by Paul Zindel
“Yes,”Henrysaid.
“Whataboutyourniece?”Iasked.“Willyourniecebecomingover?”
“Oh,no,”MissApplebaumassuredme.“Besides,Berniceisn’thalfasmucha
spoilsportasshesometimesseems.”
“I’msure,”Henrysaid.
As it turned out, the museum she was talking about was the Metropolitan Museum, all the way to the east side of Central Park, which is the museum HenryandIgototheleast.Mostofourhomeworkassignmentsandclasstrips
arecenteredaroundthemuseumonthewestside,wherewelive.Weofferedto
stopbyandpickMissApplebaumup,butshesuggestedwejustmeetheratthe
West 72nd Street entrance like we did the first time. Of course, it didn’t really matterwhereMissApplebaumwantedtotakeus,becauseHenryandIknewthat
beforethedaywasout,we’dhavetomakecertainsheknewshewasdying.That
hastobethehardestthinganyhumanbeinghastotellanother.
Henry and I arrived at the park entrance ten minutes early. It was a sunny, very cold day, and we both wore sweaters and denim jackets as we sat on a bench directly across from where Lucifer’s baby was born in fiction and John Lennonwasmurderedinreality.Iworeonlyalargerhinestonegreenturtlepin
on my lapel and Henry wore a large button that said SCHIZOPHRENIA BEATS
BEINGALONE.At10:05A.M.,wesawMissApplebaumandherblackhomburg
hatcomemarchingoutofadelicatessendownfromtheDakota.Themomentshe
saw us, she was smiling and waving again, and hurried toward us. She was wearingamoutonlambcoatwehadseenherweartoAndrewJacksonHighall
last winter, but it wasn’t buttoned, so it flapped in the breeze. Actually, everything she was wearing was familiar and she was again carrying her big leatherbriefcasewehadalwaysseenherluguptothethirdfloorlab.Atfirstshe looked quite energetic, but by the time she started to cross the street, she appeared to run a little out of steam. When she reached us, she was actually puffinglikethenightwehadfirstvisitedher,butitdidn’tseemtointerferewith herjoyatmeetingus.
“Hello, hello, hello!” Miss Applebaum beamed as her eyes lit up under her hat.
“Letmeholdyourbriefcaseforyou,”Henryoffered,andIcouldtellhewas
worriedabouther,too.
“I’mfine,”MissApplebaumsaid.
“No,pleaseletme,”Henryinsisted,takingthebriefcase.
“Well, maybe you could just hold it,” Miss Applebaum agreed. “Then I can giveHelenhercoffee,”sheadded,openingthecatch.
Henry and I stared down into the satchel. It was filled with dozens of containersofcoffeeandalotofEntenmeyerdonuts.
“Where’sHelen?”Iasked.
“There!” Miss Applebaum pointed to a pile of newspapers and Hefty Bags
under abench.“Breakfasttime,Helen!Breakfasttime!”
This time, I took one of the coffees and a donut and set them down on a napkinnearoneendofthenewspapers.Awitheredhandcreptout,graspedthe
food,anddisappearedagain.
“‘Bye, Helen,” Miss Applebaum sang, and in a flash we were off into the park.
“I have twenty-six coffees and powdered donuts today,” Miss Applebaum
specified,stillpuffing.
“Maybeweshouldn’twalksofast,”Isuggested.
“Whynot?”MissApplebaumwantedtoknow.
“Isprainedmyanklealittle,”Henrylied.MissApplebaumlookedathimas
though she knew he was lying, but Henry added, “Besides, you don’t want to spill any of the coffee. You know, sometimes containers open or crack, and thingslikethat.”
“Oh,children,”MissApplebaumsangout,“didyouknowthatthedonutisa
geometricalwonder?Didyouknowthat?”
“No,wedidn’t.”
“Oh, but it is!” Miss Applebaum insisted. “The humble donut is part of a wholenewtheoryofthecosmos!Awholenewtheoryoftheuniversebasedon
thediscoverythatthelawsconcerningthesurfaceareaofadonutareexactlythe sameasthelawsconcerningtheshapeofacup,”shedeclaredhappily.“Here,let
medemonstrate.”
Miss Applebaum dashed onto a horse path, picked up a stick, and began
drawinginthedirt.
“See? A cup has the same dimensional qualities as a donut! Isn’t that
marvelous!Doyouseehowdaringitisforascientisttoevendiscoverthatfact?
Howuniquehisorhermindhadtobe?”MissApplebaumasked.
“Yes.”
“So much of life depends completely on how you look at it,” she chirped.
“Imagine! A whole new idea about the galaxies because someone was brave enoughtocontemplateadonut!Oh,there’ssomuchIwanttoteachyou.”Miss
Applebaumbeamed.
Almost everything Miss Applebaum said made Henry and me think
differently about one thing or another. She was always sharing with us and lettingusseetheworldthroughhereyes.
We went through Strawberry Fields again, heading east; basically Henry carried the briefcase and I was in charge of serving. We tried to do everything possiblesoMissApplebaumcouldrestforaminuteortwoeverytimewecame
to another homeless person or family. We became a sort of roving canteen, althoughitwasclearthiswasjustanenrouteactivity.
“Haveyoubeentothemuseum?”MissApplebaumasked.
“Afewtimes,”Isaid.
“Twice,”Henrysaid.
Onthewaywesawalotofthesamethingsintheparkwehadseenthelast
time,butnowtherewerealotofParkDepartmenttruckswithdirtandfertilizer
and peat moss bags. Attendants were getting the plants and trees ready for winter,usingrakesandhoesandalotofothermachinery.Manymoreleaveshad
fallen,andthosethatstillclungtothetreeswerebrightyelloworcrispybrown.
Deepintothepark,MissApplebaum’sbreathingchangedtoaslightwheezing,
andIlookedoveratHenry.Wewerebothfrightened.
9
ThewayZeldadescribedit,you’dthinkIhadplannedthatwe’dseeMiss
Applebaumandwaitfortherightmoment—andthenjustsitherdownand
say, “Pardon me, Shocker, but you’re going to croak.” The truth of the matter was we had a duty to perform. We had to let Miss Applebaum know that her nieceandthecockeyeddoctorthoughtshewasterminallyill.Inthebackofmy
mindwasthesimplefactthatIthoughtMissApplebaumshouldhavetherightto
getasecondopinionotherthanthatofaquackfromWeehawken.Therehadto
be a way of being discreet about the whole matter, and I really felt it was our moralresponsibilitytotellMissApplebaum.WhereandwhenwassomethingI
didn’tknow,andthewayitworkedout,itwasZeldaandIwhogottheshock.
At first I thought we’d tell her by the statue of the Falconer, but then an ambulance came along the roadway with its siren and lights flashing. Only emergency vehicles are allowed in the park on weekends, so the ambulance really stood out, and a lady on roller skates made the sign of the cross as the ambulancerolledby.ThenIthoughtwe’dtellMissApplebaumneartheCentral
Park roller coaster, but we didn’t. We even passed Miss Applebaum’s favorite bench, but the bulldozers and diggers ha
d extended the trench so far and deep, even I had to admit it looked like one long open grave. Before I knew it, we wereontheeastsideofthepark.
Now,theeastsideoftheparkiscalledFifthAvenueandthat’swherehordes
of stuck-up and ritzy persons live. The West Side people look like peasants compared to most of the denizens of this section. The East Side buildings are cleaner. You find more expensive things in the gutters. There are penthouses with trees growing on their balconies and entire ledges are festooned with flowersandtastefulgreenery.Someofthetopsofthebuildingshavegold-leafed
spirals. Everything just costs a lot more. The stores have names like Pumpkins andMonkeys.RestaurantsareChezthisandChezthat.Peddlerschargemorefor
Dove Ice Cream Bars. People wear chic clothes and walk expensive breeds of dogs.FifthAvenuehasthemostmansions,manyofwhichhavebeenconverted
intofancyartpalaces.TheEastSidehasthemostforeignembassiesandmarble
facades. The neatest fruit stands. More snobby schools. Lots of high-class
hospitals.Andthehighestpaiddoctors,doormen,andstretch-limodrivers.Even thebikerentalshackontheeastsideoftheparkiscalledanemporium.Aswe
walkedby,therewerealotoftouristsrentingthree-speeds,ten-speeds,fifteen-
speeds, and all sorts of specialized equipment. One couple was even renting a bicyclebuiltfortwo.
“Oh,lookatthem!Look!”MissApplebaumcriedoutasthecoupletookoff.
“Doesn’tthatlooklikefun?”
“Yes,MissApplebaum.”
We came out of the park at East 79th Street, where one of the apartment houses across the street has a fifty-foot artistic metal birdhouse in front of it.
Fromthere,wehadtowalkjustafewmoreblocksnorth.Youcouldtellwewere
getting near the Metropolitan Museum because there were posters hawking
special exhibitions such as “Ancient Art in Miniature” made possible by the Banco de Bilbao and “The Age of Sultan Suleiman the Magnificent” made
possible by a cigarette company. A lot of commercial, money-grabbing
companies often sponsor events like that to brainwash the public into thinking they aren’t money-grabbing or selling products that the surgeon general has founddangeroustoahuman’shealth.
Finally, we reached the museum itself, which had a wall of fountains on the right and left side of it, and the main building sprawled over two blocks with eight massive Corinthian columns smack in front. There were also a lot of monstrouscementheadsofantiquegodsandpersonsontheroofstaringdownat
us.Onehugeflagdeclaredthatthemuseumwasfeaturingamajorexhibitofart
called“TheHudsonRiverSchoolofPainting,”whichIneverevenknewexisted.
Wehadtogouptwenty-eightcementstepsjusttoreachthefrontdoors.Miss
Applebaumwasreallypuffingthen,soZeldaandIstoppedandpretendedtobe
admiringagaggleofMercedesesandRolls-Roycesacrossthestreet.
“Whatgreatcars!”Zeldasaid.
“Two-tonemauvehasalwaysbeenafavoriteofmine,”Isaid.
Miss Applebaum seemed grateful for a chance to catch her breath, but she looked slightly suspicious of us, as though she saw through our pretended interestinthosecars.
“Here’s something more exciting,” Miss Applebaum finally interrupted,
gesturingtoindicatethewholeofthemuseumwewereabouttoenter.
“CanIbuyyouasoda?”Iaskedher.
“Oh,no,thankyou.”
“Ahotpretzel?”Zeldaasked.
“MaybesomeCrackerjacksoraGoodHumoricecream,”Isuggested.
MissApplebaumjustmadebelieveshedidn’thearusandledthewayinside.
“Oh,thesightswe’llsee!Thesightswe’llsee!”
For a moment she seemed wobbly like she hadn’t fully recovered from the steps.ZeldaandIrushedtoflankher.Inamoment,sherecovered,butshekept
checkingfirstZelda’sfaceandthenmine.Ithinkshewaslookingforsomething
inoureyes.
“Isn’titbreathtaking?”MissApplebaumsaid,lookingstraightup.
Themuseumfoyerwasamassiverectangleofmarblewiththreestupendous
domes high above. It was dizzying. Loads of people buzzed with excitement, and their voices echoed off the walls. They were buying tickets, checking pamphlets at the information booth, and lounging on two giant marble seating circles,thecentersofwhichwerefilledwithenormousliveplants.
“Ilovetocomehere!Iloveit!”MissApplebaumsaidexcitedly.Ithinkjust
thesightoftheplantsrevivedher,becauseshestartedbreathingnormally.
ZeldaandIhelpedMissApplebaumoutofhercoat,andIcheckeditandher
briefcaseinthehugecloakroom.
“Whatarewegoingtosee?”Iinquired.
“Whateverwe’remeanttosee,”MissApplebaumreplied.
“But what?” I said. Zelda gave me a very cranky look. I could tell from the curvatureofhereyeballs,Zeldawasinoneofhermoodswhereshe’dgivemea
crankylooknomatterwhatIsaid.
“It’ssobig,wecan’tseeeverything,”Iaddedtoinsertsomesortofareality
factor.
“The museum will tell us,” Miss Applebaum said, sounding like she knew
exactlywhatshewasdoing.Sheheadedforoneoftheticketbooths.
“How?” Iwantedtoknow.
“Wejustgoin,”MissApplebaumsaid.“Wegoinandletthemuseum take us.
It’s magic! It will take us through its corridors and when we get to where we shouldbe,we’llknowit.That’stheonlywaytoseeanymuseum!”
“Oh.”
I ran ahead to the ticket booth to buy the tickets, but I was getting very nervousnow.AndIcouldn’thelpwonderifthemuseumwouldreallyletmeand
ZeldaknowwhenitwouldbetherighttimeandplacetotellMissApplebaum
whatwehadtotellher.
“Oh,no,letmepay,”MissApplebaumcriedout.
“No,”Zeldainsisted.“It’sourtreat.”
Zelda and I had agreed way beforehand that we would pay for everything becausewereallydidn’tknowhowmuchofMissApplebaum’smoneyBernice
had already gotten her hands on, if any, since rumors are a lot different from facts. Whatever, Miss Applebaum looked very touched when we paid for the tickets.Shecheckedoureyesagainasthoughsheweretryingtodecipherus.I
had the feeling Miss Applebaum could tell whenever we weren’t being
completelytruthful.
Anyway,Ipassedoutlittleproof-of-paymentbuttonsthecashiergaveme,and
weenteredtheexhibitionareathroughthecenterhall.Immediately,onourright, was a display called “Greek and Roman Treasures,” which had a lot of silver chalices,spoons,plates,forks,andothermoderatelyinterestingbric-a-brac.
“Magnificent,” Miss Applebaum stated. “Oh, the ancient Greeks! There’s so much to learn from them. Did you know Alexander the Great’s teacher was Aristotle?”
“No,”Zeldasaid.
“Isn’t that remarkable?” Miss Applebaum said. Then she added, “Of course, Aristotlealsothoughtthatthehuman heart wastheseatofintelligence.”
See?That’swhatMissApplebaumwoulddo,she’dmentionafascinatingfact
that would make us see something from a completely different point
of view.
And each time that happened, it seemed to change something very deep inside us.
WestrolledonwardintoanareacalledtheBlumenthalPatiothathadstatues
ofOrpheus,Zeus,Venus,andotherdeitieswithnoclotheson.Afterthatcamea
hallway displaying gold jewelry, wooden chairs, and religious artifacts that lookedextraordinarilyantique.Thispresentationendedinahugeshadowyroom
designedtore-createanoldchapel.Ithadbacklightedstained-glasswindows,an
alabaster rendering of the Virgin and Child, and a lot of floor-to-ceiling tapestries of subjects such as flying ladies, cherubs, and Annunciations. Miss Applebaum paused in this room. For at least five minutes she moved about,
turninginslowcircleslikeawaterprospectorwithadiviningrod.“Oh,Zelda!
Henry! There are so many astounding aspects of these treasures if you look at them from a scientific point of view. When I see them, I can’t help but rememberthebravespiritofman.”
Wethoughtof her bravespiritduringallthis,whenshefeltsickandcouldn’t alwaysbreatheright.
She began pointing out several images of birds and animals depicted on the artifacts. “A crocodile!” she said, pointing to one carved into a triptych. “They carry their young in their mouths! And here, someone actually rendered an ancientstudyoftheorderinwhichhumansarefrightenedoflivingthings!The
snakeisnumberone!Thenthespider!Afterthat,thelion!Therat!Andthenthe
gorilla!Isn’titfascinating?Andhere!Along-deadEnglishmancarvedaseries
of the nine words most difficult to pronounce swiftly. See them? “Black bug’s blood, black bug’s blood, black bug’s blood!” If you say them over and over again, the limitations of the human mouth muscles will absolutely amaze you!
And can you imagine, one museum even has Charles Darwin’s thirty-two
fantastic pages on how worms plug their burrows! What original minds took flight to bring down such knowledge from Olympus, and preserve it for us to see!”
