by Riley Ashby
I felt absolutely unstoppable.
“Put your hands in my hair,” I whispered.
He paused.
“It’s okay. I promise.”
With both our eyes open and my lips still against his, I kissed him while he slid one hand up to my head. He grasped a handful of hair in a loose fist.
When I moaned, he froze. But his grip on my hair remained firm.
“Kiss my neck,” I whispered, my voice husky.
I shook with the exertion of holding myself back. His lips met the tender skin of my throat, tongue passing over the muscles as I swallowed.
My legs spread wider. I wanted to be closer to him.
“You’re driving me insane,” he growled, claiming my mouth again. My fingers latched in his hair as I deepened the kiss.
“I need it.”
“Hold on,” he whispered against me as I fumbled with his waistband.
“I want to try again,” I said, pleading, so vulnerable but trusting him to catch me as he always did.
“I do too. God, do I want to try again.” He laughed a little as he leaned back. He pressed his hand against his cock, trying to relieve some of the pressure. “I have an idea that I think might make this time go better. I need scissors.”
I blinked at him, surprised by the change in topic. “Um, in the kitchen?”
“I’ll be right back.” He ran out before I could protest, leaving me lonely in the bathroom. I walked into the main bedroom, taking a moment to look around at the room he had been spending so much time in while working to get me back. It wasn’t him at all. Though everything was the way my brother styled it, he’d added his touches around the room by rearranging furniture and leaving personal effects on the surfaces. I smiled to myself as I ran my fingers across cufflinks and collar stays.
He returned a few minutes later with scissors and a towel and began cutting it into several strips. When he was done, he turned and handed them to me.
“Here,” he said. “They’re for me.”
I took the shredded towel hesitantly. “You … want me to tie you up?”
He smiled. The setting sun coming through the window glinted off his moistened lips. “I think it might help you feel safer.”
I fingered the strips in my hands. He wouldn’t be able to touch me at all. No chance for him to hold me, cradle me, work me to climax with his fingers inside me and his thumb on my clit. No chance for him to run his fingertips along my spine or cup the small of my back as I came.
No chance for him to touch me somewhere that would set me off.
No chance for him to misread my signals and not back off quickly enough.
If I thought I had been craving him before, it was nothing compared to the urgency that compelled me now. He was willing to put himself entirely at my mercy in order to make sure we were both safe from another setback.
“Lie on the bed,” I said, my voice husky. “And take off your clothes.”
He obeyed quickly, nearly tripping out of his slacks. His cock sprang free, heavy between his legs and thickening with arousal. I felt tightening low in my own belly and wetness between my legs. Even after what I had endured alone, what we had endured together, I still wanted him. I wanted him very much.
I knelt on the bed next to him to tie his hands to the headboard. He squeezed my fingers as I tightened the bonds.
“Is that too tight?” I asked, not wanting him to be uncomfortable. He smiled at me.
“Make them as tight as you want.”
I leaned down to kiss him. I pressed my chest against his, unworried. I was protected first by my clothes and then by his hands, bound and out of the way.
I stepped back from the bed, running my fingers over my own breasts to remind myself I was safe. Nothing would touch me if I didn’t give it permission to first.
I pulled my shirt over my head.
Castel didn’t make a sound, but when I brushed my hair out of my eyes, I could see his throat working as his eyes took in my chest and stomach. I splayed one palm across my belly and put my other on my chest. Reaching down into the cup of my bra, I pulled my breast free.
“Fuck,” he swore under his breath. Fully erect, his cock stood tall and proud between his legs, and he looked gorgeous. I moved toward him, suddenly wanting to feel him. I kept one hand on my breast, kneading the skin, and reached out the other for him. I swiped my finger through the drop of pre-cum beaded at his tip and wiped it down his length.
“Jesus Christ.” His hips rose, pushing himself into me, but I pulled my hand back quickly. His eyes flew open in alarm, but I was already reaching to undo the clasp of my bra. I let the straps slide down my shoulders and then my chest was bare, and he was drinking in the sight of me like he was dying of thirst.
I had never felt so desired.
I had never wanted to be touched so much.
I couldn’t get my shorts off quickly enough. I leaped on the bed next to him as soon as I was free, leaning over to kiss him again. This time, I let my bare chest press against his skin. He sucked in his breath, a strangled sound coming from this throat.
“Christ, you feel amazing,” he mumbled against my lips.
My skin was burning where we met, but unlike before, it wasn’t like a wildfire or clear cut. It was the ignition of something long smoldering, something I had been nurturing within me and not letting go out. I pressed against him harder as I threw one leg over his hips, straddling him and letting my sex press against his skin. His moan was met with mine, a sound I didn’t make consciously.
I was a woman torn in two, wanting him to touch me yet knowing I couldn’t handle it if he did. I settled for touching myself instead as I pressed against him. I craved him inside me, but I worried it would tear me apart. But it had felt so good when he licked me. I wanted to have him all the way.
“I…” I swallowed, knowing the conversation was necessary but hating the history behind it. “I’m safe. I’ve been tested a few times now.”
He leaned up to kiss me. “I trust you. You’re on birth control?”
I nodded.
“Go on, then.” His voice was soft as silk.
I braced myself on either side of his chest as I lowered myself on to him. As I took him in slowly, inch by inch, I fought down panic at the same time as I bit back my moans of ecstasy. I felt full, stretched, but it didn’t hurt. It felt good.
It felt better than good.
It felt right.
“Vail. Are you there?”
I snapped open my eyes to see Castel looking at me with concern in his eyes. I had completely zoned out, sinking into the sensation of him.
“Yeah, baby,” I said as I rocked my hips. His eyes rolled to the back of his head. “I’m right here.”
This was what I was missing? What had been taken from me? Sex not being used as punishment or taken unwillingly. This was an exchange between two partners, and it was exquisite. The way it should always be.
I thought I had never been as lucky as I was to be straddling him right now.
My fingers moved of their own accord, strolling across his chest one moment and clutching my own skin a moment later. I reached between my legs to touch where he couldn’t; I leaned down to bite his nipples while he rose to meet my downward thrusts.
If it was this good while his hands were tied, I would lose my mind when he finally touched me.
Our rhythm fell quicker, our bodies pulsing in time as sweat trickled down my spine. My name coming from his lips was sweet, soothing music, and the way he cursed when I finally came made everything that much stronger. I felt him move inside me with his own release, our cries rising in harmony to the rafters.
When I could move again, I draped myself in a robe despite the heat before I untied his hands. He propped himself up on one side, watching me carefully as I slid onto the mattress next to him. He didn’t move to hold me until I put my arms around him first.
“Are you okay?” he whispered. I cut off his breath with a kiss.
�
��More than okay.”
He buried his face in my hair, inhaling deeply. “Everything about you was made for me.”
“Everything?”
“Your smell, your taste, the way your pussy clenches around me when you come. It’s the most exquisite thing I’ve ever felt. I can’t believe we waited this long.”
I inhaled him in return, the familiar scent that had pulled me back from so many bad times. Often it had just been the smell of his pillow while he was out of the room. But now it was him. It would always be him; it would never be anyone or anything else.
“No more waiting,” I whispered. He held me close.
“No more waiting,” he agreed.
Everything that I had to given to anyone, she owned. She was the beginning of my life and the end of all my troubles; the alpha and omega when it came to everything I had ever believed in.
Being inside her had changed my entire outlook on life. Where before I had been content to merely pursue her, comfort her, and care for her with the promise of future happiness, I now had it squarely in my grasp. I would never be apart from her again. Regardless of the physical distance between us, we were one person. As we were always meant to be.
My entire life had led to this moment, despite my attempts at smothering the flame. The universe had seen fit to grant me my greatest desire, undeterred by my own hardheadedness and obtuseness. I would never deserve anyone or anything as perfect as her, but she was mine all the same.
As we laid together afterward, I made her all the promises I had been keeping to myself for so long. Some out loud and some only in my head. But regardless of whether she knew my plans for her, I would keep every last one. We would journey together from here on out.
Hand in hand, we would take on the world and every monster in it.
We would never be alone again.
I sent Castel away the day before we left for New York. Even though he loathed the separation, I needed some time alone to sort out my thoughts.
“I’m prepared for this,” I told him. And I was. I had lived through my memories enough times in my head that I could recall the truth about what had happened without a second of hesitation. I knew the details of every touch and held the memory of every bruise like a phantom that wouldn’t leave me in peace for a single second. The hard part would be forcing those words through my lips and into the world.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the threat being levied against me. The possibility of spending years—maybe even the rest of my life—in jail simply for defending myself because I lived in a country that valued men over the bodily autonomy of the women they hurt. But I knew Chase didn’t really care whether I went to prison.
He wanted to reach right back into my chest and twist my heart a little bit more. It was his way of getting back at me.
I had stopped talking after the second time he raped me. My voice meant nothing, held no weight, so what was the point in taxing myself? Every plea for mercy was met with laughter, so it was easier to stay quiet. But he became obsessed with coaxing sound from me. Sometimes it would be innocuous questions, hoping to trick me into a reflexive response. Withholding water or food until I nodded to his questions. Refusing to let me sleep unless I said his name.
Other times, he would inflict pain so severe that it forced me to beg him to stop. And he succeeded a few times. As I learned to better protect myself, he became even more creative when it came to tripping me up. By the time I was rescued, though, I hadn’t made a single sound in over two weeks. I was weak from hunger and dehydration, bruised worse than I had ever been, and barely coherent on days when I didn’t receive enough rest. But it was worth it to see the anger and frustration on his face every time he left me without having elicited a single sound.
Now, he had found the ultimate way to force me to use my voice. I would have to speak aloud all the wretched things that had been done to me and repeat his own horrible words back to the world for everyone to hear. Strangers I had never met and would never see again would know the details about the violence that had been committed against me behind locked doors guarded by men armed with machine guns.
I sat on the floor with my legs crossed, eyes closed, and hands resting on top of each other on my lap. I tried to think calmly and rationally about how to approach this challenge, but every time I let my thoughts settle, panic would bubble below the surface. It rose like bile in my throat, making me want to empty my stomach on the bedroom floor. Which wouldn’t have been much since I couldn’t be convinced to eat more than a piece of bread for dinner.
I went to the main room of the cottage and turned on the TV, determined to distract myself with mind-numbing cartoons. If I couldn’t think about what I was going to do, I wasn’t going to think about anything at all. I had the volume turned up so loud that I almost didn’t hear the knock on the front door.
“Go away, Castel,” I yelled, but it was Ellery who opened the door. I sat up and turned off the TV immediately, caught off guard by his presence. He was in a sweaty T-shirt and shorts, and breathing hard. I wondered how long he had been running. How far he had traveled to try to escape his anger.
“I’m going to kill him,” he said, and at that moment, I knew he believed it. If the man had been standing in front of us, Ellery would have strangled him with his bare hands if that was what it took. I sighed and patted the space on the couch next to me. He shook his head and started to pace, but I grabbed his wrist and tugged him down to the couch as he passed me.
“I’m strong enough to do this,” I told him softly. Maybe if I said it enough times, it would be true.
He shook his head. “That’s not the point. You shouldn’t have to be. And you shouldn’t have to cave to these horrific demands, either. The fact that he can get away with this is a human rights violation.”
I laughed softly. “It is. But it doesn’t change what has to happen.”
We were quiet for a long time. His breathing slowed to a normal rate.
“Do you remember that time you snuck me into the student union for that freshman movie night?”
He smiled a little. “Toy Story 2.”
I took his hand. “I never got to see Toy Story 3.”
His smile turned to confusion. “Neither did I. What about it?”
I shrugged. “Well, we have a magic box that will give us access to literally any move in the entire world, and we don’t even have to go anywhere. What do you think?”
He considered it. “I didn’t even like number two.”
“That’s because it made you cry, and you were embarrassed in front of Castel.”
He tried and failed to suppress a wider smile. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I shoved him off the couch. “Go take a shower. I’ll have it ready when you come back.”
Castel had made sure everything was ready for my return, including the possibility of movie nights. I found endless packets of microwave popcorn in the pantry. I made three bags, sprinkling Parmesan cheese between the layers of hot kernels. Ellery showered and then dressed in some of Castel’s spare clothes, bitching the entire time about how loose his sweatpants were and how the T-shirts didn’t fit right. I shoved popcorn in his face to shut him up.
Looking back, I realized so much of those three years I lived with him and Castel had just been with Cas. Ellery was busy with so many clubs and organizations that Castel didn’t have to worry about thanks to his family’s money. But there had been times when it was just the two of us, too. Times when we would fight like normal siblings and also times when we would laugh about something that we both seemed to like simply because we shared the same DNA. He had been the cornerstone of my strength long before Castel had come into my life and swept me off my feet.
“Are you sure you’re okay with me and Castel being together?” I kept my eyes fixed on the screen as I spoke. This wasn’t exactly a conversation I ever wanted to have with him, but Castel had told me about their conversation the night he tried to run away. It was impo
rtant to me—to both of us—that Ellery be on board with this new dynamic.
I expected him to be awkward, but he rolled his eyes. “I knew he was in love with you when he helped you sneak back into the pool that first summer. That’s why I freaked out so much the time I caught him in your room. He’s been hopeless for years.”
I laughed. “That doesn’t answer my question.”
He squeezed my hand. “I’m absolutely fine with it. I was pretty angry with him for a while when I realized how much he hurt you by moving away. I wish you two hadn’t spent so much time avoiding each other, but at least you’re together now.”
I bumped his shoulder with mine. “Thank you. I don’t know what would happen if you decided to throw a protective fit over it.”
He shrugged. “You’re both adults. We had a weird situation, but I think you’re entitled to make some own choices about your life. As you keep reminding us.”
My own smile was mirrored back at me in his face.
As the movie started and that stupid little lamp hopped across the screen, we sat next to each other on the couch with just enough space between us. He smelled like a strange mix of my shampoo and Castel’s soap. I held the popcorn in my lap, meaning he had to reach across the space between us to grab a handful. I could have put it on the couch between us, but it would have caused us to move farther apart, and I found I didn’t want that. I scooted closer, letting our hips bump against each other, and folded my legs underneath me. My head fell to the side and landed on his shoulder. After a second, he turned and pressed a kiss to the top of my head.
“I’m glad you’re home, sister.”
“Me too, brother.”
Even though it had been my idea to watch this movie, I couldn’t focus on it. I wanted to. I really did. I wanted to have a normal night with my brother. We hadn’t hung out like this in ages. Between my work and his business, we had been too busy. But I knew he was making an effort to be at home more and not go into the office unless he had to. It was partly for Sophie, but it was for me too. He wanted to be around for me. I was the one who hadn’t been reaching out.
