by Cate Corvin
“I healed him,” I said, extending a hand to Azazel to pull him onto the couch next to me. He seemed different after his tense talk with Lucifer, like a weight had been pulled from his shoulders.
To my surprise, he wove his fingers through mine in front of everybody. “I knew you could do it. You’ve learned quickly,” he said, his violet eyes unshadowed. Little stars spangled the air around him.
“Thanks to the best teacher in Hell.” I squeezed his hand. “But I think it’s time we had a talk.”
“Everybody wants to have talks today,” Lucifer muttered.
I shot him a look. “I have something important to tell you. Remember the night when we were all together, and we discussed… regicide?”
“Nobody could forget that particular discussion, friend.” Tascius still held me on his lap, refusing to let go.
Lucifer leaned forward, bracing his arms on his knees. “Now I’m intrigued.”
I took a deep breath. God, but telling the truth was hard. “This is about… why I fell. And why I would be useful to you. I haven’t been entirely honest.”
Azazel was silent as I disentangled my hand from his and turned it towards them so they could see the diamond pattern scarred on my palm. “I want to destroy Gabriel because he threw me out of Heaven. I touched the Sword of Light and didn’t burn. I think if I could get close to it again, maybe… maybe I could do it again. And use it to kill him.”
They didn’t need to ask which him I was referring to, but oddly, none of them seemed shocked by the news that I’d done the impossible and lived.
“Why is no one surprised?”
“Well, angel, we already knew.” Azazel smiled slightly, stroking my palm with his fingertips. “I saw the scars when Belial first brought you to his Circle and realized what they were.”
I was struck dumb for a moment. “You already knew and didn’t say anything?”
They could’ve bagged a fortune if they’d sold me off when they first realized. Many higher demons would’ve been overjoyed to have a fallen angel who’d once poked Gabriel in the eye, however inadvertently.
They could’ve used me as a weapon against Gabriel himself.
Lucifer gave me a crooked smile of his own. “I wanted you to trust us enough to tell us yourself.”
“Of course I trust you.” I curled my fingers around Azazel’s. “I wouldn’t have given you my feather if I didn’t trust you. It’s just… the time didn’t seem right, you know. I’m not going to talk about that prick Gabriel while I’m in bed with another man.”
Lucifer nodded gravely. “It would’ve been a buzzkill, yes.”
“I’m glad you told us,” Azazel said quietly. “And you know perfectly well what we’re planning. I think you are the last piece of the puzzle we need. You belong with us.”
He said it with such conviction all I could do was stare for a moment. Then he raised my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckles.
What the hell had Lucifer said to him?
The Morningstar held my gaze, his swirling tattoos rippling as his arms tightened. “We need you as much as we want you. I refused to serve in Heaven, but now I serve in Hell… and all I serve is more chaos and insanity. If we do this, we do it together.”
I nodded. His feather touched my neck, a phantom caress from his fingers. “Of course. I’ve chosen you all, and I hope… I hope that now all the secrets are out between us.”
Tascius held me tighter. “I have no secrets to speak of that you don’t already know.”
Azazel opened my palm again, frowning at the scars. “No more secrets… but I am curious. You were innocent of any crime, so why didn’t God intervene on your behalf?”
The room fell silent and everyone’s gaze fell on my palm.
I itched to close my fingers again and hide the scars. “I don’t know. Nobody has heard God’s word in years. The archangels tell us they’re acting on his word, though.”
His frown deepened. “It seems to me that they’re acting on their own orders.”
Lucifer cocked his head. “Don’t tell me you’re suggesting we make war on Heaven, too.”
“Once we’ve deposed the Red Dragon, we can do whatever we like.” Azazel allowed me to close my hand again. “And somebody still wants Gabriel’s head.”
He gave me a meaningful look.
“Oh, yes.” I shivered in delight at the thought. “I very much do.”
Azazel’s brow smoothed. “Give me some time to think on this, Melisande. If you can wield the Sword of Light, that changes a few things. But you’ve fallen.”
“You might not be able to wield it now.” Lucifer scowled. “I won’t risk you being burned alive to test a theory.”
“I maintain that it’s possible, but you said it yourself,” I pointed out. “‘Or we need its polar opposite’. Who could create an inverse of the Sword of Light?”
Azazel stared into space for a long moment. “I might have an idea. Give me some time to research. For now, take your Nephilim home, make up for lost time.”
“Azazel…”
He leaned in and cupped my face, then kissed me. In front of everyone.
I didn’t care in the slightest. I melted into the kiss, tasting mint and magic, the softness of his tongue running over my lips.
An eternity could’ve passed and I wouldn’t have noticed.
Azazel broke away first, his pupils expanding to eat up the violet irises. “You should go. I’m still… the void is still there. Still calling.”
I touched his cheek, stroking the sharp line of his jaw, smoothing back a black curl. “When you’re ready, I’m here,” I said. I stared into his eyes, forcing myself to look into that abyss, expecting to see emptiness.
All I saw was Azazel.
He swallowed hard and turned away, his fists clenched so tight his knuckles were white.
“We should go,” Lucifer said. “It might take some time before he can control it.”
I touched Azazel’s face one last time, and rose to go, dragging Tascius with me.
The Nephilim looked after the Watcher, concern on his face, but he let me drag him out into the cathedral. “What have you done to him, Morningstar?”
Lucifer glanced at Tascius, but the looks he gave him were no longer glacially cold. “It’s more like, what did he do to himself. He’s missing half his soul and he’s kept the void under control until now. It’ll take time for him to learn how to handle letting it out.”
“He’s doing it for me,” I said quietly. “If he wants to mark me as his, I think part of myself will spill over and fill the void.”
Tascius picked me up, hugging me tight, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“If anyone can make it happen, you can,” he growled in my ear.
Lucifer paused on the edge of the balcony, waiting for Tascius to put me down.
The Nephilim gazed over the edge, a hard look in his eyes. I stroked his back, not trying to touch his scars, but not avoiding them, either. That wide-open drop was his birthright, the same as mine, and I knew that he felt like a bird without wings.
“Let’s just get this over with,” he muttered. Lucifer took his hand, and I took the other and tried to smile up at him encouragingly.
All of Tascius’s good cheer had faltered at the sight of the drop and the reminder of what he’d lost.
We stepped off the edge together.
“I’m of no use to you,” he said, dropping his head in his hands.
Tascius was sprawled across my bed. Vyra hadn’t looked surprised at the sight of him loping into the Nightside arena, given that Blind Luck had arrived earlier and given her the news before disappearing into Lady Savage’s chambers.
“Don’t you dare say that.” I locked the door, then climbed on the bed and crawled over him to straddle his lap. He let me pull his hands away and force him to look up. “I don’t care what your use is. Just having you is a privilege, and I don’t know what I did to deserve it.”
He traced my cheek down
to the edges of my lips. “You saw what Yraceli was like. That should be me. Without my wings, I’m crippled, only half the Nephilim I should be.” His thumb lingered on my chin. “I can’t keep up with you in what should be our native element. I can’t protect you if a prince comes for you.”
I grabbed his hands and laced our fingers together.
“Friends are honest,” I said, resting my forehead against his. “I don’t care if you’re not invulnerable like she was. I’m vulnerable, Tascius. I’m not like the princes, either. And if you’re going to mope on the first night we’ve had together in weeks, I swear I’m going to drag you right down to that arena and beat on you until you’re smiling again.”
He did actually smile at that, some of his sadness melting away. “Is that what it takes to put me in a good mood?”
“I’m hoping just the threat of it works.”
“Well, you’re right,” he said, laying back and pulling me with him. “It does. It’s been many, many years since I’ve been to Blackchapel, and I hate it just as much now as I did then.”
Of course a little Nephilim with his wings sawed off would hate a floating cathedral. He would’ve been a prisoner, trapped by his own mutilation.
“Then we make our home on the ground.” I stroked the strong bridge of his nose. “And I promise I will find a way to get your wings back.”
He shook his head, running his fingers through my hair. I rested my cheek on his chest and listened to his steady heartbeat. “I don’t give a damn about my wings, Melisande. Not as long as I’m with you.”
I just nodded, letting him hide all his yearning and regret. He did give a damn, and so did I.
And I didn’t make promises I couldn’t keep.
“Really.” He made me look up at him. “It doesn’t matter. The only thing I care about is that we’re together again.”
“Me, too,” I said, and kissed him.
The heat of a long-denied touch stirred to life inside me. He was the first one I’d chosen, the first one I’d entrusted my life and secrets to.
Without consciously thinking about it, I yanked the ties of my flimsy dress and hooked my fingers in his pants, pulling them down. He made a low noise as I ripped them over his thighs, stroking the long, firm muscles in his legs along the way.
I climbed back over him, drawing in a hissing breath when his cock slid against my wet core.
The Nephilim darkness flickered in his eyes, taking over the deep blue.
“Yes, just let it happen,” I whispered, pressing my nails into his chest, gently at first, and then harder.
He gripped my hips, forcing me up on my knees. I felt the thick head of his cock push against me, then he pulled down, plunging into me as deep as he would go.
A tiny hint of pain was overwhelmed by the flood of desire for him. I unleashed all my pent-up need for him, riding him hard as the darkness washed over his eyes.
Tascius sat up, cradling me in his lap to kiss me, then rolled over, arching over my body. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he pounded into me, his lips devouring my mouth and moving down over my neck, biting and sucking the whole way.
His growl reverberated in my chest. I gripped a handful of his hair, and his cock hardened, his growl becoming a groan.
I tightened my legs, forcing him deeper inside me, and the pounding of his hard lower stomach against my clit sent waves of tension through my limbs.
Tascius’s hips smoothed into long, even strokes, grinding against me with every thrust until I was shaking. I sank my teeth into his shoulder when the orgasm ripped through me, squeezing my eyes shut so tight I saw stars.
He felt me clamp around him and shuddered, pushing into my pussy with several more hard strokes until he came. His muscles relaxed, his breath heavy as he leaned into me and kissed my mouth hard.
“I fucking missed you,” he said, his voice ragged.
I tangled my fingers in his hair, keeping my legs wrapped around him so he couldn’t pull away. “I fucking missed you more.”
He laughed, but it was a breathless sound. He’d gotten the shit kicked out of him, his bones broken and healed, dropped off the side of Blackchapel, and had his brains fucked out all in one day.
It was no surprise that his eyelids were closing already.
I finally let him go, curling up against his side. “Go to sleep. You’ll still be here, free with me, when you wake up.”
Tascius gave me a sleepy half-smile. “I meant for all of that to last longer.”
“We’ve got forever now.” I watched his eyes flutter closed, his lashes dark against his cheeks, and soon enough his breathing evened and slowed.
I stayed awake for a long time, a strange prickling sensation running over me. There was no reason for it; I had almost everything I wanted here. All that was left was Belial.
Still, I felt like something weighed on me.
I slid out of bed and pulled on a silk dressing gown Vyra had embroidered with life-like poisonous flowers, and stepped to the window. The glimpses of the Nightside sky had darkened a little with what passed for true night here.
The garden was empty, but I still felt that awful sensation of being watched.
I glanced at Tascius, who was still fast asleep in my bed, right where he belonged, and climbed out the window, spreading my wings to drift down to the garden below.
Several fireflies drifted past languidly, and crickets that had quieted when I landed began singing again. The grass was cool and springy under my feet.
I reached out and touched a stand of luminescent lilies as I walked, their glow brightening when I touched them and dimming again when I passed. The further I walked, the stronger the sensation became.
I took a deep breath of jasmine so heady and sweet I could almost taste it, but there was something rotten under it. Something spoiled.
Pushing aside a stand of ferns, I saw what had intruded on my peace.
Several pitch-black, thorny stems pushed out of the loam in a dark corner, their stems catching the light like wet ink. Two of the roses were just buds, but one was in full bloom, its dark petals as black as deepest night. The shining carapaces of carrion beetles scuttled between them.
I knelt next to the unwelcome roses and summoned my magic, relishing the taste of ash and petals.
“I hope you enjoy tormenting me,” I said quietly, watching one of the beetles fall off and plop in the dirt. “I hope you think about this day and night, your little games, fucking with Lucifer. I hope you wring what satisfaction you can out of it.”
Dark flames kindled in my palm, the inverse of light. Shadows that moved oddly danced across the garden wall.
“Because every time you do, I feel a little more determined. I’m going to make you suffer for what you’ve done. To Vyra, to Azazel, to Lucifer. I’m going to pay you back tenfold for all the torment you’ve heaped on them.”
I cupped the rose and the tightly-furled buds, watched the beetles crawl between my fingers.
“You think you’re the king of all evil. You have no fucking idea what I’m going to do to you.”
My shadowy fire ate them to ash, all the way down to the roots.
14
Melisande
Even after burning Satan’s unwelcome gift to ash, I couldn’t sleep. I wandered the garden until the small visible sliver of moon faded, the sky washing from indigo to the violet of day, and sat on a bench in the shade of the willow tree, glaring broodily at the blackened patch of soil every once in a while.
Footsteps pulled me from my darker thoughts. I looked up and saw Tascius striding through the grass, his pants slung low over his hips, hair falling like silver water down his back.
He settled on the bench next to me and linked his hand in mine. “Have you been happier here?”
I draped my legs over his thighs, rubbing my tired face. I couldn’t be anything but honest with Tascius. “Not really. It’s all so beautiful, but it doesn’t feel like home yet.”
He paused for a moment. “Do
you still plan on climbing back to Heaven?”
I tore my eyes away from the burnt soil and gazed up at his face. His midnight blue eyes were level. If I were to go back to Heaven, I knew he’d be at my side for the whole journey.
But the thought of climbing up so far… it exhausted me to the bone. How could I climb back up when I had so much here that I wanted, but couldn’t quite keep in my grasp?
“I don’t know.” I pulled a long lock of his hair over his shoulder, wrapping the moon-white silk around my fingers. “I know I won’t be able to rest until Gabriel has paid for what he’s done. If I could have everything I wanted, I’d kill Barachiel, Raguel, and Selaphiel, too. But I’ve found so much more here than I’d ever hoped for. Sometimes I think Gabriel did me a favor.”
He pulled me in close and I rested my head on his chest.
“I know he didn’t mean it as a favor,” I amended. “He wanted me to suffer before I died, because he’s a jealous bastard who doesn’t want anyone else touching his toys. But… the way I feel for you… and Lucifer and Azazel… sometimes it frightens me how intense those feelings are. I thought revenge was my driving force, and then there’s days when I’m with all of you, and I’m so happy that I forget how much I hate the archangels.”
He let out a low laugh. “Is that really a bad thing, friend?”
“I guess not. I feel cliche saying love conquers all, but… it feels good to not be full of rage and venom all the time.”
Tascius stroked my hair, his fingers trailing over my shoulder. “But if you chose to give up on your revenge, you might regret it.”
“Yes.” I sighed and closed my eyes. “I want both. I want all of you with me. I want to kill Gabriel. But I’m afraid seeking revenge means I’ll lose one of you.”
“Not if we seek it with you.” His arm tightened around me. “I can’t say I’m sorry Gabriel pushed you out of Heaven, because it means I found you. But none of us would say no to helping you destroy him.”
When I slipped my hand around his back, I felt the ridged scars of his lost wings under my fingertips. “And what if you end up hurt? You don’t have the same invincibility Yraceli had.”
