‘To the boys,’ Jason says holding out his glass.
‘And Sabrina,’ I say, before clinking. I stare at her, wait on her to acknowledge the fact that I included her in our little gang, but she’s too busy eyeballing Jason. Now that we’re in the hotel room, I get the impression she’s ready to forget the fact that me and Zach are even here. That’s fine by me. If they want to go into the bedroom and fuck, I’m okay sipping on my cocktail out here.
I pick up the TV remote and turn the volume even higher than Jason did on the music channels. I assume this will distract me. Yet I can’t help but turn my eyes to Sabrina every now and then. I’m beginning to feel really guilty. I haven’t fancied anyone else since I met Niamh. Yet here I am, weeks after finding out the love of my life is pregnant and just weeks before I’m about to ask her to marry me, getting distracted by a hot brunette in a white jumpsuit.
I decide to pick up my phone and flick through pictures of my girlfriend while I sip on my cocktail. This’ll help ease the guilt.
Niamh’s got the same colour hair as Sabrina. Only Niamh’s isn’t natural. She dyes her hair dark brown because she hates her mousy natural colour. But hair colour is the only thing they share in common. Niamh’s a lot shorter than Sabrina. She’s certainly a lot wider. I’m pretty sure a hundred out of a hundred blokes would pick Sabrina over Niamh. But as I stare at pictures of my soon-to-be fiancée I know just who I’d pick. Sabrina might have the tight waistline, the perfect skin and a sheen of light running right down her cleavage. But I bet she’s not as easy to live with as my Niamh is. Niamh never argues, never creates any sort of rifts between us. There is no such thing as drama in my life.
As I flick through my photos, the guilt seems to be dissipating. My body begins to fill with relief. I was genuinely getting worried how much I was beginning to fancy this girl. I almost felt as if I was going behind Niamh’s back just looking at her. It was a weird, dark feeling that I don’t ever want to creep up on me again. When I ask Niamh to marry me next month; that’s it. I want one of those marriages where the man doesn’t even look at another woman. I’m going to be faithful to her for the rest of our lives.
I begin to cheer up and start singing along to the Little Mix song playing on the TV as I throw the straw out of my glass and begin to swig down my cocktail. Jesus, I wish I had been drinking these all night. They are a million times more refreshing than a pint of bloody beer. I begin to rock my hips back and forth wondering whether it’s the alcohol in this Margarita that’s making me feel so good or the release of the guilt I had been feeling for fancying Sabrina. Then I watch as Jason takes Sabrina by the hand and walks her towards the bedroom. Suddenly I stop dancing, stop singing. The good feeling engulfing me suddenly dies and I find myself back on the couch, placing my straw back in my glass and stretching out my feet so I can fall back into a slouched position. Jesus… I think I feel jealous.
23:55
Jason
Zach has been trying to create a party atmosphere. As soon as we got in, he paced around the room, looking for signs of whether or not Sabrina is interested in a threesome and then decided to turn on MTV. Maybe he wants to get us all up dancing, hoping that will lead into the bedroom.
I’m not sure how I’m feeling. It’s unusual I would read a girl wrong like this. I’m not sure why I assumed Sabrina was different to the rest of them. Perhaps it was Li. He seemed to oversell her to me; telling me that if I showed her my house in Newcastle that she’d eventually fall for me. I’m beginning to think that Li is more fixated on Sabrina than me and Zach are. At this stage, all Zach and I want from her is a bit of pleasure. Li seems to want to befriend her, to make her part of our lives. After the text I just read on her phone, I’ve no interest in ever seeing Sabrina again. She’s here for one reason and one reason only. It’s such a shame she’s a slut, she really doesn’t need to be.
I watch her as she sips on her cocktail. Jesus, she really is gorgeous. Perfect looking I would say; head-to-toe perfect. I can’t find a flaw in her appearance. The only flaw I found was in her phone. If she hadn’t whispered that into my ear about half-an-hour ago when we were back in the airport, I wouldn’t be feeling so low right now. It’s hugely frustrating but I find myself in a position no different to any other night out. Some hot girl wants to bang me, and I ain’t gonna say no. I’ve have this assumption in my head for the past year or so that sex will relieve me of my pain. But I’m not sure I even enjoy sex anymore. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed sex since I last made love to Jessica.
I know I felt down — depressed — long before she and I finished, but it wasn’t really strong in those days. I didn’t mope around like I do now. I was only down because the football I was playing was quite shite and the club I was playing for seemed to lack any ambition. If Jessica had stayed with me, had have supported me through it, I think I’d be fine by now. But we finished things around about the same time Sunderland were refusing to negotiate a new contract with me. I knew I was losing my girlfriend and my career at the same time.
I tried to make up for my miserableness by donating more to YouKnight and hanging around with some of their patrons. But it didn’t really fix my head. I have no idea how I feel. Or why I feel. I don’t know whether the guilt of us hitting Caitlin all those years ago is the reason my head is fucked up.
Bizarrely, my life didn’t become any worse for almost killing her. In fact it rapidly improved in the years straight after. I lived out my dreams, became a rich man in the process. Only now, as my life is slowing down and I am waking from that dream, am I starting to suffer from all of the guilt football had steered me away from. I always thanked God for looking after me following The Secret, but I’m beginning to think now that God barely even knows I exist. He has seven billion people to look after on earth. Why was I ever so arrogant to believe he was looking down on me? I was arrogant to genuinely believe that he not only let me get away with almost killing Caitlin and running away, but also allowed me to become a professional footballer thereafter.
I pick up the crucifix from my chest, stare at it and then sneer. I genuinely don’t know what to believe anymore. I’ve never been more confused in my entire life. I swig at my cocktail, then place the glass back down and gurn at its bitterness. Sabrina catches my eye. I play the words she whispered into my ear back at the airport.
I’m up for this. I’m horny.
I feel my dick twitch a bit. Fuck it. There’s no way I’m turning my back on her. I’m not going to deny myself the chance to have sex with a perfect looking girl just because she didn’t turn out to be as innocent as I first assumed she was. I’m going to peel that jumpsuit off her, have her bounce up and down on me until I shoot a load. I know I’ll feel like shit straight after it, as I do every time I have a one-night stand, but I’ll enjoy it while it lasts. I think I will anyway. Though I’m wary of Zach. I want to have Sabrina to myself, at least until I’m done. If she’s up for having sex with him after she’s had sex with me, fine. I genuinely won’t care. But I’m not interested in the whole threesome thing.
I fake-laugh at Zach and Li jumping around the hotel room, attempting to get some sort of party started. While they’re distracted, I walk towards Sabrina, take her by the hand and lead her to the bedroom.
‘You said you were horny, right?’ I say as I turn around and sweep the doors shut.
00:00
Zach
Yes! I thought I was the only one in partyin’ mood. But Li lifts his lazy ass from the couch and begins to sing and dance; shouting out the wrong lyrics as he normally does when he’s in good humour.
Jason’s barely said a word since we got here. I think he’s nervous about the threesome. I wonder if he’s nervous about the actual act of the threesome or whether it’s because he doesn’t know how to raise the subject with Sabrina. I often wonder how these roasting sessions normally play out among footballers. Do they ask girls straight out if they want as many dicks as they can fit in, or does it all happen naturally? Does on
e guy start having sex with a girl and the rest just join in when they feel like it?
Jason’s probably playing the same shit out in his head. But you’d think he’d know more about this than I do. He hangs around footballers on a regular basis. He has to know how these things go down. I’m well aware he hasn’t taken part on any roastings before, but he must have heard a hundred stories in the dressing-room.
I don’t take my eyes off him as he walks towards Sabrina, takes her by the hand and leads her into the bedroom. Then I stare over at Li, assume we’ll just keep the party going while Jason fills Sabrina in on what’s gonna happen. But Li’s already given up.
He plonks himself back down on the sofa, staring through the television, not necessarily at it.
‘C’mon Li,’ I scream over at him. ‘Give me more of them dance moves!’
He doesn’t answer me, he just continues to stare into space.
I pick up the remote, turn the volume down on the TV and then plonk myself beside him. I’ll play it cool; give Sabrina and Jason a few minutes before I go in.
‘Penny for ’em,’ I say to Li.
‘Huh?’ he says,
‘Penny for your thoughts, mate.’
‘Ah,’ he says while trying to sit back upright. ‘I don’t know. Bit of a weird night, isn’t it?’
I just nod my head; half-wondering what’s going on behind those closed doors, half-wondering what the hell Li is going on about. He can be quite innocent and naïve, can Li. I bet he doesn’t know what’s going on.
‘It was supposed to be a night where the three of us catch up, but it seems as if the whole night became about her,’ he says, nodding his head towards the bedroom door.
‘Our nights out always become about women,’ I say, elbowing his shoulder.
‘Aren’t we all a bit old for that shit now, though?’ he says. ‘I mean you’re married, I’m getting married. We’re all in our mid-thirties now… it just seems a little… I don’t know, juvenile. I really wanted to have a good night with my two best mates, share my good news. I feel like my news has just been sorta… I don’t know… almost forgotten about.’
Jesus. I’ve never known Li to be the self-pitying type. I don’t recall him ever making the conversation about him. This is the sort of deep shite Jason normally comes out with. Me, me, me. Sad, sad, sad. Li is normally the one that shakes this sort of shite from Jason. Maybe I got it wrong. Maybe Li understands exactly what’s going on here. And maybe he doesn’t agree with it — thinks we’re pushing things a bit too far.
‘I’m going to be a daddy,’ he says looking up at me.
‘What?’
‘Yeah, Niamh’s only two months in. She’s due in the new year.’
‘Man!’ I say as I get to my feet. I hold out my hand for him to shake, then I fall back on top of him, squeezing him as hard as I can.
‘I’m so happy for you, Li. You’re going to be a great dad.’ And I mean it. He will be. There’s no doubt about that. ‘So, you’re gonna be a married man with a kid next year huh?’
He smiles at me. But it’s a weak smile.
‘What’s up with you the last hour or so… why ye so glum, Li?’
He sighs, then shrugs his shoulders.
‘Maybe I’m just tired. Maybe I should just go home to Niamh. I should have gone home straight from the airport. Probably shouldn’t have even gone to the airport, that was a shite idea. How did I get so drunk to even think we could get to England using our bloody driving licenses?’
He puffs out a fake-laugh.
‘Hold on, it was your idea to go to Newcastle?’ I ask.
‘I was just tryna cheer Jason up. He said he wanted to impress Sabrina, so I suggested going back to his place, showing her everything he has to offer.’
I stare at Li, then scratch at the stubble under my chin.
‘But… she’s not that into him.’
‘Huh?’ he says, twisting his head to stare at the closed bedroom door. ‘Looks to me as if she’s pretty into him right now.’
‘Nah man, she’s just interested in sex. She’s gaggin’ for it. I’m gonna fuck her meself.’
Li looks at me, then refocuses his eyes as if he can’t believe quite what he’s looking at.
‘Yeah, she’s up for it,’ I say. ‘She told me, told Jason. That’s why Jason booked the room, she’s up for a threesome.’
‘Bollocks,’ he says, his jaw slightly open.
‘Honestly,’ I say as I get up from the sofa again.
‘Doesn’t make any sense. Why did she insist I come back to the hotel room too, then? She said she wouldn’t come here if I didn’t.’
I walk towards the bedroom door, as if I’m desperate to prove Li wrong.
‘Maybe she wants your little Korean dick too,’ I say before I slide the bedroom doors open and step inside.
00:00
Sabrina
Jason grabs at my hand without even looking at me and leads me towards the bedroom. My stomach turns itself over. I know that’s down to nerves, but there’s also some excitement wrapped up in there somewhere. I’m about to have sex with a celebrity.
‘You said you were horny, right?’ he whispers to me as he sweeps the doors shut. The noise of Li and Zach singing along to Little Mix is instantly drowned out.
‘Eh… yeah,’ I say, biting at my bottom lip in an attempt to look sexy. Then I swallow. Hard. That’s particularly unsexy, I’m sure. But I couldn’t help it. The nerves are getting the better of me.
‘Let’s get it done then,’ Jason says.
‘Done?’ I ask.
‘Yeah… lets have sex,’ he says as he moves closer to me, placing a hand around the back of my neck and pulling me in for a kiss. And I do kiss him, take his tongue into my mouth as I stew over what he’s just said. Then I pull away from him.
‘Get it done… as in get it done and over with?’
He stares at me, then squints his eyes to look past me.
‘I eh… didn’t mean it like that, but you eh… you said you were horny, that you wanted to have sex with me… so, here I am, here you are and here,’ he says patting at the duvet cover, ‘is a bed.’
Then he kisses me again. I don’t pull away. I let his tongue circle my mouth again as it dawns on me that I’m nothing special to Jason Kenny whatsoever. I’m just his Friday night girl for this week. I should have known all along. What was I thinking? Why the hell did I think I’d mean anything to him?
I swing him around, then release from the kiss and push him onto the bed. I genuinely flick my thoughts between jumping on top of him and turning around and opening the door to leave. His smile makes my mind up for me. I deserve a bit of fun. I need to stop being a prude. A celebrity is lying on a bed waiting on me to have sex with him. Why am I even hesitating? I owe myself this. I owe the devil on my shoulder this little victory. Only two dicks in my twenty-five years? That’s quite sad. In fact, it’s worse than quite sad. It’s pathetic.
I place a knee either side of Jason’s hips and straddle him, bending down to take his tongue back into my mouth. Suddenly, he’s tugging at the zip on the back of my jumpsuit. The shoulders of my suit release and I actually feel a bit of relief as my boobs pop out. They’d be threatening to do that all night. I no longer have to pull at the V to make sure they’re tucked in. They’re out there now. Free. And they’re all yours, Jason Kenny. He doesn’t hesitate. He snuggles his face in between them, proving no man, not even one who must get it on a regular basis, has any patience when it comes to tits.
I try to shake my head of any niggling thoughts. I just want to be in the moment. I want to enjoy it. I don’t need to overthink it. I don’t need to worry whether Jason and I will ever see each other again. Though I’m pretty certain we won’t. I guess he’s made himself clear. I’m the girl he has chosen to have sex with tonight. I may as well try to enjoy it. Though I have to say, I feel a little disappointed when I unbutton his shirt and place my hands onto his torso in search of the six-pack I assumed any profe
ssional athlete would have. But he just has a regular hairy belly. It’s nothing special. It’s not quite as fat as Eddie’s but it’s a far cry from the chiselled athletic body I had assumed I’d be grappling with tonight. I shake my head again… I’m such an idiot for overthinking. I genuinely feel that’s why I don’t enjoy my life. I’m never in the moment. Even during the most special times in my life, I’m always too concerned about what others are thinking; about what this means for my future; my reputation. I’m sure the years I spent being judged as a model have affected my whole outlook on life. I always assume I’m being judged, being talked about. I’m too self-conscious. That’s why I take myself too seriously; why I don’t have enough fun, enough sex.
I suck in through my teeth as I feel a pinch, but the pain doesn’t last too long. Literally just one second. Now that Jason is grinding slowly from behind me, it feels right. His is probably the most perfect fit out of the three I’ve had inside me. Men seem to be obsessed with size. From my experience now, of having three different sizes altogether, average length is what’s best.
I force out a little groan, just to let him know I’m enjoying it, but I’m wary of being too loud. I don’t want to alert Zach and Li from their little party. Though I’m sure they know what we’re up to. They’re not stupid. I’m enjoying this, enjoying the fact that I’m being a bit slutty; that I have lightened up; that I’m being taken from behind by a guy I just met a few hours ago. I don’t feel any guilt, in fact quite the opposite. I think I’m actually proud of myself. I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited. I laugh as Jason continues to thrust inside me; a laugh aimed at myself. It’s the first time I’ve ever appreciated a bold decision that I’ve made. I feel myself getting wetter. Enjoying every moment.
She Said, Three Said Page 21
