And where the hell did Davien go to eat? Fuck.
CHAPTER 21
Punishments and Apologies.
Joss
ZANE HAD TAKEN me back to his house after what I was now referring to as “the incident” at work. Everything happened so fast I wasn’t really given a choice in the matter. My cell had not stopped ringing and dinging with calls and messages. Zane was annoyingly overly attentive and deep down, I knew he felt awful, but he just ruined my career with his lack of control. I needed to soak in a bath and get some distance from him so that’s exactly what I did. Before running the water, I went to the bedroom where my shit had been collecting over the last few weeks and grabbed sleep shorts, a camisole, a robe, my AirPods, and my phone so I could call Soraya. Arden had been front and center to our little tryst and I sent her a message to tell her I was okay but didn’t want to talk about it right now. I also responded to Ryanne’s message telling me we needed to have a meeting to discuss what happened. The rest could wait until I was in a place to not tell everyone to fuck off and that sex was natural between two people in a relationship.
Sex live on-air was something else entirely though.
Jesus. I felt like a damn prostitute. Technically, I got paid to do what we did. I was seriously an idiot. My entire career was just hanging in the balance and all because Zane was a fucking jealous boyfriend and couldn’t wait to confront me until I got home from the radio station. The entirety of subscribers heard us have sex. They heard my moans and his groans. I officially wanted to crawl into a ditch somewhere and just wither away. Maybe I was the whore Bruno said I was and I shouldn’t have my show. All I do is talk about sex and men so it’s a natural conclusion. This whole thing with Zane was never going to work, no matter how close we’d gotten or how much he wanted me. We had great sexual chemistry but sex didn’t make a relationship. Trust, respect, and understanding were what I needed and Zane’s actions proved he didn’t trust me to do my job or respect that I had a life before him. He understood he would trample anyone in his way or he found to be a threat to him getting what he wanted. Zane didn’t understand he didn’t have to worry about anyone ever getting in his way because I was in love with him.
He got in his own way.
Now, he’d be the one watching me walk away since I’m pretty sure there was no way we could come back from this.
On that thought, I started the water to the bath. Grabbing my AirPods and putting them in, I put in a bath bomb, and slid down into the water. Then, I called Soraya. She answered after only one ring and screamed into my ear, “Girl, what the fuck happened?”
“So, I can assume you heard everything along with the rest of the country.” My tone was defeated and Soraya must have heard it.
“It’s not as bad as you think, Joss. Honestly, it was kind of fucking hot.”
“You would say that. You send pictures of your tits to your husband without a care who sees them. I had sex live on my show. Well, after my show but still. You know what I mean. My career is over,” I choked out on the sob that filled my throat.
“Oh, babe. Don’t cry. I don’t know what to do with you when you cry. Tell me what exactly happened. I mean, I know what happened but how did it happen?” Soraya asked. The more I thought about Zane’s part in this, the angrier I got.
“Listen, I want to tell you but I’d rather tell you in person. Circumstances have changed and I would love to get away and visit. What do you say? Can I stay with you for a bit if I come to New York?” I basically begged. Zane and I needed some time apart. I’d meet with my boss, but then I’d be on a flight across the country, escaping my mess of a life.
As long as Soraya said yes.
“Of course. You don’t even have to ask. Graham and the kids will be happy to have you. How long do you think you’ll stay?”
“Not sure. A week, maybe two. Just need to let things settle down here. If I still have a job to come back to, it will depend on that too.” My heart started to thump against my rib cage and my hand immediately went to the center of my chest to rub it. I was full-on sobbing and I heard Soraya speaking in the phone that everything was going to be okay.
“Soraya, if it is, why do I feel like my heart is shattering into pieces?” I asked her around my cries.
“Because, honey. It is.”
It was as simple as that.
My heart was breaking. It broke for my career, it broke for the Mac I rediscovered, but mostly it broke for the teenaged girl who had loved Zane her whole life.
“Call you tomorrow with my flight info.”
“All right, Joss. I’ll have Graham pick you up at the airport. Just let me know the details. Everything will work out how it’s supposed to, babe. Remember that. Love you and talk to you soon.”
“Love you back. Bye.”
Just like that, the decision to run from my life was made.
_______________
My hands were sweating and my heart was racing as I approached the office. Ryanne had asked me to meet her at the radio station, the morning after, to discuss the unfortunate mess I found myself in. I’d gotten out of the tub after my conversation with Soraya and packed up all the shit I had at Zane’s to go back to my apartment. Every time I thought about his reasons for showing up at my job, I just got myself even angrier. Not just at Zane, but myself. I let it happen. We’d both dropped our guards but I knew what the ramifications would be even if we were caught by Ryanne and hadn’t broadcasted our sexy times to the world. I’ll give him credit, though, Zane had tried everything to get me to stay. I just couldn’t be around him.
“Please, baby. Talk to me. Don’t leave. We can get through this as long as we do it together,” he’d begged.
My response was cold and to the point. It had to be otherwise, I’d break in front of him.
“You get a standing ovation this time for absolutely ruining me, Zane. Every single part of me, you ruined. Congratulations.”
“Stop it, Josselyn. Please. I didn’t ruin you. I’ve apologized. That’s all I can do now.”
“Right. Well, all I can do now is leave. I learned that from you.”
“Fuck. I thought we were past all that. We’ve built this relationship together and I won’t let you destroy it.”
“Trust me when I say this, Zane. I wasn’t the one who destroyed it. Every part of my body, my heart. All ruined. Now, whatever you thought we had, it’s done. No matter what you believe, you ruined me. This time, though, I was prepared to break from it,” I told him, grabbed my bags, walked out to my car, got in, and drove back to an apartment that didn’t feel like my home anymore.
I knocked tentatively and waited for Ryanne to open the door. Instinctively, I wiped my hands on the ripped up jeans I had worn. Early this morning since I couldn’t sleep, even if I wanted to, I had gone to a twenty-four-hour pharmacy and bought hair dye. The blue streaks needed to go. Soraya always said that your hair should match your mood, so I guess that’s why I dyed it all midnight black. It was apropos of everything in my life right now.
Ryanne opened her office door and said, “Come in and have a seat, Joss.”
Her office was a lot like mine and had rearranged and decorated effectively after Wes. I took a seat in one of the two espresso-colored leatherbacks in front of her similarly colored desk. Ryanne sat at her desk and folded her hands in front of her, staring straight at me.
“So yesterday was interesting, to say the least. I want to get right to the point here and not sugarcoat anything. I respect you too much to try to blow smoke up your ass, and I know if the situation were reversed, you’d do the same for me,” Ryanne began.
“I appreciate that.”
“First, Joss, what happened on-air was not your fault. Everyone knows that and I need you to understand that as well. Second, Section J in your contract outlined the dos and don’ts as far as on-air behavior goes. It’s stated in not so many words that pretty much anything goes as far as what you discuss, games you play, and guests you have on. The one thi
ng that is against the rules is live intercourse and/or penetration. Yesterday, without your permission or knowledge, violations to Section J occurred. Now, in any other situation, it would be a clear termination for you. However, since the cameras showed Bruno in the station, and Davien’s statement matches the fact that he saw Bruno exiting on his way back from his lunch, this is not a black-and-white situation. So, lastly, with all that said, you will be suspended for two weeks and issue an on-air apology today before your suspension starts. Do you agree to these terms?” Ryanne asked me at the end of her lecture.
“So I am suspended for two weeks and have to issue an apology? That’s it?” I asked her on a whisper. The shock that I hadn’t lost my show was slowly seeping in to my brain. I needed the clarification from her.
“That’s it. Joss, it wasn’t your fault it was broadcast out. If you agree to the terms, I’ll have you sign the documents needed and you can be on your way. And for what it’s worth, Zane isn’t at fault here either.” Ryanne stared at me pointedly, trying to drive her point home.
She could think that all she wants. None of this would be happening to me if he didn’t have this urge to put claim to me any time I even mentioned a guy from my past.
“Thank you so much for not firing me. This show has given me a sense of purpose since I retired from skating. I’ll sign whatever I need to and can stick around to do the apology. Zane and I are done, so it isn’t worth anything to me. But the sentiment is appreciated. Ryanne, I can’t thank you enough.”
“Look. I’ve been in a semi-similar situation when I first started dating my husband. It wasn’t put on the radio for the entire country to hear, but it was bad enough to where I was on the verge of losing my endorsements and sponsors. It’s a tough spot to be in, but an even tougher one if you are a woman. If it had been a man that this happened to, a slap on the wrist would have been all he got. Off the record, I think it sucks you have to take a two week suspension, but I fought for them to keep your show. It’s the second highest rated on satellite and those assholes would’ve been morons to let you go. I just made them see that.”
“Ryanne, I am so humbled by all you have done for me overnight. If I can ever return the favor, or help you in any way, please don’t hesitate.” I rose out of the chair and stuck out my hand for her to shake.
“Alrighty, get your gorgeous ass in that studio, write up what you want to say, and we’ll get your apology out to the masses. If I can put my friend hat on a minute, take these two weeks to really think about what you want. Go somewhere and clear your head,” Ryanne advised.
“That is exactly what I plan on doing. I just have to make a few stops after here and then I am off to New York to spend time with a friend of mine,” I agreed. I’d booked my flight while I was waiting for the dye to set in this morning and I left on a flight this evening.
“Well, glad to hear it. Come on,” Ryanne ordered and waved me out of her office, holding the door open for me. I headed to the conference room where memories of Zane and I going back and forth that prep day flooded my mind. Notebook and pen in hand, I got down to business and started to pour my heart out on paper.
_______________
“Good afternoon from sunny LA County and welcome to The Josselyn Easton Show. For those who may be listening for the first time, I’m your host, Josselyn, but you can call me Joss. I’m the luckiest girl in the world to be able to talk to all of you, especially today. We’ll be doing things a little differently. Some things have gone down we need to discuss. So, without further ado, let’s let it rip.”
The intro music faded out in my headphones and it was now or never. I pulled in a deep breath, slowly released it, and as the calm settled over my entire body, I dove in.
“Yesterday, I was involved in an on-air incident. A man I was involved with and I made the decision to engage in behavior that was completely inappropriate for listeners to hear. I’ve never done anything that reckless before in my life, and I can assure you it won’t ever happen again. Most of the time, I try to live my life the best way that I see fit. And by doing this, more often than not, I make decisions that hurt and offend people. The last thing I ever want to do is offend, hurt, or even alienate my listeners because something from my personal life trickles into my job and affects the way I behave.
“I know as adults, we have sexual relationships with those we are involved in or brief encounters with those we just met. It’s a natural and perfectly normal thing to do. However, doing them live on-air was completely and totally uncalled for. Please know, that you, my listeners, are why I do this and I am so very sorry for my actions. As always with my experiences, I learned some things in a very short period of time. As for the show, we’ll be silent for the next two weeks, as I have been placed on suspension. I’ve agreed to all the terms and am happy that it is just a small hiatus and not a complete loss of a job that means so much to me.
“As I sign off for the next two weeks, if you take anything away from this, take this. Never allow anyone to make you feel bad about or become jealous because you have a past. We all have them, and sometimes the ghosts from our pasts will forever haunt us in one way or another. Until next time, this is Joss Easton. Thanks for tuning in on a day we aren’t usually live and allowing me a few minutes of your time.”
Fuck that was humiliating.
I will never do that again.
CHAPTER 22
The Aftermath
Mac
MY ENTIRE CHEST was tight and my heart felt like it was being squeezed inside my body, as I sat on my deck listening to my girl’s show earlier that day. There was not a single thing I could do to fix this shitty fucking situation I found myself in. Joss had walked away. I knew she’d never trust me again. When I heard her on the radio apologizing for something that wasn’t in anyway her fault, I hated myself for being the way I was when it came to her. It was totally irrational but something inside me wanted every single man who walked this earth to know she was mine. She’d always been mine. Even if they came before me.
Fuck. I was the stupidest motherfucker in the world.
There was only one thing that stopped me from following her after she left my house and that was Soraya. She texted me the flight info for Josselyn and then tried to pretend she hadn’t meant to send it to me. I’d said thank you and was at LAX, sitting in the back corner of the waiting area, watching for her like the maniac stalker I felt like. When I saw her, my heart raced just at the sight of her and I saw she’d changed her hair. It was all black now and flowed in loose waves down her back. Her face was free of makeup but her eyes were rimmed red from crying.
I’d done that.
I made her cry and I made her leave.
Joss was right. I ruined her.
Being an asshole came naturally to me in business, but I never wanted that side of me to reach Joss or be the cause of any kind of pain in her life again. All I wanted to do was love, protect, make her happy, and worship her. Funny thing about that is, I never even told her I was in love with her.
Now, it was too late. Anyone who flew to the other side of the country to get away from you wasn’t fucking around with ending things. Not that I’d let her because I am that bastard, but I knew she’d be with Soraya and Graham which brought me a sliver of comfort. I knew they’d do what they could to keep her safe until I could figure out exactly how to get my girl back. And if Soraya’s “mistake” text meant what I thought it did, she was going to be the one to help me. Graham had warned me to not fuck this up, but even the great Graham Morgan made his mistakes along the way after he met Soraya.
_______________
After I watched Joss board her plane to New York, and realized I hadn’t a clue what to do, I got in my car and drove. I’d had no specific destination in mind and had the classic rock blaring when I pulled up to the skate park Joss usually went to on Saturdays, even though it was Friday. The kids she usually taught were there and I got out and went to them.
“Hey, Mac,” I was greeted
by Jared. Kaylin, Parker, Charlie, and Samantha all gave chin lifts.
“Where’s Joss? Is she meeting you here?” Parker asked.
“No, man. She is on vacation in New York, visiting some friends,” I told them all, even though Parker asked the question. They all looked disappointed that I was there and not Joss. Trust me, I felt exactly the same way.
“So listen, guys. I wanted to give you these,” I started and pulled out the tickets to the demo to give them and continued, “Joss will be featured, but we would love to also feature the five of you. We just need to talk to your parents and make sure it’s okay with them. Joss asked me to get you tickets, but she has no idea that you’ll be skating too. It’s a surprise. Can I count on the five of you to keep this a secret?” I finished.
“Yes!”
“Of course!”
“This is awesome!”
“Righteous!”
“Woohoo!” All responses from these kids and I smiled for the first time in what felt like weeks but was only about twenty-four hours.
“All right. Here is my card.” I handed them out to each of them. “Have your folks give me a call. We’ll get it all squared away and then we can get you set up for practices. Think about what you want to show off. This is your time to shine.”
Each one of those kids, including shy Samantha, shook my hand and thanked me. I turned to walk away, and Sam tapped me on the shoulder, which stopped me in my retreat. I turned to her and she seemed more scared than usual.
“What’s up, Sam?” I asked.
“You seem sad. Not that I know you real well, just that I see it in your eyes. And well, if Joss is the reason you are sad, I can talk to her for you. She’s my friend and we give each other advice if we need to. Every time she talked about you or when you two were here together, she looked happy. You watched her and always had this look in your eyes that I clearly saw was a strong affection for her. Just, if you need me to, I will,” sweet Sam offered.
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