Coop laughed and asked True, “You ain’t sleepy?”
Again, Coop chuckled as True replied, “No, I’m hungry, so hurry up.” I nervously toyed with my hair, and she insisted, “You look cute. Just put on some lip gloss.”
“She ain’t gotta put on no lip gloss for that nigga,” Coop fussed.
True elbowed him in his side. But her small elbow probably felt like a dull needle in his large side. “Yes, she does. He needs to see what he’s missing and what he’ll never get again.”
I dug into my pocket for my MAC lip gloss and applied it before I walked out.
“Talk loud so that I can hear!” I heard True order.
I laughed and shook my head as I approached the front door. I smoothed my clothes over before opening it. Banks stood on the opposite side. Over the aroma of sausage and pepperoni, I could smell his hypnotic cologne. I took a deep breath, taking in the physical sight of him after all this time. He was wearing a black leather blazer with a mink collar that exuded money and power. His tattoos crawled up his neck out of the fur. His butter skin had lost its tan in the winter months. He was once again pale. Yet, his once cocky frame had lost some weight. He was still draped in diamonds, however. He had clearly lost weight but not money. His tapered fade was now a curly fro.
He smiled and licked his full, pink lips as he looked down on me. “Hey, baby.”
Instantly, I was like putty. It was as if all the pain from the last ten months had withered away. All I had needed was for him to smile at me like this and call me baby.
I blushed. “Hey.”
I took the pizza from his hand, telling him, “Be right back.”
I purposely switched hard as hell as I left the doorway and rushed the pizza into True’s room. She was still sitting up in bed with wide eyes.
“What he say?!” she whispered harshly.
“Nothing yet,” I rushed to say. “Be right back.”
I hurried away. On my way towards the door, I grabbed my coat from the couch and slipped it on. Once at the door, I calmed down and walked out of it smoothly, closing it behind me.
On the porch, Banks watched me with a smile as I joined him. “You look great. Did you lose weight?”
I cringed at him mentioning my weight, but I forced a smile. “I did. You did too.”
He shrugged. “But not on purpose.”
“Then why?”
“Stress, man,” he grunted, shaking his head.
I wanted to pry into that, but I told myself that it was no longer my concern. “Sooo... what’s up?”
Looking at me, he actually appeared sincere as he said, “I wanted to see you.”
“Why?”
He leaned against the banister with the same love that I had seen prior to him breaking my heart. “I miss you.”
I was mute, not knowing what to say to that. I became even more speechless as he walked closer to me. “I owe you an apology.”
I instantly wanted to stop him. I had finally made it off of this emotional rollercoaster. I had finally stopped crying and wondering why. I had finally been able to make it through the day without questioning how good of a woman I was. I didn’t want to backtrack. “Banks, I—”
“Listen. Let me explain.” He grabbed both of my hands. I bit my lip reluctantly and let him finish. “I owe you this and so much more. I’m sorry for hurting you, baby.” I closed my eyes, relief bringing tears to my eyes. Sometimes, a simple apology, a simple acknowledgment of wrongdoing, can heal so many wounds. And as he continued, he was healing mine. “I was a fool to do you like that. I was stupid.”
I tried to pull away, but he let go of my hands and cupped my face. He brought his close to mine and took my mouth with his. I melted as he kissed me, slipping his tongue into my mouth. I reached up and lay my hands on top of his, and that’s when I felt the hard steel wrapped around his left ring finger. I was reminded that he was married, and that realization made me sick to my stomach. I was reminded that he’d had the baby with her that I so desperately had wanted to give birth to.
Just as I was about to pull away, his phone rang. He reluctantly stopped our kiss, but I was relieved. He reached into his coat pocket for his phone. He looked at it, and instant annoyance ran through him. I saw her name on his screen and a huge ball of regret formed in my throat.
“I gotta go,” he told me as reluctance filled his eyes. “I’ll call you, okay?”
I said nothing. I just stared at him, wondering why I was so weak for him and why had ten months passed of him completely ignoring my hurt just for him to show up and continue to treat me like I was second best. He bent down and kissed my cheek, and I still said nothing as he left the porch. I stared at him as he walked towards the Range Rover, paid for in cash that I had helped him get the money to pay for by taking bricks of cocaine over city limits so many times.
As he climbed in and drove away, I slid down and sat on the top step, my embarrassment leaking out of my eyes in tears.
16
Coop
“He pulled off?” True asked anxiously.
“Yeah, nosy,” I taunted True as I discreetly peered out of the window.
“And she’s still out there?” True pried.
I sucked my teeth. “Yeah.”
“Then go check on her.”
I left the window. “Why? Maybe she wants to be alone.”
True’s eyes narrowed at me. “Go check on her.”
I laughed at how her tiny ass was trying to force me to do something.
“A’ight. Sheesh. Pipe down.” But I was gon’ do it to please her.
She smiled. “Thank you, baby.”
I gritted discreetly as I walked out of her bedroom, grabbing my jacket off the back of her door on the way out. True was always forcing me to be around Remi when I was trying my best to keep a platonic distance between us. I couldn’t deny her beauty, but I respected True. Yet, it was as if True was insisting more and more that I be around this woman and form a bond that I felt was unnecessary.
I opened the door and slid into the cold, bitter air. Remi was still sitting on the top step with her face in her hands.
“You want some company?”
In response, all I heard were her sniffles. I walked towards her and sat beside her on the top step. I put my arm around her, and she leaned into my chest.
“What he say?” I asked. I felt my chest rising. I wanted to protect her from these tears and him.
“He apologized,” she mumbled.
“Then why are you crying?”
She sat up, wiping her tears. “Because I feel so stupid. His presence just reminded me that I’m not good enough.”
I frowned at the thought. “How aren’t you good enough?”
Her weeping eyes looked up at the sky. “He was with me for years and never married me. Then he gets with that bitch with a perfect body and marries her after not even a whole year. Now, he pops up here, kissing on me, but still goes home to her.”
Goosebumps full of envy covered my arms when I heard that he had been kissing her, and I immediately felt guilty for even giving a fuck.
Remi grimaced as the events replayed in her mind. “I’m just some fat bitch he was ashamed of.”
My head whipped toward her. “Fat? What?” I took her chin into my hands and lifted her eyes to mine. She stared into my eyes with tears pouring from hers. “You’re dope.”
She sucked her teeth and tried to shy away from me, but I held her chin tighter and made her look at me. I couldn’t deny the tension between us as we stared into each other’s eyes, but I respectfully pushed it away.
“Listen to me,” I told her. “Seriously. You’re dope as fuck. I think you’re gorgeous. That nigga is stupid. I may have fallen for True’s skinny ass, but I love a thick woman. And if that nigga don’t, then he stupid. Fuck him.”
We stared into one another’s eyes for a few seconds longer. Her beauty shone through her tears, and it rattled me. I let her chin go as she told me, “Thank you.”
She said nothing, but I could feel her eyes on me as I opened the door.
I walked back into the house feeling guilty for not being there for her. From what I had learned about Remi, she didn’t deserve a punk like Banks. However, True didn’t deserve for me to be lusting after another woman while she was facing death. And I was definitely lusting after Remi. It wasn’t on purpose, though. No one could deny her beauty, not even True. And because Remi was so down to earth and sweet, she was truly hard to resist. But I managed to because my love for True outweighed any attraction to another woman.
Always would.
True was still sitting up with wide eyes when I walked back into her bedroom. The pizza box was on the nightstand. As expected, she had only eaten one slice. Her appetite was decreasing as the days passed. A part of me was hoping for a miracle, but the more I was forced to watch her expire, I was coming to the harsh realization that this particular miracle wouldn’t occur.
“What happened?” True pressed.
I closed her bedroom door behind me. Then I climbed into bed with her. First, I ensured that the baby monitor was on. Then I spooned with True and turned on her TV with the remote that lay in my spot.
“She’s crying.” True immediately tried to spring up, but I held her down. “Mind your own business.”
True fussed, “Go back out there. She shouldn’t be out there by herself.”
“Why are you so worried about her?” I asked.
“Because she’s in pain, and I know how that feels.”
I kissed the top of True’s head. “Well, I’m here to comfort your pain because I’m in love with you. I’m not here for Remi.”
She rolled over and looked me in the eyes. “Do you really think you’re in love with me?”
First, I looked strangely at her question. Then I nodded confidently. “Yes.”
For once, I didn’t feel weak for admitting that. I was proud to feel this way about her. When first learning about her condition, I was pissed that she had allowed me to fall for her. But, now, I felt honored to be the man here for her at this moment. God had obliviously chosen me for this reason. For what, I was still learning.
Though I was sure, True wasn’t. “No, you’re not.”
“How are you going to tell me?” I questioned.
“Because… We didn’t know each other well enough or long enough for you to truly fall in love with me. I’m sure you love me, but loving somebody and being in love are two separate things. You wouldn’t know the difference because you’ve rarely or have never done either.”
She was right. I had never loved a woman. I only knew that how I felt about True was different than anything I’d ever experienced. She had been married before, she had been in love before, and since everything else she’d told me had been right so far, I believed she knew the difference.
I shrugged. “Maybe you’re right. But I know I will never love any other woman the way I love you. You were the first, and you’ll be my last.”
True held a humorous smirk. “Just like you opened up to me, you will open up again to the right person.”
I grunted. Loving True had been the best and worst thing that had ever happened to me. It was a fairy tale that would end in a nightmare. No way was I ever going to fall for another woman.
I sucked my teeth, grunting more. “The next woman I fall in love with, I’ma tase her ass.”
True started cracking up. “You’re gonna tase her?” she repeated.
I shrugged. “Yeah, she’s getting tased.”
True looked scared to ask, “Why?”
“So, we can both be shocked.”
The way True started to convulse with laughter made me laugh heartedly at my own joke. Even though I had been teasing with her, I was still serious as a motherfucker. This love shit had hurt too bad. I wasn’t giving it to anyone else but my son.
“Seriously, though,” True insisted. “There will be somebody that you’ll have a stronger connection with than we have. This is preparing you for that. I believe that.”
I started to get frustrated and feel that usual ball of fear in my stomach when she talked about life after she was gone. “Why are you telling me this?”
She held me tighter around the waist as she stared into my eyes. “Because I want you to find someone you can truly fall in love with who’ll raise my son how I would.”
My face became stern as I stared at the TV behind her while I tried to ignore that ball of regret and terror my stomach. But she tugged on my shirt to get my attention. I reluctantly looked her in the eyes as she ordered, “Promise me you’ll do that. Give my baby a good mother.”
My lips pressed firmly together, and my nostrils flared with frustration, having to even think about this.
True knew it. She saw my frustration, so she lay her lips on top of mine, saying, “Promise me.”
Tears welled in my eyes as I kissed her back. “I promise.”
ANGEL
“Does that feel good?”
My eyes rolled to the back of my head as Russell’s thumb massaged the arch of my foot. I lay back on his couch barefoot, dressed in one of his shirts since he had convinced me to stay the night. My head lay back on his couch as I moaned, “Mmmm, yes, it does.”
“And how is your drink?” he asked just after I took a sip of the Jack Daniels and Coke. I smiled. He was so fucking attentive that it almost seemed planned.
I briefly closed my eyes as I enjoyed the burn as it slid down my throat. When I opened them, Russell was gazing at the way I was enjoying the intoxication.
I smiled. “It’s perfect.”
Every day, I thanked God for sending me Russell. He had come just in the nick of time. I didn’t know how I would have ever survived watching my daughter die had I not had someone to lean on, especially someone as strong as Russell. He had been the ideal man as he stuck by my side while I went through so many bipolar moments. I was an emotional wreck on an emotional rollercoaster. Most of the time, I neglected him completely because I wanted to spend every moment that True had left with her. At times, I would take my frustrations out on him without even realizing it. Most of the times, when he was able to pry me away from True’s bedside, I was in tears.
Every time we ended a phone call, I felt like that would be the last time I would talk to him. Every time we left one another’s presence, I just knew it would be the last time we saw each other. Russell was attractive, and he was a hustla with lots of swag. Any twenty to thirty-something teeny bopper with the perfect body would crawl to him on his knees as soon as he snapped his fingers. He didn’t need me and my issues. Yet, every time I assumed we were over, he would call again. He was in my presence again, caring for me and holding me down without me even asking.
So, that night, being one of the rare moments we had been able to spend time together, I wanted to be a desirable woman instead of the mourning mother I had been since we reunited.
As he sat massaging my foot with his eyes on the basketball game, I slid it out of his hands. He looked at me questionably. His interest piqued when he saw the lustful smile on my face. I crawled towards him, and when I straddled him, his eyes bulged.
I hadn’t been in a sexual mood since True had been under Hospice. But with the help of the Jack Daniels, I was able to temporarily leave my horrible reality and slip into a happy, loving space with Russell.
Our mouths met sweetly with caring pecks and thoughtful kisses. As our tongues started to play, my fingertips roamed through his beard that smelled of argan oil.
His hands ran up my thighs and onto my waist. I tingled all over, feeling goose bumps spread all over my body. I felt the unfamiliar feeling of my pussy pulse with wanting.
We began to kiss deeper. One of my hands wandered down
between his legs, feeling him stiffen inside his pajama pants. Then I began to nibble on his ear. A deep, masculine moan left his lips, which gave me motivation.
I climbed off of his lap, sliding down on my knees between his legs. He licked his lips, and I saw anxiousness in his eyes as I clawed at the waistband of his pants. He lifted his hips to help me pull them down to his ankles. His beautiful piece of vein-covered steel pointed directly toward me. I took it into my mouth slowly, and he sucked in a sharp breath. I sucked him in deep. I got him sloppy wet with my tongue.
He became very theatrical as I took him down my throat. I had never heard a man give such throaty praises.
“Fuck. Baby, yes. Your mouth feels so good.”
I moaned as I sucked, and he hissed, “Ssss.”
I couldn’t take anymore. I wanted him. I pulled him from my throat and climbed on top of him.
He watched my anxiousness with a smile on his face. “You want this dick, huh?”
I nodded eagerly.
His eyes bore into mine with pure sexual desire glossing his orbs. In a deep voice, he asked, “You need me to fuck you, baby?”
I could have cum simply from his words.
He lifted his lower body, pushing his steeliness against my wet lips. “Answer me.”
“Yes,” I whispered. “God, yes…”
I rose on my tiptoes, and he brought the head of his dick up to my sopping wet opening. He pushed his girth into me. I sucked in a breath as he entered me slowly until he was buried all the way up to my cervix. I squirmed a bit from being spread beyond my limit. It filled me completely. Now that he was totally immersed in me, he began to thrust while stripping me of the DePaul Demons shirt.
We kissed passionately as our hands roamed over each other's bodies. His hands lingered over my breasts, and mine lingered over his shoulders and beard.
“Damn, you’re so wet for me, baby.” We rocked in a steady rhythm. As we rocked, he watched me so intently, and groaned, telling me, “You look beautiful.”
He then took control, standing up. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck as he laid me down on the couch. He took both of my feet in one hand and brought them together. Then he turned me to the side and pushed his way back inside of me. The curve of his dick was now rubbing against my front walls, causing an incredible sensation.
When My Soul Met A Thug Page 17
