As Allen tied his tie, he looked out of the window to see what the weather was like. Other than a cloudy sky, there was no sign of the nasty storm that the weather service had forecast for today. It was supposed to be the worst storm of the winter, but Allen wasn’t worried. The snow was not expected to start until after 8:00 and by then, he would be at home watching T.V. or reading. His mother had been grocery shopping the day before and his father bought a few bags of salt that he planned to spread out over the driveway and on the front sidewalk after they came back from church. If the storm was coming, he was prepared. What Allen had not been prepared for was the storm that had taken hold of his life.
It had been more than a week since the night of the Christmas Celebration and the disaster that ensued with respect to his friendship with Davis. He had tried to call Davis to make amends only to get his voice mail each time. Allen thought he may get the chance to see him at church, but Christmas Service and Watch Night service had passed without any sign of Davis. Even at work, Davis had become a relative phantom. Each day, Allen made his rounds with few or no hits on his radio. Even when his radio did go off, oftentimes it was the voice of one of the other repairmen or Mr. Hardy requesting some task to be done. Davis wouldn’t even let Tamiko tutor him anymore. When Allen thought of these things and the things Davis had said to him the night of the celebration, it made him worry. Not for himself, but for Davis.
Hadn’t Davis told him that he had been looking for a church, a place of worship where he could find people who lived out the true meaning of what it was to be a Christian, and not some place where he would be judged and stereotyped? Hadn’t he said he was glad to have finally found friends who would be able to help him in his walk with Christ? Now with one act, all of that was gone for Davis. Allen hoped that Davis wouldn’t think that all Christians were as condescending as Allen himself had been. He hoped that Davis would not lose his faith in God because of what happened. Allen knew he couldn’t forgive himself if Davis became an apostate because of what happened at the celebration. Looking back, Allen was ashamed that he had viewed Davis as his “mission”. “Who was I to think that Davis needed anything from me?” Allen mused to himself. He was about to put on his shoes when he froze. “He was confiding in me as a friend. All Davis wanted was a friend, but instead, I had to try to be his Savior.”
Now Allen could see how God had been warning him all along, but he didn’t listen. God had spoken to him through his mother, Pastor Bynum, his friends, even Davis himself. Allen had been so caught up in himself and his ‘quest for purpose’ that he had been deaf to everything and everyone else, including the voice from God that he was so desperately waiting to hear from. He wished that he could go back in time and undo everything, but he couldn’t. Only God could fix it. Allen wanted to pray to God and ask him to fix everything, to restore him and Davis, but he felt guilty. In the face of his disobedience, Allen felt as if God wouldn’t hear him even if he did pray, so why bother. The whole episode had thrown him into spiritual turmoil.
Allen was now totally confused about God and how He worked, how He spoke and what, if anything, He wanted from Allen. The last few times Allen went to church, he didn’t have any joy. He just felt isolated and lonely. What little connection to God that Allen felt he had, he’d lost. Allen didn’t know what to do. In the midst of his self-pity and despair, Allen heard a knock on his door. He knew who it would be.
“It’s open.”
“Allen, are you ready?” his mother, Lena, asked.
“Actually, I’m not feeling well. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to go today.”
“What do you mean you don’t feel well? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. It’s not physical. I just feel off. I just need some time alone to think.”
“Are you still upset about what happened Christmas Eve?”
“Mom, if you don’t mind, I really don’t want to go over all of that again. What’s done is done. I messed up. Again.”
“Okay, so maybe what you were thinking wasn’t right for Davis. But on the bright side, that church fund the Pastor set up is helping a lot of people. If it weren’t for you, a lot of people wouldn’t be getting the help they needed.”
“That’s nice and everything, but it still doesn’t change what happened with Davis. I mean what if he abandons his faith completely because of what I did?”
“Allen, God is in control. He knows all and he sees all. He’s the one that brought Davis to Himself, and He will keep him. God knows that you didn’t mean to hurt him. Maybe He will help Davis to see this in time. But you have to give God time.”
“But I’ve been giving Him time. How much more time do I have to give? I’ve been asking God to direct my path, to talk to me, to show me what to do. Just when I feel he is speaking to me, I find out it’s…He’s never clear with me!” Allen couldn’t help raising his voice out of frustration.
“He is clear. But you’ve got to focus on Him: on your relationship with Him. It’s not about missions or helping people. If that were the case then we wouldn’t need Jesus. We could do some good works and that would get us into heaven. We have to focus on becoming the people He wants us to be. Stop looking for your purpose and look for God.”
“What if He doesn’t want me to find Him?”
“That’s silly, Allen. God doesn’t want to see anyone perish. He wants all of us to have everlasting life. But we have to accept it. Come to church Allen. Don’t stay here at home moping around. This is just the opportunity the devil is waiting for, so he can wreak more havoc in your life.”
“But what’s the point if my heart isn’t there?”
“If your heart isn’t there, then put it there. Otherwise the enemy will have it, and trust me you don’t want that.”
“Alright. Just let me put my shoes on.”
“See you downstairs, then.”
Allen finished dressing and met his parents downstairs, where the three of them headed off to church. When they got there, Tamiko and Tim were already seated and the service had already started. The Sharpes took their usual seats, and the service went on as it usually did, but Allen couldn’t muster up any interest. Allen didn’t bother looking for Davis because he knew he wouldn’t be there. At times Allen could hear Tamiko and Tim whispering back and forth to each other, but he was too upset to care what they were talking about. His mother had told him to put his heart there, and though he wanted to, he couldn’t. He just felt numb. So, Allen went through the motions of attending service. It made the service longer and almost unbearable. By the time the service was over, Allen was ready to go home.
“Allen, aren’t you supposed to be going to the Brotherhood Bible study group?”
“I’m not feeling it today, Tamiko.”
“We’re going for coffee. Do you want to come with us?”
“Nah, you guys go on ahead. I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Allen,…” Tamiko started to say something, but changed her mind. “Never mind. We’ll see you at dinner.”
Tim and Tamiko walked out and Allen was about to try to find his parents, when he heard a familiar voice calling him.
“Allen… Allen!”
It was none other than Daniel Joyner. He was the last person he wanted to be talking to right now.
“Hey, Daniel”, Allen said flatly.
“Bible study is going to start in a few minutes…”
“Sorry, Dan. I’m not feeling well. I think I’m just going to go home.”
“Come on, man. Don’t tell me you’re dropping out, too!”
Allen already knew who the other drop out was.
“I’m not dropping out completely, it’s just…”
“It’s a new year. What better time to revive your relationship with the Lord.”
Allen didn’t really want to go, but then he heard it. Like a little voice inside his heart, telling him to go. At first Allen was just going to make up another excuse, but then thought that he may as well.
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When Allen and Daniel reached the little conference room, there were only two other people there and they seemed to be new faces. It seemed a lot of people had dropped Daniel’s brotherhood bible study.
“Is this it?” asked Allen, a bit surprised by how many people dropped out.
“I told you there were some drop outs. And I thought I would have gotten more brothers to join with the passing of the New Year, given so many brothers out there making resolutions to be saved.”
“What’s the Word for today?”
“I want to start a new topic. I want to talk about having a right relationship with God. Our relationship with God is the most important relationship we will ever have. It determines the course of our relationships with all the other people in our lives, and it determines how we think of ourselves. When we go back to the Bible, who are some people that you’ve read about who had special relationships with God?”
“Noah, Abraham, and Moses”, answered one man.
“Yes. Anyone else?”
“The prophets had special relationships with him, so did the apostles”, answered the other man.
“Right. What about you, Allen? Do you know any other people who had special relationships with God?”
“Some of the kings. Like David and Solomon, and then there was Job.”
“Right. Now what do you think all these people had in common in their walk or relationship with God?”
“They were holy people?” answered the first man with uncertainty.
“And what do you think made them holy?” Daniel asked purposefully.
“They were able to perform miracles”, answered the second man.
“And why do you think they were able to perform those miracles?” Daniel asked again.
Silence.
“Let’s go to our Bibles so we can understand, shall we.”
After taking them through several scriptures involving many of the people previously referred to, Daniel began to make his point.
“So as we can see, the common denominator in all these relationships is they were obedient to God. They did everything that God told them to do. But in order to do all the wonderful things they did, there had to be a first act of obedience on which rested all of the other acts. That first act of obedience was faith”, lectured Daniel.
“You mean they believed that there is a God, right? We all believe there is a God, Daniel”, said Allen.
“But having faith is more than believing there is a God. ‘Faith’ is believing in His power, and his love toward us. It is believing that he can and will do. It’s knowing what his promises are to us and believing those promises are sure. Let’s go back to Hebrews 11 vs 1: “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
“I’m not sure I get what you’re talking about. Do you mean like believing something before it happens? For example, that if you want a car and you claim it, you will have it”, asked the first man.
“Not exactly. I’m not one to endorse naming and claiming. Let’s go to the scriptures for an example. Let’s look at Matthew chapter 9 vs 28 –
30. What did Christ say to the blind men before they were healed? First he asked them if they believed that he could do it. They said yes. Then he laid hands on them and said ‘According to your faith, so be it unto you.’
Jesus also said to the woman with the issue of blood “your faith hath made you whole.” And look what it says in Matthew, chapter 13 vs 58. It says that ‘he did not many mighty works their because of their unbelief.’” continued Daniel, hoping the others were following his point.
“So it is believing in the Power of God?” answered Allen hesitantly.
“Yes. But now when we think of faith we have be honest with ourselves about whether or not we have faith, true faith, because although some of us profess with our mouth that we believe we tend to ‘second guess’ God. We have a wait and see attitude. We say we believe, but then we say to ourselves, ‘O.K. now let’s see what’s going to happen’, as if you didn’t believe in the first place. When you have real faith, there is no ‘let’s see’, because you already know what the outcome is going to be. When you pray you go in faith believing, knowing that when you get up off your knees, God is making things happen”, Daniel continued to expound.
“But I’ve heard of the situation of a family where the parents believed that God would deliver their child from an illness, but the child died and the parents were prosecuted because they didn’t provide proper medical care. Would you say their child died because they didn’t have this kind of faith?” asked the second man.
“I can’t judge that situation because I don’t know those particular people, and I don’t know what they believed or how they believed. I can only tell you what the Bible tells us. And I can tell you about the people in this church who have experienced the power and glory of God. I’ll use myself as an example. Everyone knows that I was in a car accident when I was 16 years old. The doctors said there was very little chance that I would walk again. But I didn’t believe them. I believed in God and his unlimited Power. The Power of God was there and my faith unlocked it. Now it didn’t happen overnight, but by the Grace of God, and by his healing power, I stand before you here today defying the expectations of the doctors.”
“But everybody has doubts at some point, don’t they? How can anybody have faith like that?” asked Allen skeptically.
“Again let’s read our Bible. Let’s go to Romans, 10 vs 17 where it says ‘faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.” It is the Word that establishes and strengthens our faith. This goes back to what I said about knowing what his promises are. We have to stay in the Word and feed ourselves this word everyday because within this Word are his promises to us, and his love for us. As we learn and grow, we learn not only these promises, but we learn to love God. Where there is love there is absolute trust and faith, which erases all doubt.”
“I think I get it now. That’s why the greatest commandment of all is to love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength”, said Allen thinking out loud.1
“Exactly, my brother.”
Now Allen realized what he was missing.
Fifty-Six
Commencement Page 73
