by Riley Ashby
“I will kick you,” she yelled as I surfaced. She screamed again as I shook my head and showered her with water droplets.
“What’s the point of coming to the pool if you don’t want to get wet?”
“Maybe I like the company.”
I felt bold for some reason. Maybe it was the recent birthday or the sense of new beginnings that came with the changing of the seasons. Placing my hands on either side of her, I pulled myself up, hovering half out of the water and only a few inches from her. She reached out and grabbed my biceps, holding me steady as I balanced around her.
“Are you showing off?” She raised one corner of her lips, and I couldn’t look away. I wondered what they might feel like if I leaned forward a few inches and tasted them. “You don’t have to. You’ve got me.”
It was the first time she’d said anything to hint at her feelings, but it didn’t take me aback. I knew the second I came back from class one day to find my cologne missing, a pile of my favorite soap on my desk, and Vail reading casually on her bed as if they had magically appeared. My attempts at distance had been for nothing, and I couldn’t be happier.
Her hands strayed to my chest, pushing against my hard muscle. My breath caught as her hands fell lower, and I leaned into her touch. My arms trembled, though it wasn’t from lack of muscle strength.
“I’m not that impressive,” I muttered, purposely denigrating myself in front of her even as I couldn’t bring myself to move away. But maybe it wouldn’t hurt to let her touch me for a little longer.
She put her mouth next to my ear. “You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met.”
I turned my head, and our cheeks met, wet against dry. I was one word, one breath from closing that final distance when I heard the doorknob to the pool turn. I dropped into the water, kicking off the wall to swim backward through the water to the other end of the pool. When I came up for air, Ellery was standing next to his sister.
“I’m not even mad at you,” he said. My heart stopped. Had he seen something before he came in? But he wasn’t even looking at me. He poked at the shoulder strap of Vail’s bathing suit. He knew without asking that I had been the one to find her bathing suit and give it back. “I heard from the school. We got approved for that suite. It still has a shared bathroom, but there are two bedrooms and our own common room.” He kicked off his shoes and socks, rolling up his pants and daring to sit next to her on the edge. He put his hand on her bare shoulder. I wanted to be that hand.
“I’ll have my own room?” she asked, a strange mix of hope and disappointment in her voice. Or maybe I imagined the second part.
He nodded. “If Castel will be so kind as to let me share his room.”
I wiped my hair back, hiding my face with my hands. So this was it—the true end of our nights together. I hadn’t laid next to her all summer, and I felt her absence like a missing limb. It looked like that absence was something I was going to have to accept. There was a strange twisting in my gut as I replied. “Of course. You know I will.”
“My hero,” Vail said, holding a hand to her heart. And maybe it was a figment of my imagination, or maybe some small hope, but I thought for one moment she looked a little sad.
*
“Please slow down,” Ellery said, bracing his hand against the window as I took a sharp curve at ten miles above the speed limit. I intended to do no such thing.
“You were the one who was being all pissy earlier about making sure we were on time.”
“Yes, but not at the cost of my life. I have a family to look out for.”
I rolled my eyes, turning my head to make sure he saw me. “So you keep reminding me.” The man somehow found a way to work Sophie or the baby into every conversation we had. It would be impressive if it wasn’t so annoying.
He shrugged unapologetically. “You’ll understand one day.”
“Please stop saying that. Seriously. I will throw you out of this car.” He double checked his seat belt in jest, and I pressed on the brake lightly to bring us back down to the speed limit. “Better?”
“Better. Let’s go over this again.”
I gripped the steering wheel tightly, feeling like I was going to crack it. “Initial interview. We have a very special accommodation to do this via video chat, so be polite.” In fact, I called in a lot of favors for us to be able to do this from LA. My boss wanted Ellery in New York, but I knew he wasn’t going to go across the country indefinitely and leave Vail and Sophie behind. I didn’t want to, either. I had already spent too long away.
Vail finally promising to let me back in to her life had completely renewed my outlook. I had never stopped to consider that she might still be so angry that I had taken off across the country after college. But I had blamed myself for her kidnapping since the day Ellery called to tell me. She had no idea of the inner turmoil that had plagued me on a daily basis, making it hard to keep down food and stealing hours of precious sleep that I needed to focus on getting her back. And there was no reason for her to ever find out—she didn’t need that kind of burden on her.
She needed to let me help her.
“Am I ever not polite?”
“It would be easier to list the times you are polite.”
He scowled, pouting. “I don’t see why I need to be polite to sexual criminals.”
I sighed. For a business genius, Ellery could be remarkably dense about the etiquette demanded in certain situations. He was going to lament that attitude in his daughter, that was for sure.
“The defense is going to label you as a vindictive business partner if you get up there talking about what a piece of shit he is.”
“He is a piece of shit.”
“I know that, obviously. But we need to prove it categorically. They’re not just going to take your word for it. Seriously, Ellery, don’t fuck this up for her. I want him to get the maximum sentence, and I want to keep her out of it.”
He frowned. “You know I would never do anything that would risk him getting every bit of punishment he deserves.”
“I know you wouldn’t do that knowingly. Keep your temper in check, and we’ll be fine.”
Walking up the stairs to the LA County courthouse was a new experience for me, but Ellery looked right at home as he led me down the various hallways and up the side stairways to the room where he’d make his statement. He’d been here so often on both sides of the courtroom, defending himself against lawsuits or taking someone to task for falling short on a contract. I needed that ruthless but level-headed businessman today, not the overprotective older brother.
“Ellery,” I said, grabbing him by the arm right before he walked into the room. “Think of it like this. This isn’t the guy who took your sister. This is someone who committed an egregious breach of contract. Someone who went behind your back and took advantage of your generosity. Okay? Talk about it like that, and we’ll get him put away. But if you start screaming about how he deserves to rot in hell for all eternity, you could put us in a bad position.”
He nodded, straightening his tie as he thought. “Rotting in hell while being branded with a cattle prod, but yes, I get your point. Okay, I can do that.”
“Good.” I clapped him on the shoulder, and he immediately tugged on his jacket sleeve to straighten out any wrinkles. He didn’t even realize he did it.
Once we got in front of the webcam, he held his temper and seemed to take my advice to heart. His words were a precise retelling in detail of what had happened the night Vail was taken, when he contacted the police, and when he pulled in the FBI. He had a calendar full of the exact dates he chased down certain leads, the day he identified the ringleader of the group we were tracking, and how much he drank at the parties he went to in order to ingratiate himself with Chase.
But he was also just emotional enough. The panic he felt when it became apparent his sister had disappeared from the party they were at and was not simply off in another room. The rage when he found her cell phone smashed on the ground in
the parking garage. He kept it all in check while still conveying how emotional the experience had been for him.
Everything was impeccable. He was perfect.
I remembered how I felt that same night when he called me. I had been less than composed, I remembered as I rubbed my hand. Ever since I broke it punching the window of my car, it still bothered me in certain weather. After I hung up with Ellery, it took me ten minutes to calm down enough to drive home and pack my bag before jumping on the next flight to LA. I didn’t even bother to tell anyone I was going; I just left. Every other priority faded to the background in light of losing her.
“You did well,” I told him as we exited the courthouse. He smiled despite himself.
“Is it enough to get him put away?”
“We’ll still have to go to New York for the trial. They might want to call you as a witness, so we should be there just in case. But I think we should be able to keep them from subpoenaing Vail. We can keep her out of this, Ellery.”
He sighed in relief, and I saw the tension leave his body. He was doing so much behind the scenes to keep her from this. He didn’t want her to have to relive a single detail in front of a jury. I knew the feeling—I would do everything I could to keep her from coming within a thousand yards of her abuser ever again. Ellery was worried about Sophie as well—that the prosecutor would somehow find out about his wager and the time she spent with Chase, brief as it was. They might wonder why Ellery had put up a human being as a bargaining chip in the first place, and it could be a blow to the case, not to mention traumatizing for Sophie to relive. Where Vail was shattered to pieces and fearful of every shadow, Sophie became angry once she got over her grief. Ellery told me she was almost as passionate as he was when it came to securing the maximum amount of prison time for Chase and everyone else involved.
“By the way,” I asked, “who the hell writes down how many drinks they had on their calendar?”
He opened his mouth to reply when I heard someone calling my name. One of the lawyers was waving me back into the building.
“Wait in the car,” I told him, but he was already on his phone, checking emails or more likely texting Sophie.
“You need to know about something we found,” the lawyer said, pulling me into a side room.
I frowned. “What’s wrong? Something else he was involved in?”
“Not Chase,” he said, shaking his head. He handed me a slim manila folder with a few pieces of paper stapled together inside. I read them quickly, blood draining from my face as I reached the bottom of the page. It was an interview between the prosecutor and Chase.
They had been talking about Vail.
“How long have we known about this?” I asked. It was a struggle to speak past my dry tongue.
“It came out last night. The prosecutor is trying to decide how to proceed.”
“He can’t possibly be thinking of charging her.”
“I don’t know. You can see right there what he’s saying about it, and why it was a crime. This wouldn’t be the first time we’ve seen someone prosecuted under similar circumstances.”
I crumpled the paper in my hand and then ripped the envelope in half. I walked to the window and looked out over the street with one hand in my hair and the other on my phone in my pocket. This was absolutely unbelievable. Who should I call? Archer? The prosecutor? The fucking president?
“This needs to die,” I told him, whirling back around. “I don’t want to hear another fucking word about it. Do you understand? Do whatever you have to do to make this go away.”
He nodded solemnly. “I’ll do my best.”
“More than your best,” I growled, jabbing a finger at him. “Whatever resources you need, you’ll have them. Call me anytime, day or night.”
He shook my hand. “Whatever it takes.”
I rushed past him out into the sunshine, drawing deep breaths to calm down.
I would have to tell Ellery, but we could keep this away from her. She would never even know what was being said. It was just another part of the trial we would keep under wraps.
If I had to fly to New York and kill someone myself to keep this from coming to light, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second.
“You look pleased.” Tori gave me a suspicious look.
I was more relaxed than I had been in months as I moved through my morning yoga practice with an effortless flow. Sweat dripped from my forehead to the towel on my mat. Instead of growing frustrated in the rising heat, I relished the way the perspiration made me feel as if I were purging something toxic from my body. Things I had been holding inside me, choking me with shame and self-reproach, poured out of my body in droves.
“Yesterday was a good day.” I slid forward into chaturanga, then an upward-facing dog, before sending myself soaring back to downward-facing dog and hopping my feet forward to meet my hands. I let myself hang for a few long seconds, rocking side to side. My spine cracked. It was a relief after so many weeks of pain and stiffness.
“So are you and Castel finally an item?”
I stood too quickly, falling out of my headspace. The relaxation of the moment was gone, and I sucked in a breath too fast. Tori crawled into a backbend, unconcerned. I was convinced she did stuff like this so she didn’t have to look at me whenever she talked to me about Cas.
“I don’t know what you mean.” My voice sounded too high. I didn’t even know why I was trying to play it coy with her. It was her job to observe people. We had made out in front of her on the street—there was no way she missed that.
“That discussion outside the car yesterday looked pretty cathartic.”
“Yeah, thanks for your help with that.” I let the sarcasm drip from my voice so she knew how irritated I was with her. “Aren’t you supposed to be protecting me from violent men?”
“You looked like the violent one. I thought you were going to hit him.”
“I seriously thought about it,” I confessed. I’d been so mad at him, but he was able to talk me down. Like always.
I waited for her to continue, but that was all she had to say. I transitioned to my knees, determined to work on my king pigeon pose. If she was going to avoid looking at me, I could play that game too.
The pose required a lot of concentration. I was bending backward from a kneeling position and trying to put my forearms on the ground, bringing my head to rest between my feet. My back wasn’t quite flexible enough yet to bring me all the way around. I got back onto my palms and worked on dropping first to my right forearm and then the left. I started panting as the stretch in my arms and chest crossed the line from liberating to painful.
I didn’t know exactly what I expected when we said that we would try. Dates? It seemed like a step back from where we were. We didn’t need to get to know each other. We already had each other memorized.
“Breathe into the stretch,” Tori said, and I looked over to see her watching me from her back. “Don’t rush yourself.”
Ellery was distracted by what was happening with Sophie, but he wasn’t dense. If Tori could see what was happening, then he would too eventually. I didn’t want him to figure it out on his own and confront us with it. I wanted the two of us to tell him together, maybe while he was distracted while changing his daughter’s diaper or trying to get her to stop crying. Yeah, that could work. He wouldn’t have the energy to be angry then.
So, assuming that Cas didn’t decide it was time to go back to work, a few more months of him sneaking back and forth from the cottage, and hoping that Ellery continued to knock whenever he came over, and not touching each other too much when he was around, and either hugging everyone equally or no one at all, and finding a way to keep anyone else from inviting themselves on our outings…
And that was all assuming I could even have a normal relationship. That I would even want him to keep coming around when the darkness overcame me, and I wanted to die. That I wouldn’t push him away when I was convinced I was completely empty and unworthy of love from any d
irection.
This was all predicated on the theory that I could be with him without dragging him down into my darkness, or spilling my secrets, or pushing him away.
“Shit!” It was all too much. I rolled over to my side and out of the pose, bringing my arms around my chest and hugging them close to try to counteract the stretch across my chest.
“You didn’t breathe.”
“Shut up.”
It wasn’t about the pose. I’d spent weeks angry with him for not being with me, and now that he wanted to be, I kept trying to poke new holes in our relationship. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just let him in?
That wasn’t even taking into account the fact that I was still hiding so much from him. I had secrets I intended to take to my grave. Could any kind of relationship really be built on a foundation this shaky? Could I go another year, or five, or twenty without telling the people closest to me what I was hiding? What would happen if they ever found out, if someone came forward and exposed my secret to the people I cared about most? What would it feel like to lose everyone over that secret at all once?
We laid together on our backs for a while and let the sun beat down on us. I was getting my color back slowly but surely, and I had neglected to put on sunscreen today. I would have to go inside soon so I didn’t burn. During the summers at Castel’s house, I used to lie outside for hours, trying to slowly build up that decent California tan that had eluded me while I was locked inside my brother’s dorm room. It would go well for a few days, and then one day, I would forget to re-apply my tanner and wake up the next morning as red as a lobster.
I heard Tori roll her head over to look at me. I screwed my eyes shut.
“You shouldn’t be so afraid of it. I think it’s good for you.”
“Can you tell that to my brother?” I muttered.
“I will if you want me to. But I don’t think he’ll be too mad if you tell him yourself.”
“You weren’t around the time Castel snuck into my bed one night when he was drunk. It was totally innocent, but Ellery almost killed him. It would have ruined their friendship.”
