by Ws Greer
I can’t help how I feel, but I don't want to ruin what Becky and I have, so I don't ask her to prove anything she says. I don't have her show me documents from John or the message from her so-called friends. I don't ask for evidence, and the problem stays buried within me, eating away at my insides. It’s a ticking time bomb, and if I don't defuse it, it’ll explode and destroy us.
Our days off don't usually coincide. Becky’s schedule is usually straight forward; nine to five unless an emergency pops up or something crazy happens. My schedule, on the other hand, tends to be more fluid. Mostly, I work days, but I tend to get pulled into staying late to handle small emergencies. Working in the medical field comes with accepting the fact that you're going to have to work some crazy hours.
Today, however, everything worked itself out, and Becky is staying home with me. We have all day together for the first time in a couple of weeks, so I have to make the most of it. Sex is the most important thing on the agenda, that goes without saying, but when my eyes open, I’m greeted by sunlight shining into our room and the heavy weight of stress in my stomach.
I was thinking about it last night when I went to bed, because Becky wasn't here when I laid down. She claimed to have a late night out with her friends at Dover Downs, which is the only casino in the city. She texted me sporadically throughout the night, which did help extinguish my suspicion, but that feeling in my gut never went away. Was she out with Dr. Bishop? I had no way of knowing without getting in my car and driving to the casino, but if I would've shown up there and found nothing but Becky laughing with her friends, I would've looked like a complete piece of crap, so I couldn't bring myself to do anything more than stew in my own frustration and wariness. I went to bed alone, hoping her arrival would wake me up, but by the time she showed up, I must've already been in a deep sleep.
Now, with the sun shining on my face, I still feel that suspicion in my gut. Becky is asleep next to me, and even though she looks stunning with daylight on her beautiful face, I can't fight the feeling back anymore. I’m stressing myself every single day now, and I’m tired of not knowing.
Dr. Colson was right about driving myself crazy trying to guess what's going on. There's no need for it, so why continue to torture myself when all I have to do is ask her and get the answers? If she doesn't lie, of course. As her partner, I have to have enough respect for her to ask the question, and then trust that she has enough respect for me to tell the truth.
My heart starts to race as I turn my body towards hers, and the temperature in the room seems to climb ten degrees when Becky starts to move. Her arm comes up and lands on her forehead, like she's trying to block out the sun, then her head turns towards me. My throat dries out when her eyes flutter, and my breath catches in my chest when they pull themselves open. Becky’s brown eyes don't look anywhere else, they immediately find me and lock on like a missle.
“Good morning, baby,” she says, with a gorgeous smile that makes me want to drop the whole thing.
I return a smile, although it’s half-hearted, and answer, “Good morning. Have a good time last night?”
It sounds suspicious although I didn't mean for it to, and it proves my point. The longer you hold that kind of thing inside, the more it seeps out, casting negative connotations onto everything you say. It has to come out.
“Oh yeah, we had a great time,” Becky says. “I missed you, though. You should come with us next time.”
“Hmm, yeah, maybe I will.” This is it. The moment has arrived, and there's no going back now. After I say this, we’ll either be perfect or reduced to ruins. There will be no in between.
“You okay, babe? You look stressed,” Becky asks, giving me an in. I swallow hard.
“Yeah, umm. Becky, there's something we need to talk about.”
“Okay,” Becky says, sitting up in bed. “What’s up?”
“Uhh, I need you to tell me something. I need to know if there's anything going on between you and Dr. Bishop.”
24
~ Sean ~
“Umm, excuse me?”
Uh-oh. She looks pissed. Becky’s forehead shifts, releasing a barrage of grooves and wrinkles that let me know she's not happy with the question. This was the risk I had to be willing to take in order to get the answers I desire. So, I surge forward.
“Listen, I’m not trying to be rude, or cause a fight,” I begin, doing my best to lay down a soft foundation for the conversation to sit upon. “But, I’ve been having these suspicions lately, and it’s been eating away at me for a little while now. I didn't want to go another day without addressing the problem, so here I am, putting it all out there. I just need to know if there's anything going on between you two.”
Becky shifts her weight in the bed. The furrow in her brown stays there for a second, before slowly fading away as Becky puts her back against the headboard and pulls her knees into her chest. She looks troubled, and I suddenly feel sick to my stomach. Before she says it, I know what her next words will be, and I have to brace myself. I asked the question, and now the truth is about to reach into my chest and tear my heart out.
“It’s crazy that you’d ask,” Becky says. Her eyes slowly move down to the bed. “Umm, Dr. Bishop did ask me out recently. I should've told you about it, Sean, but I didn't think there was any reason to talk about it, because I said no.”
I feel my heart thudding in my chest as I realize what Becky just said. She told him no? Did I hear that right?
“What?” I ask. “You told him no?”
Becky nods her head. “Yeah, of course I did. You think I’d entertain an asshole like Dean Bishop? Did you hear how he treated his wife? The guy’s a pig. You thought something was going on between us? Like, you thought I was sleeping with him?”
I have to fight a huge smile off my face, because now that I know Becky hasn't been sleeping with Dr. Bishop, I have to explain how I could be suspicious of such a thing.
“Okay, first of all, can I just say that I love you so much. You turned him down, and that means so much to me. I love you, Becky,” I say, but Becky’s face holds a frown.
“Yeah, I love you, too, but I think you owe me an explanation,” Becky snips. “Why would you think something like that? What have I done to make you think I’d cheat on you with anybody?”
“You haven't done anything, really. It’s just that I’d been feeling really insecure, and I guess I convinced myself that you weren't satisfied.”
“I wasn't satisfied? Why would you think that, Sean?”
I let out a breath, knowing I have no choice but to be open with Becky now. About everything.
“Listen, this is really hard for me to say. Like, really hard,” I start. “But, about a month or so ago, I noticed that you just didn't seem satisfied by me… sexually. I started to notice disappointment in your voice and body language after we would have sex, and it was eating away at me. Then, I heard nurses at the hospital talking about how attractive Dr. Bishop is and wanting to take advantage of his divorce, and I just felt like you’d fall into that, too. It was driving me crazy, and then he was texting you about cabinets, and I thought the two of you were texting back and forth. It drove me so mad I ended up going to see a therapist to help me sort it out.”
“Oh my God,” Becky exclaims. “Sean, that’s crazy. Yes, Dr. Bishop did ask me out on a date, and he did use the cabinet thing as sort of an in. But, I told him I wasn't interested and to stop texting me, which is what he did. I guess since I turned him down, he has no interest in talking to me at all, even about his cabinet.
“As for the sexual satisfaction thing, if we’re being honest, there was a phase I went through where it was a little tough. You're just so nice and gentle, Sean, which is great. I know you love me and that's why you're so gentle with me, but sometimes a girl likes a little roughness in her life. I didn't know how to tell you because I thought you’d think I was weird for wanting rougher sex, but it’s just the way I’ve been evolving, I guess. I’m not sure where it came from, b
ut I do like rougher sex these days. But, you seem to be evolving with me, because you've been hitting the nail right on the head lately. You've been incredible.”
“Well, I have the therapist to thank for that,” I admit, feeling no shame about it now. “It’s crazy to say it out loud, but this therapist, Dr. Colson, has been a huge help in that department. He’s a relationship therapist who specializes in sex therapy. He really dropped some truth bombs on me and helped me to pay attention to your needs. I didn't realize how selfish I had been until I noticed your dissatisfaction one too many times. Now, I feel more connected to you than ever, and this therapist is a big reason for that.”
To my surprise, Becky moves herself closer to me. She positions her body directly next to mine and places her hand on my knee. “Sean, I love you so much. I think it’s amazing that you cared so much about wanting to please me that you sought help. Part of me wishes you would've just talked to me about it, but I understand how that might've been difficult to do.”
“So you don't think I’m weak for seeking a therapist?”
“What? Of course not,” Becky says. “Hell, as far as I can tell, it’s a good thing that you went, because I won't act like our sex life hasn't been incredible these past few weeks. You seem to have learned a few new tricks.”
The two of us laugh together and embrace in a hug. It feels so good to have everything out in the open after all this time. Dr. Colson was right, keeping secrets is useless in a relationship. The truth sets you free, and I’ve never felt more free than I do right now.
“So, we’re good?” I ask, as we finally pull apart. I look into Becky’s gorgeous face, and I can tell that we are.
“Of course we are, baby,” Becky answers. “I’ve never had an interest in anybody but you, Sean. You can trust me on that, okay? I promise you I’m not even remotely considering doing anything with anybody else. You got it?”
I nod and smile. “Got it.”
“Good,” Becky says, with an adorable giggle that makes my heart race. “Now, tell me more about this therapist you've been seeing.”
In The End, New Journeys Begin
25
~ Malcolm ~
Today will be long and stressful. It’s been a couple of days since Ava told me she loved me, and we haven’t seen each other since. After I came back from the bathroom that night, she was already gone, and she hasn't texted either. Part of me wonders if my not returning her proclamation of love has anything to do with her disappearance, and while I’d normally be happy she’s doing her own thing right now, this time I’m not. This time, I want to see her. This time I want to spend time with her. This time, I can admit that I feel something for Ava, too. It’s not love, that’s for sure, but whatever it is, it’s hard to ignore. Part of me thinks the reason I’ve been feeling so apprehensive about Ava is because I’ve been afraid to admit my feelings for her.
Nonetheless, I have a session taking place in just a few minutes, so I need to finish preparing for Sean Tillman’s arrival.
Sean has been an ideal patient for the few weeks we’ve been working together, and I’m excited to hear how his life has progressed as a result of our time together and his application of my therapy. It’s always nice to see that you’ve impregnated someone’s life with positivity. That’s the beauty of this job.
As a therapist, I have a chance to be a real force for positive change in a person’s life. It could also go the other way if I don't pay close attention to their needs, but I’m a bit of a professional in that department.
Sean has been a great example, and as I finish jotting down questions to ask on my yellow notepad, Keisha informs me over the intercom that my next appointment is here. I tell her I’m just finishing up my notes and to let him in.
When the door swings open, I’m surprised by what I see. Sean Tillman walks in, wearing a white t-shirt with blue jeans, and behind him is a woman I’ve never met. She’s stunningly beautiful, with dark brown hair that hangs in thick waves, and large round eyes with pupils that match her hair. Her skin is pale but flawless, and she has a smile that seems to send extra electricity to the bulbs in my lamps and brightens up the entire office. She’s wearing a white blouse and blue jeans with tears in the knee. This must be Rebecca, known to Sean as Becky.
“Well, well, what a nice surprise,” I say with a genuine smile as I approach the smiling couple with my hand extended for Sean to shake first, since I know him. “It’s nice to see you again, Sean.”
“Nice to see you again, Dr. Colson,” Sean says, his smile filled with more life today than it has been through all of our sessions. “Dr. Colson, this is my girlfriend we’ve talked so much about. This is Becky. Becky, this is the therapist, Dr. Colson.”
Becky extends her petite hand and I grasp it. She has a firm handshake and maintains eye contact. “Hi, Dr. Colson. It’s so nice to meet you. Sean has told me so much about you.”
Becky looks right at me without shying away, and I can tell from the look in her eyes and her sturdy posture why Sean, or any other man, might find themselves feeling self-conscious around her. Becky is a strong-minded woman who doesn't look like the type to bite her tongue. She also doesn't look like the type of woman who’s satisfied by mediocre sex. Becky is used to being in control, so my guess is that she likes to lose it in the bedroom, but only to someone who’s ready to take it the right way. This should be interesting now that she’s joined the party.
“It’s nice to meet you, too,” I say, smiling at both of them. “Let’s go have a seat, and we’ll get started.”
Becky and Sean sit close to each other on the couch, and I take my usual spot across from them. I look at my yellow pad and the questions on it, and ignore them. Now that Becky is here, we’re getting a fresh start.
“Well, first of all,” I begin, extending my arms. “The fact that Becky is here tells me that you decided to open up to her about seeing me. That’s fantastic. I can also assume you’ve told her everything we’ve discussed. Is that right?”
Sean sits up in his seat, and Becky places a palm on his upper back. “Yeah, I took your advice and told her everything. I was nervous, but it all worked out just like you said it would. I don't know why, but communicating these deep thoughts with her was really nerve wracking, but once I got it all out, I felt brand new even before she responded. It really was a good feeling.”
I nod my head and smile. “That’s good. There's something undeniable about telling the truth, especially when it comes to people we love. We burden ourselves deeply when we hide things, because we know that we’re hiding and it weighs us down like wearing an extra hundred pounds on our chests. It’s always good to take that weight off. Plus, when it comes to relationships, we have a bad habit of believing we already know everything about our partner, so we draw conclusions about them or their reactions to things, and nine times out of ten, we’re wrong. It’s not that we don't know our partners, it’s that we naturally draw negative conclusions when we view the fact that we’re keeping a secret as something negative. When we tell the truth, we’re often surprised at how well our partner takes it, and that’s usually because they don't view things as negatively as we do. I always tell my patients never to guess. Always communicate and get the answers out in the open. Rarely does that ever backfire, unless what you're hiding breaks the foundational rules of your relationship.”
Becky and Sean smile together, both of them nodding in agreement. Becky looks completely enthralled by what I’m saying, and I find myself wondering what Sean has told her.
“So, Becky, first of all, I really want to thank you for being here,” I tell her. “Your presence lets me know how supportive you are of Sean, and that’s awesome. If there’s one thing I can tell you, it’s that this man is completely and totally in love with you.” Becky’s smile nearly makes the lights flicker. “He really is, and I’m anxious to find out how you felt about Sean opening up to you about therapy and his feelings.”
Now it’s Becky’s turn to lean forward.
Sean sits back and puts his arm along the back of the couch, allowing Becky to take center stage..
“Well, the first things Sean told me were his feelings towards Dr. Bishop. I assume he’s mentioned him here?” I nod, and Becky goes on. “Right, well, that part was a shocker for me, because he was right that Dr. Bishop had hit on me, but he was wrong in thinking I would give in to that. He apparently let it drive him nuts, but this whole time he’s been wrong, so I was glad he said something and we were able to get those thoughts out of his head. I guess I have you to thank for convincing him to tell me how he was feeling. Now he knows I would never get with a jerk like Dr. Bishop, or anybody else for that matter. I love Sean too much to ever do anything like that.
“As for him coming to therapy,” Becky continues. “I was surprised by that, too. He just never seemed like the type of person to go to therapy, but I did notice when things started to turn around. He started acting different, and it stood out. I didn't know exactly what it was, but he had a new confidence in him, and I definitely found it fascinating.”
“Confidence is everything,” I chime in now. “And that’s all Sean was struggling with. He had a lapse in confidence, which happens so often to people, but most people don't seek help. Sean did, and he was able to break through his issue much faster than if he would've dwelled in it on his own.”
“I really have to thank you for that, Dr. Colson,” Sean speaks up. “I was struggling there for a little bit, and you really did help me climb out of that hole just by talking me through it. You helped me out big time, and I really appreciate it.”
