by Lucy Monroe
"You’re being bloody ridiculous."
She gasped and glared at him, all fear receding from her eyes. "It is not ridiculous to want to care for the living creatures that depend on me. They need me."
He stopped trying to glare sense into her and considered what she’d just said. She talked as if her plants were her only friends in the world and with sudden, blinding clarity, he realized they were. "You said once you were Mary’s friend."
Her gaze turned wary, but not fearful. "Yes."
"You implied that when she left, you were no longer friends."
"Yes."
"What happened?" He’d assumed she pulled back from friendship with a servant because she had made other friends among the titled women of her acquaintance. Now that he knew her better, he doubted that assumption.
"Clairborne was not pleased with my imperfection."
"You said he punished you."
"Yes."
He waited, not willing to accept her monosyllabic response.
"He learned that it was even more effective to hurt those I cared about when trying to bend me to his will."
"Did you defy him often?"
"No. It wasn’t that." She laughed and it was a dry, humorless sound. "In fact, I tried to be as perfect as he believed an angel should be, but I failed. Often. When I failed, he hurt me or he hurt those I cared about."
"So you pushed away anyone who was close to you in order to protect them?" He knew it was the truth the moment he spoke from the look on her face.
"Yes."
"You didn’t allow yourself to care for anyone or anything but your plants, is that it?"
Cali’s expression did not reveal anything. "Yes."
"Oh, mon enfant ange." He pulled her close and rubbed her back in a soothing motion, pressing her face against his chest.
She stood stiff in his embrace for a full thirty seconds, but then she relaxed against him. Her fingers curled into his waistcoat with surprising fierceness.
She was wrong. She’d cared for others, or she wouldn’t have been so upset over the death of her maid. She tried to protect those who her husband threatened, but she didn’t allow them to care for her and she had somehow convinced herself that no one, but the beautiful roses she tended in her conservatory, needed her. He was surprised Clairborne had not realized how important her plants had become to her and used that to punish her too, but then Cali had learned to hide her emotions very well.
"Your roses aren’t the only things that need you now."
"What do you mean?" she asked, the sound of her voice muffled against the brocade of his waistcoat.
"Hannah needs you. You’re her mother now and she’ll be upset if you stay behind."
"She can stay with me. We’ll travel together. That will leave you free to take care of your estate’s needs without worrying about us." She sounded bloody pleased with herself.
"Damn it, I need you too, mon ange. I’ll help you prepare your roses for transport, but you will travel with me when I go back to Raven Hall."
She pulled her head back, so that she could look into his face. Her eyes held wonder. "You need me?"
Hadn’t she guessed? "Yes. I’m so hungry to have you in my bed that I lie awake at night shaking with the need."
"You want to bed me?"
How in the world could she sound so surprised? She’d been with him when he climaxed in his breeches on her conservatory floor. Maybe that offended her. Maybe she didn’t want to be needed in such a basic way, but he couldn’t dress it up in ribbons and fancy words. His need for her was too elemental, too primitive. "Yes."
Rather than looking offended, the expression of wonder was back. "I’m glad."
He stared at her and felt the same disbelief that he’d experienced earlier upon hearing her tell the duke and duchess he was the only man she would consider marrying. The angel wanted the beast. He knew he could make her body respond, but her open admission of that desire stunned him.
Jared understood her obvious fear of marriage. After her experiences with Clairborne, it would surprise him if she weren’t concerned about marrying again. What he could not comprehend was the fact that she would set aside that fear for him. He’d manipulated her with the knowledge that he would have to give up Hannah if Cali didn’t marry him. Her deep sense of honor would not allow him to lose his daughter because of her fear, but she wanted him too. It was more than he deserved.
With her beauty and position, she could have any gentleman in the ton.
She could marry a man as comely as she, not a scarred giant who found the gentility of society a trial and a bore. "Why haven’t you remarried?"
Her eyes went blank, hiding her emotions from him. "You know why."
"Because you were afraid."
She nodded, but said nothing.
"You’re going to marry me." He wanted to hear her say she wasn’t afraid of him, that she knew he wouldn’t hurt her.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"So you won’t lose Hannah."
Inexplicable tension gripped him. He knew that was why she was marrying him, but he wanted there to be more. He wanted her to trust him. "I won’t hurt you the way he did."
"I know."
That, at least, was something. "I’ll take care of you. I’m having the marriage settlements drawn up to protect what you now have. You’ll control your own funds."
She wrinkled her nose. "That’s not necessary."
He cupped the nape of her neck. "Don’t tell me you like having the duke in charge of your finances."
"No, but you aren’t the duke. You won’t try to control me with my allowance, or lack thereof and I’m far more interested in my studies than money."
She did trust him. She had to, or she would jump at the chance to maintain her independence in their marriage. "I’ll take care of your investments for you, if you like."
She smiled again and he felt his chest expand with pleasure at the sight. "I’d like that. Thank you."
"I’ve got to get back to Ashton Manor." He didn’t want to leave her, but he, Ashton and Drake planned to continue their search for Hannah’s would-be kidnapper by visiting the outlying farms on Ashton’s estates.
He and his brothers by marriage had already questioned the villagers and the nearby tenants, to no avail. Their plans had been to leave earlier, but then Cali’s stableboy had arrived with the news that the duke and duchess had come to call.
"Thank you for bringing Hannah for a visit."
"I didn’t want to leave her with the nursemaid when the message from your butler reached me." And Hannah was always thrilled to see Cali. Perhaps he should leave the child with her while he conducted his investigations this afternoon.
She stiffened. "Thomas sent you a message? Why?"
"Apparently, he doesn’t trust the duke any more than I do. When he and the duchess arrived unexpectedly, Thomas sent the stableboy to let me know." He didn’t add that the message had asked him to come as well. It hadn’t been necessary. The knowledge that the duke was visiting Cali was all he’d needed to hear before calling for his carriage.
An odd look passed over her face before she masked it with the blank expression that irritated the hell out of him. "Yes, of course."
"Why of course?" What had the butler seen that might lead him to believe Cali wasn’t safe with the duke?
"The last time he called, Henry’s temper got away with him."
"Did he strike you?" He’d kill him. He couldn’t do anything to the dead Clairborne, but the live one would pay a high price for hurting Cali.
"No. I didn’t let him. I used the tea tray to my advantage." She sounded both surprised and pleased with herself.
"He tried."
The deadly intent he felt must have shown on his face because she laid a placating hand on his arm. "I don’t know if he would have or not. I struck out at him first. Please, don’t concern yourself. It’s over."
It wasn’t over. Not by a bloody mile. The duke had reinforc
ed Cali’s fear of a man’s anger and Jared would make him pay for that stupidity.
***
Thursday morning found Calantha in her conservatory, supervising the final packing of her precious flowers. True to his word, Jared had helped her prepare her plants for shipment and hired flatbed wagons to transport the luscious roses and fragrant herbs to her new home. He had hired an experienced gardener specifically to tend them on the journey and she’d spent several hours with the man, telling him how to care for the delicate China roses and hardier herbs.
"I knew I’d find you here."
She spun around at the sound of Jared’s voice. "Good morning, Jared. Are you sure the packing crates will hold these heavy pots? It would be terrible if one should break."
He’d devised a plan by which each pot was placed in a packing crate with hay crammed tightly around it to hold it in place. The crates would be tied together and attached to the sides of the wagon, protecting them from jostling during transit. When she had expressed concern over the elements, in case of an unexpected summer storm, he had arranged for coverings for the wagons.
He frowned. "They’ll be fine, damn it. I told you, we’ve done all we can for your precious plants."
Jared’s mood had deteriorated over the past week as no additional information surfaced about Hannah’s would-be kidnapper. Ashton was convinced the man had left the district. Jared had been forced to agree, but he'd made it clear he didn’t like it any more than he had like admitting that Calantha needed a few more days to prepare for the journey.
He’d grudgingly told her they could wait to leave for his estate until Wednesday, two days after the wedding. She knew they would be leaving that morning if it meant leaving her clothes behind.
Rather than desiring to withdraw in the face of Jared’s irritation, Calantha found herself wanting to comfort him. She stepped forward and brushed his cheek with her hand. "I’m sorry. I know I’m behaving like an old woman about this."
He caught her hand with his own, pressing it against the warm skin of his face. "It isn’t you. It’s this bloody investigation. We can’t find the man who tried to nab Hannah and I feel like I’ve failed her."
"You haven’t failed anyone, Jared." She willed him to believe her. "Because of your persistent efforts parents in the district will be on the lookout for him and more protective of their own children."
"But I didn’t catch him, damn it."
"Didn’t your mother ever tell you a gentleman does not swear in front of a lady?" she asked whimsically.
She was trying to take his mind off his unsuccessful efforts, but was unprepared for his response.
He tensed and pulled away from her. "No. She didn’t. I never met my mother."
"She died giving birth?" It was common enough, but the thought of Jared living with that tragedy tore at her heart.
"No. My father took me away."
She sensed there was more to the story and remained silent, waiting for him to share it. If he wanted to.
"He thought she had been unfaithful during her pregnancy. He was wrong, but that didn’t matter to him. He treated her shamefully and she ran away." Jared’s great shoulders were stiff and his head averted.
"She abandoned you?" Calantha could not fathom such a thing.
"Thea was born a half an hour after my father tore me from her arms and took me from the house. He vowed she would never see me again. My mother, Anna, kept Thea a secret and tried to see me with the help of my great aunt, but Langley found out about the visits. He threatened her and she fled England, afraid he would discover my sister’s existence and take her away too."
"She never came back to see you?" A woman with that sort of fortitude would have found a way to see her son.
"She came down with a fever before she could make the journey. The disease eventually killed her."
"How did you learn about Thea?"
"She returned to England five years ago."
"But Lady Ashton..."
"Is the daughter of Langley’s second wife."
"I see."
Jared whirled around to face her. "What do you see, Cali?"
"I see why you are so intent on doing the honorable thing. You do not wish to be like your father. I see that I can trust you with my life because you would never treat me with the same cruelty your father did your mother."
Jared reached her in two great strides, standing so close they were almost touching. She had to tilt her head back to see his face, that beautiful scarred face.
"How can you be sure?"
She touched the raised flesh on his right cheek, once again grateful she had left off her gloves to handle the tender plants. "Because of this."
"What the hel— what do you mean?"
She smiled at how he broke off mid-swearword. "A man who would risk his life to save his sister would not treat a wife the way Langley treated Anna. Every time I see this, it reminds me how blessed I am in you."
His dark eyes went almost black with some strong emotion. "You are amazing, mon ange. The rest of the ton sees me as a beast, but you look at my disfigured face and find honor."
"I was married to a beast that society called an angel. His face was perfection, but his heart was black. You aren’t like him at all. You are no beast."
"You’re so sure." He sounded awed by her certainty.
"I wouldn’t marry you otherwise, not even for Hannah."
He lowered his head and sealed those words with his kiss.
When he pulled back, she held onto his arms to keep her balance. If his kiss had such a profound affect on her, how would she stand her wedding night? She was likely to faint during the most interesting part.
"Where’s Hannah?" She had just realized the little girl hadn’t accompanied Jared into the room.
"She wanted to visit Cook. I think she was angling for some candied rose petals."
Calantha laughed softly. "I’ll make sure to keep a supply at Raven Hall."
"And will you keep me supplied with the sweetness I crave?" His expression was both feral and teasing and she shivered.
Could she keep him satisfied with her sweetness? She had to. She could not stand the idea of Jared seeking out mistresses the way Deveril had.
"I’ll try," she whispered.
He shook his head. "You don’t understand yet, do you?"
"What?"
"How much I want you."
But what if that ended on their wedding night, like it had for Deveril? "Will it be like it was the other night?"
He didn’t ask her to explain when she meant and for that she was grateful. "No."
She felt her heart plummet.
"It will be better."
"Oh."
"You said you trusted me with your life, Cali."
"I do."
"Then trust me with your body. I’ll teach you all the pleasure it can experience."
Something happened low in her belly as the intimate tone of his voice and the meaning of his words soaked into her. Her lips parted and her breath came in short gasps. "I’d like that."
He smiled, his expression primitive and promising all at once. "Yes, you will."
She waited, hoping he would kiss her again, but he did nothing. He just stood there, waiting for she knew not what.
"Jared?"
"Hmmm?"
"Will you... Will you kiss me?"
He shook his head.
Heat suffused her cheeks and she wanted to turn away to hide her embarrassment, but she couldn’t make her body move away from him.
"Cali?"
"Yes?"
"Will you kiss me?"
Her heart stopped for one heartbeat and then started again at a gallop. Yes. She wanted to kiss him. Putting her hands on either side of his face, she pulled his head down the few inches that separated them. He came easily and she smiled just before placing her lips against his.
CHAPTER TEN
She kissed him with everything he’d taught her in the garden the first night they�
�d met and since then.
Within seconds, Jared was ready to tear her dress and apron off and touch the soft, naked flesh underneath. He wanted to bury himself inside of her, putting his claim on her in the most fundamental way a man could possess a woman.
Would he be able to wait four more days?
He yanked her against him, crushing her soft womanly curves against his hardened flesh. She moaned and he stilled. Had he hurt her?
Her tongue plunged inside of his mouth and she rocked her lower body against his, making an impatient sound of frustration when the disparity in their size prevented her from matching her femininity to his masculine hardness. He would have laughed if his mouth weren’t already busy fighting a sensual duel with hers. His little marble angel was hot and she wanted satisfaction.
He briefly contemplated picking her up and finding a place where he could give it to her in privacy, but the final remnants of his self-control stayed him. He gently nipped at her lips, withdrawing his mouth from hers. "You’re killing me, angel."
"No, Jared, please don’t stop." She blindly sought his lips again, her eyes closed and her face suffused with passionate color.
When he kept his face averted by a monumental effort of will, she sought the curve of his throat with her lips.
Bloody hell. He knew better. He had known where the kissing would lead even if she didn’t. They were like tinder and gunpowder. Whenever they touched, passion exploded between them. Despite their previous encounters, his angel was still very innocent. She didn’t know how to control her ardor and he had deliberately urged her to show him how much she wanted him in order to feed his male ego. Now, she clung to him, ready to be taken on the conservatory floor if necessary.
While part of him found fierce pleasure in her obvious desire for him, he felt guilty as hell for bringing her to such a place and having to leave her unsatisfied.
She arched against him again, making a needy sound deep in her throat and tried to undo the buttons of his waistcoat, but her fingers fumbled.
The hell with it. He swung her up in his arms and strode outside. He’d find someplace private enough to do what needed to be done. Remembering a small outbuilding he had seen when he’d taken her riding, he carried her in that direction.
