So when you don’t have a winning argument, try to get support from those who are not directly affected, as these people are prone to pay less attention to the quality of your points.
Strategy Review
• You and/or members of your group must be consistent in the opposition to majority opinions. Do not show signs of waffling.
• Avoid appearing rigid and dogmatic. In light of new information, a minority that holds to the same position regardless of the situation is not as effective as one that demonstrates a degree of flexibility.
• Divide and conquer. Many studies conclusively prove that when we have an ally we are much more likely to stick to our guns.
• When you disagree with the majority you are disliked, hence making it difficult to sway them. Applying the tactics in Chapter 1, Get Anyone to Like You...Every Time, will give you the edge.
• Don’t ask someone to change his mind without introducing additional information.
• When you’ve got nothing, enact the law of social proof by finding other people, outside your group, who share your view.
• Read Chapter 18, The Greatest Psychological Secrets of Leadership, to make your argument as powerful and persuasive as possible.
21
How to Get Any Group of People to Get Along
Whether it’s bickering friends or a feuding family, these techniques will quickly melt away disagreement and provide a core of unity among all members.
Numerous studies conclude that division among people dissolves when there is an opposing outside threat. External events arouse our need for affiliation and we will seek out support, creating a heightened sense of unity. Civil warring, intersocietal conflicts, and internal unrest often cease when a common outside enemy comes on to the scene. Conversely, individuals will turn their attention and hostility on one another when no outside forces are present. The fastest way to instill cooperation within a group is to (a) create an external threat or (b) simply set your group against another group in some form of competition. A common enemy brings opposing sides together faster than any other type of group cohesion technique.
This phenomenon is also characteristic of how people respond within their own lives and minds. When your mind has nothing to focus on it divides against itself and creates a breeding ground for worries and anxieties. Yet, once you get a clearly defined outside goal that you are passionate about these divisions cease. Have you ever noticed this to be true in your own life? When you have a clear-cut objective, you’re in a better mood and your attention is clear and focused. Suddenly the “little things” don’t seem as important to you anymore. You have perspective on what really matters.
A mind, like a group, with nothing to occupy it, will turn against itself. When we have nothing to focus our attention on our mind creates its own unrest and fears begin to take root. But as soon as there is something of interest that absorbs our attention, our mind quiets. This is why many people find hobbies so relaxing. Our focus is external and our mind becomes absorbed completely in something and we lose ourselves, as it were. It’s for this reason that those who have nothing going on their lives are often the most neurotic. Without an external focus to occupy their attention their mind begins to turn in on itself. But once an objective is created our attention is turned outward. So too do groups who are confronted with a serious issue find that infighting quickly gives way to this new objective.
Also interesting is a study done by Ross and Samuels (1993) who found that the name given to a game has greater influence on the level of competitiveness than the individuals’ personalities. They found that when participants played a game they believed to be called Wall Street they were much more competitive than their counterparts playing the same game, believing it was called Community Game. This is so fascinating because something as seemingly minor as the name of the game can override the members’ personalities. Therefore, we can reasonably conclude that within your group careful consideration should be given to the name of subsets as well as the overall group name. For instance, if you have two sections of your group with names such as The Righteous and The Victors, chances are you won’t be inspiring as much cooperation as with names such as Common Ground and The Flexible Thinkers.
The strategies outlined above will help you to keep the peace and maintain unity and cooperation. But while doing so, you may find a person or two whose personalities just seem to clash with others. With them, it’s important to observe three other rules for cohesive cooperation to ensure the peace.
• Arrange opposing parties so that they are next to each other, not across from one another. When we are opposite one another physically, our position becomes more entrenched as we begin to develop an “us against them” mentality. Side-by-side sitting promotes the optimum atmosphere for unification and cooperation.
• Contact and proximity: Keep the parties close and in constant contact with one another. As we’ve seen through numerous studies in this book proximity increases liking. You want to be mindful not to keep everyone on top of each other, but a degree of closeness is essential for maximum cooperation.
• Touch. Never underestimate the power of the human touch. If possible, try to create a situation where members can shake hands or come into contact with one another. Touch increases greatly our feelings of intimacy. We feel more connected psychologically to those whom we touch physically.
Strategy Review
• Numerous studies conclude that division among people dissolves when there is an opposing outside threat.
• Make sure that your group identifies itself with an image that is consistent with a spirit of cooperation, not competition. The name given to your group or clique greatly influences levels of cooperation.
Section IV
How to Win at Any Competition: Beat Out Anyone for the Job, the Date, or the Game
There’s an amusing story about two men who are out camping in the jungle when one of them spots a ferocious lion. One man kneels down and takes his running shoes out of his knapsack and begins taking off his hiking boots. “What are you doing?” exclaims his friend. “You’ll never be able to outrun the lion.” To which the man calmly responds, “I don’t have to outrun the lion, I just have to outrun you.”
Even when you’re dealing with good, honest, and decent people, there are times when it’s going to come down to you against him. These psychological tactics will show you how to make sure that you come out the victor in any battle, be it a physical competition or a battle of wits.
22
Secrets to Winning in Any Competition
Strategies for Beating Anyone at Anything
Whether it’s a battle of the mind or of the flesh, the strategies are almost identical. This is because all battles are first waged within the mind; it is there where you win or lose and then the outcome is manifested into the material world. Whether it’s a tennis match, a spelling bee, or two men vying for the attention of a woman, competition is competition. Attack the mind of your opponent and you will divide him against himself and then he will fall before you, without a single touch.
You don’t have to be the best or brightest in order to win, you just have to do the right things. Whether it’s a physical battle or a contest of minds, it is the one who is mentally prepared and who psychologically strategizes that will win time and again. While the situation will dictate how many of these tactics are appropriate, any combination will prove to give you an overwhelming advantage.
There are two different areas of strategy to successful warfare:
1. You: Secrets for Being the Perfect Psychological Warrior
• Anchor in success. As we talked about before, anchors are often used in hypnosis to link unrelated events or sensations. To review, an anchor is an association between a specific set of feelings or an emotional state and some unique stimulus—an image, sound, name, taste, etc. We see examples of conditioned reflexes in our own lives. Perhaps the smell of vodka makes you sick because you had a bad experie
nce with it several years ago. Or a certain song comes on the radio and you recall a friend you haven’t thought about in years. These are all anchors. In much the same way that a stage hypnotist is able to snap his fingers and have a person fall asleep, you can “lock in” a certain behavior.
You can use the power of anchoring to enhance your performance. Let’s say you’re playing tennis. Anytime you make an exceptionally good shot, repeat a short phrase to yourself, or make a quick gesture with your hand. This is the anchor to your action. Then, when you want to perform in that optimum state, simply repeat the phrase to yourself or make that gesture and it will throw your brain right back into the same frame of mind you were in when you were at your best. This is a highly powerful tool that when used correctly will allow you to, at any time, enter your peak state of mental and/or physical performance. You can condition yourself to perform in an optimal state at will. Whenever you’re performing in the zone and at peak performance, anchor your state and then fire it off whenever you want to perform at maximum efficiency.
• Focus. Here’s an undeniable fact about human nature: What you focus on is what you will move toward and for. Never, ever act out of fear. Remember that all significant battles are first waged within the mind. If you don’t feel that you’re mentally ready and at your best, and if you can delay, then don’t take action.
• The ideal state. Your ideal state of mind is to have no ego and this is achieved by focusing solely on your objective. This will allow you to be unconcerned with how you are coming across and help you to avoid second-guessing yourself. If you are absorbed with your objective the “I” or the ego disappears and you can pursue your goal relentlessly. Focus only on the outcome, not on yourself.
• Mentally rehearse. See and feel what you will look like and act like in your ideal state. When it comes to performance, studies suggest that mental rehearsing can be just as effective as actual practice. Use your mind to get the perfect image of how you would like to perform. What do you sound like and look like? What is the reaction from others? How do they see you? Have a complete picture of exactly how you want your reality to unfold. You have to see yourself succeeding in your mind before you can see it with your eyes.
• Always have a plan B. Not only will your perspective be healthier, but you will also increase your chances of success. The challenge in doing this though is that you don’t want to set yourself up for failure by abandoning your original plan too quickly. So go to plan B only if your original plan is impossible to execute. In the armed forces, during an attack, if something goes wrong, they always have a contingency plan to move forward. Remember, no matter what happens if you are prepared you can always move forward.
2. The Battle: Using Psychology to Gain the Winning Edge
If a shark and a lion are in a fight which would win? It depends of course on where they’re fighting. Whenever possible, get the home field advantage. You will be more comfortable, and your opponent less, in surroundings familiar to you. Whenever possible, spend some time in advance at the location where the “event” will take place so you can become more comfortable with your arena.
Social facilitation is the arousal that results when other people are present and our performance can be evaluated; studies show this arousal enhances our performance on simple tasks but impairs our performance on complex tasks. These studies further illustrate that when you are skilled at something, complex or not, having people around helps your performance. When you lack confidence and are not skilled, then you will perform worse with others watching. When you are competing against someone who is more adept than yourself do it without others around. However, if you are more competent then have people around to watch because it will help you to perform better, and your opponent will do worse.
To summarize one of history’s greatest warriors and strategic leaders, Sun Tzu, whenever possible do the unexpected and give no warning. Deception and surprise are key principles to confuse your opponent. By acting without a pattern you throw him off balance and this is when you want to attack the hardest. When attention is scattered your opponent’s focus is not clear. And by attacking first you have more options. Offense is dynamic, defense is passive. When you do attack, do not let up. Wear down your enemy mentally. A constant sustained barrage will tire him out by draining him mentally and physically.
Strategy Review
• Get the home field advantage whenever possible.
• Have others watch when you feel that you are more competent than your opponent. When you are less confident, try to compete without an audience.
• To enhance your performance, anchor your successes so you will be able to go into your ideal state at will.
• Never act out of fear, focus on the objective, not on yourself.
• Mentally rehearse your performance and desired outcome.
• Always have a backup plan. If your tactics are not working, make sure that you can easily switch to a new game
plan.
• Do the unexpected and give no warning. By acting without a pattern you throw your opponent off balance.
•
23
The #1 Mistake Most People Make in Life
It’s the Biggest Mistake Gamblers Make Too!
http://getanyonetodoanything.us/vid00053.html
The way people gamble and how they live their lives often parallel one another. Because, really, life is a series of decisions and gambles, and what we decide to risk, and the outcome that follows, often determines the kind of life that we have. Many people systematically make the same mistake in life and we can look at it clearly by taking the example of gambling.
Casinos work on a percentage of as little as 2 percent for games like blackjack and baccarat. Some of the games—depending on the gambler’s skill, or lack thereof—can give the casino a margin as high as 20 percent or more. So why is it that on a typical day 80 percent of the people will lose money?
The stock market has two directions it can move in: up and down. Conventional wisdom suggests that you have a fifty-fifty chance of winning or of losing. Yet, 90 percent of the people who play the market daily—by themselves, without outside input—will, over time, lose. Why? It’s not because of the odds; it’s because of their strategy.
Gambler A: The Chaser
Here is a typical scenario of Gambler A. He bets $10 and loses; he bets $10 again and loses; now he bets $20 and loses; $30 and loses. He increases his bets as he does worse. The gambler tries to chase his money—trying to win it all back in one hand by betting more to make up for the times he’s lost.
Gambler B: A Man Divided Against Himself Will Fall
Here is a typical scenario of Gambler B. He bets $10 and loses; bets $10 and loses; after some time his bet goes down to $5.00 Good plan? No, because he never feels successful. If he wins the $5.00 bet then he feels he should have bet more and if he loses then he still lost. And he’s partly pleased he’s lost because it is through losing that he can now justify to himself lowering his bet!
And what about when we’re winning? Another reason why casinos have million-dollar marble chandeliers in the lobby is not because of government subsidy programs; it’s because gamblers don’t know when to stop. The longer you play the better it is for the house. When you run out of money you’ll stop. But when you’re winning when do you stop? Often you don’t, since there’s no reason to, so you keep going until the tide turns against you, you lose, and then you are forced to stop.
So if increasing your bet when you’re losing isn’t the answer and decreasing it when you’re losing isn’t the answer, what is? Research suggests that when you are losing you should do what gamblers hate to do—stop. However, when you are winning or on a “streak,” then it is a fair strategy to increase slightly your amount of play.
One other interesting fact to note is that all unsuccessful gambling strategies are predicated out of fear. When you act out of fear your decisions are not logical, but emotional. And this will ensure that y
ou will end up on the losing side of the game. Never do anything out of fear. If you need to win then you will lose. You must only focus on the game, not the outcome. If you are praying to win then you are fearful of losing. The best mentality is that of pure detachment—where you’re completely objective and unemotional. If you’re gambling with money that you cannot afford to lose it is impossible to remove the emotional element from your decision-making process.
Can you recall those times when you were completely in the zone? You may remember that fear was absent. It was just pure action, where you weren’t even aware of yourself, just what you were doing. That is how you win in gambling and in life. As the saying goes, he who cares less wins! If you are fearful, wait until you are more confident before proceeding. If you don’t feel like it, don’t do it—or you will lose. As we’ve seen, our strategy when we gamble is almost identical to how we handle situations in the real world. So by changing your tactics you can go with the odds instead of your emotions, and come out a winner just about every time.
Get Anyone to Do Anything Page 10
