by L A Cotton
“Okay.” She nodded. “Then maybe I can speak to Mabel and try to help you out with this little monkey more then.” Belle giggled as Mom tickled her belly.
“You already help so much.”
“Maggie?” Lucii appeared, a sleeping Matilda in her arms. “Wow, she’s getting so big.” She reached out for Belle who wrapped her pudgy hand around Lucii’s finger. “Hello, pretty girl.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” I said.
“Thank you. Could I... talk to you? Alone?”
“Go, sweetheart. I can handle this one. Besides, I haven’t gotten to show her off in a while.” Mom and Belle left us alone.
We found a quiet table outside, overlooking the luscious lawns. “I was sorry,” Lucii said. “To hear about you and Rob.”
“Yeah, well, some things aren’t supposed to be.” I gave her a sad smile, stuffing down the emotion that came every time someone mentioned his name.
“He’s gone?”
“He’s staying with a friend in Long Beach to figure things out.”
Anger flashed in Lucii’s eyes, but I didn’t even want to try to dissect it. There had been a time when me and Lucii were good friends. Growing up, I’d been a regular fixture in the Ford house, trailing after my best friend. But things turned sour after me and Rob got together and Vinnie left. She’d blamed me. I think, deep down, they all did. And looking back, I couldn’t fault them. I’d been a young girl then; blinded by the idea of love and ignorant to the consequences of my actions.
“Did you want something, Lucii?” I asked. I wanted to believe she was here to make peace, but I wasn’t a naive girl anymore, and I hadn’t missed the way she’d watched her brother all day. Tracking his movements; sisterly concern glittering in her eyes.
“I want you stay away from Vin.”
“I—”
“Just hear me out, okay? He’s made a life for himself in LA. He’s got a career, friends; he doesn’t need you complicating things for him.”
“Lucii, I would never...”
“But you would.” She let out an exasperated breath. “You chose Rob, Maggie, and it broke him. My brother was completely besotted with you and you chose his best friend. Not only did you choose Rob, you had his child. And now he’s gone. We both know how Vin’s brain works. Whether you encourage it or not, he’ll want to do the right thing. He’ll want to help you. And before you know it, all those old feelings will resurface. And I won’t stand by and watch you break his heart again.”
If it had been anyone else but Lucii sitting opposite me, I probably would have cried. But I knew Lucii and I knew she was fiercely protective of her brother.
“I would never hurt him.”
Her eyes flashed with disbelief. “It’s a little bit late for that.” She rose and glared down at me. “I’m sorry about how things turned out for you and Rob, I am. But don’t drag my brother into this.”
Lucii walked away and I blinked back the tears building. Her words cut deep. Even if I knew what she was saying was true. Vinnie was a fixer. But more than that he was selfless. He gave and gave and gave until there was nothing left to give. And when he learned of the truth about me and Rob, I didn’t doubt that he’d want to help.
Or maybe he wouldn’t.
Maybe he would wash his hands of me for good.
No, I couldn’t believe that. Even after the way things had been left between us, I’d felt the connection between us just now. It was still there. The natural bond between two people who had once been everything to one another.
I didn’t go straight back inside; I couldn’t. Too confused to paint on a smile and pretend everything was okay.
“Mags, there you are.”
I sucked in a sharp breath at the sound of Vinnie’s voice.
“Come on, man. This isn’t a good idea—”
“It’s fine, I’m fine. Are you fine, Mags? Because you look fiiiine.” Vinnie staggered toward me, his glass of whiskey sloshing everywhere. “I missed you, ya know. I missed you every second of every day of every second. Wait,” he thrust his glass in the air, a look of concentration washing over him. “That’s not right. Shaun, what’s that—”
“Seriously, bro, you need to come back inside before Mom sees you.” Shaun tried to snag Vinnie’s arm, but he was too quick and dropped into the chair his sister had just vacated.
“It’s all your fault you know,” he said through a smile, as if anything about this was entertaining.
“You broke my heart, so I left. No.” The table wobbled from the force of Vinnie’s palm. “I ran. Far, far away.”
I glanced back at Shaun who didn’t look much better than his brother. “I’m sorry,” he mouthed, but I shrugged him off.
It wasn’t the first time I’d seen Vinnie like this. But it might be the last. The thought hit me out of left field.
“She looks like him. Has his eyes and nose.” He was talking to no one now, staring out at the lawns, clutching the glass like it was his lifeline.
“Vin, we should—”
“You want to leave, Shaun? There’s the door.” Vinnie spun his hand toward the door, the glass flying free from his grip and shattering all over the ground. “Well, shit. Sorry, Dad, what a perfectly good waste of Jack.”
“Vinnie,” I said quietly. “Maybe you should—”
“Oh no, Mags, you don’t get to do that.” He reached for my hand, missing. “You don’t get to pretend you care.”
“I do care.” I cared so much. I’d never stopped. But everything had happened so quickly. Me and Rob, Vinnie leaving, and then finding out I was pregnant.
“Liar,” he slurred. “Always so good at the lies. I remember that night, you know. I remember how you looked at me differently, like you were finally seeing me.” Vinnie let out a deep sigh, dropping back on the chair, staring up at the sky. “The way I’d always wanted you to see me.”
Pain cinched my chest. So many times since Vinnie left had I wished things were different. But they weren’t and this—all Vinnie’s pain and hurt and bitterness—was my fault.
Nothing I could ever say or do would take that away.
I reached over and laid my hand on his. Vinnie jerked, his eyes flying to mine. “I’m sorry,” I said, pouring everything into those two little words that would never be enough.
“Me too, Mags, me fucking too.” He was barely conscious, and I glanced back at Shaun.
“You should probably get him home. Do you need me to help you?”
“Nah, I’ve got it.” The younger Ford brother came around the table. “Can you tell Mom I took him home?”
“Sure.” I watched as Shaun wrangled Vinnie’s dead weight off the chair.
“More whiskey,” he mumbled and Shaun laughed.
“I think we drank it all.”
“No. More. I need more. Want to forget. I just want to forget.”
My eyes shuttered, his drunk slurs hitting me like a wrecking ball.
“I’ll look after him,” Shaun said to me as he hauled Vinnie away and I just stood there.
“THANKS, MOM,” I SAID as she helped me carry Belle and our things inside.
“You’ll be okay?”
I wrapped an arm around my waist and gave her a small nod.
“It’s been a long day, sweetheart. You should get some rest.”
“You can say it you know, it’s okay.”
“Say what?” Her brow rose.
“You’ve wanted to ask me about Vinnie all afternoon.”
“I have not... fine.” She heaved a breath. “You know me too well. It’s just, I see the two of you together and I wish things were different.”
“You mean, you wish I’d have chosen differently.” The knot in my stomach tightened.
“I don’t... it’s not like that, sweetheart. But I’m your mother and I see things, and that man has loved you since you were just a girl.”
“Mom, come on. I don’t think he has—”
“I know what I see, Maggie. One day you’ll u
nderstand.” Her gaze flicked to the car seat where Belle slept soundly.
“All I’m saying is, be careful. You’re hurting and life is hard for you right now. Vincent being back in town will only complicate things.”
“You don’t need to worry, Mom. Lucii already gave me the ‘stay away’ speech.”
Mom wafted her hand through the air. “That girl is just fiercely protective of her brothers; she doesn’t mean anything by it.”
“Nobody needs to worry; nothing is going to happen between me and Vinnie.”
That ship hadn’t only sailed when I broke his heart two years ago, it had sunk to the bottom of the ocean and become wrecked.
“Okay.” She said one thing, but her eyes were saying another. “I’ll leave you be. Try to get some rest and I’ll call you tomorrow.” Mom wrapped her arms around me, and I sank into her embrace, letting the events of the day wash over me. It had been intense. The funeral. Seeing Vinnie again. Hearing his drunken ramblings about me.
When he’d left, I’d been devastated. He was my best friend, the one person I knew better than anyone. But I didn’t have to shoulder the burden alone. I had Rob. He had been all I’d wanted since I was a girl. Vinnie was always my best friend—sweet, dependable Vincent—but Rob, Rob owned my heart.
Or, at least, I thought he did.
But I’d quickly learned the heart was a fickle thing. Easily tempted by false promises and fantasy. Rob wasn’t my happily ever after, at all. He was a mistake.
One I didn’t realize I was making until it was too late.
Chapter 5
Vinnie
“Ugh,” I groaned, covering my eyes with one hand, trying to block out the light.
“Rise and shine, sweetheart.” My brother’s voice rattled around my head.
“Fuck off,” I barked, my throat dry and raw, acid sloshing around my stomach.
“Oh no, you owe me. If it wasn’t for me, you probably would have ended up in The Coastal’s water feature crying like a little girl.”
My eyes peeled open, glaring up at Shaun. “How much did you let me drink?”
“I didn’t let you drink anything.” He gave me a pointed look, chuckling darkly. “You were determined to drink away your sorrows and I think it’s safe to say your mission was accomplished.”
Grabbing his t-shirt, I yanked him closer. “I didn’t... you know, make a fool of myself, did I?”
“You managed to hold it together for the most part. Until you saw Maggie sitting outside on her own.”
“Maggie?”
“You don’t remember?”
“I talked to her?”
His lip curved with amusement. “Oh, you didn’t just talk to her. You spilled it all, bro.”
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Rolling onto my back, I clamped my eyes shut, trying to remember. But there was nothing but a raging hangover and whiskey fog.
“Is Mom—”
“She thinks you couldn’t handle things and drank a little too much.”
“Thanks, I owe you.”
“Like I said, rise and shine. We have plans.”
“Plans? It’s not even nine yet.”
“You know what Dad always used to say, ‘no time like the present’.”
Silence settled over us, the weight of yesterday filling the pause.
“When do you think it’ll get easier?” Shaun asked, his voice small.
Sitting up, I raked a hand through my hair and let out a heavy sigh. “It’ll take time.”
“Yeah.” Shaun chewed his thumb. “It was a good send-off though, wasn’t it?”
“You all did him proud.” I nodded.
“Come on, bro. You were there. You did him proud too.”
I wasn’t sure about that, but I didn’t have the energy to argue right now.
“How’s Mom?” Throwing back the covers, I climbed out of bed and pulled on a clean t-shirt.
“She’s making breakfast.”
“That’s... good, right?”
“Or it means she needs to keep busy because if she doesn’t, she falls apart.”
“Well, then, we should probably go eat.”
Two minutes later, we were standing in the kitchen watching Mom as she stacked pancake after pancake until she needed a second plate.
“Morning.” She sounded fine. A little too fine for someone who had just buried her husband.
“Hmm, Mom, not that this doesn’t look great, because it does. But are we expecting guests?”
“Oh no.” She threw the towel over her shoulder. “I just felt like making you boys breakfast, the way I used to when you were kids.”
Shaun and I shared a look.
“Come on, sit down, and dig deep. There are plenty more where these came from.” She pushed two plates of pancakes toward us.
“This looks great, Mom.” Shaun flashed her his trademark suck-up-son smile.
“I have another batch cooking.”
“I think we have enough, Mom. You should sit and eat some with us.”
“Oh, I’m not hungry. I think I’m just going to—”
“Mom.” I went to her, taking the spatula from her hand and guiding her over to one of the stools. “You should come eat with us.”
“O- okay, if you insist.”
“I do.” I smiled down at her. “Yesterday was a beautiful day, Mom. You did Dad proud.” Returning to my stool, I helped myself to the pancakes.
“He’s gone.” Her lip quivered, tears collecting in the corners of her eyes. “I woke up this morning and realized, it’s really over. We said goodbye and now he’s gone, and I have to figure out how to live without him.”
Reaching over the breakfast counter, I covered her trembling hand with my own. “It’s okay, Mom. We’re here. We’re right here.”
“Oh, my boys, my sweet boys.” She sniffled. “You mean that, Vincent? You’ll stay awhile?”
“Yeah, Mom,” I said, not knowing at that precise moment if I was telling her a white lie or not. “I’ll stay awhile.”
Shaun’s eyes burned into the side of my head, but I ignored him. Mom needed me. She needed to know I wasn’t going to run back to LA at any moment.
And truth to be told, I didn’t want to run.
Not this time.
And I was almost sure it had nothing to do with finding out Maggie and Rob were no longer together.
SWEAT DRIPPED DOWN my back, my muscles pinging every time my feet pounded the sidewalk. The last thing I’d wanted to do was go for a run, but I had to get out of the house.
After eating our body weight in pancakes, Mom had decided to go for a lie down. She was crashing, and fast. And it fucking killed me.
So when Shaun had headed out, I’d borrowed some of his gym wear, downed a kale smoothie and took off. But a few miles in, I knew I was going to have to keep running if I wanted to sweat out my hangover.
When my body couldn’t take anymore, I finally slowed my pace to a gentle walk. I felt better for it, but I needed water. Thankfully, there was a store close by. I jogged across the parking lot only to be distracted by a familiar cry. Searching the lot, I found Maggie over by a station wagon that had seen better days. Belle was strapped in her stroller, her lungs working overtime, while Maggie contended with bags and bags of groceries. I watched for a few seconds, unsure what I should do. But when one of the bags of groceries toppled over, sending fruit and vegetables over all the place, I knew I couldn’t walk away.
“Need a hand?” I said, jogging over to them.
“V- Vinnie?” She gawked at me. “I didn’t expect... I mean, what are you doing here?”
“I needed water but then I saw you and...” I took the grocery bag from her and began repacking the spilled fruit. “She’s got a set of lungs on her, hasn’t she?” My gaze went to Belle. It was like a punch to the gut, the resemblance between her and her father. But I stuffed down the confusing thoughts and reminded myself she was just an innocent baby.
“She’s been
really unsettled since...” Maggie trailed off, averting her gaze.
“She misses her dad,” I said to Belle, unable to look her mother in the eye.
This was so fucking weird.
Belle let out another hysterical wail, and Maggie sighed. “I should probably see to her.”
“Can I?” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“You’re sure?” Maggie eyed me with caution, and I didn’t blame her. This was Rob’s daughter. The daughter they had together, after hurting me in a way I never thought possible.
Giving myself no time to rethink it, I unclipped Belle’s straps and lifted her out of the stroller. My experience with babies amounted to the few visits I’d had with Lucii and Matilda. But Matilda was always placid, happy to be passed around. This little one was less friendly.
“Hey there, I’m Vinnie. But you can call me Vin.” She gazed up at me with her big blue eyes and a tiny part of me died. Right there in the parking lot of some grocery store, a baby girl who didn’t belong to me stole a piece of my heart.
Because while she didn’t belong to me; her mother, whether she wanted it or not, had owned my heart ever since she was eleven years old.
“Oh my god, you did it. You made it stop.”
Belle reached out and grabbed my cheeks, squeezing and pinching as she cooed at me. “She has your smile,” I said, glancing at Maggie who had tears in her eyes.
“I, hmm, should probably get her home. She’ll want feeding soon.” Maggie’s hand drifted up her neck as she watched me with her daughter, and then as if nothing had happened, she went back to loading the groceries into the car while I held Belle as if I knew what the hell I was doing.
“Thank you.” Maggie slammed the trunk shut. “Come on, you.” She started to take Maggie, but the wailing began again.
“Here, why don’t I...?” I pulled open the passenger door and maneuvered the bundle of noise into her car seat. It took me a couple of attempts to figure out how to clip the straps together but I finally got it. “There,” I said to Belle who had settled again. “All done.”
When I closed the door, Maggie said, “It’s like you have magic powers.”
