by Tracy Lauren
I frown over his solemn expression. Poor guy hardly looks excited. “Smile,” I whisper. He shakes his head, looking confused. I plaster on an overly bright grin and point to it until he catches on. The soft smile he brings to his lips is half-hearted, but still, he could light up a room. Yeah, we’re not going to have any problems getting phone numbers today.
But the minutes tick by and it doesn’t seem like anyone else in the world is in the mood to enjoy the cafe’s outdoor seating today. I keep scanning the streets for a girl who might be checking Dorran out though…and the next time I look up at him…my eyes go wide. He’s breaking off pieces of the small floral centerpiece on his table and nibbling on them. Oh, what in all the fucks!
“Dorran,” I hiss, shaking my head vehemently, but he has no idea what I’m talking about and he looks over his shoulder to see if I’m trying to signal him or something. He’s still got flower petals in his hand when the door opens and someone steps out to join us on the patio. I jump up, slap the petals out of his hand, and scoop up his centerpiece—adding it to my own table. “No,” I hiss.
Luckily, the incoming patron isn’t a potential wife. It’s a middle-aged man and his dog. Dorran still politely says hello. That’s good, I think. If someone’s peeping him right now, they’ll see what a polite and friendly guy he is. Women love that.
Dorran gets a few smiles from ladies passing by—not to mention one wink, a blown kiss, two hellos, and a honked horn. Add in a wolf-ish whistle and he’d get catcall bingo. But all these fish in the sea just keep on swimming by; there’ve been no serious bites on his line…until…
A beautiful brunette stumbles on her way out the patio door, when the little yapping dog she has on a leash goes running willy-nilly through her legs and under Dorran’s chair, effectively tangling the two of them together. This is perfect, I think—clasping my hands together.
“Allow me to assist you,” Dorran offers with his sexy exotic accent and deep, gravelly voice. The woman smiles and passes the leash to Dorran, so he can untangle it from the legs of his chair and the little dog does him no favors, running in circles beneath it. Finally he catches the little guy and brings him up to his chest, petting him gently and with loving care. I have to wipe the doe eyes off my own face as I watch him hold the teeny dog. I certainly don’t have any right to be ogling Dorran when I’m the one who rejected his advances. It shouldn’t even matter to me that he looks adorable cuddling with a tiny fluffy dog.
“You have a very spirited pet,” he tells the woman, who’s standing way too close considering she and Dorran haven’t even introduced themselves yet. I scowl…this one might be too eager. I catalogue the information and store it away. Damn, I think to myself. I should have brought my laptop so I could start a graph or a checklist for all the women Dorran meets today—so we can remember who’s who.
“She and I are alike in that way,” the woman says. I roll my eyes. Trying too hard…dropping trite lines on a special guy like Dorran. My opinion of this chick is steadily dropping.
Dorran’s eyes cut to me, like he’s unsure how to proceed. I nod, trying to encourage him to continue pursuing her. Even if she isn’t the one, this is good practice for him.
“You have excellent taste in coffee,” he says, finally settling on how to inch this conversation along. “It smells delicious.”
“You smell just as good,” the woman flirts. “What kind of cologne are you wearing? I absolutely love it.”
Dorran shrugs. “I am not wearing any.” There’s an awkward pause after that, a sure-fire sign that the conversation is about to die if Dorran doesn’t come up with something. He must sense it too, because his next words come out in a hurry. “If I am not mistaken you are at the height of your monthly fertility cycle. It makes your scent highly potent.”
The woman’s face drops and my eyes go wide. Oh fuck.
“I’m sorry, what?”
I’m on the edge of my seat, willing Dorran to look at me as I make a slashing moment across my neck. Cut it short, Dorran!
But he doesn’t get my telepathic message. No one ever gets my telepathic messages.
“I can scent your ovulation. You have very strong pheromones at the moment,” he clarifies helpfully. And with that, the woman snatches her dog out of Dorran’s arms and dumps her coffee over his head, all before spinning on her heel and hightailing it from the patio.
I stare at Dorran, feeling like I was just hit by a truck. But poor Dorran looks like he was hit by a truck. His eyes are wide and his mouth is agape as coffee drips down his face and soaks into his new shirt.
The woman’s gone in an instant and I jump to my feet to begin dabbing Dorran all over with napkins to soak up some of the mess. “Dorran, for Christ’s sake! You told her you can smell her ovulating?! What were you thinking?”
“It is a high compliment!” he defends.
“Not on Earth it isn’t. That’s weird as shit!” I don’t bother mentioning the fact that he was eating the centerpiece…
He stills my hands and I look into his unhappy purple eyes. “Carly, I think I would like to go back to the apartment for the evening.”
I let out a sigh. He certainly can’t try picking up any more women like this. But our efforts were a complete bust. Not one single phone number! I huff. “Picking up guys is way easier. Come on, let’s go home.” I wrap my arm around Dorran to give him a comforting side hug, but he takes over, wrapping his own arm around my shoulder and not letting go. Fuck it, I think to myself. We had a rough afternoon; we could both use a little comfort. And so, we walk home like that—like two old friends despite the fact we’ve only been in each other’s lives the past few days.
“You pick up males often?” he asks after a while.
“Usually they just show up at my door with piping hot coffee.”
Dorran’s chest rumbles with his soft chuckle. “That must be very convenient.”
“Don’t worry, Dorran, I’m going to help you. We’re talking about your happily ever after, that’s not something to take lightly.”
Dorran grunts in agreement, but his expression looks so…troubled. He’s losing faith and it’s breaking my heart. I want to tell him that everything’s going to be okay. That I’m all in. I’m going to help him and when we get back to the apartment I’ll do that the only way I know how.
“What do you say we order takeout, fire up Netflix, and just bum around on the couch all night?”
My alien roomie grins down at me, giving me a gentle squeeze. “I’d say I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Are you telling me you come from an advanced alien race and you don’t have Netflix?” I tease.
“I look forward to learning all about it.”
“Let me tell you Dor, Netflix and Senor Thai…there’s no better end to a day like this one.”
He sighs. “It was quite the day, was it not?”
“Well, I found out aliens exist, so…yeah. Even if I live to be a hundred it’s going to be hard to top this.”
“Hmm, it must come as quite a shock to you. I’m sorry if this has caused you any mental anguish—if I have caused you any anguish.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t use a strong word like that one. Don’t forget, I’m a science geek, Dor. Even before your shocking reveal I knew the likelihood of intelligent life in the universe was great. The only real shock is that you guys walk amongst us. That you freaking vacation here, for goodness sake. Hey—can you tell when someone else is an alien? Like if we passed one on the street?”
Dorran shrugs as he goes to the kitchen sink and tugs off his shirt for rinsing. The act leaves the muscled plane of his back exposed to me and I rub my arms to hide the goosebumps I get at the sight of him. “If you are asking if Mrs. Doherty is not from this world, I can tell you what my guess would be,” he teases, looking over his shoulder at me.
I snort. “Hilarious. Wait…you are kidding, right?”
Dorran just grins.
“Hey, why don’t you go get cleane
d up, get comfy and I’ll call in our order?”
With Dorran in the bathroom and our food on its way, I go to my room to put on my own comfy clothes. If it were Sarah and me pigging out and watching Netflix, I’d be in my gray sweatpants. The ones that have numerous wine and/or chocolate stains on them. Instead, just for the sake of company of course, I put on a cute pink romper and fuzzy white slippers.
And I’m not completely oblivious to my actions. I’m trying to look good for the sexy guy I’m going to be spending the second evening in a row with. The same sexy guy who kissed me last night and proclaimed that he wanted to pursue me. The very same guy…that I rejected.
But sue me, okay? He’s hot and even though we can’t have each other, I still want to look cute for him. And I swear, cross my heart and hope to die, I will help him find his happily ever after. Even if it can’t be with me.
Before I step out of my room, I look at my phone. I’m thinking of texting Sarah, but I don’t really know what to say. If I told her Dorran was an alien she’d call the police, thinking he slipped me some mind-altering drug.
I guess I really can’t talk about this to anyone. Except Dorran, that is. When I open the door to my bedroom, Dorran is coming out of the bathroom and we nearly bump into one another. I suck in a soft gasp… He’s washed off whatever he uses to change his skin tone. He’s purple again and wearing nothing but the soft flannel pajama bottoms we got for him at the mall. I can’t help myself; my eyes go straight to his crotch—I can’t forget the fact that he has not one, but two penises. How is that even going to work, I wonder for the millionth time?
“Hey Dorran… What do you know about human female anatomy?”
“Not nearly as much as I’d like to,” he says, giving me a wicked grin.
I blush and take a half a step back towards my shut door, but Dorran follows me, keeping the distance between us minimal.
“I mean…you see, I couldn’t help but notice, you are slightly different than a human guy…in terms of…what you’re packing.” I pointedly eye his crotch.
“Ah.” He smiles knowingly. “My race has far superior genitalia than your males.”
“Well, I suppose I can’t argue with that. But I have to ask…will you even be able to fit when it comes to intercourse with a human woman?”
And Dorran…fucking delicious Dorran. He groans at my question, taking another step towards me.
“Maybe we should test it? Just to be sure.”
My lips part and I swear I mean to say something in protest, but only a whimper comes out. And Dorran comes close to me…so close, without touching…
“We could call it a scientific endeavor,” he whispers, grinning at me. And I can’t tell if he’s serious or if it’s a sexy tease. Thank God we don’t find out, because the doorbell rings.
“Senor Thai,” I tell him, before I suck in a gasp. “Senor Thai!” And Dorran is purple as fuck. I shove him back into his room, hissing that he should stay put.
“Wait, I will pay for the meal,” he insists, trying to scramble out of his room while tugging his fat stack of cash out of the pocket of a discarded pair of jeans.
“No, go, go, go! Out of sight unless you want freaking men in black to show up.”
“What do I care what the food carrier is wearing?”
He shoves his cash into my hand and I shove him back into his room as the doorbell rings again.
“Wait!” Dorran practically bellows at me.
“What?” I hiss, the sense of urgency steadily growing.
He swings his door wide and there’s a flash of swirling fabric as he wraps his robe around my shoulders, tying the belt in a quick knot.
Then, urgency or not, I’m frozen. Completely dumbfounded. “I’m not cold.”
“No, but if the food carrier is male…” He clicks his tongue, unsure if he should share his reasoning. “That is a special garment you are wearing…not just anyone should see you in it.” His purple hue grows a shade darker. And I smile at him, adjusting the oversized robe. Dorran nods and finally ducks into his room, leaving the door open a crack.
I pay the delivery driver and bring the food into the kitchen.
“Coast’s clear!” I call and Dorran comes out of the room, inhaling deeply.
“Smell good?” I ask, but I know the answer. It smells heavenly, and I can tell Dorran agrees by the way he is picking up every container, trying to inhale it.
“Carry these to the coffee table and I’ll fire up Netflix. What are you in the mood for?”
He looks at the TV. “Is this some kind of entertainment vid?”
“You guys have something similar?”
“We are an advanced alien race, as you say. Of course we do. My favorite are the extreme gladiator competitions, where males and females train to race through seemingly impossible obstacles while being timed against their fellow competitors.”
“Okay, so Ultimate Ninja Warrior, coming right up,” I say, scrolling through the options.
“What do you enjoy?”
I blow a raspberry. “You don’t want to know.”
“Of course I do.”
I give Dorran a deadpan expression, challenging him to make fun of me for liking chick flicks. “Romantic comedies.”
“What is that?” he questions, looking truly interested…and that’s all I need. Then I’m all smiles.
“Well…there’s the classics, like When Harry Met Sally. Or my favorite new one’s called Isn’t it Romantic; it’s where a woman gets hit on the head and gets stuck in a trope romance. It’s hilarious and adorable.”
“Let’s watch one of those,” Dorran suggests, digging into a box of spicy glass noodles. He doesn’t say anything, but I can tell he thinks it’s delicious and it gives me a deep sense of satisfaction I have to bite my lip. Romance movies, Senor Thai, a night on the couch…and a big fluffy borrowed robe from a hot guy. This is damn near my idea of perfect, even if said guy is purple and I have no business lusting after him. But Sarah’s right, I should just enjoy his company for tonight, at the very least. Then, tomorrow we can get back to work on finding that wife he’s looking for.
Unfortunately, choosing the right movie proves to be hard. Of course, I’m probably putting way too much thought into it. I just really want Dorran to enjoy something that makes me happy, so I have to pick something he’s going to understand, even with the whole culture gap going on. So, do I choose Sleepless in Seattle? How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? Notting Hill? In the end I land on The Wedding Singer, because you can’t go wrong with Drew Barrymore. Plus, it’s nice and light after the day we’ve had.
And even after the pad Thai and glass noodles are long gone, I can’t stop thinking about how today went. Oddly enough I’m more fixated on Dorran’s problem rather than the jaw-dropping revelation of aliens invading Earth. Well…I suppose they haven’t really invaded Earth. Just my apartment. I look over at the purple guy next to me…the one who’s watching The Wedding Singer like it’s the latest Ken Burns documentary.
“Hey…I’m sorry about today.”
Dorran gives me his full attention. “What do you have to be sorry for?”
“I think I kind of dove into this whole find-Dorran-a-wife mission a little too hard. It’s just, I want you to know I’ve got your back, Dorran. I want you to feel like you have a friend in me.”
The look he gives me has so many layers, I don’t know what to make of it.
“My mission, it is called a Kasal Panaw. It is the right of every Kuytu Tetrani. But it is not meant to be like this. I am supposed to have an entourage. My closest friends, a cultural anthropologist, a security detail.”
“Oh. Well, I must be pretty lackluster in comparison to all that.”
Dorran reaches over and takes my hand in his, linking our fingers. “As a matter of fact, I am very glad to have you, Carly.”
I’m hyper-aware of our linked fingers. Particularly the fact that they remain linked. This is just a friend thing, I tell myself. Not that Sarah and I wou
ld hold hands, but maybe alien friends hold hands all the time—who’s to say? I guess Dorran would be the one to say, but I’m not going to ask. Not yet anyway.
That’s when the credits start rolling. “So, what’d you think of your first romance movie?”
“Informative,” Dorran tells me, his voice barely above a whisper.
Oh gosh…I feel like we didn’t start out so close to each other on the couch. Yet somehow we’re on the verge of cuddling. If I happened to tilt my head, I could rest it right on his big purple shoulder. Fuck…are shoulders supposed to be so sexy?
“What do you want to watch next?” I ask, clearing my throat and breaking the practically magnetic eye contact between us.
“I like romance. Do you think perhaps watching more of these will prepare me for seducing a female?”
“Seducing? I thought you said pursuing?”
“I hope the two are not mutually exclusive.” Dorran grins and I smile too, forever unable to bite them back around my hunky roommate.
“Show me a vid that might help me entice even the most cautious female.”
I raise my brow at him, wondering if he’s talking about me. “Hmm, let’s see…”
Then I’m scrolling through options again, still taking my movie choices way too seriously. Dorran’s going to be learning human stuff from this, I reason. I don’t want to accidentally send him off with something that’s going to cause a misstep like the whole flower fiasco.
“Dorran, for future reference, don’t eat the flowers on the table at a restaurant, okay?”
“I don’t see why they’re kept there if they aren’t meant to be eaten, but if you insist.”
“I do.”
“Shame. They were delicious.”
I scrutinize him. “Where they really?”
“Better than chips and guac. I could take you out sometime and show you,” he teases. “A dinner date, if you will.”
“Very funny.”
And the grins just keep on coming, especially when Magic Mike comes up on the screen. “Okay, I have to show you this one.”
“Is it romance?”
“God, I wouldn’t even know. I always fast forward to the dance scenes.”
