by Natalie Ann
He could tell by the look on her face there was going to be no arguing with her and honestly he didn’t want to. It’d be nice to have some kind of support.
“Let’s take a shower together. Then when we get in the truck, if you don’t mind finding a hotel while I drive, that’d be helpful.”
“You won’t stay with any family?”
“Hell no. Even if they offered I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t do it if I was alone and I sure the hell wouldn’t do it having you with me.”
Gemma was scrolling through her phone trying to find hotels in the area of Syracuse that Blake told her about. “Do you have a preference?” she asked. “They kind of all look the same, but the cost is different. I’d just go with the cheapest, but I don’t know the areas.”
“Read me off the street names for the two cheapest if they all look the same.” She scrolled back through, read them off while she waited, then he told her which one to call while he shifted his hips and pulled his wallet out to drop between them. They’d been on the road for about thirty minutes at this point. “Find my credit card in there on the left side to reserve it.”
She figured there’d be no use arguing with him over it so she didn’t bother. Ten minutes later that was done. “Do you want something to eat now?”
“Sure. Thanks for thinking of that. And making me a coffee.”
He loved his coffee so while he was at home, she’d found a travel mug and filled it for him, then threw some protein bars and fruit in a bag at random. It would be enough for the over four-hour drive to get there.
Now wasn’t the time to worry about calories or food planning. She realized that there were going to be situations just like this and was glad that she still could make decent choices.
“What do you want?”
“I’ll take a protein bar. Maybe I’ll have some fruit after, but that will hold me over.”
She reached in and grabbed one at random, opened it for him and pulled the wrapper back, then handed it over. She’d stick with a banana to start.
He was laughing, so she looked over and asked, “What’s so funny?”
“You opening it for me and pulling the wrapper out that way. It’s sweet.”
She felt the blush start to fill her face. “I thought it’d be easier for you. Plus you wouldn’t have to take both hands off the steering wheel or open it with your teeth like a Neanderthal.”
“You know you’ve got the best sense of humor. I needed a laugh.”
“Glad I can help. Do you want to talk about it? What you’re feeling or thinking?”
“Not really. I told you my parents just go from one loser to the next, but I’ve never known my mother to get mixed up with someone who would knock her around. She was more into the type that didn’t have a job or spent all his money gambling or cheating.”
“When was the last time you talked to your mother?” she asked.
“I don’t know. A couple of months. I called to check in on her and we had a few short words and that was it.”
“About what?” she asked.
“She complained I was lecturing her again. That she was sick of it. I’m just watching out for her, but she can’t see that.”
Guess he was the protector for more than just her. “You’d think she’d like that her son was looking out for her.”
“You’d think, but she doesn’t. Told me she’d been taking care of herself since my father left her when I was five. I get it. She thinks taking care of herself means finding another lover to do it. She’s never learned to stand on her own two feet.”
“You can’t change people, Blake.”
“I know. I’ve given up, but I can’t turn a blind eye either.”
“Do your father and mother still speak?”
“No way. I’m not sure they’ve talked in twenty years. Even when I was a kid they didn’t talk. He just picked Mike and me up and dropped us off in the driveway. If there was any talking it was about money and was limited to asking where it was.”
“I’m sorry. I had a lot of problems in my house as a kid, but not that.”
“Different problems, but the same results. My parents didn’t give a shit about Mike or me either. We were on our own regardless of the house we were at.”
“You turned out a lot better than me though.”
“Don’t bet on it,” he said and she left it at that. What was she supposed to say to it? All she knew was he’d talked so much about wanting a normal life and it made her wonder if he really wanted her or what she represented in his mind.
And how did you ask someone that without insulting him?
20
Same Parameters
Blake pulled into the hospital parking lot and went to the front desk, then said, “I’m looking for Madeline Wilson’s room.”
He waited while they looked it up and directed him to the fourth floor, Room 27. He had no idea what he was going to see, but it wasn’t his mother’s face looking barely recognizable.
Her eyes were shut and swollen, her lip was spit and twice the size it should be on the top, her nose slightly crooked and there was a cut above her left eyebrow. He had no clue the rest of her injuries, but her arm was in a sling. He was hoping to go find a doctor when his mother must have realized there was someone in the room.
“So the white knight shows up to save the day,” his mother said, her voice hoarser than normal. Either there was a problem with her throat or the years of cigarettes were catching up with her.
“Looks like you need saving,” he said, not surprised that sarcasm would be her first words. “Who did this to you?”
He didn’t think rock bottom had a basement, but looking at his mother, he realized hers did. He hoped to hell she was able to climb out on her own since she never wanted his help.
“None of your damn business,” she snapped. One eye was open a slit now, the other still closed and he was having a flashback of the woman that was held hostage in front of him. The problem with this situation was he’d be no hero in the end.
“Seriously? I hope to God he’s taking up residence in a cell.”
His mother turned her head and looked out the window, which told him that might not be the case.
“Did your brother call you? I told him not to bother. He could have said I was fine.”
“You don’t look fine to me.” He turned to look at Gemma standing back against the wall. He could only imagine what was going through her head.
“He shouldn’t have gotten involved any more than you needed to come here. I can take care of myself.”
He let out a laugh. “You’ve been saying that for years, but your idea of taking care of yourself is getting hooked up with one loser after another.”
“Blake,” Gemma said softly. “Not now.”
She was right, but he was too pissed off to control his words. He’d been trying for years to get his mother to see. To get her life together. Nothing he said ever made a difference, which was why he’d had to leave. He couldn’t sit back and watch.
Not as a man in law enforcement. Not as a son.
“What’s his name?” he asked his mother again.
“Why, so you can go track him down and rough him up? I’m not telling you.”
He’d never done that before. Sure, he’d had words with lots of the men his mother had been with over the years. Long before he was even an adult, but he’d never roughed anyone up. Maybe he should have, but it was against everything he was. Against the code he took as an officer. His mother should know better, but her mind didn’t work in the same parameters as his.
His mother called him a white knight and he supposed deep down that might be the case. That he always did or wanted to do what was right. Maybe that was because he’d been subjected to so much that was wrong in his life.
That he always stood out for being different from the rest of his family and had no idea why.
“You know I’m going to find out so you might as well tell me.”
“Going
to use your contacts to get information that you’ve got no business having?”
He ran his hand through his hair. He had no idea why his mother was being so difficult about all of this. Especially in her condition.
The nurse walked in at that moment, so Blake turned to look at her. “I’m Madeline’s son. Can you tell me what happened since she doesn’t want to talk to me?”
The nurse looked at him, then saw the badge on his hip. He’d clipped it on with his gun when he left. He rarely went anywhere without them but knew he might have a hard time getting information from his mother. He was hoping it’d help without him having to say anything other than being Madeline’s son.
“Let me get the doctor. I’m sure they are going to want to see some ID, as Madeline didn’t fill out any children on her forms, but the officer that came in to talk to her had mentioned that her son found her and called nine-one-one. Was that you?”
“No. My brother. I don’t live around here. He called me early this morning.”
“Hang on and I’ll find the doctor. Maybe you should come out to the desk and give your mother some quiet so she can rest.”
“Yeah,” he said, walking closer to Gemma and putting his hand on her back. Just having her here was enough. He hoped she wasn’t judging him too harshly.
They only waited for about five minutes before a woman in a lab coat came forward. “I’m Dr. Strand. I’m being told you’re the patient’s son? She didn’t fill out any next of kin on her paperwork, but we know another man was here with her when she came in and he said he was her son too. He actually filled in more gaps on her paperwork than her. She’s been uncooperative.”
He shook hands with the doctor. “We don’t have the best family relationship,” Blake said. He pulled out his wallet and showed his ID, the doctor nodded him over to another room.
“She was brought in late last night. I guess your brother went to her house to check on her. You could get more information from the police report. Syracuse PD, I believe, took the call and interviewed your mother. She’s not cooperating or talking to them either.”
“Not surprising.”
“That’s normal in a domestic violence situation. Do you know who your mother might have been seeing?”
“No clue,” he said. “Like I said, I don’t live around here and we don’t talk often. When we do it’s not about her love life, as I’ve been told to butt out more times than not.”
“I’m sure by now the police will have an idea. If they were living together people would have seen them. They’re probably going to talk to her place of employment too. I’ll leave you to find that out. From my point, she has a broken nose and dislocated shoulder. The rest are cuts and scratches and bruising. She’ll heal physically well enough, mentally might be another story.”
“Has this happened before? Any record of her being here for something similar?” This wasn’t normally the first visit for victims.
“No records. We did check other hospitals to see if we could get any information of prior injuries, but nothing. Either it just started or she’s dealt with them on her own.”
“Okay. What’s next? How long will she be here? Does she need someone to care for her when she is released?”
“We’ll keep her another day or so and then release her. She should be fine on her own if there isn’t anyone home. Since she’s not saying what happened or who did this to her, there isn’t much that can be done without witnesses. I’m sure you’re aware of that.”
“Painfully aware.” He pulled a card out and handed it over. “Can you keep me up to date if this happens again? I’ll stay in town tonight and see if I can get some more information, but I doubt it.”
“Not a problem. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help. Good luck.”
“Thanks,” he said and turned to go back into his mother’s room knowing Gemma was following.
“I’m going to find out who did this to you,” he told his mother. “I can’t make you do a damn thing about it, but I can tell you this—if it’s the first time he did it and did this much damage, the next will only be worse. Just think of that.”
“Just stay out of my business, Blake. You want to know the truth? I took money from him and he was pissed off and wanted it back.”
“That doesn’t give him the right to knock you around,” he said. “It doesn’t give any man the right to do that.”
“Whatever,” she said. “You don’t understand and you never will. You don’t think like the rest of us do in the family.”
He snorted, not having to be told that. “And that’s a bad thing in your eyes?” he asked.
“You always thought you were so much better than the rest of us,” she said. “You want to know why you’re so different? Why you never fit in?”
There was a roaring in his ears right now. “Why?”
“Because I don’t even know who fathered you. Your father—or the man whose name you took—knew but we agreed to never say a word about it.”
He heard Gemma gasp and fought back the shocked sound from coming out of his own lips. He wouldn’t give his mother the satisfaction. “Why tell me now?”
“Because I want you to leave me the hell alone.”
“I’m still your son,” he said.
“You don’t get it, Blake. I don’t need your help. I don’t want your help. Just leave.”
He turned and left when his mother only stared at him. When he got in his truck, he ran his hands up and down his face and made a fist on the steering wheel.
It didn’t matter he had a shitty relationship with his mother, she was still his mother and he wanted to put his fist through something. He’d never been close to his father and now he knew why, but he couldn’t seem to process any of this right now.
“Are you okay?” Gemma asked him, her hand coming out and lightly rubbing his closed one.
“No, but I will be in time.”
“I don’t think she meant what she said.”
“About what? My father not really being my father? I believe that.” It would explain a lot in his life.
“No,” she said. “The part about you leaving her alone. I’m sure she’ll come around.”
“I doubt it. I don’t know. She’s still my mother and I’m still going to do what I planned regardless of the bombshell she dropped on me.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m going to see if I can find out more about what happened.”
“How are you going to do that if she won’t give you any answers?” she asked.
“I’ll start with the police report. I won’t break any laws like she accused me of. I’d never do that. White knight has always been a joke, but the truth is, I do everything by the letter. I always have.”
“Because nothing else in your life was done that way, right?” she asked.
“Exactly.”
21
Stronger Than That
“Where to now?” Gemma asked. She didn’t know what to do or think at this point. All she knew was she was going to be there for Blake. If that meant just holding his hand and being a presence at his side, then that would be enough.
“The police station so I can find out more. At least to try to get a copy of the police report.”
“Will they give it to you?”
“Probably. It helps that they will see me as other law enforcement and its family on top of it. DV situations touch a lot of nerves with cops.”
“Why?”
“Because there is a pattern when it happens and the victims rarely leave or get help right away. They are often told or made to feel like they deserved what happened to them by a loved one. How is a stranger going to convince them differently?”
“That’s sad. I guess I never thought of it that way. I just think if anyone raised their hands to me I’d be done. I’d walk away.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I’m sure a lot of those victims would say the same thing or had at one point too.”
She felt her face pale. Di
d he think so little of her? Did he think she wasn’t strong enough? It was not the first time she’d gotten that impression from him. That she couldn’t take care of herself.
“I’m telling you right now there is no way I’d let that happen. Just because I let my family walk all over me doesn’t mean I’d allow some man to raise his hand to me.”
He turned to look at her in the truck. “I’m sorry. Don’t take this the wrong way, but abuse doesn’t have to be physical. It’s very much emotional. That’s how it starts. That is how someone gets worn down to the point they think they deserve that fist to the face. But I by no means meant that you’d be someone who would take it. I don’t believe you would. You’re stronger than that.”
“Do you really believe that or are you just trying to backpedal? Because that might piss me off even more.”
He laughed at her. “I believe it. First off you’re giving me shit right now because you thought I implied it to you when I didn’t. I’m just stating facts. But the truth is, you have taken what was done to you your whole life by your family. And it’s not your fault. It seems to me it started from a point in your life where you didn’t even know how to fight back if you wanted to. In society we are told to listen to our parents. To believe what they say to us and about us. You coped how you could.”
“Not in a healthy way. It only made things worse.”
She understood what he was saying now. That if it wasn’t for her aunt, she’d have had no one she could turn to.
Didn’t her aunt tell her a lot of this for years? Didn’t she often tell her that she was beautiful the way she was and not to listen to other people?
Of course Gemma never believed her aunt because she was told so much how fat and ugly she was. How no one would want her for the way she looked.
Tough love, Amelia had called it. Maybe Gemma should have shoved her into the wall one day. Like Amelia told her, she weighed more and probably could have easily knocked her big sister on her skinny little ass.
