirt and jeans into something a little classier. He put on a light blue button down shirt with a navy v-neck sweater and khaki colored cords. As he dressed, he wondered what was bothering Callie. She had been MIA for a long while, but sometimes that would happen. Oftentimes one person from their set would be missing for a while, mostly because of work or some personal crisis. The last time he had spoken to her was a couple of weeks ago. She had told Jim at that time that she wasn’t speaking to the others. Jim had no idea why Callie was mad at them, as she didn’t go into details. In any case, Jim
was glad that there was still one person in their set that he could count on. How could he have forgotten about Callie? She was the only one who wasn’t trippin’ on Christianity. She was probably the only person who would understand where he was coming from.
“So you’re going to the Blue Note after all?” Jim heard the nagging voice ask.
“I’m only going there with a friend. I’m not going to have anything to drink.”
“Sure about that?”
“Of course. I’ve made up my mind.”
“We’ll see.”
Commencement Page 54
