by Cee Bowerman
“I think I just saw Carlie. I looked up from my coffee and saw her running to Betty. It looked like she was crying. She got in the car and sped off. Was that really her?” Zeke looked to the shuttered office.
“Did she talk to him?”
“No, baby,” she touched his arm. “It was a jumble. Angie was in the office arguing with Sam. I guess Carlie walked in and saw them together in a clinch and ran off. Sam pried Angie’s claws out of him and kicked her ass out a few seconds later but by then Carlie was already gone. Rowdy told him the girl from the picture was here. At first, I thought he was going to fall out, but then he slammed into the office. I don’t know if he is in there jumping for joy or plotting a murder. I just don’t know.”
“I’m gonna go and talk to him. Tell everyone to leave us be. Even if they hear things.” Zeke walked to the office door, opened it just enough to get inside and he disappeared.
~*~
Sam was pulling up the security system on his computer monitor as his brother came into the office. Zeke pulled one of the chairs over and sat beside him. He leaned down with his forearms on his knees, his hands hanging down and silently watched Sam work the computer system.
The program came up and Sam used the mouse to click a few buttons to rewind the recording. He typed in some numbers to adjust the time and the screen blinked back to ten minutes earlier. Angie was standing in the doorway to the office and then she shut the door as she went in. A woman with her long red hair braided to the side walked up and spoke to Rowdy. Rowdy pointed to the office and she turned her head. Rowdy paused the feed. It was Carlie. No doubt about it. She looked stricken, she stepped back and stared at the floor and then spun around and ran out of the frame.
“Sam,” Zeke started.
“What the fuck does she want with me now, Zeke? She didn’t quite kill me then so she came back to finish it? What?” Sam asked quietly.
“Give her a chance, Sam. At least find out where she went.” Zeke pleaded.
“She had her fucking chance and she stomped on it. She fucked me over, she broke Dad’s heart, Kari cried for days. Not one fucking word in over ten years and she just pops in and has a fit because I am kissing another fucking woman? What the hell is that?” Sam slammed his hand on the desk. His face was red and the muscles in his neck were bunched. “Fuck her, Zeke. Fuck. Her.” He ended with a roar.
“Let’s find her and sit down and talk, Sam. It was good then, right? Give her a chance. You’ve never been the same since she left. Maybe she hasn’t either. Maybe it can be right, you know?” Zeke’s calm voice usually soothed the savage side of Sam, but not this time.
“No. I want her back, but I couldn’t live if she left me again. Not again. Watch that shit again and it proves it. She only runs away. I can’t take that again.” Sam got up and slid behind Zeke’s chair to the office door. “I’m going for a ride. Be gone a bit. Tell them for me, brother.”
“I’ll do it, Sam. But you have to give this some thought.” Zeke couldn’t stand the look on his brother’s face. “Let the wind help you think about it and ride safe, okay? We can’t lose you again, brother. Not again. Come back?”
Sam nodded and walked out of the office. Zeke waited until he heard the bike start up and then moved to his brother’s desk as he heard it roar away. He rewound the footage, hit pause, and stared at the look on Carlie’s face right before she saw Sam with Angie in the office. Right before Zeke saw her shatter.
~*~
I slid from the alley into Betty’s spot in my garage. I reached back to the visor and hit the button to let the door slide slowly back down. To my left I could see Joe’s truck in its designated spot. I calmly opened Betty’s door and swung my legs out. I let Tuff hop out behind me. Gently I shut the door and ran my fingers alongside of the car until I got to the headlights. I turned and swept my fingers over the hood right there at the edge where I remember Sam’s hands resting the first time I took Betty to his Dad’s garage. I reached the other side of the hood and let my fingers drop as I turned to open the second bay door that led into my backyard.
I wasn’t crying. I did, initially, let the floodgates open a crack. I shut that down and fast. I got my shit together quicker than was probably sane or normal, but nothing about my life was normal and after my life I probably was not totally sane either. I knew, even while I was dreaming of this day, that the outcome would most likely not be good. I had lived a life on the run from a crazy man. Never get too comfortable in one spot. Never get close to anyone around you. Never stop looking over your shoulder. Sam didn’t live that life and he never had. I was thankful for that.
I paused while waiting on the door to finish it’s slide up to take in the beauty of my new place. My permanent place. The grass in my yard was green and looked so soft. There was good shade and good sun all in one place. The driveway came front he front along the side of the house to curve in front of the long garage. If I drove in from the street and parked in the garage, I could open the back door and drive through to leave by the alley. There was a large parking area there and then the grass started and sloped up to my house. Tuff trotted into the grass and chose a sunny spot. He flopped down and stretched his big body in the warm grass. Mid-morning nap time.
I walked just a few feet to my right and started up the wide stairs attached to the end of the garage. At the top, the platform had an opened canvas folding chair with a beer bottle in one of the mesh cup holders. On the rail was an ashtray full of cigarettes and beer bottle tops. I raised my hand to knock on the door. I waited a few beats and knocked a little harder. I couldn’t hear anything inside, no footsteps or television. I turned from the door and looked down into the yard to see Tuff in a belly crawl to get himself into a sunnier spot. The dog had a damn good idea. I started down the stairs to the grass.
After kicking off my boot and socks, I laid down with my Tuff in the sunshine, put my hands behind my head, closed my eyes and soaked in the warmth and rays. I thought about all I had seen this morning and as much as it hurt, I brought up the picture of Sam in a clinch with the unknown woman. Since I left Rojo eleven years ago I had imagined countless scenarios of mine and Sam’s reunion and what I saw this morning wasn’t far from some of them.
My favorite vision was of me standing in Roosters when Sam turned from the counter to see me behind him. He took four steps toward me, swung me up into his arms and carried me out to the applause of our friends, all of whom just happened to be sitting in Roosters at the perfect time to witness our reunion. Amid their cheers Sam walked me out the front door and put me down so we could hop on his bike and ride off into the beautiful Texas sunset. We would make babies and live in a house between Steph and ‘Drea who lived there with their husbands and babies and all of us would laugh and smile and live happily ever after. That scenario was sugary sweet Hallmark channel bullshit and I had always known it. That didn’t make me want it any less.
I also had more realistic expectations that didn’t feel as good as the sugary ones. Sam married to the most beautiful woman in the world, carrying a baby in his arms with a toddler clutching his jeans beside him. He was staring down at this perfect vision of womanhood with a smile on his face that let the world know he would rope the moon and give it to her as soon as the sun set in the West.
Sam on his bike with that vision behind him, his glasses covering his eyes as he put his hand on hers that were wrapped around his waist. He turned his head to look over his shoulder and she gave him a kiss right before he let loose one of his bright smiles, complete with both dimples out there for the world to see. Those ideas made me sad, but all I had ever wanted was Sam’s happiness, so I could live with either of them if I had to.
My worst scenario was Sam growing old, bitter and lonely because the woman he had trusted his heart to had disappeared without looking back. He could be one helluva stubborn man and held a grudge like no other. Heartbreak could have led to bitterness if he didn’t fight it. I was glad he had found someone else, even if it hurt inside,
at least he wasn’t the bitter and ugly version.
I rolled to my side and put my hand on Tuff’s warm belly. I heard a door open and glanced to the apartment over the garage. Uncle Joe had emerged from the darkness and was walking down the steps into the light. As if I was someone watching an elusive animal in the wild, I remained still so as not to spook the skittish prey. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and held onto the post for a second as if this new feel of earth beneath his feet was hard to get used to. He put his head up and looked at me in the grass.
“Girl, what the fuck are you knocking on my door before lunchtime for? Act like the house is on fire and I’ve gotta run. Banging on the door like the fucking police. Told you to leave me to my peace when we got here.” He limped into the garage bay that held Betty and I heard him hit the button and another garage door start to rise. His truck started up and I heard him backing out into the alley and the garage door coming down as the sound of his truck faded.
I flopped back down on my back in the grass. Uncle Joe was out of his house for the first time in a week. He looked showered and alert, which was better than he had looked for a while. Probably on his way to sneer at people in line at at the liquor store or freeze small children with his glare at a fast food place. Either way, he was up and alive, out and about, and I would take that as the best part of what started out as a heartbreaking day.
6.
After lazing in the sun with my Tuff boy I went into the house to find Lisa. She was in the pantry sorting and organizing groceries. Or something. She was the one that put that stuff in there in the first place, so I knew they had to have been in perfect order to start with. I leaned against the bar in the kitchen, listened to Third Eye Blind on the stereo and watched my best friend do her thing. Her curly blonde hair was like a halo around her head, bouncing a little with her every move. Her long-sleeved shirt and loose jeans didn’t disguise the killer body underneath, no matter how hard she tried. After a minute or so she caught me out of the corner of her eye and jumped, screaming, and threw a can of corn straight at my head. Luckily I ducked and it sailed into the living room and thudded on the floor.
I turned and put both arms on the edge of the island and leaned my forehead to my arms as I laughed. I was bent almost in half with my ass sticking out into the kitchen listening to her cuss as she came toward me and slapped me hard on the ass. I stood up and she was beside me trying to keep the scowl on her face.
“You are such a bitch.” She smiled.
“You are such an easy mark. Good arm though. With the throw and the smack.” I reached back rub my cheek through my jeans. “That’s gonna leave a mark.”
“You find him?” she asked.
“I found him. He didn’t see me though. He was in his office with a dark-haired woman and they were in a clinch.” I turned to the coffee pot. “I didn’t talk to him. There’s no point in it. I knew this was likely, and it hurts a bit, but I’ll deal.”
“Are you going to talk to him?” She moved to grab another mug.
“No, sweetie. I’m not.” I told her sadly. “I’m back here in his town and I know I will run into him eventually. I’ll run into his family or members of his club. I’ll have to adjust to hearing about his happy life and seeing him with his family sooner rather than later. I just moved here and I am not going to cower away. He has moved on and I am happy for him in a way. I’m sad that another woman is living my dream but as long as he has what he wants and needs I can deal with it.”
“What are you going to do?” she walked to the refrigerator and grabbed our favorite creamer. She added a good swig to her mug and mine before she moved back to put the bottle away.
“I’m going to live my dream now. I will start on the tile in my bathroom first. I have another month scheduled off before I need to start back to work. My outline for the next book isn’t due for six weeks and I have a list of ideas to work with when I get started. I’ll sort my head out, work on the bathrooms, get started on the kitchen tile. Just keep getting settled in.” I finished pouring our mugs and slid one her way on the counter. “Joe came out of his place got in his truck and took off.”
“He came out? Willingly or did you set the place on fire first?” she giggled but I knew she was serious.
Lisa worried about Uncle Joe’s state of mind almost as much as I did. She hadn’t known the happy go lucky Joe I grew up with, only Joe as he was now. Lisa jumped out of her drama and into the middle of ours at one of the hardest times of our lives and had firmly planted herself inside our hearts. She was a godsend dealing with cops, feds, doctors, nurses, therapists, pharmacists, funeral homes, apartment managers and generally organizing and arranging everything around us to keep us afloat. She had moved Joe and I from Kansas to Texas with not even a whisper of complaint. The woman was our savior and I treated her as such.
“He was showered, dressed and sober before lunch. No fire even. He walked out without a gun to his head, made one or two snark comments and was gone. No idea where he went, no word if he will even come back.” I walked around the bar to sit and look at her across from me. “Did you call that place? Make an appointment yet?”
“I did. I spoke to a cheerful woman named Sarah. She said that their person would be in town the beginning of next week. She went ahead and scheduled me for an appointment next Tuesday and said I could talk to the counselor then about how often I need to go. I called my old doctor and she is going to get the new one the history she has on me. Sarah is going to email me directions to get to the office.” Lisa held her coffee mug with both hands, gently swirling the coffee while she watched it move around in the cup.
“You feeling good? Sleeping okay? You have enough meds? Need to talk? There have been a lot of changes in the last few weeks and you have been out and about alone a lot. I know that is hard for you, but it feels like you’re doing it easier. I’m very proud of you, gallivanting around a new town all alone. Is it getting easier?” I leaned in, hoping to catch her eye.
“It’s better mostly. Some bumps. I’m sleeping well actually. Not much to talk about, we have been together almost every minute.” She looked up into my face. A good sign. “It’s a new place with new people. I’m still on my guard and sometimes get a little freaked but the people here are so nice. I take my precautions, carry my bag close to me all the time and face forward and get my shit done. I still pay attention around me, of course. But I’m going forward. I’m working through it.” She looked away and put her head down.
“I’m proud of you, sweetheart. So proud it hurts. You saved us and now it’s my turn to help save you. We are a team.” I saw tears in her eyes and knew I needed to turn up the happy. “We should drive around and let me see if some of my favorite places are still here. I feel the need for windows down and Aerosmith on eleven. We have a few hours before I need to get ready for ‘Drea and Steph to come over tonight. I can’t wait for you to meet them. They are just gonna love you, girl.”
“Do you think so? Maybe I should just let you guys be alone for a while. I know you missed them, they are your girls.” She was getting uncertain and there was a sadness on her face.
For over a year it was just Lisa, Joe and me. Lisa wasn’t good with change, and worried about her place with us in this new town. I wish she could see in herself all the beauty and strength I could see in her. I had lived through hell with her by my side and couldn’t live without her now. I knew something that might help her feel a connection.
“Let me make a few phone calls and we can go grab some food. There is a shelter here you know. I’m pretty sure they even have cats in it. We can run by the pet store for supplies, go to the shelter and see if you can find a sweetheart to save. You ready?” Her head snapped back to mine. Her smile was dazzling and took a little bit of the weight off my heart for a second. That smile told me that we were going to get a cat today. Poor Tuff.
~*~
Zeke threw his phone back into the passenger seat and let out a sigh. He had been out driving around s
ince breakfast this morning and it was now early afternoon. After the scene at the garage this morning he had called his office to let them know he was back from last week’s conference but wouldn’t be in the office for the next few days. His office manager was a gem and promised she would handle everything she could and pass off any emergencies to his partners at the firm. When he finished the first call, he made ones to his brother, Jace, his little sister, Kari, and three of his closest brothers from the club. He arranged for them to meet at the family’s towing company attached to the junkyard out on the edge of town. Zeke arrived right behind his sister and her best friend, Sarah. His club brothers rode in on their bikes soon after. They all gathered in the office to talk to Zeke. He started by giving them the details of the scene that took place at the garage this morning. He told them about Angie’s visit, Carlie showing up out of the blue and running away after she saw what was happening in the office. All six of them talked for almost an hour in Jace’s office about the day’s events, the history of Carlie and Sam and her abrupt and painful departure from Rojo all those years ago.
Using the big map of Rojo that was pinned on the wall in the office the group portioned the town of Rojo into five parts. The men went their separate ways to drive around their assigned sections and see if they could find the wine-colored Mustang or the beautiful red haired woman who drove it. The girls, Kari and Sarah, stayed in the office to answer the phones for Jace, make a list of places that Carlie might be or anyone who knew her from before and might be in touch with her now. Zeke checked in with them occasionally as did the other guys on the hunt, but none of them had found any more information than what they had this morning. Nothing. Zilch. Carlie was once again a ghost.
Zeke pulled into his driveway and slammed his hand on the steering wheel in frustration. He looked around his yard and over to the front of the house right next to his. The grass was perfect, as usual but there were flowerpots on the porch now along with two rocking chairs and a small table. Before he left for his conference he had seen a beautiful blonde woman out washing her car. He wanted to speak to her but was running late so he put it off.
