“Your father thinks it’s best if we put some distance between us.”
“What do you want?”
“Stop, Carter. I just can’t.” He looks aggravated. He must see something in my expression because I see him soften.
“Carter, I think you know how I feel about you. I’m just trying to do what’s best for you and the organization.” I can see he is struggling, but I just have to know.
“Tell me how you feel.”
“Jesus, Carter, please.” He rolls his eyes, exasperated. He just keeps walking, shaking his head.
“What, it’s not hard. Just tell me.” He turns suddenly, pulling me against him. His mouth comes down hard on mine. It’s punishing. He pulls away just as suddenly.
“There, leave it alone.” He stalks off into the darkness, leaving me with bruised lips. What the hell is that supposed to mean. That doesn’t tell me a damn thing. God, men, are so frustrating!!!
I return to the party after straightening myself up in the bathroom and see Jackson is back by Brooklyn’s side. He is very attentive to her and I’m even more confused. This man is taking up too much of my time. I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I turn to face my father. He leans close to me.
“Are you okay?” He asks.
“Yeah, took the bastard down.” I say. He pats me on the back proudly. He moves on from me without another word. I watch as he interacts with people, impressing them with his charismatic personality.
I stand there looking out among the crowd, watching and wondering how many people are faking their way through life. If Jackson is right, I will never really know anyone’s true intentions. I don’t know how or why I still believe in fairytales. My parents, Jackson and Brooklyn, and even most of the people at this party are screwing others that are not their spouses……is true love unrealistic? Will I ever get the chance to experience it?
Chapter Eight
“Get those arms up, block him.” My trainer barks out to me. I do as I’m ordered. Today, I’m pissed off and taking it out on anyone who will fight me. The person taking a major beating is Max. He is on my team as well. His code name is Torch. Max Langston has brown hair, brown eyes, glasses, is short statured, but tough. He also has a major crush on me, which is extremely annoying. He is cute, just not smokin’ hot like Jackson.
I get the feeling that I’m being watched and with a quick glance, I see Jackson warming up in the corner, eyes on me. Since the Mitchell’s party and my assassination attempt, I’ve been avoiding Jackson as much as possible. Christmas came and went. My parents spoiled me rotten with expensive gifts and we had an elaborate meal. It was the first time in a long time that Jackson was not with us. He spent Christmas with Brooklyn, getting cozy with her father or so I heard. I missed him.
I shake thoughts of Jackson off and concentrate on Max’s failed attempts to knock me down. Getting tired of this battle with Max, I back handspring into a squat and Max follows me. I quickly sweep my leg across the back of his knees, knocking him flat on the ground. I follow through by straddling him and holding him in a choke hold. I hear the cheers from our fellow agents. I get up and give Max a hand up as well.
“Damn, Sparks, you were something today.” Max says in admiration. I pat him on the shoulder. That is what I love about Max, he doesn’t mind being beat by a girl.
“You weren’t bad yourself.” I say with a genuine smile.
“Hey, I was going to ask you a question.” I notice the serious look come across his face. I also realize that he paused and isn’t looking at me anymore, but past me. I glance behind me and see Jackson. My heart jumps a beat. Stop it, stupid heart!
“Carter, can I talk to you?” Jackson asks. I turn to face him.
“Actually, I’m kind of busy right now.” I turn back to Max, ignoring Jackson.
“You were saying?’ I imply for Max to continue. Max keeps looking at Jackson, but eventually spits it out.
“Well, umm…Will you go to your parent’s ball with me?” Max asks nervously. I hear a soft chuckle from Jackson and that just pisses me off more.
“I would love to, Torch. Come to my house around six. That will give us plenty of time before the guests arrive to hang out in private.” I say, giving him by best flirty smile. Max grins back and with an awkward goodbye, takes off.
“That was nice of you.” Jackson says. I turn quickly to face him.
“I like him, so what do you want?” I ask with impatience.
“You don’t really like…like him, do you?” Jackson says with eye brows raised.
“What, are we twelve? Besides, it is none of your business. Jackson, what do you want?” I say with irritation.
“Fine, I just need to talk to you. I’ve tried before, but you’re avoiding me. Is there some time or somewhere that we can meet?” He asks with a serious expression.
“I’ve been avoiding you? I think it goes both ways. Besides, I’m booked up until the ball. I have training, fittings, appointments….my mother. Maybe after the ball tomorrow night?” I explain, trying to avoid the conversation. I see despair cross his features.
“I’m afraid tomorrow will be too late.” He solemnly says. I give him a questioning look.
“Cowboy!” A guy named Tex yells out across the room, “Come on…. Time for me to beat your ass.” He starts throwing punches into the air at an imaginary foe. I see Julia looking around and finally spot me. She waves me over.
“I guess we both have somewhere to be.” I say and push past Jackson.
Barely glancing back, I call out to him, “See you later, Cowboy.” I dismiss him with a wave. I ignore the tugging of my heart at the sight of his sad eyes. I make my way over to Julia and lean against the wall, arms crossed.
“How’s it going?” Julia asks with a nod towards Jackson.
“I don’t know. He says he wants to talk.” I say. She gives me a concerned look.
“I know, I know. I’m just so confused on everything.” I tell her. She gives me a pat on the shoulder.
“Hey, maybe it will be a good conversation. He will tell you he loves you and he is dumping Bitchlynn.” She jokes. I don’t let on how much I hope for that.
“Yeah, right!” I say laughing. We joke for a few minutes, but then her mother walks over.
“Flames, why are you not training? You are lacking in many skills compared to your teammates. It is not fair to them to have a weak link.” Julia’s mother says. Kia is very strict on Julia. She wants her to be the best at everything. Julia is very good but can never reach her mother’s high standards. Julia looks down meekly.
“I understand. Goodbye Sparks.” Julia says, following behind her mother. I just shake my head. It sucks to be her. I thought my father was bad, but no one compares to Kia. I swear she beats her, but Julia would never say so.
“Sparks, you and me, babe!” Mustang comes towards me with his katana. I give him a brilliant smile.
“Oh, you are on!” I exclaim, excited every time I can practice my sword work.
I hurry over and grab my katana out of my locker and readjust my ponytail. I peek out of the corner of my eye and see Jackson sparring with Tex. Of course, Jackson is kicking his ass. He is so good. He makes it look easy. Tex takes another punch. I don’t know Tex all that well, but he is on Jackson’s team. Boots, who completes the team, has been on an undercover assignment for over two years now. He is Jackson’s best friend. I know Jackson misses him, but I know they talk on the phone a lot. I don’t remember him all that well because I wasn’t allowed to train with the agents until I was seventeen.
I can’t take my eyes off Jackson. I love watching him fight. He is fluid and graceful, a force to be reckoned with. I’m interrupted by my thoughts by Mustang approaching. I quickly avert my gaze back to my mirror.
“Hey, you look gorgeous, now let’s go.” I roll my eyes at him. I follow him onto the sparring mat and take my position.
“Feeling pretty confident, pretty princess?” Mustang taunts. I glare at him.
“Oh, k
eep talking, jackass. I’m going to wipe that smirk off your face.” I see a glint of anger cross his face. Jeez, I thought we were just having fun?
When he comes after me, I realize he is not playing. There is a lot of aggression and I’m on the defensive. He caught me by surprise in his actions. He is pounding into me and
I’m trying my best to deflect his attacks. Swoosh, swoosh, the blades are almost sparking from the hard impact. I block, block, block… crap, I need to get on the offensive.
He is not letting me breathe. We have gained the attention of the other agents and I’m doing my best to concentrate on Mustang, but I trip and fall to the mat. I’m pinned on the ground in a strength match. My hands are gripping the sword that is blocking his from slicing my face in half. What the hell has gotten into him? His eyes are blazing. Beads of sweat are forming on my forehead. He is leaning closer and the blade is coming closer. I think about my options and have no choice. I kick him in the balls. He lets off, bent over but standing in a straddle over me. I quickly slip between his legs as he stands up; I’m behind him with my blade across his neck.
“Surrender.” I demand. Yeah, who’s my bitch? I don’t know what look Mustang has, but Jackson is suddenly in front of us.
“Surrender, now.” Jackson commands. Mustang’s shoulders slump in defeat. He drops his katana and holds his hands up. The crowd cheers. I let go of Mustang, but my eyes never leave Jackson’s.
“She is a whore and going to be the death of you.” Mustang hisses. Holy crap! Jackson immediately punches him in the face. There are shocked gasps.
“Man, it is so over.” Mustang gets up and stalks out of the room, slamming the door. It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
“Back to work!” The trainer yells and everyone resumes their various fighting styles. Jackson and I just stare at each other.
“What was that about?” I ask, cautiously. I mean I kind of thought Mustang and I were friends or at least friendly. Why the sudden hostility? “He seemed fine only seconds before we started.”
“Nothing, Stang has just been a little stressed lately. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it. He was just pissed you beat him.” He hands me a towel.
“Well, I can’t blame him; it was kind of a cheap shot.” I say wiping my face.
“In actual battle, there are no cheap shots or rules in combat, it is all about survival, and you know that.” He runs a hand through his hair, “he got out of hand. That was not a friendly fight. I really don’t know what’s up with him.” He stares in the direction that Stang went.
“Well, I’m sorry anyway… I’ll see you later.” I start to walk off, but he grabs my arm.
“Seriously, I need to talk to you about….us.” He says. That got my attention.
“Fine, let’s go. Five minutes.” I say heading back to my locker.
I grab my bag, throwing the towel in it and put my katana back into the sheath. I strap it to my back and follow Jackson out. He walks down the corridor to a door. It is the janitor’s closet. He looks around then opens the door. He pulls me into the darkened room. Before I know it, he grabs the sides of my face towards him, kissing me in desperation. I melt into his arms. I hear him moan and that snaps me back to reality. I jerk away.
“What do you think you are doing?” I whisper. He grabs my arms.
“I’m sorry; I really did want to talk.” He lets out a heavy sigh. “I shouldn’t have done that because now…what I’m going to say… well…”
“Spit it out!” I say in irritation. I have a rock forming in my stomach. I’m preparing myself for the dreaded words.
“We can’t be together.” He says bluntly. I just stare at him.
“What?” I may sound like an idiot, but I’m confused.
“Your father…my mission...” He explains. I feel a well of anger towards my father right now. How could he?
“What my father doesn’t know won’t kill him.” I say, grasping for straws.
“Sparkler, I want more than anything to be with you, but I can’t do that to him or you. You deserve so much more. You deserve someone so much better than me. Besides, I owe your father my life. He took a young boy in and raised him when he didn’t have too. I owe him enough to make the sacrifices that need to be made.” He didn’t give me a chance to respond. With my mouth hanging open, he kisses me on the forehead, leaving the closet, and me…. behind.
Chapter Nine
The night of the dreaded ball finally arrives, and I cannot wait for it to be over. My mother has been driving me crazy with her obsession for the perfect party. My house has been overrun by caterers, florists, musicians, you name it we have it. My father’s security team is probably going nuts right now. I can hear the strains of the violins as I put on the finishing touches.
Looking in the mirror, I hardly recognize myself. In fact, I look more like my beautiful mother now more than ever. My hair is curled, which is extremely hard to do, and held up on the sides with two diamond pins. The curls are flowing down my back, like golden waves. I need to do this more often. My face was professionally done, and I love the smoky eye effect. I look older, more mature, but extremely sexy. I can’t wait for Jackson to see me. Too bad, he is with Brooklyn tonight and I am with Max, to the annoyance of my mother. She was rooting for some Senator’s son. I do not need a man to be happy is my new motto.
I hear a knock on my door as I’m shoving necessities into my silver clutch.
“Come in,” I say. I watch my mother walk in, looking beautiful in a white strapless evening gown. Her blond hair is pulled into an elegant chignon.
“Oh honey, you look stunning! You are going to be the belle of the ball!” My mother says with a proud smile.
“Right back at you!” I tell her sincerely. She gives out an elegant laugh. She comes up behind me in the mirror, putting her hands on my shoulders. Looking in the mirror at our reflection, I can see the resemblance.
“I know I don’t say it, but I am so proud of you. Is it the life I wanted you to have? Absolutely not. I know what it does to your father. The stress and worry. It is a hard life, but I know you won’t lose yourself like he did. Please, keep love in your heart.” She says seriously. I meet her eyes in the mirror. I see the sadness that is a burden to her heart.
“I know how you feel for Jackson. I’m so sorry things didn’t work out, but someday the right one will come along. Don’t settle for less than absolute loyalty and love. You deserve so much more. Don’t get me wrong, Jackson is a lovely person, but I see him following in your father’s footsteps. Please, promise me, that you won’t let the organization put you in a position like Jackson. You can have your happy ending if you keep your heart open.” I look at her with questions in my eyes. I see that she is indeed earnest.
“I promise.” I say with tears rising. Is there something I don’t know about? She pats me on the shoulders and begins to leave.
“The guests are waiting, so I better head down. Max is here. I will send him up.” She pauses at the door, “Carter, I love you.” My mom says, and then walks out.
“I love you too, Mom.” I say to thin air. I give myself one last glance and walk out onto my balcony. I stare out into the night sky. My eyes immediately look for Jackson’s light. It is off which means he is probably already here. I look down as people are arriving. No one even thinks to look up, but I still hide in the shadows. For some reason, even surrounded by so many people, I feel alone.
I’m people watching for about fifteen minutes when I notice a car that I didn’t even know I was watching for show up. Jackson gets out and walks around to the passenger side, opening it. First thing I see is a set of long legs clothed in emerald. Then Brooklyn gets out in all her glory. Damn, she looks good. Why can’t she have a bad hair day or something? She leans up and receives a passionate kiss on the lips from Jackson. My heart breaks and shatters. I can’t take it anymore. I’m so over this. When they break apart, Jackson tosses the keys to the valet. As they are getting ready to climb the steps,
Jackson glances up to my balcony. My breath holds as our eyes meet. I just stare at him. Brooklyn has gone ahead of him, out of my sight. He pauses and blows me a quick kiss. I just stare in numbness. The loneliness just got so much worse.
I hear the distant knock on my door. I turn around as Max walks into my room. He spots me on the balcony and makes his way towards me.
“There you are. Are you okay?” He asks with concern. He looks very distinguished tonight in his tuxedo and slicked back hair.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just getting some air before being stuck in the stuffy ballroom all night!” I say lightly.
“Sorry I wasn’t here earlier, but I had some business to attend to.” He says, offering me his arm. I hook mine through it.
“It’s fine. Shall we?” I ask, as he escorts me out of my bedroom. I shut the door behind us. By now, I can hear the orchestra playing, glasses clinking, and people mingling. I take a deep breath. Here we go.
Max escorts me to the top of the staircase that leads down to the ballroom and just like my mother implied, I was the belle of the ball. All eyes turn up as we descend the staircase. Please don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall. I glance around and see my mother beaming; my father is smiling like a proud papa, and… Jackson. He is looking at me like I’m a goddess. Brooklyn elbows him and I hide my victory smile.
As we get to the bottom, I’m met by Julia and Logan. Logan is the leader of our team and his code name is Flint. He is a handsome guy with dark blond hair and brown eyes. We look up to him, literally and figuratively. He is like 6’5”. He is a natural leader and I’m so glad to be on his team. After Logan, I am second in command, then Julia, and then Max. Most teams have code names that match up in some way. My team consists of Flint, Spark, Flames, and Torch. Jackson’s team is Cowboy, Boots, Tex, and Mustang. It seems a little strange, but hey, it works.
Julia starts gushing over me and Max and Logan are doing some man shake. I love my team. We have yet to go on our first big mission together, but I know we will be great. Logan pulls me to the side.
No Regrets Page 7
