She looks so beautiful holding a baby. My heart clenches at the thought of her never getting to experience that. There are treatments, like she said, but what if they don't work? She deserves happiness like that. Tucker deserves happiness like that too. Do I want to be the one to give her that? But now I'm leaving. What the hell am I going to do?
Savannah
“Why is Gabriel at work and I'm here? He can totally have paternity leave. If anything, I'll actually get some work done without y’all bangin’ like bunnies in the office,” I laugh, looking over to Charlotte.
She doesn't laugh back, not making eye contact with me, as she changes Avery's diaper.
“I know I ain't the funniest, but that deserved even a crack of a smile, no?”
She shakes her head and looks up at me, as if I broke her out of her deep thoughts.
“Sorry, what?”
“What were ya thinkin’ about?”
“Nothin’,” she says quickly, too quickly.
“Charlotte Faye Gavinwood, you're the worst liar in all of Louisiana. Ya better tell me what's got you in la la land,” I admonish her, crossing my arms over my chest, furrowing my brows.
“Dang it, I promised Gabriel I wouldn't say nothin'.”
“Well ya better start spillin’ or I'll tell him about that firefighter calendar I found in your desk drawer.”
She gasps, huffing out a breath.
“You wouldn't.”
“Wouldn't I?”
“You know how jealous he gets. He'd go nuts, I can't believe you, breakin’ girl code like that!”
“You’re holdin’ in a secret, how's that for girl code!”
“That calendar was from before we got back together, I forgot it was even in there!”
“Then ya won't mind if I tell him,” I say reaching for my phone.
She is holding Avery and tries to reach to stop me but fails.
“Jackson got traded to Arizona!” she yells quickly, stopping me mid type.
I open my mouth and drop down to the rocking chair next to me, my phone falling to my lap. A million emotions pass through me and I don't know which overtakes me more. Sadness, anger, bitterness, rejection but mostly, heartbreak.
“I'm sorry,” Charlotte whispers, putting a hand on my shoulder.
“When...how do you know that?” I ask, stunned.
“Gabriel found out. Jackson called him to meet up, that's why he went into the office.”
“He's at the office now? Talkin’ to Gabriel about it? That's the first person he calls?”
She nods her head and my heart shatters.
“I...I gotta go.”
I get up off the couch and walk towards the door like a zombie, not stopping when I hear Charlotte call my name. My phone buzzes in my hand but I shut it off and put it in my purse.
He's getting traded and he didn't tell me. Was he planning on leaving without saying goodbye? My mind is racing with all the different scenarios, scenarios where he isn't just packing up and leaving like I meant nothing. No, he is planning to talk to me, run things by me after he talks with Gabriel. We'll think through our next move as a team. I'll let him explain and we'll work through it, together.
I enter our building and walk down the hall towards Gabriel's office but stop when I hear silence. I didn't see Jackson's car in the parking lot, but I head to Gabriel's office anyway. I knock on the door and let myself in.
“Where is he?” I say loudly.
There's that look again, pity.
“Sav…”
“Where is he Gabriel?” I say raising my voice a little louder.
“He said he had to talk with Andrew. I'm sorry Sav, I tried to-”
I put up a hand to stop his words. Words I know will shatter my heart. This isn't happening to me again. I won't let it happen to me, again. I'm fighting this time, tooth and nail, I am fighting for the man I love. I owe it to myself and this baby to figure this out and keep it. I won't let it slip through my fingers. I also owe it to Tucker, he deserves a family and dammit he is gonna get it.
I walk briskly out of the room and out of the building to my car. I drive the couple of minutes to Andrew’s office, not sure why the hell he would need to be meeting with him. I know Andrew wanted to meet with him to help build our case but that was before the whole forging of my medical documents. I whip into a spot and run out towards the building. I pass the secretary and head straight for Andrew's office but stop when I hear his voice.
That voice that can inhabit my brain and shut off all rational thought. That voice that can restart my heart at the same time it shreds it to a million pieces. I hear him say my name, so I stop outside the door to listen.
“Honestly, thank God she can't have kids. Imagine what a disaster that would have been?” he says.
My heart explodes with grief right there in the hallway. He sounds...relieved. I debate on busting the door open and punching him right in the face. All this time, I waited for him to make a decision. He doesn't even deserve my anger. Here I was, giving him the benefit of the doubt. Screw that. He wants a clean break, he's got it.
I push away from the wall and run down the corridor, back to my car as I hear the secretary shout my name. My body betrays me, and the tears start to fall before I get to my car. I fumble with the car keys as I drive. I don't know where, but I just go. Each mile away from Jackson makes my heart break a little more. I'm sorry little peanut, I'm so, so sorry.
Chapter 20
Savannah
I walk into Second Chances, signing in on autopilot like I do every day.
“You got my message?” asks Mary.
“No, I didn't, what's goin’ on?”
“Someone called askin’ about him this mornin’ and he overheard me and Gertrude talkin’ about it. He's refusin’ to talk to anyone except you. Left you a couple messages before.”
“Sorry, I shut my phone. What did they want, who was it?”
“Says he’s from the state, gonna have a foster family pick him up within the week. Told us to have his bags packed and be ready to go.”
“No that...I’m first on that list for him, they can’t just do that!”
“I’m so sorry Savannah, I don’t know what else to do.”
My heart sinks to my stomach. Someone else is going to get him, my Tucker. Someone that is fit to care for him, unlike me, a pregnant single mother with no man in sight.
“Where is he?” I rasp out.
“In his room. Hasn’t come out since.”
I walk briskly to Tucker’s room and knock before entering.
“I told ya, I don't want to talk to anyone!”
“Tuck, it’s me,” I say softly.
He turns in his bed to face me and jumps out of it, running to me, wrapping his arms around my neck. I recognize the red puffy eyes and feel him start to sob on my shoulder.
“I don't wanna go Savannah. I don't want anyone to take me. I'll stay here, just come and visit me like you do every day and it will be okay.”
He cries into my shoulder harder and I squeeze him with everything that I have.
“It's okay buddy. It'll be okay,” I say running my hands through his hair.
“I want you to be my mama. I just want you to be my mama,” he cries.
“I’m gonna figure this out buddy, okay? I promise you, I’m not gonna give up on you, do you hear me?” I say pulling him away from me so that he can see my face.
Tears are streaming down his cheeks like a faucet and I try so freakin’ hard to compose myself, grabbing onto every piece of strength I have in my body to hold the tears back from falling.
“I love you Savannah. Please don’t let me go.”
He launches himself at me again and I hold him like that for what feels like hours, until his cries slowly turn into snores. I stand with him, carrying him to his bed and pull back the sheets. I lay down next to him, pulling the sheets over his little body and play with his hair.
I could picture doing this at night in our house, ev
ery night after I read him a bedtime story and we pick out his clothes for school. Brand new clothes that will actually fit him. I kiss his forehead and slowly get up from his bed. I walk quietly out, shutting the door behind me and walk out to my car with determined steps.
This is not gonna happen. This little boy belongs with me and I refuse to give up on him. So many times in my life I have been jerked around but not this time. We will be fine. The three of us will be fine. Tucker is going to come home with me one day, I won't stop until he does.
***
“How did it go? I just fed Avery, she's up,” Charlotte gushes, as she opens her front door.
“Hi...oh, perfect timing,” I say, trying to muster up a smile.
She smiles back but it falters when she recognizes the agony on my face. My eyes and smile are in a tug of war of emotions, right now my eyes are winning. She sees it and immediately the pity appears on her face again.
“Don’t Charlie,” I whisper, putting my hand up.
“Tea?”
I nod, and she goes into the kitchen and I follow behind her.
“I love ya, Sav. Ya know that, right?”
I reach over and grab her hand and squeeze it.
“I know ya do. Love ya too,” I whisper.
“Okay. It took ya months to open up to me about everythin’ with Hugh, I ain't waitin’ months for ya to tell me about Jackson. Spill it or I'll hold ya hostage Sav, I swear.”
I let out a breath, defeated. We've been sitting on her couch, and I've been staring at the wall for God knows how long, trying to formulate a plan and figure out my life. My sandwich is uneaten on the coffee table, and my eyes are burning from the overflow of tears.
“So much Charlotte. So fuckin’ much.”
“Start with today. What happened with Jackson?”
“I heard him talkin’ to Andrew. He said…” I sniffle and bite my lip. “He said thank God that I can't have kids because it woulda been a disaster.”
The dam breaks again and Charlie moves closer on the couch to me, cradling me to her chest. She runs her hands up and down my back and I try to will myself to stop crying.
“Maybe it was just a misunderstandin’?” Charlotte says, softly.
“I heard him, Charlie. Loud and clear. First the trade without tellin’ me and now this. He ain't gonna want this baby. I'm on my own.”
“You ain't on your own, Sav,” she says sternly. “You got me and Gabriel and the kids. Don't ya dare think you're doin’ this on your own.”
“I know, thank you Charlie.”
She pats my back and runs her hand up and down my arm.
“What else is botherin’ ya? I know that ain't it.”
I take a breath, and spill everything about Tucker.
She comes over to me and hugs me tightly.
“We'll figure everything out, okay? We’re behind you 100% and we’ll talk with Andrew again. It'll all be okay Sav, I can promise you that, okay?”
I nod, not fully believing her. I want to stay positive, but life always pulls a fast one on me as soon as I let my guard down. I’m going to fight, but right now I just need sleep.
“Why don't ya stay here tonight? Devin is back in Texas and Bella took off for a game in Mexico with the team. We got room.”
I nod and get up from the couch.
“Let me go home and pack a bag.”
“Pack for a couple of days. I could use the extra pair of hands in the house with Avery, if ya don't mind,” she laughs.
I nod and walk down the hall to the front door. I unlock my car and get in and drive towards my house. Jackson’s cutting words replaying in my head.
Hugh was right, I am such a fool. First him and now Jackson. Why does love blind me? Hugh’s betrayal hurt, but in a weird way, I was almost relieved. With Jackson, it was different. I lived for his touch and I couldn't breathe easy until I was near him, he became my world. It hurts so much more now, knowing I will forever have a piece of him, that will remind us of our love story, a love story that will never have a happy ending.
Chapter 21
Jackson
I pace outside the Double Play Sports offices. I asked to meet Gabriel here without Savannah. I need some advice and although Gabriel will rip my head off for possibly leaving her behind, I need his two cents.
“You look like a crazy guy. Stop pacin’ like that, you're makin me nervous.”
“Hey, sorry. This wasn't a problem, right? I know you just got home yesterday with Avery, but it's kind of important.”
“No problem at all. Savannah is at the house helpin’ out. Somethin’ about her I'm guessin’, since ya didn't want her to come. This about the trade to Arizona?”
He unlocks the front door to the building and we walk down the hall to his office.
“Kind of. How'd you know about that?”
“Forgot I was in the league for over ten years? I got a son in the league. I know everythin’,” Gabe says smugly.
“I uh...yeah well, they're playoff contenders but need a big bat to give them that fire. They want me.”
“Just for the playoffs?”
“Not sure,” I shrug.
“Well, what does that mean for you and my sister?”
I'm about to answer when Gabriel's phone rings. He glances down and puts up a finger.
“Important, hold on.”
I nod as he slides the screen to answer it.
“Matthew, give me good news.”
Gabriel nods his head a couple of times and listens intently to the person on the other line.
“Get in touch with her lawyer, see if y’all could work together to build that case. Thanks Matthew.”
He clicks off the phone shaking his head.
“She's gotta deal with a lotta shit, Jackson. You better not hurt her. Dammit!” He slams his palm down on his desk.
“Was that about her ex?”
He nods. “She don’t deserve any of this shit! She deserves to be happy. Fuckin’ tell me Jackson, is that you or not?”
I open my mouth to speak, but then close it.
“I...she does deserve to be happy.”
Gabriel shakes his head and I let out a breath.
As much as it will kill me to walk away from her, I just don't know if that happy ending is with me. I know that I would have to give up the game for her and as much as it scares me, I might be ready for that. But am I ready for the rest? Tucker, possibly a baby, a wife? I never thought I would ever live that life. I always thought that it would just be Lacey and me. Savannah deserves someone that knows what the hell he wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. She deserves perfection, but I'm so far from perfect.
***
I walk into Andrew’s office so defeated I don't even register that I'm shaking his hand and sitting in the chair across from his desk.
“How are ya, Jackson?”
“Been better. How are you?”
“I guess I've been better too. So, what do I owe the pleasure? The settlement is going to be dismissed, what do you need from me otherwise?”
I see Andrew eyeing me and I cross my arms over my chest.
“It is huh? Good. I’m glad you guys got what you needed. That asshole was a piece of work.”
“That he was. She’s better off without him if you ask me.”
“Tell me about it. Thank God she can't have kids. Imagine what a disaster that would have been?”
He opens his mouth but then shuts it quickly.
“I don't think she'd appreciate you sayin’ that,” he says, shaking his head.
“I didn't mean it in a bad way, I just meant that the situation would have been more complicated for her, that's all. He doesn't seem like he would have been a very good father.”
“No,” he says eying me suspiciously again. “He probably wouldn't have been.”
“So, I guess we’ll get down to the reason I’m here. Tucker Rosen over at Second Chances Orphanage. I want Savannah as his foster parent as soon as possible. Can you make tha
t happen?”
“I uh...of course, let me see what I can do. We actually found out that Hugh has been sabotaging her process a little, so with a little more money that can be thrown at it, might make it move a little faster. That something you’re referring to?”
Going, Going, Goner (Double Play Series Book 2) Page 17
