He sat down on the grass to rest for a moment. “What a little beauty.”
“Nearly three months old already.” Jane dangled a small toy before the infant. “It seems like July was just yesterday, when I started taking care of her. She’s growing so fast.”
He looked out at the verdant garden and fields as the sun dropped lower in the sky. “I wonder if Eliza ever wonders about Mercy and how she is.”
“Every single day, I would imagine.”
He stayed silent a few moments, gazing to the west. “The pumpkins are starting to turn orange,” he commented at last. “I think a few might be ripe enough to bring to the farmer’s market this Saturday.”
“You seem tired.” Jane also thought he looked distracted and moody, but it would have been rude to mention it.
He sighed. “I am. Since I combined the booths a couple months ago, sometimes it’s hard to keep up with the increased sales. Still, I’m grateful to Gott for everything. This summer has been the most profitable it’s ever been. I’ve been able to pay every bill to the hospital myself so far, without having to ask the community to help.”
Jane knew that was a huge motivating factor behind his hard work. He had no wish for his sister’s baby to be a financial burden on his church family.
“Well, only four more weeks to get through.” Jane’s voice wavered for a brief moment. In four weeks—in theory—Levy would no longer need her help in nannying Mercy. Their work schedule throughout the summer had meshed so seamlessly that it was hard to imagine not seeing him on a daily basis. The very thought made her heart lurch in her chest.
She thought she’d learned her lesson back home in Ohio. Why did it seem she was destined to fall in love with men who didn’t see her as a woman? Levy, she knew, appreciated her help in everything from Mercy’s care to the items she made to sell. He was, by every indicator, an excellent boss.
It wasn’t his fault she had fallen in love with him.
But she kept her emotions in check. She’d grown up a lot over the summer and refused to become the lovelorn figure she was when she first arrived. Besides, Levy had given no indication he returned her affections, and she wasn’t about to make a fool of herself. Again.
She forced her mind back to the present. “I’m going to start making peach chutney this week,” she said. “The peaches are beautiful. All your fruit trees are doing well.”
He gave a small groan as he rose to his feet. “Ach, my sore muscles. There are some crates of peaches in the basement, ripening,” he added. “Go ahead and use those.”
She watched as he went back to work. That was another thing she’d come to admire over the last two months. His work ethic. He never seemed to stop. She didn’t think she’d ever met a man as hardworking as Levy.
By the time Saturday rolled around, Jane had pulled together fifty pints of peach chutney, two dozen pints of applesauce, two dozen pints of tomato salsa and three dozen quarts of apple pie filling.
In addition to the full bounty of a September harvest, Levy had expanded into offering packets of seeds for customers to purchase. He made brown-paper envelopes, and on each envelope he wrote out the types of seeds and basic planting directions. Jane used a tiny green ribbon to close the flaps.
The booth, when it was set up at the Saturday market, was packed to capacity with goods for sale.
“There.” Levy finished tying some corn stalks for decoration at the booth corners before the market opened. He took off his hat and wiped a hand across his brow. “Let’s pray sales are gut today.”
By the time they were ready to break down in the late afternoon, nearly everything had sold. The packets of seeds were especially popular, another component that surprised him. “Unbelievable,” he muttered to Jane. “Seeds are available everywhere. Why would people buy so many here?”
She picked up the one remaining unsold packet. “These look gut. And people know the seeds come from your farm. I’ve come to realize how many people like knowing the sources for things.”
“I’ve never had a summer like this.” He started breaking down the booth components so they could be loaded into the wagon. “Ach, I’m glad tomorrow is the Sabbath.”
“Ja, it will be good to rest.”
Jane helped him load the boxes and crates, and the wagon started for home.
Jane thought Levy still seemed distracted, almost nervous. “I’ll throw together a quick dinner before I go home tonight,” she offered.
“Danke,” he answered, then fell silent.
She didn’t know what to make of his behavior. He didn’t seem angry. She’d had no cross words with him in weeks. They seemed to work well together. What could possibly be wrong?
When he pulled up to the house, Jane took Mercy inside and started dinner while Levy groomed and fed Maggie and put the booth away for the week. By the time he came inside, she had the table set.
Levy sluiced his face at the sink as Jane pulled food from the oven. He sat down at the table and fidgeted. He shuffled. He fretted.
“Levy, are you oll recht?” she asked after they’d said grace. “You seem as nervous as a cat.” She poured herself some milk.
“Ja, sure.” He took a bite, then laid his fork down. “Jane, I have a question for you.”
“Ja? What is it?”
“Would you consider marrying me?”
Jane couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “What? Did I hear you right?”
“Yes.”
“Levy, where did this come from?”
“I think it’s a logical question. You’re so good with Mercy. You’re amazing in everything you do...”
Jane’s temper rose. If she had ever entertained any hopes about her and Levy, they were dashed on the rocks at the bottom of her heart. There was no mention of love, of warmth or affection or anything else upon which a stable long-term marriage could be built.
Her answer was short. “No.”
He winced. “I’m sorry I asked so bluntly, please won’t you reconsider...”
“Levy, do you expect me to marry someone who only sees me as a baby nurse?” She got to her feet so fast the chair went flying and crashed to the floor. Mercy whimpered.
He looked surprised. “Just a baby nurse? Jane, hasn’t it been obvious that my feelings for you have grown over the summer?”
She stared as her heart continued to pound in thick, painful thuds. “No. It hasn’t been obvious.”
“I thought we were getting along so well...”
“Sure, as an employer and employee. Not as a husband and wife.”
He, too, rose to his feet. “Then I’ve been remiss. I’ve... I’ve never courted before. This is new territory for me.”
For Levy to admit such a weakness drained Jane’s anger. But the tiny portion of her heart that longed for romance shrank from him. Her mind flip-flopped this way and that, trying to come to terms with this new development.
“Besides,” he added, “I can’t take care of the baby on my own.”
Her heart sank. Useful again. Never romantic.
And yet...and yet...was that really such a bad thing? She loved him, and even if he didn’t return her feelings, they got along well and had the baby to unite them. Could such a marriage work?
“That’s what the bishop is urging you to do, ain’t so?” she asked. “Marry?”
“Ja. If you marry me, we can raise Mercy together.” He raised an eyebrow. “That’s the most logical, rational solution to the problem.”
She lifted her chin. “If you want a logical, rational answer, then here’s mine. I can’t help but feel this proposal springs from guilt. I think your guilt over what happened to your sister is coloring your views on what’s important to the baby. You insist on keeping Mercy rather than letting her be raised by a family...”
“But I am her family!”
“Nei
n, you’re her uncle who has a living to make and can’t take care of an infant on your own. You’re doing the best you can, but it’s impossible to care for the needs of a baby while you work a farm.”
“But wouldn’t marrying me solve that problem?”
“Marriage is permanent. It’s a lifelong commitment. There would be no going back. That’s a lot to ask of me.”
“Jane.” Levy placed a hand on her arm, and his voice was gentle. “Are you saying you have no feelings for me?”
She stared at his hand and her throat thickened. “I... I don’t know,” she stammered. “All I know is men don’t look at me twice because I’m plain. To suddenly believe you want to marry me for anything else besides a built-in nanny is hard for me to comprehend.” Tears welled up in her eyes.
He tipped her chin up so her eyes met his. “You keep thinking you’re plain, and I don’t understand why. You’ve never been plain to me.”
Coming from any other man, Jane wouldn’t have believed that statement. But with Levy...well, it was possible he spoke truly. She knew she had fostered respect from him through the summer. Could it have grown into something more?
She stepped back and broke contact, though her skin tingled where he had touched her. “Levy, this is so sudden. I can’t give you an answer yet.”
“Then think about it. Tomorrow is the Sabbath. Let Gott guide your thinking, and we can talk on Monday.”
“Ja. Gut.” She backed up another step, suddenly desperate to get away. “Then I’ll leave Mercy to you. Gude nacht, Levy.” She turned and fled.
* * *
Her footsteps pounded in her ears as she walked home. She felt a need to talk things over with her aunt. She needed the calm, levelheaded advice of the older woman to get over this hurdle.
Walking into her aunt and uncle’s house, she found them sitting in the living room with newspapers. “Tante Catherine, can I talk to you?” Her voice sounded strained even to her own ears.
Her relatives raised their heads. Uncle Peter looked at her face and rose from his chair. “I just remembered I have some work that needs doing in the barn.” He left the room. Jane made a mental note to thank him later.
“You’re white as a sheet,” observed Catherine. “Sit down, child, and tell me what happened.”
Jane sat down and promptly burst into tears.
Catherine handed her a handkerchief and stayed quiet while Jane continued to cry.
“Tell me what happened, liebling,” she said after the storm had passed and Jane wiped her cheeks dry.
“Levy asked me to marry him,” Jane blurted out.
Catherine’s eyebrows shot up into her hairline. “What!”
“That was pretty much my reaction. Essentially he wants a built-in nanny-housekeeper for Mercy, and this was the most logical, rational solution he could think of.”
“Did this happen just out of the blue?”
“Ja.” Jane toyed with the handkerchief. “And...and I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand why he thought I would agree to a one-sided marriage...”
Catherine snapped her head up. “One-sided?”
Jane fell silent.
“One-sided?” persisted her aunt. “What do you mean, one-sided?”
Jane heaved a shuddering sigh. “Just what I said. I’ve fallen in love with Levy—and the baby as well—but I don’t know that I want to accept a marriage proposal when he doesn’t return the sentiment.”
“Oh Schätzchen. No wonder you’re so upset. Here he could be offering you the moon and the stars, if only the sentiment was behind them.”
“Ja. Exactly. Oh, Tante, what should I do?” The tears started again. “To Levy, I’m just another ‘useful’ person, just like I was with Isaac. Why don’t men see me as a woman? Why am I always nothing more than a tool?”
“Are you sure he has no feelings for you? Levy’s aware of the commitment behind a marriage. Surely he wouldn’t propose if he didn’t feel some affection for you?”
“He says he does, but I don’t know that I believe him.”
Catherine raised her eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t you believe him?”
“Look at me. I’m as plain as a box of nails. Levy is a handsome man. He could ask any woman in this town to marry him, and stand an excellent chance she’d say yes. Why should he love someone like me?”
Catherine’s voice grew stern. “Jane, stop it. You’ve always doubted your worth, all because you’ve been comparing yourself to your friend after she married Isaac. You’ve got your own type of beauty, and you’re nowhere near as plain as you seem to think. And Levy has worked closely with you for months now. Don’t you think he’s smart enough to see what’s inside you?”
“I...”
“But you don’t believe him.”
“Maybe that’s the problem. I don’t believe him. I don’t believe anyone like Levy would want to marry me.”
“You’re being a fool, Jane.” Catherine’s voice was firm.
The verbal slap was exactly what Jane needed. She raised her head and looked at her aunt. “Do you honestly think it’s worth accepting Levy?”
“I honestly think it’s worth considering. Believe it or not, geliebte, that may not be a bad way to start a marriage. You’re good with the baby, that’s why he needs you. I’m not saying you should accept his proposal, but nor should you necessarily dismiss it as hopeless. Happy marriages have been built on far less in our community.”
“But unhappy marriages have been built that way too.”
“Ja, sure. But would you truly be unhappy with Levy? He’s a gut man.”
“I agree. And I don’t know.” Jane stared at the floorboards at her feet, pleating the damp handkerchief, her mind churning. “I guess you’re right,” she said at last. “If I have any consolation, I imagine Levy is going through similar mental turmoil. And he has no one to talk it over with except a three-month-old boppli.”
“I have no doubt that things will work out for the best, child.” Catherine leaned forward and planted a kiss on Jane’s forehead. “Let the matter rest with Gott. He’ll provide the answer.”
Lying in bed that night with her hands stacked beneath her head, Jane tried to pray for guidance. But in the wee hours of the night, tossing and turning and unable to sleep, Jane started questioning her personal insecurities and fears...and her reasoning took another turn.
What if she did accept Levy? What if she did enter into marriage, allegedly for the sake of Mercy? Was Aunt Catherine right when she said happy marriages were built on less?
Would it be so bad, being yoked to Levy? There was much to admire about him. People spoke highly of him in the community. He worked hard, was loyal and never shirked what he saw as his responsibilities.
And if he thought she was a worthwhile partner, maybe they could build a life together.
She fell asleep and dreamed Mercy was her baby...hers and Levy’s.
Chapter Thirteen
Heavy-eyed, Jane stumbled over to Levy’s on Monday morning. She dragged her steps, reluctant to have to think about his proposal.
Approaching Levy’s house, she took a deep breath and stepped into the kitchen.
Mercy was strapped in her seat, quiet and content. Half-finished seed packets were scattered all over the table in the process of being assembled for the farmer’s market. But Levy sat, his hands buried in his hair, staring at a piece of paper on the table before him. Jane’s greeting died on her lips as he didn’t appear to notice her at all.
The tension in the room crackled through the silence. Finally she spoke. “Levy?”
He jerked his head up, his eyes wide and startled. “What?”
His face held an extraordinary mixture of bleakness and hope, and instinct told her it came from the paper on the table.
“What’s the matter?”
He looked dazed. �
�What?”
“What’s the matter?” she repeated. “Are you oll recht?”
Levy remained silent a moment, then touched the paper. “I just received a letter from my sister.”
“Your sister!” It was the last thing Jane expected.
“Ja.”
What did Eliza want after all this time? Would Levy’s long-lost sister return to reclaim Mercy? She put her thoughts aside and walked into the kitchen. At least one problem was solved. Levy’s marriage proposal appeared to be shelved for the moment. “So she’s okay?”
“It seems so.” Levy scrubbed a hand over his face. “She wants to come home.”
“Home? Meaning here in Grand Creek?”
“Ja.”
Jane kept her voice neutral. “Then that solves one of your problems, ain’t so? You won’t have to pay a nanny anymore.”
Levy focused on her. His eyes had dark circles under them. It appeared he’d slept no better than she had over the last couple of nights. “I owe you an apology, Jane. I stepped way over the line on Saturday, as a Christian and as a friend and as a man. It won’t happen again.”
Jane felt her heart break. It seems she wasn’t even good enough for Levy’s lame marriage proposal. Caring for babies, yes. Marriage, no.
At her silence, Levy lifted the sheet of paper. “But you’re not out of a job, not yet. It will take her a while to get back. She said she anticipates being here a week from Tuesday.”
“Where is she now?” Jane spoke with care, trying not to let her voice betray her emotions.
“She doesn’t say, but the stamp on the envelope says Seattle.”
“Seattle! So far away!”
Mercy began to whimper, and Jane guessed the baby needed her diaper changed. Glad for an excuse to leave the room, she lifted the infant out of the bouncy seat and took her into the bedroom to change her.
Eliza. Coming home. Doubtless to claim her baby. Jane took her time cleaning Mercy and putting a fresh garment on her. She slipped the baby over her shoulder and felt tears prickle her eyes at the thought of no longer having the sole care of this precious child.
Amish Baby Lessons Page 14
