The Unusual Life of Tristan Smith

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The Unusual Life of Tristan Smith Page 49

by Peter Carey


  EFICAN ENGLISH

  angels to see the angels, to have an orgasm

  ASM Assistant Stage Manager (standard English)

  awert newspaper advertisement, particularly a small or ‘classified’ advertisement

  bandock nappy or diaper. From Voorstand English banddoek

  ballot idiot, jerk. From French ballotter, ‘to shake up’ – thus, one who has had his brain shaken up

  baton penis

  bazooley 1. that which you are passionate about. 2. a prize, jackpot, winning bet. Also: bazoohley

  Benny bouftou From French colloq. beni-bouflou, lit: ‘a blessed eater of everything’

  biche-la-mar sea cucumbers or trepang. Also: bicho do mur. Corruption of French bèche-de-mer

  Bride pint of beer, so named for its foaming white ‘train’

  brique bleu unusually large molluscs (of the Gastropod class) harvested by first century EC Efican dyeworks. A source of ‘Efican Blue’. Lit: ‘blue bricks’

  cambruce a hick, farmer, an inhabitant of Nez Noir. Probably a corruption of French cambroussard

  cancerette cigarette

  case-latrine poor quality red wine. From French caisse poitrine, lit: ‘chest-breaker’

  cash parole automatic teller machine card

  casserole a spotlight

  couchette a small bed or crib, sometimes a small bedroom

  Croco cristi untranslatable expletive with origins in first century EC cant. Christi possibly from Sacristi or Holy Cow, Croco from Crocodile

  croix cakes round poppy-seed cakes. The croix (French ‘cross’) may have its origins in the cross-hatched pattern of icing

  dab father, dad

  demi-botte gumboot, Wellington. Also: demi, demon

  dos-sack back-pack

  dreck shit. From Yiddish

  Enteralis any tree of the predominantly Efican genus Enteralis

  facheur thief. Corruption of French faucher, ‘to steal’

  frere comrade

  frippes trousers, threads. From French frippes, ‘wrinkles’. Also: thrippes

  ganja dried leaves of the Indian hemp plant Cannabis sativa. From Hindi gaja, from Sanskrit grnja

  Gardiacivil police

  gazetted to be married. From first and second centuries EC, when civil marriages were published in the Government gazette

  gen a man, a gent

  governor to work for the governor is to work for the ruling class, to be a stool pigeon, to be untrustworthy

  illico presto immediately; hurry it up. From Italian presto

  jon-kay money. From French colloq. jonc, joncaille. Also: John Kay

  Jules man in general

  Lasto-net synthetic bandage developed in Efica 370 EC. Lasto-net is the registered copyright of Hellas Enterprises

  Leko an ellipsoidal reflective spotlight

  lever man a burglar specializing in forced entry

  lolo breast. Most likely from French child’s cry for milk, ‘lait, lait’

  loup mad, rabid

  meccano equestrian rig invented by Spencer Q. Stokes to train bare-back riders. A central post supports an arm like the jib of a crane from which the student is suspended

  mo-ami my friend. Corruption of French mon ami

  mobile-amor sedan chair

  mo-chou common endearment. Corruption of French mon chou-fleur, ‘my cauliflower’

  mollo mollo relax, take it easy

  Mongrel Day a warm, overcast, windy day

  mo-poulet common endearment, lit: ‘my chicken’

  Moosone the wet season

  mouette a gull-like bird indigenous to the southern islands of Efica

  Muddy Member of the Efican Democratic Party

  mug-wallop untranslatable abusive term. Probably cant, from first century EC

  musico a flatterer, a crook. Also: a musician

  parsley pubic hair. To put the asparagus in the parsley, to have sexual intercourse

  patapoof a fat person

  pea and thimble man a fairground con-man

  penguin policeman

  perroquet a green drink made from crushed ice, green lime cordial, seltzer. From French perroqet, ‘parrot’

  petite tente small tent used by family circuses in islands of Efica

  petticon little cunt (esp. vulg.). Corruption of French petite con

  pissmarie a nurse (vulg.). From santamarie

  playing card small fish, usually silver bream

  porpoise penis

  rak-rok block three-dimensional jigsaw invented in Efica, now manufactured under licence in Europe and Voorstand

  rikiki the little finger, an under-sized person, a 4 fl.oz. glass of beer. Corruption of French riquiqui

  ringhard a bad actor. From colloq. French ringard, ‘a real zero’

  riveter a homosexual (vulg.)

  roteuse any effervescent wine, sometimes champagne. Possibly from French roter, ‘to burp’

  santamarie a nurse

  shapoh the boss, the person in charge. From first century EC, most likely from French chapeau

  shooting star prostitute

  skipjack fish of the genus Pomatomus common in Efican waters

  sorcier (as in Pin-ball sorcier) a share trader who uses computers to make buying and selling decisions

  sock car tyre

  soup server an actor who plays small roles

  spanker backside

  Sparrowgrass common name for a tall thin person

  spin drier a woman who extracts money from men. Very strong connotation of ‘drying’ as relating to male ejaculation

  Starbuck first two rows in the Efican circus, traditionally marked with stencilled stars. These seats have backs, hence also: starback

  tarboof nose

  Teuf-teuf onomatopoeia for sound an old car makes

  tin-tin a dyer. First century EC, from French teinturier

  toubib a doctor. From Arabic

  tringler penis

  valsir backside. From French valseur, lit: ‘waltzer’

  vedette a celebrity

  vert-walk narrow band of mown grass between footpath and kerb-side in Efican coastal towns

  violin prison

  violiniste an ex-con

  walloper see gardiacivil

  zine any printed journal or news sheet. From English magazine

  VOORSTAND ENGLISH

  air-kool air-conditioning

  Beanbredie bean stew, a dish much beloved of Bruder Mouse in the Badberg Tales. See recipe in Bruder Mouse and the English gjent

  bhalam a string banjo favoured by many Pow-pow musicians, but not known in Voorstand until last century

  bhurger a citizen (Voorstand spelling of the standard English burgher)

  Bhurger-court one of the two courts of Voorstand; the other, higher, court is the Guildcourt

  blikk 1. a car (colloq.) 2. a tin can

  bottelier wine waiter

  bullschtool bullshit

  Cyborg see Simulacrum

  deskmajoor the concierge in a hotel or apartment building, a role often taken by retired soldiers of the Voorstand Armed Forces – hence majoor (‘major’) from Dutch. See also wheelmajoor, sparkmajoor

  Dome a specially constructed theatre for the presentation of the Voorstand Sirkus

  facilitator someone who earns their living by ‘facilitating’ the illegal entry of aliens into Voorstand

  filtreeder a water filtration tower designed to cleanse the polluted water table of Saarlim City

  Folkghost spirits in the Badberg tales who often appear in times of crisis to impart wisdom to the Bruders

  footsack to go away; (trans.) to kick away, dismiss. Originally voertsek from Dutch voert, ‘a foot’

  gaaf as in gaaf-morning, ‘good morning’, a usage of gaaf that does not seem to have existed in old Dutch

  Geloof faith

  geld-band a gold belt or band which marked the magical characters in the Badberg tales. A popular fashion accessory at the time of this history

&nbs
p; Ghostdorp a theme park devoted to historical re-enactments, often located on actual historical sights. From Dutch dorp, ‘a town’

  gjent a man. Also: business-gjent

  gjil a woman

  gondel a water taxi. From Dutch gondel, ‘a gondola’

  hearth home, family. Hearth folk are those, whether related or not, who are considered kin. Also: heart folk

  Hollandse Maagd Dutch Maid

  hunning common endearment, lit: ‘honey’

  kak shit

  Kakdorp lit: shit-town

  kanal canal

  karakter a not easily translatable code of behaviour that encompasses both table manners and moral fibre

  klootsac a disaster. From Dutch, lit: ‘testicle’ (kloot), ‘bag’ (sac). (esp. vulg.)

  kraker a squatter

  kraal corral

  landloper itinerant

  liefling darling, from Dutch

  loop-de-loop an autograph or signature, particularly of a flamboyant nature

  Meneer mister

  minebroo brother

  misdaad boy a member of a gang, lit: ‘crime-boy’

  odeklonje any perfumed toilet water

  ootlander a foreigner. Corruption of Dutch buitenlander. Lit: ‘someone from outside our land’

  platz town square

  Pow-pow originally captured soldiers and their families (Prisoners of War) and later illegal immigrants who came to make up the low end of the labour pool. Pow-pow music is the distinctive music produced by a large and disparate group

  prikkeled irritated. From Dutch prikkelen

  produkter Sirkus entrepreneur

  raagbol pudding vegetable pudding in which the thin strips of carrot visible through the dough are suggestive of a mop or a mop of hair. Also: Pope’s head Pudding. From Dutch ragebol, ‘a mop of hair’

  rhyti a one-stringed fiddle, originally from Africa

  Simulacrum a computer-driven likeness of the mythic animals of the Franciscan Free Church. Abbrev: Simi

  Simulation Dome vid presentation of Sirkus on 360-degree screens, specially designed for export market

  Sirkus an entertainment born of the belief that animals should not be held captive by humans. Originally an ingenious morality tale without animals, finally a sophisticated presentation using laser characters, computer imagery and human performers who are distinguished by their skill and high mortality rate. From English Circus

  sparkmajoor any of the numerous technicians who operate the computers at a Sirkus. See deskmajoor

  Steeg alleyway

  Stempel visa, from Dutch Stempel, ‘a stamp’

  swartzer someone with black skin (esp. vulg.)

  Tentdorp the original entertainment area of Saarlim, lit: ‘tent-town’

  trannie a transsexual

  trothaus a penthouse, normally luxurious. From Dutch trots, ‘proud’

  Verteller the narrator of the early Sirkuses of Voorstand. From Dutch Verteiler, ‘story-teller’

  vid-glorie the type of fame that comes from having one’s image broadcast on the vid

  Voorwacker an admirer of Voorstandish popular culture

  vote-dokter originally a political adviser, but more recently a euphemism for someone involved in espionage, destabilization

  wheelmajoor chauffeur. See deskmajoor

  wheel-squirrel bicyclist, roller-skater, any wheeled human travelling rapidly along a pedestrian thoroughfare

  wolkegrabber lit: a cloud-grabber. From Dutch wolke, ‘a cloud’

  yardveeg a janitor in an apartment building. From English yard and Dutch vegen, ‘to sweep’. Orig. yardveeger

  zee a large body of water, not usually a sea; a lake

  Peter Carey is the author of eleven novels and has twice received the Booker Prize. His other honors include the Commonwealth Writers’ Prize and the Miles Franklin Literary Award. Born in Australia, he has lived in New York City for twenty years.

  www.petercareybooks.com

  BOOKS BY PETER CAREY

  PARROT AND OLIVER IN AMERICA

  HIS ILLEGAL SELF

  THEFT

  WRONG ABOUT JAPAN

  MY LIFE AS A FAKE

  30 DAYS IN SYDNEY: A WILDLY DISTORTED ACCOUNT

  TRUE HISTORY OF THE KELLY GANG

  JACK MAGGS

  THE UNUSUAL LIFE OF TRISTAN SMITH

  THE BIG BAZOOHLEY

  THE TAX INSPECTOR

  OSCAR AND LUCINDA

  BLISS

  ILLYWHACKER

  THE FAT MAN IN HISTORY

  ALSO BY PETER CAREY

  BLISS

  For thirty-nine years Harry Joy has been the quintessential good guy. But one morning Harry has a heart attack on his suburban front lawn, and, for the space of nine minutes, he becomes a dead guy. And although he is resuscitated, he will never be the same. For, as Peter Carey makes abundantly clear in this darkly funny novel, death is sometimes a necessary prelude to real life. Part The Wizard of Oz, part Dante’s Inferno, and part Australian Book of the Dead, Bliss is a triumph of uninhibited storytelling from a writer of extravagant gifts.

  Fiction/Literature/978-0-679-76719-0

  HIS ILLEGAL SELF

  Seven-year-old Che Selkirk was raised in isolated privilege by his New York grandmother. The son of radical student activists at Harvard in the late sixties, Che has grown up with the hope that one day his parents will come back for him. So when a woman arrives at his front door and whisks him away to the jungles of Queensland, he is confronted with the most important questions of his life: Who is his real mother? Did he know his real father? And if all he suspects is true, what should he do? In this artful tale of a young boy’s journey, His Illegal Self lifts your spirit in the most unexpected way.

  Fiction/Literature/978-0-307-27649-0

  ILLYWHACKER

  In Australian slang, an illywhacker is a country fair con man, an unprincipled seller of fake diamonds and dubious tonics. And Herbert Badgery, the 139-year-old narrator of Peter Carey’s uproarious novel, may be the king of them all. As Carey follows this charming scoundrel across a continent and a century, he creates a crazy quilt of outlandish encounters. Boldly inventive, irresistibly odd, Illywhacker is further proof that Peter Carey is one of the most enchanting writers at work in any hemisphere.

  Fiction/Literature/978-0-679-76790-9

  JACK MAGGS

  The year is 1837 and a stranger is prowling London. He is Jack Maggs, an illegal returnee from the prison island of Australia. He has the demeanor of a savage and the skills of a hardened criminal, and he is risking his life on seeking vengeance and reconciliation. Installing himself within the household of the genteel grocer Percy Buckle, Maggs soon attracts the attention of a cross section of London society. But Maggs is obsessed with a plan of his own. And as these schemes converge, Maggs rises to the center, a dark looming figure, at once frightening, mysterious, and compelling.

  Fiction/Literature/978-0-679-76037-5

  MY LIFE AS A FAKE

  Fiendishly devious and addictively readable, Peter Carey’s My Life as a Fake is a moral labyrinth constructed around the uneasy relationship between literature and lying. In steamy, fetid Kuala Lumpur in 1972, Sarah Wode-Douglass, the editor of a London poetry journal, meets a mysterious Australian named Christopher Chubb. Chubb is a despised literary hoaxer, carting around a manuscript likely filled with deceit. But in this dubious piece of literature Sarah recognizes a work of real genius. But whose genius? As Sarah tries to secure the manuscript, Chubb draws her into a fantastic story of imposture, murder, kidnapping, and exile—a story that couldn’t be true unless its teller were mad. My Life as a Fake is Carey at his most audacious and entertaining.

  Fiction/978-1-4000-3088-0

  OSCAR AND LUCINDA

  This sweeping, irrepressibly inventive novel is a romance, but a romance of the sort that could only take place in nineteenth-century Australia. For only on that sprawling continent—a haven for misfits of both the animal and human kingdoms—could a nervous Angl
ican minister who gambles on the instructions from the Divine become allied with a teenaged heiress who buys a glassworks to help liberate her sex. And only Peter Carey could implicate Oscar and Lucinda in a narrative of love that culminates in a half-mad expedition to transport a glass church across the Outback.

  Fiction/Literature/978-0-679-77750-2

  THE TAX INSPECTOR

  Granny Catchprice runs her family business (and her family) with senility, cunning, and a handbagful of explosives. Her daughter Cathy would rather be singing Country & Western than selling cars, while Benny Catchprice, sixteen and seriously psychopathic, wants to transform a failing auto franchise into an empire—and himself into an angel. Out of the confrontation between the Catchprices and their unwitting nemesis, a beautiful and very pregnant agent of the Australian Taxation Office, Peter Carey, creates an endlessly surprising and fearfully convincing novel.

  Fiction/Literature/978-0-679-73598-4

  THEFT

  Michael “Butcher” Boone is an ex-“really famous” painter, now reduced to living in a remote country house and acting as a caretaker for his younger brother, Hugh. Alone together, they’ve forged a delicate equilibrium, a balance instantly destroyed when a mysterious young woman named Marlene walks out of a rainstorm and into their lives.

  Fiction/Literature/978-0-307-27648-3

  TRUE HISTORY OF THE KELLY GANG

  To his pursuers, Ned Kelly is nothing but a monstrous criminal, a thief, and a murderer. To his own people, the lowly class of ordinary Australians, the bushranger is a hero, defying the authority of the English to direct their lives. Indentured by his bootlegger mother to a famous horse thief, Ned saw his first prison cell at fifteen and by the age of twenty-six had become the most wanted man in the wild colony of Victoria. Here is a classic outlaw tale, made alive by the skill of a great novelist.

 

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