“Shit. When is he getting in?” I asked, freaking out slightly. Fucking tag-teamed by the Morgans. Shit.
Soraya tapped the screen of her phone to check the time and then told me in about two hours. My heart started racing and suddenly it felt a lot warmer than it did earlier and sweat started to bead my skin.
“Relax, Joss. Just tell him how you feel. Graham called me after you left and told me what you talked about. I understand your side, but Zane makes you happy. Probably happier than I have seen you in a long time. Don’t let your pride come between the two of you. He isn’t and that says a lot about him and the kind of feelings he has for you.” Before Soraya could say any more a woman came over to take my order.
“Hey. You must be Josselyn. I’m Jurnee. It’s nice to finally meet you. Soraya has told me a lot about you. Can I get you something to drink?” Jurnee asked while smiling brightly at me.
She was a freaking knockout. Jesus. It’s no wonder the men in the place were watching her every move.
“I’ll take a caramel macchiato with soy milk, no foam, and agave. Thanks. It’s a pleasure to meet you and this place is freaking gnarly!” I ordered and complimented Jurnee. She checked Soraya’s cup and walked back to get my order.
Soraya and I talked for a bit, calming my nervousness down and drank the most delicious damn macchiato I’d ever consumed. One thing I would say about New York was, their coffee beats California’s by a landslide. After she finished her work about thirty minutes later, Soraya took me to this shop that was everything funky and nothing traditional. It was as if this store was put here just for the two of us since we had similar fashion tastes. Her hair color still changed with her moods but I was liking the darker shade on me and was going to keep it for a bit. We’d managed to spend a shit ton of money and eat greasy burgers for lunch, which soothed whatever remnants I had of the alcohol stomach from last night.
We ate and shopped until it was about forty-five minutes from Zane landing. It would take him a bit to get to Soraya and Graham’s place, but I wanted to get there and take some time to freshen up. Lorenzo, their son, would be back from his play date and I needed some kiddo cuddles. Chloe was with her mom this weekend, which totally bummed me out because she was a great kid and we had fun together. I was kind of the cool aunt, just not related.
We were walking up the stairs to the front door when my phone beeped.
ZIT: Don’t be mad. Soraya told me to come so we could talk. I just landed. Be there in a bit. Please don’t leave. I’m sorry but I just couldn’t wait a week, Josselyn. Baby, please be there when I get there. It’s been two and a half days and I already miss everything about you.
I wasn’t sure what to respond. I didn’t want to give any indication one way or another. And I knew he was watching the phone so I started and stopped typing out a response a few times, deleting it every time. After we were inside and a few minutes had passed, I typed out a short and sweet message and hit send.
ME: I’ll be here.
It was all I said via text because everything else was too important. It needed to be said face-to-face.
My nerves flared to life again. This whole feelings thing was something I tried to compartmentalize but where Mac was concerned, I was finding it an impossibility.
Ready or not, it was now or never.
And never was no longer an option.
CHAPTER 24
The Best Thing I Ever Heard.
Mac
LAST NIGHT WAS excessive, alcohol-wise, and I knew I needed to do everything I could to shake it off when I got Soraya’s message earlier this morning to fly out to New York. When I got to LAX, I made sure to hit up one of the food spots and pack in the grease and the coffee. It always seemed to fix any type of queasiness after a night of imbibing like I’d had. The ache in my head had dulled to a tiny throbbing; hopefully a nap would eliminate it fully when I settled in on the plane.
My flight felt like it took longer than its allotted six or so hours. There was a knot in my chest that wouldn’t let up. The nap I was able to get in helped my head and my focus, but it wasn’t long enough for me to not have time to overthink everything. My mind kept wandering to every minute I spent with Joss, and then it would flash forward to what my future looked like with and without her. It was a torturous cycle. I was nervous, excited, but mostly determined to explain my feelings to Josselyn. Knowing she might not want to be with me, even after I tried to explain, made that feeling in my chest turn to lead and the blood in my veins turn cold.
When I landed in New York, I immediately turned my phone on and sent Joss a text.
ME: Don’t be mad. Soraya told me to come so we could talk. I just landed. Be there in a bit. Please don’t leave. I’m sorry but I just couldn’t wait a week, Josselyn. Baby, please be there when I get there. It’s been two and a half days and I already miss everything about you.
Those annoying ass bubbles danced along the bottom of the screen, then stopped along with my damn heart. No message. Then they started and stopped again a few more times. Seriously, every time the bubbles stopped, my body tensed up. After a few minutes, I got a simple response but a response nonetheless.
BABY: I’ll be here.
My chest felt the slightest bit looser knowing she replied to my message and hopefully I’d be seeing my girl in under an hour. Smiling, I made my way over to the baggage claim to pick up my stuff. Once I’d located and grabbed my roller suitcase, I located a gift shop so I could buy flowers for all the ladies I was about to grovel to.
_______________
I walked up the stairs to the front door and before I had a chance to ring the bell, Graham swung open the door and stood in it with his arms crossed over his chest. The look on his face told me he was disappointed in me, yet understood exactly why I did what I had. He started shaking his head but his lips quirked up into a grin.
“Glad to see you really are fighting for her, fuckhead. I knew you would fuck this up but, man, you did it in spectacular fashion,” Graham ribs me. He stepped out of the way and nodded his head to follow him inside. Bags and flowers in hand, I entered and followed Graham into his home. My heart was pounding against my chest and my entire being was aware she was here.
“Just leave your bags in the corner and I will get you a drink. You’re going to need it, man.” Graham pointed to the corner of his dining area. I left my shit there, minus the flowers, and we went into the kitchen. I watched him pull down a bottle of expensive scotch and my stomach did not want any part of that shit.
“I’m good with just water, man. It was a rough night. But thank you. And I owe you for letting me crash here and giving me the opportunity to talk to Josselyn,” I told him. Graham shook his head and turned to me.
“You know, I didn’t have a say in this whole setup to get you and Josselyn to wake the hell up. It was all my wife. I did, however, have an opportunity to talk with Joss this morning. I did the best I could to try to explain what kind of man you are. When it comes to the women we love, we are similar. You fucked up but she may now have a better understanding as to why you acted like a possessive asshole. But, Zane, you need to be able to understand her side of things. You’ll never love the idea of her having a life you weren’t a part of. But what you need to remember is you chose that option. Joss didn’t.” Damnit if Graham wasn’t a smart bastard.
“Yeah, Graham. I fucking know. And if I am honest, that’s what sucks the most. If I had chosen not to walk away, there never would have been anyone but me in the picture. I was just so fucking stupid and thought I was doing the right thing,” I admitted to him.
“This is probably the only chance you’ll get with Joss. Don’t blow it, man. She was pretty broken up last night when Soraya and she got home from the bar. Listen and beg if you have to. Don’t let your pride get in the way,” Graham lectured, and then he clapped me on the shoulder and walked out.
I heard him making his way upstairs. There was a soft knock on a door then it opened. I heard whispers between G
raham and the voice I’d know anywhere, no matter how quiet she was trying to be. Footsteps followed when the voices quieted and I heard her coming down the stairs. I was still in the kitchen but I started pacing. When she entered the room, I stopped dead and took in every inch of her from feet to head. She had on Chucks, ripped jeans that were playing peekaboo with her delectable skin, a white tee under a gray and blue flannel that made her sad eyes stand out, and dark circles that were almost concealed under makeup. She’d dyed her hair all one color and I itched to wrap the silky black strands around my fingers.
Fuck. I knew I had done that too, but she was always able to steal the breath from me. Out of instinct, I made a move to go to her, and she flinched, taking a step back. Shit. Was she scared of me? Was this a sign of what was to come? Please, don’t let her leave me.
“Josselyn,” I breathed.
“Zane.” Josselyn’s tone was more resigned.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?” I asked her, trying to make sure she knew how I saw her.
“I’m a disaster. We should go somewhere and talk. There’s a coffee shop a few blocks from here where I met Soraya this morning. We can go there, if that’s okay?” Joss asked me. She seemed shy and not at all like my fiery, sassy girl.
“That’s fine. I’m just happy to be here, in your presence. I got these for you at the airport,” I told her and handed over the flowers.
“They’re beautiful. Thank you.” She took the flowers from me and grabbed a vase to put them in.
“Ready?” Joss asked with her hands in her pockets. She was closing off any openings for me to touch her. My heart was in my stomach but I needed to stay levelheaded.
“Lead the way,” I answered, and swept out my arm for her to proceed before me. I followed. I’d follow her anywhere. And her ass looked perfect in those damn jeans.
_______________
Josselyn and I walked side by side the few blocks to Latte Love, the coffee house Joss had been to earlier, and it absolutely killed me to not grab her hand and hold it in mine. We found a spot in the back, away from the windows, and away from other prying ears. The place was awesome and was owned by Jurnee, a friend of Soraya’s, according to Joss.
“I guess we should just dive right into this, huh?” Her question was timid, almost like she was unsure of herself. Or maybe it was nerves. Either way, this wasn’t my girl. We needed to get this over with and whatever the outcome, take it from there.
“Can I go first?” I asked, as Jurnee dropped off the orders she had taken as soon as we sat. Joss and she seemed acquainted and Jurnee winked at her as she walked away.
“Sure.” Joss sipped her coffee and gazed at me from her spot across from me, anticipating what I was going to say. She wrapped her little hands around her mug of coffee, trying to keep them occupied. Or warm. Anyway, I was stalling. I needed to just speak from my heart. Here went nothing…
“Josselyn, I know my actions were uncalled for and I acted out of jealousy from what I’d heard on the show. With everything that was going on around us, I should have taken more care with you. I knew better, and if anyone knows how you feel about being respected, it was me. Please understand that even if it doesn’t seem like it, I respect the hell out of you. Baby, I worship you. The aftermath of this is all on me and I will do absolutely anything to try to make this right. For you and for us. Joss, I’ve loved you since I was a kid. I’m so fucking in love with you it’s been hard for me to take a breath the past two days. Picturing a life without you is just not something I am able to do. I promise you, I won’t ever walk away from you and I will try my best to not let my emotions get the best of me.” I poured my heart out to her. I wasn’t sure she accepted anything I said because she just kept staring at me. Silent. Then she dropped her head to stare at her coffee.
“Baby, please say something,” I begged after a while. My heart was lodged in my throat. I’d never felt like this about any woman ever. Not even the one I mistakenly married.
After another long pause, Joss lifted her face to me, tears streaking down her cheeks. Fuck. She was killing me.
“You really do love me? I mean Graham and Soraya both told me but you never said anything,” she sniffled, and I watched more tears fall. That was it. My control on keeping my distance and hands to myself broke and I went to her. I grabbed her face in my hands and used my thumbs to wipe away the tears. She needed to hear me say this without any doubt.
“Josselyn, I’m not sure there was ever a time where my heart didn’t belong to you. Even when I was married, brief as it was, it was always you. I love you so much I can’t control myself. I feel like a crazed madman most of the time when I hear you on the radio talking about your life without me. But that’s just it. The reason I get that way is because of bad decisions I made. I forced you into those situations in a way and I am so fucking sorry. I love you, Josselyn.”
“Mac,” she whispered and looked at me. Fuck. She was mine. Forever.
“Tell me, baby. Do you love me back?” I rested my forehead against hers.
“More than I think I should.” Her words were every bit of a balm for my soul.
“I need you to actually say the words to me.”
“I love you, Mac.” I’d thought her calling me Mac when she was turned on, and it was all breathy, was the sexiest shit ever.
I was wrong.
Her calling me Mac while telling me she loved me was the best thing I’d ever heard.
“Can I please kiss you now, baby?”
“If you don’t, I’m going to get pissed again,” Joss answered on a smile.
I crashed my mouth over hers. Everything in my world completely righted itself. I put all of my love for her into that kiss. She opened immediately for me and I danced my tongue with hers. Remembering we were in public, I pulled away and feathered smaller, lighter kisses to her delicious lips and smiled when she whimpered at the loss of my mouth.
“Can I take it from that kiss we are okay?” I asked, still a bit unsure until I heard her.
“We are, Mac. But just please don’t ever make me regret this. Graham explained some things to me about the type of man you are, and I get it. Really, I do. And you know me. I can’t do anything professionally if I am not respected. It wasn’t sleeping my way to the top, but it was an intimate moment that went out on-air. People’s opinions of me are going to be different, even if I apologized. I’m not sure I can go back to the show knowing that. Things are just all up in the air with my career, but I can’t tuck away my feelings for you. Not anymore. Years of doing that shit made me a lunatic. I’d rather just be yours. If you can deal with a possibly unemployed, former pro skateboarder as a girlfriend.” There was a lot there but we would tackle it when we got home.
“I will support you in whatever you decide to do,” I promised her. With a quick peck on her now swollen lips, I grabbed her hand and dragged her outside. I wanted to spend some time in the city with her and this was the perfect opportunity.
“What are you doing?” Joss asked me at the quick change in mood and locations.
“I believe I owe you some romance to make up for all the asshole shit I have put you through. Let’s go. First up, carriage ride.”
Josselyn laughed and the sound almost brought me to my knees. If I could make her laugh forever, I would. No wait. Never mind. There were so many other sounds I would add to that list that would make me the luckiest bastard alive.
We exited onto the bustling sidewalk and I held her hand tight in mine as I began the beautiful art of romancing my girl. Josselyn deserved this and so much more since she allowed me on to her show that first time. There would never be a time that she didn’t know how much she was valued and loved.
My beautiful girl was going to be mine forever.
The love I had for her was unstoppable.
I wondered if she’d take my last name when we got married…
The saying always went something like you’d never know unless you asked, right?
CH
APTER 25
Never Happier.
Joss
MAC AND I left New York the next day. We wanted to be back in our everyday routines and adjust to what the rest of our lives looked like. He’d made the rest of the time we had there some of the most magical I’d ever experienced. When we got back to California, Mac asked me to move in with him. His selling point was, we knew what it was like twice over to be without each other, so to avoid that he wanted me with him.
Who was I to deny him?
I broke the lease on my apartment and moved to Mac’s. He insisted. I fought him for posterity’s sake. There were some things I would give in on after I made sure it was asked of me, not demanded. Mac had the best house, so it really wasn’t a hardship to tell my landlord I was leaving.
We’d been back almost two weeks and I needed to make a decision about going back to the show. Ryanne had been checking in, trying to gauge where my thoughts were. If I was honest, I didn’t know that I would enjoy the job like I used to. As great and reassuring as Mac had been, I would always feel judged. I’d been in touch with Arden too, and she left the show after I went to New York. She was still having some health issues and she wanted to get shit figured out. I didn’t blame her. For as long as she’d not been feeling good, I’d want answers too. Ardie had a hard time with Wes leaving and I could only guess as to why, since she never came out and said what was going on. But she needed to take care of herself.
Mac and I had been good. Great, really. He had been sweeter than I ever remembered him being. Whether it was just the two of us or not, he wasn’t the crazy, possessive man he’d been the day of the incident. Instead, he whispered his feelings in my ear, texted me a good morning if he was at work before I even woke up, and found any reason to touch me, even if it was to just run his fingers through my hair. I attributed it to the fact I called him Mac regularly now. I just felt that day in New York when he told me he loved me, my Mac came back to me. When he acted like an asshole, I threw Zane at him but that had only happened once since being back in California.
Ruthless Renovator : A Hero Club Novel Page 17
