Goodness.
What if she hadn’t run back over to help Clarissa the other night? Would she ever have seen Jackson again? He’d ended up at her house for a couple of hours that evening while they ate pizza, ordered groceries, and talked.
Was she crazy for letting him come over again?
Nervously, she looked around her kitchen again. She’d decided to make tacos for dinner and was already second guessing herself. What if Jackson didn’t like Mexican? What if he wished they’d gotten carry-out instead?
Sighing, she took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves.
She was acting like this was a date or something. He was just coming by to help her.
The doorbell rang, and she peeked out the front window. Clarissa stood on her porch holding a cell phone. Confused, Taryn went to the door. “It’s Jackson,” Clarissa said, grinning.
She winked and handed Taryn the phone, hurrying off to her own house before Taryn could say a word.
“Hello?”
“Hi sweetheart, it’s Jackson,” he said needlessly. No doubt he’d heard Clarissa a moment ago. “I called Clarissa’s cell since you don’t have a phone yet. Sorry about that, but I’m at the store right now and didn’t have a good way to get in touch. I hope she didn’t mind too much.”
“She seemed to think it was funny,” Taryn said, walking back inside her own house. “She was grinning from ear to ear.”
“Now Raptor will probably be on my case about you,” Jackson joked. “I told her I was getting you a new phone today. I already picked it up and am finishing up a couple of other errands right now. Do you need me to grab anything for when we eat later on?”
“I’ve got plenty of food thanks to you. I’m making tacos tonight, so I hope you like Mexican.”
“I love it,” he assured her.
“I don’t have much in the way of drinks actually. If you want a beer or something, maybe you could bring a six-pack?”
“Sure thing. And what do you like? I can get stuff for margaritas. I know some of the other women like those.”
“I love margaritas, but that’s expensive to buy a whole bottle of tequila. And I wouldn’t have more than a drink or two.”
“It’ll last,” he assured her. “Didn’t Clarissa want to have a girls’ night sometime? You’ll have extra ingredients for when you do.”
“Well, okay, but only if you let me pay you for it.”
“No way,” he said with a chuckle. “I already offered to bring it. I’ll grab the tequila, triple sec, and some limes. I got a few other things for you at the grocery store, too.”
“Jackson, you can’t keep buying me all this stuff.”
“It’s just until you get on your feet, sweetheart. I swear I don’t mind. I like taking care of you,” he added huskily.
Her heartbeat quickened, and she felt a flush creeping over her. It was flattering to have the attention of a man like Jackson. He was handsome, and when the man was in uniform? He probably left a trail of broken hearts everywhere he went.
She didn’t know if he’d eventually expect more though. He said he was patient and would be her friend for now, but she had a feeling he’d eventually want more. Wasn’t he flirting with her already by calling her sweetheart? He certainly didn’t call his friends’ girlfriends that.
How would she feel if he eventually started dating someone else? She’d have no claim on Jackson if she insisted they stay friends.
Were they just friends? She’d cried all over the man earlier this week as he’d held her in his arms.
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
“This. Us. I’m worried you’ll eventually want more than I give you.”
“Hey,” he said softly. “I’m not in a hurry. I like you, sweetheart. I know you’ve been through a lot. I’m not interested in any other women, so if you want to take things slowly and just let me be your friend for now, I’m okay with it.”
“Do you buy all your female friends groceries and cell phones?”
“I don’t have a lot of female friends,” he admitted.
Flushing, she looked around her kitchen. “That’s just it. I’m worried you’ll start to expect more. We’re more than friends Jackson, aren’t we?”
“I care about you,” he said in a low voice.
Taryn blew out a shaky breath. “We barely know one another.”
“We’ll get to know each other. I don’t want you to worry. We’ll just take things one day at a time. I’ll come over and do a few things around your place this afternoon, we’ll eat, and that’s it. If you want to see me again after that or need me for something, I’ll be there.”
Taryn closed her eyes. She would want to see him again. She already knew that. As strange as it was, she felt safer with Jackson than without him. She didn’t think she’d ever trust a man again, but something about him made her feel protected and secure.
Was she playing with fire though? Her brief marriage to Austin had turned her off to relationships. She trusted Jackson as her friend, but as for anything more?
“Taryn?” he asked softly when she didn’t say anything.
“Okay,” she finally said. “I’ll stop freaking out.”
He chuckled, and the low sound made her belly flip. She took another deep breath, trying to be braver than she felt. “I’ll see you around two?”
“I’ll be there.”
They ended the call, and she rustled around her kitchen again. She had ground beef, cheese, and homemade salsa that she’d already prepared. Fortunately, she’d gotten paid earlier in the week, so she’d picked up some extras at the grocery store. Normally she relied on basics to get by, trying to stretch her dollar, but she wanted to make a nice meal for Jackson. And it’s not like she’d splurged on an expensive steak or something. He’d paid for a lot of the food himself when he ordered her groceries earlier in the week.
She straightened up a bit around her living room and then realized she still had Clarissa’s phone. She walked next door, and Blake answered when she rang the doorbell. He raised his eyebrows as Taryn held out the phone. “This is Clarissa’s,” she explained. “Jackson, um, called me since I don’t have a phone yet.”
Blake took the phone from her, smiling. “You and Jackson, huh?
She flushed as he chuckled. “He’s a good guy, Taryn. I know you prefer to keep to yourself, but if you ever need anything, Clarissa and I are right next door. We’re happy to help out.”
She shifted uncomfortably, wondering how much Blake knew about her past. What had Jackson told him? “Thanks. I appreciate it. And I’m getting a cell phone, so you won’t be getting any more of my calls.”
“Have Jackson give you our numbers. I know you can easily come next door, but just in case of an emergency, it’d be good to be able to contact each other.”
“I will. Thanks again.”
She turned and hurried to her own house, surprised to see Jackson already pulling up. The morning had flown by though, and it really was already two in the afternoon. Blake nodded at his buddy but turned around, closing his front door.
Jackson parked in her driveway and climbed out of his SUV, his eyes warming as he looked at her. He had on jeans and a dark tee shirt, but it did little to conceal his muscles and strength. He hadn’t shaved today, and the dark stubble on his jaw was sexy as hell.
Her heart fluttered just looking at him.
She was surprised to feel attracted to a man again. Her ex had left her fearful and more concerned about her safety than interested in any guy that she saw. But Jackson was big and broad, with those dark brown eyes that seemed to see everything. The way he watched her intently made her feel safe. Nothing would jump out of the shadows to hurt her. Not when he was around.
“Hi, sweetheart,” he said with a grin, and her stomach did a funny little flip. He opened the back hatch of his SUV and grabbed a bunch of bags. She rushed over to help him, but he im
mediately waved her off. “I got it.”
“Wow. What is all that stuff?”
“I got a deadbolt for your front door, the wooden dowel for your deck, and a wheel to fix the trashcan. I was worried you might not have any tools. I know I could borrow some from Raptor, but I picked up a few basics for you as well.”
“Jackson, wow—I won’t be able to repay you for all this stuff.”
“I don’t expect you to,” he said calmly. “Some of this is for my peace of mind, too. If you’re here alone, I want to know that you’re safe.”
She nodded uncertainly, understanding to some extent what he meant. He’d feel better knowing she had a strong lock on her front door and some other items to make her house more secure. Jackson wasn’t her boyfriend though. He shouldn’t need to feel like it was his responsibility to take care of her.
What if he got frustrated with how little she had to offer him? She didn’t want to sleep with him. She didn’t have extra money for them to go out places together. She couldn’t very well buy him anything since she was barely scraping by.
“What’s wrong?” he asked in a low voice.
“I just feel guilty that you’re doing all this for me.”
“There’s no reason to feel guilty. You’re making me dinner, right?”
“Well, yes, but you basically paid for most of the food yourself.”
“Like I said—I would’ve been happy to take you out to dinner one night. You don’t want to date anyone now, and I respect that, but that would’ve involved my paying for dinner. Don’t feel guilty just because we’re going about things a little differently.”
She relented, conceding he had a point before leading him toward her front door. Maybe she should be upset he’d taken control of a few things—he’d bought her a phone and household items. He’d paid for her groceries. Jackson was nothing like her abusive ex-husband though. He was taking care of her, with her safety and best interests in mind. He wasn’t demanding anything from her.
They stopped on her front porch as she unlocked the front door. Even though she’d only gone over to Clarissa’s to return the cell phone, that was one habit she’d never break.
She glanced back as Jackson’s gaze locked with hers. “You look pretty,” he said, his eyes warm as he looked at her. She smiled shyly up at him. She’d put on a sundress and sandals, feeling comfortable enough with Jackson to wear it around him. Her ex would’ve no doubt tried to stick his hands up her dress, claiming she was his to touch however he wanted.
Austin had always made her uncomfortable. Sure, his attention had been flattering on their first few dates, and she’d eventually let him take her to bed. Then she’d wound up pregnant. Married.
And after that?
He’d taken over her entire life. He was controlling. Mean. After they’d had a shotgun wedding because of the pregnancy, she’d seen his true colors, and she’d been scared whenever they were in the same room together.
“Are you okay?” Jackson asked softly.
Taryn realized she’d gotten lost in her own thoughts of the past once again. “I’m fine,” she assured him. “Let’s go inside.”
He nodded, clearly not believing her, but he followed her in anyway. Jackson carried everything up to her kitchen, pulling out the food and handing her a six-pack of beer. “You’re sure you’re okay with my being here?” he asked after she’d put it into the fridge. “I don’t want you to ever feel uncomfortable around me.”
She looked over at him, hating the concern on his face. “I promise, I’m fine. I was thinking about my ex-husband when we were outside. It just scared me for a minute.”
“I’d never hurt you,” he said seriously.
She swallowed and then crossed the kitchen toward him, clutching onto his muscular forearm. She had to tilt her head back to look at him, so Jackson grabbed one of the kitchen chairs and sank down into it. He gently pulled her toward him, and tears filled her eyes.
“What is it, sweetheart?”
She clung to Jackson like he was her lifeline, willing him to see. “He hurt me. We got married because I was pregnant. He was always a bit controlling, but after I became his wife? He’d hit me. Lock me in the bedroom. Threaten that I could never see my friends or family again.”
Jackson stiffened, and she could tell he was willing himself to stay in control. Jackson and his friends were the type of men that protected others—who risked their lives for their country. They might hurt the bad guys, but they protected those weaker than them.
She could tell he was angry about her past—angry at her ex-husband.
“I’m just telling you this so you’ll understand. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me or anything. Sometimes little things remind me of him, and I’m scared.”
“Feel sorry for you? I want to fucking kill the bastard.” Jackson’s voice was calm, but she heard the steely undertone beneath it. This man was positively lethal.
“He completely controlled my life. Believe it or not, I’m a lot more comfortable in my own skin now, but I’m still scared a lot of the time. I’m afraid he’ll find me.”
“I understand your reluctance to go to the police given his job, but if you ever wanted to, I’d be right there at your side.”
“No, I can’t!”
“Shhhh,” he soothed. She relaxed her grip on his forearm. “Have you ever gone to counseling?” he asked.
“I can’t afford it. I don’t have health insurance, and as you realized the other day, I’m barely scraping by.”
Jackson took her hand, running his thumb gently over her knuckles. His touch was so soft and soothing, she wanted to throw herself into his arms and just let him hold her. To never let go. That wouldn’t be fair to Jackson though—not when she couldn’t offer him a real relationship in return.
“I care about you, Taryn.”
“This seems so fast though,” she said, flustered. “I just met you last week.”
“It’s fast, but that doesn’t make my feelings for you any less real.”
“I like you, too, Jackson. I just feel like I can’t offer you much. I mean—I literally don’t have anything,” she said, a few stray tears running down her cheeks as her voice wobbled.
“I don’t need anything but you,” he said, his voice husky. “I was drawn to you the moment I first saw you. Call it fate or whatever you want, but I feel like you were sent here to me.”
He gently drew her even closer to him, giving her a chance to pull back or push him away. She knew if she told him to stop, he would. He’d get up and leave if she asked. She wanted the safety and comfort of his arms though. She wanted Jackson and all that he represented. He was gentle but strong. Honorable.
She trusted him.
Taryn let him ease her onto his lap as she softly cried. He didn’t say anything, just ran his large hand over her hair. His lips were at her ear, soothing her. “You’re safe with me, sweetheart. Never doubt that.” She cried even harder.
She didn’t know how long Jackson held her, but eventually her tears slowed.
“I need to stop crying every time you come over,” she said, clutching onto his shirt. Jackson smelled of soap and something else woodsy, like pine. It was clean and fresh. Her ex-husband always wore an awful, gag-inducing cheap cologne. Jackson was raw and real.
“You will,” he assured her. “You’ve been through a lot. You can let it all out around me.”
Rather than resisting, she relaxed further into him. She’d felt alone ever since she’d run from her ex. She didn’t have friends or family who knew where she was. She had nothing here in her townhouse. But for the first time, it felt like home. And she knew that had everything to do with Jackson.
Chapter 8
“Damn, that smells amazing,” Jackson said as he walked into the kitchen a couple of hours later. Taryn was standing at the stove in her sundress, a breeze blowing in from her open balcony doors, and his chest hurt at how right the entire scene was.
He had an urge to go to her an
d pull her into his embrace, but knew he had to tread carefully. Taryn was wary of relationships, and if theirs had to be the slowest in history, he was okay with it. Call it whatever you wanted, but after the way he’d held her earlier, they were certainly more than just friends.
Taryn looked over at him, grinning. “I love to cook. Now that I have some spices and extras in the pantry, I’ll be able to make a lot more dishes.”
“Hell, tell me whatever you need, and I’ll get it,” he said with a chuckle. “Just as long as I’m invited over for dinner every once in a while.” He winked, but her laughter let him know she realized he was teasing her.
Jackson stopped a few feet away from her, loving the look of happiness on her face. She turned down the burner and stepped back from the stove. “I’m going to let that cook ten more minutes, but then dinner will be ready. I made homemade salsa, too.”
“I can barely cook anything,” he admitted sheepishly. “I don’t grill because I’m in an apartment.”
“I don’t grill because I don’t have one or know how,” she said with a shrug.
Jackson nodded toward the doors. “It’s nice having the deck right here off your kitchen. Raptor’s is off the living room.”
“It’s a different layout than my townhouse. I don’t usually leave the doors open,” she admitted. “I feel safer when you’re here.” She flushed at her admission, and Jackson’s chest swelled with pride. He didn’t like that she was nervous here alone, but to know that she felt safe with him? That meant everything.
“I understand why you’re cautious,” he said. “If you’re right here in the kitchen though, you’d hear anyone who got on your deck. And like I said before, without stairs leading up to it, you shouldn’t need to worry too much.”
“Easier said than done,” she said lightly.
“I added a deadbolt to your front door,” Jackson said, pulling a set of keys from his pocket. He handed them to Taryn and swore sparks shot through him as their fingers brushed against one another. Her own hand was small and delicate. It looked fragile compared to his muscular, calloused hand.
SEAL's Honor (Alpha SEALs Coronado Book 3) Page 8
