***
Tumbleweeds danced silently along the beaten dirt road of the main thoroughfare in the dusty, desolate town of Rusted Spur, Kansas. Inside the saloon, a piano player pounded a half-hearted melody on the keys. I leaned back in the rickety wooden chair on the porch of Dirty Dandy’s Saloon and kicked my feet up on a spittoon. In the distance, a lone figure in black shimmered in the heat.
The man I’d known as John Harley paused on the wooden steps of the Dirty Dandy.
He tipped his black bowler hat to me. “Mercury.”
“Mr. Harley. Join me for a drink?”
He glanced distastefully at the open door of the lonely saloon.
“I don’t think that will be necessary. Where is my wife?”
I smirked.
“Round back with my boys.”
“
She give you trouble?”
“You might’ve mentioned she carries a death ray.”
His thick lips twisted up humorlessly. “I didn’t want to negatively influence your decision to take the job. You look like you came out all right.”
“‘Course I did. I’m Tess Mercury.”
“I want to see my wife.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I rose and tilted my head toward the back of the saloon where a winding staircase led up to the rooms for let. “Come on.”
Quimby and Vaughn waited silently behind the saloon. They didn’t move when we rounded the corner. Between them, Lightning Hazel lay in a heap on the dusty ground. Thick ropes pinioned her arms to her sides, and her legs kicked feebly against the bind wrapped several times around her ankles. Her eyes rolled balefully between the devil and me as we approached. A red bandana in her mouth muffled her outraged cursing.
The dark man snorted with laughter. Hazel’s eyes narrowed dangerously. She writhed angrily for several moments. A cloud of dust swirled around her.
“It looks like you boys are afraid of my little Hazel.”
Quimby scowled at him. “She’s feral.”
“Ah, she ain’t feral, Quim,” I told him reproachfully. “She’s just crazy.”
Vaughn’s smooth, impassive features didn’t change. “Why would you marry this woman?”
The dark man shrugged. “She’s easy on the eyes, and she came with a pretty large dowry.”
I curled my lip. “Don’t anyone marry for the right reasons anymore?”
“Well, it don’t matter the reason,” Quimby said. “You got the money, you got her back.”
I met Hazel’s eyes and took a step away from the devil beside me. His hand hovered suspiciously over his hip pocket.
“You planning to double cross us, Harley?” I demanded.
Before he could answer, Hazel leapt abruptly to her feet with a triumphant laugh, tossing aside the trick ropes. “Too late! The jig is up!” she declared.
“What the hell is going on?” the devil growled.
“This is a trick! You’ve been ambushed! I ain’t never working for you, Roll!”
Quimby and Vaughn stepped toward the dark man. He held up his hands to ward them off. “What are you doing?”
“I’m getting back the bounty you lost for me in Arizona,” I told him cheerfully. “Thanks for the tip, Ricone.”
“You can’t do this! I’m Rudy Ricone!”
“I know who you are, and I don’t much like bein’ lied to. I know Hazel ain’t your wife. I know you just want her to make guns for your gang in Chicago.”
Ricone’s dark eyes narrowed coldly. “You are making a mistake.”
“Nah, I don’t think so. You ain’t much without your enforcers. Get ‘im, boys.”
They stepped toward him. His hand moved in a flash toward his gun, but Quimby was faster. Quimby was always faster, and he was proud of it. He smirked. “Nice try, Ricone,” he said mildly.
Ricone’s eyes darted wildly between us. Hazel stepped toward him, brandishing a long, thin brass wand with two prongs on the end. I didn’t know what it did, but I suspected I didn’t want to be standing next to the Roll when I found out.
“Now, Hazel, let’s talk about this–” Ricone squeaked.
She ignored him. She thrust the pronged end of the wand toward him. He dodged away, but Vaughn’s large, solid figure stopped him cold. Hazel strode forward and thrust the wand into his belly. His body jerked and convulsed for several seconds while Hazel cackled gleefully.
He collapsed in a heap on the ground.
I stepped forward and caught Hazel’s arm. “All right, Hazel, that’s enough. He’s down.”
“Aw, but he ain’t even smokin’ yet. Just another minute?”
“No.”
“Enough showboating, Hazel,” Vaughn scolded gently. “You’re toys are real neat. We get it.”
“Can I try next?” Quimby asked eagerly.
“All right, all right,” I said, scowling. “Can we get on with it? We’ve got a bounty to collect.”
***
“You’ll regret this, Mercury!” Rudy the Roll screeched as the iron bars slammed in his twisted, angry devil‘s face.
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. Yeah.” They always swore vengeance, but it didn’t mean much when the bars were slamming on their faces. “You ain‘t never gettin‘ out of there, Ricone.”
I turned away from the small, stinking cell. The tall, barrel-chested sheriff eyed me distrustfully. “I didn’t think I’d ever see Rudy the Roll Ricone behind bars,” he remarked. “I guess I owe you one.”
“You owe me five hundred, Sheriff. I’ll take my money, and me and my posse will be on our way.”
He peered over my shoulder at the large black man, the sandy-haired cowboy and the scandalous blonde woman huddled in the lobby. “Yeah, I reckon I’d appreciate that. You bounty hunters…well.”
I lifted my eyebrows, but I took the stack of banknotes he offered all the same. I spun away from him, tucking them into my satchel. I tilted my head at my posse. “We’re done here. Nice work, fellas.”
Outside, I divvied up the bounty and turned to our unexpectedly profitable cohort.
“So, where you headed now, Hazel?”
The small, rosy blonde woman smiled. “Well, I hadn’t really thought much about it. Back to Fortune City, maybe. They like me there.” She kicked anxiously at the ground, then looked back up at me with a hopeful expression. “Say, I don’t suppose you folks need another member for your team here?”
I glanced at Quimby and Vaughn. Vaughn’s dark, even-featured face was bland, but his dark eyes were twinkling slightly. Quimby‘s expression was stern. “How many more of those ray guns you got, Hazel?”
She grinned wickedly. “Loads.”
Quimby turned to me with a luminous face, and the other two were looking at me expectantly. I considered Hazel a long moment. Finally, I sighed. “Yeah, Yeah. All right. You‘re in, Hazel.”
Tess Mercury and the Wanton Wife Page 3
