“Yes, baby. In order for me to assure you that it will all work out, I needed you in my arms. And, Joss, we’ll get to know each other, I promise. You just have to let me in. I know you’re scared I will destroy you, but I can guarantee you that you have the power here. And what I mean by that is you have the ability to bring me to my knees. Do you get what I’m sayin’?” I asked her because I needed to make this crystal clear to her.
“Yes. I get it. But can we maybe take a step back, talk, and then see where this goes?”
“We can definitely talk and see where this goes, but we are not taking any steps back. I am in your apartment, holding you after having slept next to you all night. Even if you think it was inappropriate, that is progress I refuse to give up. Now, how about we go to the kitchen and I’ll cook you breakfast, make you some coffee, and we can have the talk we should’ve had last night?” I asked her on a squeeze of my arms.
“Okay,” Joss answered breathily.
“Just like that?” I was suspicious at her quick agreement.
“Yes, Zane. Just like that,” she answered and wiggled out of my hold. Surprisingly she grabbed my hand and dragged me out to the kitchen. She sat at her table and I searched her cabinets and refrigerator for everything I needed to make omelets and coffee.
“You do understand you are setting an impossible bar for yourself, right?” Josselyn questioned.
“What do you mean?”
“You do this now, I will expect this always, which is impossible.”
“Nothing is impossible. And if cooking you breakfast makes you happy, then I’ll do it every day. Especially if it gets me the smile that’s on your face right now,” I promised.
“Mac.” It was so low I almost didn’t catch it, but it was there. Just a small breathy ‘Mac.’
Things were going well so I just let it go but I smiled as I made my girl an omelet.
CHAPTER 11
Whiplash.
Joss
THE HOT WATER pounded against my body, washing away the remnants of alcohol that seeped out of my pores from last night and the makeup that stayed firmly caked onto my face all night and through breakfast. It couldn’t have been a pretty sight, yet Zane cooked, sat and ate with me, and didn’t say a word about my appearance. As I rinsed out my coconut conditioner and stood under the scalding water, my mind didn’t stop thinking about the incident at breakfast.
Breakfast.
Shit.
Zane was starting to soften me up to him and it was dangerous territory. It almost felt like he was the person I knew years ago. That must have been why I’d done it. It was natural, when he was being the cool, attentive guy who meant so much to me, to fall back into old habits. But that guy hurt me. Calling Zane ‘Mac’ on a regular basis was difficult for me because we had both changed so much in the time we weren’t in each other’s lives. Still, it hadn’t stopped my stupid brain from signaling my mouth to utter it.
It tumbled out, just like the verbal diarrhea it was, and I knew he caught it the moment it entered our airspace. Zane was making breakfast and stilled the second the name hit his ears. The only thing I could come up with as to why he didn’t call me on it was because our morning had already been filled with drama and had he said anything to me, it would have just added to it. Besides, he was being sweet and it was a side of him I wasn’t used to anymore but secretly wanted more of.
Zane hadn’t left when I went in to the shower. The plan was I was to shower and get dressed and he’d make calls to his boss, crew, and answer any emails he needed to. After all that was said and done, we’d get “the talk” out of the way so we could move ahead into the “seeing where this goes” stage of whatever this thing between us was. Needless to say, when I finished my shower, I threw on some short denim shorts on top of purple leggings, tube socks with purple stripes around the tops, my black Chuck high-tops, and a black tank top that accentuated my girls fairly decently. My style wasn’t for everyone, but I’d dressed this way since as far back as I could remember.
Plus, I wouldn’t change it for anyone or anything. It was part of what made me who I was.
As I made my way out into the living room, I heard Zane talking on his phone so I hung back at the entranceway, propped against the wall. It sounded almost like he was arguing with someone about doing the job he was getting paid for and if the guy on the other end of the line didn’t like it, he could find another place of employment. Then he hung up that call and immediately dialed a number.
“Davien, it’s Zane. I need another favor, man.”
Silence from Zane as this Davien person spoke.
“Don’t be a dick. I need all you can get on Weston Moretti. Yeah. He’s Josselyn’s boss but there’s more to his story and I want to know what it is.”
My body froze in place, but I kept eavesdropping.
“I need this done fairly quickly. Anything you get, email me. Thanks, man. Yeah, D. I’m working on getting the girl. For fuck’s sake. You are worse than a bunch of gossiping high school girls. Just get me the info as soon as possible.”
Silence again. Then, “Later.”
My temper was rising at what I’d just heard about Wes. I tried to calm myself before I pushed off the wall, but I never could quite master the art of brain to mouth filtration so I just launched in.
“Why the fuck are you looking into Wes?” I questioned loudly as I barged into the room. Zane startled at my entrance and my question.
“Jesus, Josselyn. You scared the shit out of me. Don’t sneak up on me like that.” Zane was holding his hand to his chest but looked right at me.
“It’s my fucking house, Zane. I’ll do what I want. Now answer my damn question. Why are you checking into Wes?”
“Come sit down. I’ll explain everything,” Zane demanded. He knew I was pissed. Even if I tried, I wouldn’t have been able to hide it. My friend may be in trouble so I sat down on my couch and faced Zane, patiently waiting for him to start explaining.
“First, you look beautiful. You don’t need all that shit on your face. You have a natural beauty that always catches me off guard,” he started, reached over, and twirled a loose, wet strand of my hair around his finger. Then he continued.
“Now to answer your question. Wes has said some things to me in conversation in regards to you that got me thinking he isn’t exactly who he says he is, but not in a way I feel you are in danger with him. So, I reached out to a friend of mine who does security to see if he can find anything. I promise you, Josselyn, he is not in danger.”
“Okay, Zane,” I sighed at his ridiculousness and to calm myself down but went on, “I get that you are concerned, but Wes isn’t hiding anything. He is a decent guy who just looks out for people he cares about. No need to go to this extreme.”
“Right. I get that he’s a decent guy, baby. But something else is happening and now that we have decided to see where things go, it’s my job to make sure you are safe.”
“Look, I have been taking care of myself for a long time. I don’t need anyone to do that for me. I am a very independent person. That is something you’ll need to understand if you want into my life.”
“You don’t get the type of man I am, so I will lay it out for you. I am ruthless in how I conduct myself in all aspects of my life. There isn’t anything I let stand in my way. With you, I will do everything in my capabilities to make sure you are safe, protected, and happy. And, baby, if that means me using my connections to ensure that no harm comes your way or to find out what I need to know, I will without hesitation. You mean something to me. If I am being honest, you always have. So, Josselyn, I’m sorry but this is who I am. And I want into your life in a big way. Trust me when I say that I know you don’t trust me. I live with walking away from you every day. It wasn’t a coincidence I forced my way on to your radio show,” he finished, rendering me speechless from all that he just admitted.
We sat on my couch together in an awkward silence. “I don’t know what to say, Zane,” I whispered
when I found my voice again. I looked into his beautiful eyes and saw genuine, raw emotion.
“Just say that you will try. That is all I can ask of you. Let’s get to know each other again. Likes. Dislikes. Turn-ons. Turnoffs. Stuff as silly as our favorite colors or songs. I want to know all of it, Joss.”
“You make it sound so simple. For me, it’s just not,” I admitted.
“It can be. You’ll see. I’ll make it so that being with me is the easiest thing you’ve ever done in your life,” he promised me. These declarations made me feel like we were moving at warp speed. We needed to slow things down. My attraction to Zane, mixed with our history, was a potent combination. Anything he offered me, I wanted. Getting a small preview of what sleeping next to and waking up with Zane was like, had given me back some hope. I just couldn’t shake the fact I want all of this but feared he’d walk away just as I was about to have it all.
“What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?” Zane inquired.
“I really do want all of what you are offering up. Zane, I want you to kiss me. I want your hands to touch every inch of me. But I also want to survive you when you walk away again,” I confessed my biggest fear to him.
“Well, see? We already have found some common ground. I want all those things too. But, Josselyn, there won’t be any walking away this time. I’m here for the duration. The only way you’ll get rid of me this time is if you leave me.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Baby, you can ask me anything. I can’t promise you’ll like the answer but I will always be honest,” Zane said.
“Fair enough,” I agreed. Suddenly I wasn’t sure I wanted to ask my question and I felt shy. I bit my lip and stared across the living room.
After a few minutes of silence passed, I heard Zane ask, “Josselyn, what did you want to ask me?”
“I was curious as to why now?”
“What do you mean, why now?” he asked a bit confused.
“Like why now are you so voraciously pursuing me?” Zane was staring at me now silently, but I watched his eyes get dark. He moved so quickly I couldn’t move out of the way. He grabbed my face in both of his hands and stared into my eyes and basically rocked my world.
“I am pursuing you now for a few reasons. First, it’s time you are finally mine. Second, I stayed away for too long and I’m not doing that shit anymore. And last, I needed to make sure things were settled with my divorce before I brought that mess around you.” As he spoke those words, his mouth was so close to mine, I felt every breath against my lips. My body started buzzing with electricity from his touch and proximity. Zane must have seen something in my eyes that alerted him because the next thing I knew, Zane’s lips were colliding with mine in an eager, hungry, deep kiss.
His lips, full, soft, and experienced, started hard but softened and coaxed mine open. Then his tongue swept inside and we were making out like we might have done when we first met. He tasted like coffee and man. Every second his lips were on mine, my panties got wetter and I didn’t care this was escalating quickly.
I kissed him back with everything I had. Our tongues clashed and caressed. He nibbled on my bottom lip and I returned the favor on his top. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him to me, scared he would stop kissing me and I never wanted him to stop. His hands moved from my face and dove into my hair, tilting my head whichever way he felt gave him deeper access to my mouth. He released my mouth and then Zane was sucking and nibbling down my neck. He bit down on that spot were my neck met my shoulder and a shiver rolled through my body. Zane felt it and started to suck there.
I pushed him off me, jumping off the couch and said, “No fucking way are you giving me a hickey. Seriously, how old are you? We aren’t in high school, Zane. I wear tank tops basically as a uniform. It’d be fairly suspicious if I was sporting a turtleneck to anyone who knew me.”
“Whiplash.”
“What?” I asked at his ridiculous comment and paced back and forth.
“One minute your all lit up, wild, and fucking my mouth with yours, and then the next, you’re yelling at me about me leaving my mark on you. You give me whiplash, baby.”
“I just don’t want a hickey. It’s juvenile,” I respond.
“It’s juvenile or you just don’t want people to know you’re mine?”
“Does it matter?” Zane growled at my question.
“It sure the fuck does matter. If it’s not something you like, that’s one thing. But not wanting anyone to know you belong to me fucking matters in a big way because, Josselyn, you do belong to me. You have since we were kids. No one else touches what’s mine and if I have to mark you to prove my point, I will.”
Okay. Seriously? That was sexy as fuck and as much as I actually did want him to mark me, I couldn’t work all marked up. Could I? Well, if he marked me in spots I could cover while I’m working, I’d be down with that.
“Nothing else to say, baby?” Zane asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Nope,” I said popping the P. This was heading into a place too scary for this early on a Saturday morning. Besides, I wanted to go skate and I am sure he had more work shit to attend to. Spending the day with me was probably not something he would be able to do. His phone was constantly buzzing with emails, phone calls, and text messages.
“What are your plans for the day, Josselyn?” Zane broke through my swirling thoughts.
“Gonna go skate for a bit.”
“Would you mind if I tagged along? I can’t get on a board but I would love to watch you do your thing.” Zane sounded so shy when he asked me to come, almost like he was afraid to ask. I didn’t think he’d be able to go but then, I am assuming an awful lot about him right now.
“Sure, but I have to make a phone call to Soraya. We usually talk every Friday but last night I texted her I’d call today. It’s sort of a ritual where we catch each other up on our weeks. Can you hang here until I am done?”
“I can be wherever you want me to be. Take your time. I will do some work while you girls shoot the shit.”
I smiled at him, gave him a chin nod, and made my way to my bedroom to call my friend. Hopefully, she would give me some advice.
CHAPTER 12
Skate Parks and Teenagers.
Mac
GETTING JOSSELYN TO agree to let me watch her skate set my entire mind into a tailspin. Joss’s talent on a board always surpassed mine, and it was amazing watching it unfold all those years ago. There wasn’t anything I enjoyed more than watching her skate. Well, I’m sure there was but I hadn’t gone there yet with her so I wouldn’t have first-hand knowledge of that. My guess was it would be my new favorite thing. Especially if that kiss this morning was any sort of preview.
But as I sat in her living room, eavesdropping on her conversation with my boss’s wife, Soraya, I realize I still have my work cut out for me. Nosey fucker that I am, I moved down the hallway to her bedroom door that was cracked open just enough to see Joss, lying on her bed, and hear her side of the phone call. So I listened in for any type of clues that might help my cause.
“Soraya, I swear it’s like I don’t know what is up or down right now. The Zane I knew would have never made a scene in public. He would have just left. And this thing he’s looking into with Wes has me freaked the fuck out,” Joss said to Soraya. Soraya must have asked what Joss meant by causing a scene because Joss answered, “Well, it’s why I didn’t call yesterday. Arden and I went to karaoke at The Proud Lantern and I barely got through the first verse of Alanis Morissette’s ‘Uninvited’ when he acted like an ape and carried me out over his shoulder. He is playing games and I needed to make sure he knew I understood what he was doing. But then he turned gentlemanly and didn’t touch me until this morning.” I can only assume that Soraya asked her what happened this morning because Josselyn’s response was like a punch to my fucking chest. “Yes. We just kissed. It was everything I always thought it would be but that is so dangerous, Soraya. I don’t trust him. Oh,
and to top it all off, I called him Mac this morning when he was making me breakfast. It was like verbal diarrhea.”
The feeling I had when she whispered Mac this morning came back and washed over me. It did things to me that it shouldn’t. I closed my eyes and savored it for a minute then I came back to my reality. Josselyn really didn’t trust me. I didn’t blame her in any way because I haven’t given her a single thing to trust. Listening in on her phone call made me realize Soraya and Joss were tighter than I thought.
This could work in my favor, seeing as Soraya is married to Graham.
Or it could be the steel wall barring me from what I wanted.
I was so inside my thoughts that I faintly heard Josselyn telling Soraya she’d call her when there was more to report. That meant there’d be more frequent calls to Soraya and a thought locked into place. I moved quickly back to the living room so I wasn’t caught. Talk about feeling like a teenager again.
Joss appeared with her board and looked like she was nervous. Knowing I was what made her nervous had my chest puffing up a little. It’s weird, I know, but Josselyn feeling something toward me at all meant I was able to get to her. We’ll work on the nervousness and hopefully replace it with pure animal lust, so her only reaction when she sees me is to rip my clothes off. A man can dream, right?
“If you still want to go, we need to leave now. I want to get some ride time in before it gets crowded and I have to leave,” Joss said.
“All right. Let’s go. I’ll drive.” She had her keys in her hand already and looked down to them and then back up to me.
“I can drive myself. There’s probably things you need to do later so it’ll be easier this way.” Joss started toward the kitchen to grab her backpack that was hung on the back of a chair and then beelined it for the door. I caught her wrist just as she was going to open it and moved in behind her.
“Josselyn, I don’t have anything else to do today except spend time with you. I’ll drive,” I whisper-demanded the last against her neck, close to her ear and watched the goosebumps rise on her skin. I still had the key from last night to lock up, so I did and we headed to my car.
Ruthless Renovator : A Hero Club Novel Page 8
