Without a Net

by Kimberly Cooper Griffin

  Her phone buzzed and she reached over to retrieve it from the recliner. It was a text from Mike. She sat back on the sofa and sucked in a breath as she opened it up.

  Sorry for taking off like that today. I think I was in shock. I guess I still am.

  Fiona slowly let out the breath. How did he think she was managing?

  I understand, she texted back. No need to make the situation worse with a shitty response, even if it was justified.

  How long have you known?

  About a week.

  I never expected to be in this situation.

  She didn’t know how to respond. Did he think she ever expected it? It turned out she didn’t have to respond.

  I’ll go with you to the clinic to have it taken care of.

  How big of him, she thought.

  I haven’t thought it out that far, she texted back.

  You’re not thinking of keeping it, are you?

  Like I said, I haven’t thought it out that far.

  There was a long pause.

  Do I have to remind you that this doesn’t only affect you?

  Fiona was shocked. This didn’t sound like the Mike she thought she knew. Fury and hurt flared within her and she was trying to figure out how to respond when he sent another text.

  Sorry. I’m stressed. I need to stop texting. I might say something I regret later. Promise me you’ll think about this logically before you make a final decision. Neither one of us is ready to be a parent. Give me a few days to think about things and we can talk then, okay?

  She didn’t even try to respond. How dare Mike think he could push her into a decision one way or another. It was her decision. No one else’s. She rubbed her temples which were pounding now.

  For someone who said he was in shock, Mike seemed to know exactly how this was supposed to unfold. She wished she had his level of clarity. So far, she hadn’t even gotten past the fact she was pregnant.

  She sat on the sofa and stared at the floor. A multitude of conflicting emotions swam through her. He hadn’t even asked how she was doing. He was acting like this was all about him. And how could he be so casual about the expected next steps? Oddly, there was relief she didn’t have to do all of this on her own. And then, she was scared about what this would do to her future. On top of it all, she was embarrassed. How had she let herself get into this mess? She couldn’t think of a time when she had been more overwhelmed.

  She dropped her head to her hands. Mike was right. This wasn’t only about her. But, ultimately, it was her decision. She’d give Mike his time to think and hopefully she would have her decision made by then. She didn’t have a whole lot of time. In the meantime, she had things to do. She found the piece of paper Meg had given her. Her eyes scanned the neat writing. At first she couldn’t even see the words, her head was too full of scattered thoughts, but she forced herself to concentrate. The first thing on the list was something to keep the kittens warm. She went in search of a heating pad. When she placed it inside of the box under the towel, the kittens barely stirred. She set it to low and went online to find the closest pet store and to research flea remedies. The nearest pet store was a few blocks away. She hated leaving the kittens alone, but she knew they’d need food when they woke up. She jotted down a list of the things she’d need and headed back out. At least having something to do distracted her from her worries.

  *****

  “Welcome to Petopia.”

  Fiona smiled back at the clerk behind the register as the door whooshed shut behind her. She ventured into the well-stocked aisles. Several customers had pets with them and she stopped to pat a few as she looked for the cat section.

  “Can I help you find anything?” a yellow-aproned woman asked.

  Fiona consulted the list in her hand. “I need a natural flea remedy and some kitten formula.” She told the clerk about how she had come to be nursing six very young kittens.

  The clerk was very helpful and they gathered the items Fiona needed.

  “That should do it.” The clerk rang up the purchases and tore the receipt from the register, but before she handed it to Fiona, she turned it over and wrote a phone number on the back. “My personal number. Call me if you need any help. You have your hands full.” The clerk winked at Fiona as she handed the paper to her.

  Fiona grinned in disbelief as she left the store and tossed the receipt with the clerk’s number into a garbage basket in front of the store. All it took was a box full of kittens to get women to hand over their phone numbers. Too bad the timing was so awful, she thought as she weaved through the foot traffic and turned onto her street.

  A faint chorus of meows greeted Fiona as she unlocked the front door. Not a moment too soon, she thought, as she shut the door and stepped closer to look into the box she had left next to the couch. All of the kittens were wriggling around in their shaky, tenuous fashion, meowing louder than she thought possible. Her heart ached, knowing how they wanted their mother. She stooped over and reached into the box to pick one up, giving a sad smile when it pushed its bobbing head into her palm, looking for food.

  “You’re in luck, little one. I brought you something yummy.” She rubbed her nose against its little pink one.

  Fiona put the kitten back into the box and went into her miniscule kitchen to prepare the special kitten formula the way the woman at the store had explained. When it was ready, she settled down on the floor next to the box with the bottle, her back against the couch, and lifted all six of the kittens, placing them on a towel she had spread across her lap. They pushed around searching for food.

  The feeding didn’t go at all as she had expected. The kittens were obviously hungry and impatient to feed, but they didn’t latch onto the nipple, or even try to suck. She had no idea how to guide them, other than to stick the bottle into their mouths. Fiona’s frustration grew, as kitten after kitten attempted to feed, only to get more distressed as the formula dripped down their chins, but not into their mouths. The meowing became louder, the kittens’ anxious rooting became more pronounced, and Fiona’s frustration started to turn to a feeling of failure as tears welled in her eyes.

  Fiona thought more than once about calling Meg, but the idea of failing at something so simple was overwhelming. She decided to give it one last shot. She lifted the black kitten, which was the largest and strongest, and the only one she hadn’t attempted to feed yet. It was more aggressive than the rest, and it took the nipple much farther down its throat than the others had. Unbelievably, it began to gulp the formula down. The kitten drank heartily and only a little of the white fluid pooled around the corners of its mouth. She tried pushing the nipple further into the other kittens’ mouths, and she almost wept with relief when they all did much better. After the last kitten was fed, she had a pile of sated kittens sleeping in the valley of her outstretched legs.

  Relaxed, Fiona was content to sit and contemplate her tiny visitors. She placed her forefinger beneath the front paw of one of the kittens. Its fur was so thin the pink skin showed through along the leg. Five little toes with the barest hint of nail clutched her finger as she pushed gently at the soft, naked pad of the tiny foot. She rolled the kitten over and looked at its belly. It had a belly button and a round little tummy with almost no fur. She ran her finger along it and marveled at its softness. The kitten was too young for her to tell what gender it was. The little animal stretched and yawned, and Fiona watched as the little toothless mouth gaped open and the tiny head sprung up with the exertion before it flopped down again, all as the kitten continued to sleep. The feeling of satisfaction was more than Fiona could have ever imagined, and she sat for a long time contemplating their slumbering trust in her.

  For the first time in over a week, hope rose within her.

  *****

  Two hours later and brimming with confidence, Fiona’s second attempt at nursing the kittens went far more smoothly. As
she finished wiping away the few drops of formula around the mouth of the last kitten, she laughed at the limp critter in her hand. The kittens fell asleep as soon as they were full—whether the nipple was still in their mouth or not.

  When Fiona placed the kitten into the box with its sleeping siblings, it roused itself enough to squirm into the tangled mass of bodies, before promptly falling back to sleep. Fiona hugged her knees to her chest in her spot next to the box in front of the couch and gazed at them, as she had all afternoon. She realized her day had sped away from her. On top of that, it occurred to her she hadn’t thought about her own situation at all during the time she had been preoccupied with the kittens. Aside from the brief time with Meg, it was the first time in a week it hadn’t eclipsed all other thoughts, and she was grateful for the reprieve. Unfortunately, as soon as she acknowledged them, the feelings of overwhelming uncertainty about what she should do next pushed themselves right back in. She immediately longed for the amnesia of sleep, but she knew that avoiding her problems would only make them worse in the end. The tune of her cell phone ringer saved her from the internal war playing out in her head.

  Her heartrate sped up when she saw Meg’s name on the display. Her dark thoughts slid away for the moment. “Hello?”

  “Hi, Fiona, this is Meg. How are you and the kittens getting along?” Meg’s voice was confident. Fiona imagined Meg’s dancing blue eyes and smiled.

  “We had a rough start, actually.” Fiona sat back on the sofa.

  “Oh?” Fiona heard concern in Meg’s voice.

  “I think we figured things out, though.”

  “That’s good to hear. I’m about to leave the coffee shop. Are you still okay with me coming by?”

  “I’ve been looking forward to it.” Fiona cringed at her too eager reply.

  “Me, too.”

  Meg’s response soothed the twinge of embarrassment. Her feelings were swinging all over the place. “See you soon.”

  She tossed her phone back onto the recliner as she got up to clean the formula mess she’d left in the kitchen.

  22

  Meg hung up the phone, nervous about seeing Fiona again. There was no doubt she was attracted to her. But did it matter? She was leaving at the end of the summer. Even if Fiona had similar feelings, it wasn’t going to do either of them any good to start something, only to have her move to the other side of the continent in a few short weeks. She told herself she was getting ahead of herself. She didn’t even know if Fiona was interested in her. She was nice though, and so pretty. There was no reason they couldn’t be friends. In the meantime, they had the kittens to deal with. It was a good excuse to find time to hang out with her.

  She made sure the lids to the coffee cups she’d filled were tight and took off her work hat and untied her apron.

  Betty sidled up to her. “Who’s the coffee for?”

  “You know the woman who took the kittens? I’m going by her place to see how they are and thought I’d bring her a cup.”

  Betty bit her lip. She’d been crying on an off all afternoon about being the cause of the mamma cat’s death. Meg couldn’t convince her otherwise. “Does she live close by? I see her here all the time.”

  “About a block away.”

  “So, you’re making a house call?” Betty winked at her and raised an eyebrow.

  Meg was way more comfortable with this side of Betty than the other.

  “Is your mind always in the gutter?”

  Betty flipped her hair back. “It spends a fair amount of time there, yes.”

  “Well, I’m only going to check on the kittens.”

  At the mention of the kittens Betty grew serious again and her eyes glistened with unspilled tears. “God knows I can barely keep a plant alive, but I can try to help with them. You know, if she needs a break or anything?”

  Meg rested a hand on Betty’s arm. “I’ll let her know.”

  “It’s the least I can do.”

  Meg’s cell phone vibrated in her back pocket and she pulled it out. She stared at the name on the display and wondered if she wanted to answer it. Finally, curiosity won out. She signaled to Betty she needed to take it and headed for the back room.

  “Hey, little brother,” she said into the phone.

  An amused snort sounded on the other end of the line. “Your impatient ass was ten minutes out of the womb before me and I’ll never hear the end of it.”

  She laughed. “Nope. To what do I owe this rare phone call? Did they kick you out of Europe?”

  “Not officially, no.” CJ returned the laughter. “But, I am coming to town in a couple of weeks and I wanted to know if you were free to grab some food or something.”

  “I’ll make time. When will you be here?”

  “I haven’t pinned it down yet, but I’ll let you know.”

  “Where are you now?”

  “London for a couple of days, then I head to Glasgow. Not sure after that,” he said breezily, as if traveling aimlessly across Europe were an everyday thing for him. Maybe it was. She hadn’t heard from him in a few months. Irritation rose in her. He didn’t seem to care if anyone thought he was ignoring his responsibilities at home.

  “Must be nice,” she said not trying to hide her thoughts. Few people could take her from happy to irritated in such a short period of time.

  He laughed again. “You had your chance. You chose to help out those two dy—”

  “Hey!” she interrupted him before he used the derogatory term. Now she was angry. Classic CJ.

  He laughed. “You are so easy to rile up.”

  She held her tongue. It did no good to argue with him. He did it on purpose and he enjoyed her emotional responses. She wondered what he’d do if she simply stopped speaking to him. He probably wouldn’t care. Or he’d harass her until she did. Either option sucked.

  “Anyway, I gotta run, but I wanted to let you know I’d be in town and see if we could make plans. I’ll call you when I know the dates.”

  They hung up and Meg slid her phone back into her pocket.

  Betty was waiting on a customer, so she said goodnight and headed over to Fiona’s place. At least she wasn’t nervous anymore.

  23

  Twenty minutes after the last kitten was fed, the doorbell rang. When Fiona opened the door, Meg was standing outside, holding two steaming cups of coffee. She’d left the apron and the ball cap emblazoned with the Helga’s logo on it at work and her hair was down. Fiona registered Meg’s comfortably worn jeans and the form fitting black T-shirt, but mostly she was mesmerized by Meg’s sparkling blue eyes. It was the first time Fiona had seen Meg’s shoulder-length brown hair out of a ponytail and the hair framing her face made her already striking eyes stand out even more. A momentary sensation of being suspended in time seized Fiona, and she struggled to gather herself before Meg noticed. Fiona smiled, accepted the cup of coffee, and stepped aside.

  As Meg moved past her, Fiona’s stomach fluttered. She had to remind herself it wasn’t a date and that her life was way too out of balance for her to even consider entertaining the attraction that pulled at her. Besides, she barely knew Meg. She was getting way ahead of herself and she needed to settle down.

  “I took a chance you weren’t coffeed out yet,” Meg said, gesturing toward the cup. “My mom taught me to never come empty-handed and, well, this was all I could think of. This or a scone.” She frowned. “I should have brought both.”

  Meg sounded a little flustered, and Fiona laughed. “It takes a lot of coffee for me to get coffeed out.” Fiona smelled the steam coming from the lid. “Vanilla. This is perfect as long as it’s decaf.”

  “It is,” Meg verified. “I remembered.”

  “Thanks. You don’t want to see me all hopped up on caffeine.” She followed Meg into the small apartment. “What do the professionals drink?”

  Meg raised her cu
p. “Chai latte for me. I am a little coffeed out so I had to switch it up. But normally it’s a plain old drip for me.” She made a cute face. “I know, boring.”

  Meg was delightfully expressive and anything but boring, but instead of telling her that, Fiona led her to the kittens. They were why she was there, after all.

  “The little fur balls are over here. They don’t have all that much fur, though, do they?”

  “It fills in pretty fast.” Meg bent over the box. “I love to nuzzle their fat, naked little bellies. How did it go this afternoon?”

  “There was a lot of cuddling. Feeding was a bit of a fiasco at first, but once I got a little aggressive with it, they caught on and it resolved itself.”

  “Nice job. You must be a natural mama cat.”

  Fiona winced a little at the comment, but there was no way Meg would know how close to home she had accidentally hit. “I’m not sure if it’s a problem or not, but none of them have gone to the bathroom yet. At least one of them would have gone by now, don’t you think?”

  They were standing nearly shoulder-to-shoulder, looking down at the heap of kittens. It wasn’t quite seven in the evening and the streetlights wouldn’t come on for another hour and a half, but dusk fell earlier between the buildings in the city. Fiona stepped away to switch on a lamp.

  “Yeah…” Meg, drew out the word as she straightened up. She looked sideways at Fiona. “You have to help them.”

  “What do you mean, ‘help them’?” Fiona didn’t even want to imagine what that would entail.

  “Well, part of the mother cat’s job is to stimulate their bowels. It doesn’t happen on their own.”

  “What happens if she doesn’t?”

  “Things build up and can cause very bad or fatal issues.”