by Monica James
Surrendering…handing over control, after being the one in charge all these years, is utterly intoxicating.
He continues to torture me, taking pleasure in seeing me beg. But he doesn’t remain unaffected. I can see the way his eyes drift to my breasts, and I bow my back, hopeful he’ll put us both out of our misery and take one into his mouth.
But he doesn’t, and I don’t understand why.
“I can’t touch you,” I gasp, rolling my hips as he unhurriedly sinks into me. “But you can touch me. All over.”
I don’t know why, but I feel like he’s asking permission. He’s never had any issues taking before, but now, he almost seems cautious.
“No,” he grits out, jaw clenched. He increases the tempo of his fingers.
“Why not?” I press, my breathing arduous.
When he doesn’t reply, his silence pisses me off.
“I’m always the first to initiate a kiss. Do you realize that? If it wasn’t for your hard-on pressing against me, I would say I was the only one affected by you touching me.”
In and out. In and out, he pumps his fingers, punishing me…which is exactly what I want.
“I don’t even know your name,” I voice my thoughts aloud. Does going by an alias help him deal with whatever demons plague him?
“Why does knowing my name make a difference? You know what this is.”
“No, actually, I don’t. Tell me. You can talk to my body, but you can’t talk to me. Why not?” In response, he rubs his thumb over my clit, evoking a moan.
But I need to focus.
“So what do you want from me? A fuck buddy? Is that it?” My guess seems to enrage him, and he takes it out on my sex.
Rocking against his hand, I continue the inquisition because his punishment feels oh, so good.
“The thing about a fuck buddy is that you actually have to fuck them. All you’ve done is piss me, oh—” I gasp when he pinches my clit. “Off,” I conclude, refusing to let this go.
A feral snarl spills from Bull’s lips, as he doesn’t allow me a moment of reprieve, before sinking his fingers into me deeply. “Believe me, the feeling is mutual,” he heatedly states, narrowing his eyes.
“Good, I’m glad we’re on the same page.” His touch is electrifying, and I want to come so badly. No matter how frustrated he makes me, I can’t help but feel there is a reason he won’t let me get close.
“Once I get what I want from you, this is done. Over.”
“Couldn’t agree more,” he replies, punishing me further with his fingers.
“Good. Maybe I’ll take Carlos up on his offer after all.” Yes, I fucking said that. No, I don’t mean it, but it has the desired effect.
Bull vibrates under me, reminding me of a volcano just before it blows. And blow he does.
A feral snarl rips free as he yanks his fingers out of me. I don’t have a moment to protest because within seconds, he’s unfastening the button and then the zipper on his jeans. “Okay then. You just want me to fuck you? Fine.”
I expected this. Hell, I started it, so I raise my hips, awaiting my punishment, and when it comes, I’m regretful I didn’t do it sooner. Bull digs his fingers into my waist, dangling me over his cock. “Is this what you want?”
He rubs himself over my entrance, teasing me. “I want you to grow a pair and stop running away. You’re either in, or you’re out. I won’t accept you straddling the line with a foot on either side. I know you feel this too,” I say, squashing down my desire.
He’s angry with me, livid actually, which is good. This means he cares. This means I’m right.
“Why me? Why do you keep coming back when you can’t even kiss me? Tell me!” I cry, desperate to finally unearth the truth.
And it works.
Bull clenches his jaw, nostrils flared as though he’s about to tear me to shreds. “Because I’m fucking messed up in the head!” he screams, leaving indents in my flesh as he grips my hips. “I break everything I touch, and the worst thing is…I don’t even care. I need to hurt you to feel normal. How fucked up is that?”
I dare not move.
“I have to tie you up and fuck you from behind because it’s what gets me off. I feed off your innocence. I want to corrupt it, and I want you to let me because it might erase this darkness within me. I don’t want to touch you because I don’t want to…pollute you with my sickness, Tiger.”
I don’t know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that.
“Bull, you’re not sick.” But he won’t allow me to make excuses for him.
“Stop it! This isn’t a story where the heroine changes the villain into a hero. I will never be that. It’s too late for that. I’m dead inside. What I’ve done…what I have to do to silence the voices inside my head has determined my fate. And I’m okay with that.”
Regardless of his dismal outlook, I can sense his pain and the confusion hidden under the layers of hate. Bull told me he has an end game, and what he’s just revealed is that end game is literally just that—ending another life.
But why?
“How is that going to make things better?” I press, suspended over him.
With a deliberate touch, he cups my throat, squeezing softly. “I never said I wanted better…I just want to see them all dead.”
His admission is what I wanted, confirming what I knew to be true. The confirmation should be my ticket out of here, but it’s not. It just makes me want him all the more.
Without hesitation, without overthinking the fact he’s not wearing any protection, I shift my hips and sink down onto his cock. Bull frantically attempts to pull out, but I don’t let him. I clench my muscles tight and begin rocking my hips.
He moans, still clutching my throat as I move against him.
Using my core strength, I lift myself, then slam back down onto him. Backward and forward, side to side, round and round, I work my body into a frenzy, milking my pleasure from Bull. He allows me to take what I want, meeting me thrust for thrust.
Tilting back my head, I relish in the way his fingers grip me tightly, holding on, anchoring him to me. His pleasured moans fuel my longing, and I pick up the pace. Without my hands, I use my body, desperate to show Bull this is more than just a fling for me.
“Oh, fuck,” he groans when I roll my hips, taking him deeper.
Something so sinful shouldn’t feel this way, so right. I don’t know why the universe has brought Bull into my life, but I can’t deny this undeniable pull I feel for him. No matter what he says, it doesn’t change how I feel, and feel, I do.
“If you’re messed up in the head, needing to hurt me to feel normal, then what does it say about me that I…” I bow my back, arching backward as far as I can go because the angle is ecstasy. “That I allow it? I have all these…feelings because of you. And I don’t know what to do about it.”
There, I said it.
Bull hisses, clutching my bound wrists and driving into me with impassioned grunts. Our movements are crazed, filled with untamed desire. He said he doesn’t feel, but I don’t believe him. I know he feels this. And I will continue to force him to feel because I won’t give this up.
“And what happens when you break too?” he grunts, hands around my throat and wrists. He bends forward and takes a nipple into his mouth.
Bouncing against him, I squeeze my eyes shut and give in. “I don’t…break easily,” I cry, shuddering as I explode into a million pieces. “You’re right…the pain…the fear…I like it. It makes me feel…alive.”
My orgasm is so fierce that I can’t gulp in air fast enough. But who needs air when Bull slams his lips to my open mouth, kissing me roughly and catching me by complete surprise. I cry into his mouth, my body convulsing because it’s too much. He continues to plunge into me, devouring my sex and mouth.
He is so incredibly warm, and when a sated groan escapes him, I know he’s finally let go too. He pulls out, spilling his seed onto my stomach.
We’re both breathless, the heat fr
om our bodies setting the other alight. But when I finally come down from my high, I realize what he did. And so does he.
“There,” he pants, freeing my throat and wrists. “I fucking kissed you first.”
Yes, he did, and now, I am in so much trouble.
Bull
I never expected this to be easy, but I had a plan. It was all I could think about when I was locked up. But sitting in the dark, in a place I shouldn’t be, reveals my plans have diverted to something else. Yes, I still intend to beat what I need out of Kong before ending his miserable existence next week. That hasn’t changed. But what has changed is this…thing I…feel for Tiger.
It’s why I’m sitting in Andre’s apartment, waiting for him to come home, so he can tell me what game Carlos is playing. There is more to this. I know it. I doubt he would go to the extremes he has just because he’s after a piece of ass…no matter how fucking perfect that ass is.
If Tiger is in danger, then I intend to find out why. And when the door opens, opportunity comes knocking. Andre flicks on the light, scanning through his mail, oblivious to my presence. I’m lounging in a leather recliner which I have shifted so it sits in the middle of the room. A baseball bat lays across my lap.
I can’t believe this guy is muscle for hire. He is so fucking stupid. It takes him a full twenty seconds to realize something is amiss. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees me. I wave my fingers in response.
“I think it’s time we have a little chat.”
Andre frantically peers around the room for a weapon. Another rookie move.
“I know you were the one who attacked Lily.” Saying her name feels all kinds of wrong. When he opens his mouth, I raise my hand to stop him. “I’m not here to argue that fact. I’m here because I want to know why. What does Carlos want from her?”
Andre snickers. “You’ve got some nerve, breaking into my home and accusing me of attacking a colleague.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything because I know you did it. So, the question now is, why?” The wood whines under my palm as I grip the baseball bat, deadpanning him. “This time, I don’t just have my fists. This will be a lot easier on you if you just answer my question.”
“Fuck you. I’m calling the cops,” he threatens, phone in hand. But I call his bluff.
“Go ahead.” I rise slowly. “I’m sure they’ll be interested to know you attacked a woman, almost killing her in the process. So be my guest.”
Andre weighs over my response. He’s not going to call the cops. He’s just as guilty as I am. There is only one thing he can do.
Spinning quickly, he attempts to run—so fucking predictable. He doesn’t make it two feet before he falls flat on his stomach with a winded oof, thanks to the baseball bat I used as a javelin. His fat head was the target, and I got a fucking bull’s-eye. I don’t miss, remember?
He scrambles frantically, but his hands and legs are completely useless because I am on him before he has a chance to scream. Gripping his ponytail, I yank his head backward. When he squirms, I stomp my boot into the small of his back. “You’re just making things harder on yourself.”
“Fuck you!” he spits, his attempts to break free futile. He is really embarrassing himself.
“Tell me why you attacked her,” I press, in case he’s forgotten why I’m here.
“I ain’t telling you shit, freak.” It seems he hasn’t. He just wants to provoke me.
Sighing, I reach for the baseball bat. “Suit yourself.”
Unlike Andre, I don’t fuck around. And he learns that the hard way when I swing the baseball bat down behind me, shattering his ankle.
A moment of silence, then a pained scream leaves him while a pleased smile spreads across my face. “So, ready to talk?”
“You fucker! Motherfucker!” he bellows, twisting, trying to escape. I only press my boot down harder.
“Wrong answer.” I’m about to break his other ankle, foiling any dreams he might have which require the use of both feet, but he finally decides to play by my rules.
“Okay, okay!” he yells, raising his hands in surrender. “Carlos paid me f-five thousand dollars to scare her.”
“Scare her? Motherfucker, you almost killed her!” I exclaim, pressing down on his vertebrae.
He wheezes, unable to breathe. “I didn’t think she’d fight back. Things got out of hand.”
“Bullshit!” I holler, not believing a word. “Lily is a fucking spitfire. You know that.”
When he replies with silence, I decide to keep him talking. I break his other ankle.
Hearing the bones crunch feeds my soul, and I tip my face toward the heavens, exhaling.
“All right!” he cries, deciding now he wants to talk. “I was supposed to rough her up so she’d be scared and take Carlos up on his offer. But that fucking bitch had it coming! I couldn’t resist.”
Oh, my fuck…this cunt has a death wish. I can deal with that later. He’s no good to me dead—for now.
“Why did Carlos pay you that money?”
“He has big plans for her,” he reveals, turning my blood cold.
“What does that mean?”
“It means, there is more going on at that club than you think. Someone wants her. Carlos is just the messenger.”
“Who? Give me a name,” I snarl between clenched teeth.
“I don’t know!” he screams, thrashing wildly when I slam the baseball bat onto the floor inches from his face. “That’s all I know. I swear! Carlos told me to do this for him, and he’d give me a job.”
Mulling over his confession, I sadly believe him. Carlos isn’t going to confide in a bottom feeder like Andre. He hired him because Andre wouldn’t look out of place, knowing Tiger’s schedule. Money speaks to lowlifes like Andre.
So done with this filth, I release him, watching him sigh in relief. However, if he thinks this is it, then he’s sorely mistaken. Dragging the bat behind me, I come to a stop in front of him. He peers up at me, eyes wide.
“You won’t tell anyone what happened. When they ask, you tell them you fell down the stairs. We clear?”
He nods shakily.
“I’ll know if you’re lying, and if harm comes to Lily, I swear to god”—I drop to one knee in front of him with a sinister smile—“I will break every other bone in your body.”
“I won’t tell, man. All right. Just give me my phone so I can call someone.” He makes grabby hands at his cell, which is halfway across the room.
But that’s not happening.
Coming to a stand, I walk over to his phone, pick it up, and as he sighs in relief, I then open the window and toss it outside.
“Hey!” he yells, thumping his fist on the floor. “You can’t just leave me here.”
“Yes, I can,” I reply, walking toward the door.
“Please, I can’t walk,” he pleads, expecting sympathy. All he gets in response is a snicker.
“I’m aware of that. That was the point of breaking your ankles,” I counter, opening the door. “Now you can slide on your belly like the fucking snake that you are.”
Slamming the door shut, I relish his screams that follow me out of the building. I get into my truck, tossing my bat onto the floorboard. I need a minute to process everything Andre just spilled. Tiger is in danger. That much I know. I just don’t know why. Who wants her? And what do they want with her?
She can’t go near that place until I find out what the fuck is going on. It’s too dangerous. If she needs money, I will fucking give it to her. I don’t have much, but if I keep fighting…
A thought suddenly crashes into me. I only started fighting to get close to Kong. It was never about the money. Sure, that sweetened the inevitable, but it wasn’t the decider. I need to get my head out of my ass.
Gripping the wheel, I take a few deep breaths, desperate to settle this storm within. “This isn’t part of the plan,” I mumble to myself, but saying it aloud doesn’t change how I feel. This is the reason I pushed her away.
“Goddammit.” The truck roars to life as I make my way toward her apartment.
On the drive there, I reason with myself that I’ll just give her a heads-up and not demand she never return to that place ever again. But who am I kidding? This is going to turn into a screaming match, which will result in sex. It’s what we know.
My cell chimes. Glancing at it, I see it’s a text from Lotus, asking me to come in early. I know what this is about. Stevie has penciled in the fight for next week. The adrenaline courses through me because the clock is ticking for Kong. He’s a dead man walking.
Something Tiger said to me plays on my mind. It has since she first said it to me in her truck.
“Sometimes…you have to think about how your actions will affect another.”
The action of me killing Kong will affect his kids because they’ll be without their dad. Ending his life has been a long time coming, but it doesn’t seem fair that the choices of their asshole father affect them in such a way.
“Motherfucker, focus.” I slam my hand against the steering wheel, needing to never forget why I’m here.
Thankfully, Tiger’s apartment complex comes into view, and although I haven’t called, I decide to visit her real quick. When she put her number into my phone, she also added her address, so I figure that was an invitation to visit.
Parking the truck, I make my way into her building and catch the elevator to her floor. So many doors branch off the long hallway, causing my claustrophobia to spike. I couldn’t live this way, having neighbors who know my business.
It reminds me of prison.
The closer I get to Tiger’s door only confirms my thoughts because it’s obvious from the raised voices inside her apartment that she’s arguing with someone. I stop outside her door, listening closely to what’s going on.
“You can’t just keep skipping school because you don’t feel like going! Do you know how much money it costs to send you there?”
“Fine, I won’t go. Problem solved.” The younger voice hints at who she’s arguing with. I should definitely not be here.
I go to turn, but when her door is thrown open, it’s too late.
