‘Did you?’ Perhaps she’d had two sides to her, the one Aunt Maude liked and then the deceitful side that had made Father suffer so. Still, if Aunt Maude hadn’t known that aspect of my mother, I wouldn’t spoil her happy memories.
‘Your father gave me a home under sufferance,’ said Aunt Maude, ‘but Rose always made me feel like a valuable addition to the family.’
I felt sorry for her then and hugged her. ‘Of course you are, Aunt Maude!’ At least my mother had exhibited some human kindness. ‘Why don’t you go upstairs and rest,’ I said, ‘while I finish writing out the invitations?’
Chapter 19
April 1820
London
I dreamed Alessandro was hurrying along an endless alleyway in the gathering dark while I scurried along behind, desperately trying to catch up with him. I called to him but either he didn’t hear me or was pretending not to. I ran faster, shouting his name and reaching out for him, but he was always too far ahead.
Then he stopped suddenly and I ran into the back of him. He caught me by my elbows and held me at arm’s length. The dream was so vivid I felt the heat of his hands through the thin muslin of my dress.
‘Alessandro, I love you,’ I cried. ‘Why didn’t you wait for me?’ I took an involuntary step away when I saw no sign of the usual mischievous humour in his eyes.
‘If you really loved me you wouldn’t have left,’ he said, and walked away without looking back.
I awoke with a hollow ache in my heart and my pillow damp with tears. I’d still received no response to the note I’d sent him, included with my letter to Queen Caroline. Sighing, I turned my thoughts to the ball.
The day had finally arrived. Aunt Maude had worked so hard instructing me on the right way to behave and I didn’t want to make mistakes and let her, or Father, down. Dolly and his friend Mr Gregory had called on me regularly to see how I was progressing. Dolly was sometimes waspish but could be most amusing when he set his mind to it. We had spent many an afternoon playacting in the role of guests at the ball, engaging in the art of frivolously polite conversation. Angelic-looking Mr Gregory had made bold attempts at flirting with me while Dolly tried to keep a straight face and coached me on how to give a polite set-down. This had even raised a smile from Aunt Maude, my constant chaperone.
Daisy knocked on the door and came in. ‘May I help you dress?’ she said.
I swung my feet over the side of the bed, listening to her bright chatter.
‘All the furniture’s been taken out of the drawing room and it looks like a proper ballroom now,’ she said. ‘The hired chairs are here. Gilt they are and ever so pretty.’
Once I was dressed I hurried down to the morning room, where Aunt Maude was busy at the writing desk.
‘Did you sleep well or were you too excited?’ she said, looking up from her book of lists.
‘My stomach is full of butterflies,’ I said, ‘from fear of saying the wrong thing or making a fool of myself.’
‘Of course you won’t!’ said Aunt Maude. ‘Your natural grace will carry you through and you don’t need to exhibit too much town gloss. After all, you aren’t out yet.’
‘I have no friends in London. What if no one wishes to dance with me?’
‘It’s natural to be nervous,’ said Aunt Maude, ‘but no one would know you haven’t had the advantages of being gently brought up.’
‘Sarah was a lady’s maid, not a scullery maid,’ I said indignantly. ‘I wasn’t a complete hoyden.’
‘Then perhaps we have some reason to be grateful to her.’ Aunt Maude smiled. ‘I’m certainly relieved you no longer wave your hands about when you are agitated.’
I sighed. ‘What shall I do to help?’
‘Will you check the latest invitation responses against the guest list, dear? And after breakfast you may inspect the ballroom and the supper room to see that the floral arrangements are in the correct positions. I saw the florist arriving half an hour ago.’
We worked together on the myriad lists, ticking off completed items.
An hour or so later I was crossing the hall to fetch Aunt Maude’s shawl when one of the footmen came out of Father’s study.
‘A letter for you, Miss Langdon.’
I caught my breath. Was it from Alessandro? I recognised the wax seal on the folded paper as Queen Caroline’s. I hurried upstairs to my room and closed the door behind me. I broke the seal with trembling fingers. It was a single, folded sheet of thick paper and I was bitterly disappointed to discover there was no enclosure from Alessandro. The note was written in Italian.
Dear Miss Langdon,
The Queen thanks you for informing her that she has the support of the public in her endeavours to obtain the rights and privileges due to her status.
Following the receipt of the news of her exclusion from the Liturgy, she wishes you to know that she will proceed with all haste to England with the intention of arriving on the thirtieth of April.
The Queen conveys her kind regards and will be pleased to receive you upon her arrival in London.
Caroline
I remembered so well the sprawling signature that the Princess, now the Queen, had added to the bottom of the letters I wrote on her behalf. I assumed that Baron Pergami now performed that task. Lady Hamilton, still in London, had forwarded my letters to the Queen.
Not only was she coming to England at last, but she was due to arrive in two days! I tucked the letter into the bottom drawer of the chest in my room and went to fetch Aunt Maude’s shawl.
She and I were finishing our breakfast when Father came to ask me if he could have a private word. I gulped down the last of my coffee and followed him into his study.
‘I have to go out,’ he said, ‘but I wanted to give you this.’ He pulled open his desk drawer and handed me a small oblong box. ‘They were your mother’s,’ he said. ‘It seems appropriate you should wear them tonight.’
Curious, I opened the box. Inside nestled a double row of pearls. As I lifted them up I experienced a mixture of pleasure and pain. If my mother had cared more for my happiness than for her own misery, she’d have been here to give me the pearls herself. ‘They’re beautiful,’ I said, ‘but will it be distressing for you to see me wear them?’
He looked at me for a long moment and I wondered if it was my mother’s face that he saw.
‘She must have been wearing them when Sarah took away the rest of her jewellery. You’re considerate to think of my feelings, Emilia, but I want you to have them. And the woman your mother was when I married her would have wished it too.’ He glanced away from me to gaze out of the window. ‘You remind me so much of the young Rose, when she was sweet and innocent, before everything changed.’
‘I wish we could go back in time to stop those tragic events,’ I said, looking down at the pearls coiled in my palm.
Father sighed heavily. ‘We can’t go back but I want to give you the best opportunities for a happy and secure future. My wish is that you’ll meet a suitable man during the next few months…’
‘Father, I’ve already told you that there’s a man I love.’
He held up his hand. ‘We agreed you would take this time to be sure you’re making the right decision – one you must abide by for the rest of your life.’ His eyes searched my face. ‘And, as far as I’m aware, you’ve had no communication with Alessandro Fiorelli?’
‘No, Father.’
‘It’s been five months since you saw him last. He’d have found a way to send you a letter if he still cared for you.’
I bowed my head so that Father wouldn’t see my distress. Alessandro hadn’t written to me in all this time and it worried me that he might not have forgiven me for coming to London. I ran my finger and thumb over every pearl in my mother’s necklace as if it were a rosary, saying Alessandro’s name in my head as I touched each one.
‘I want you to be happy,’ said Father gently, ‘and I wouldn’t want you to refuse a suitable offer of marriage because you’re han
kering after a man who doesn’t love you.’
I stayed silent, afraid I’d cry if I spoke.
‘Emilia, you must know Dolly is very fond of you?’
‘Dolly?’ I looked up, surprised out of my sadness.
‘He admires you,’ said Father. ‘He’s sophisticated and good-looking and only six years older than yourself. I’ve seen how he makes you laugh. It would be a good match.’
I was stunned. ‘I thought you didn’t like him?’
‘Well…’ Father shrugged. ‘Perhaps I was too hasty. The death of my only son was a devastating blow. I can’t break the entail and it’s natural I felt antagonistic towards Dolly but since you came home I’ve had the opportunity to get to know him better. And when he said he’d developed a fondness for you…’
I blurted out, ‘I don’t want to marry a man who is fond of me, I want to marry a man who loves me!’
‘Believe me,’ said Father, ‘love flies out of the window all too easily. And what then? If you marry Fiorelli, assuming he still wants you, how will you manage when a clutch of children arrive? A tutor’s earnings are not large and there will be few servants to help you. You’ll become a drudge. There won’t be any fine clothes and you’ll all be crammed into a small house, wondering where the next meal is coming from.’
‘It wouldn’t be like that!’
Father raked his fingers through his thick grey hair. ‘Emilia, this is the most important decision of your life. You must choose a husband based on who can provide best for you. Dolly will inherit this house and Langdon Hall and the estate. As his wife you would live a life of ease.’
‘I don’t love Dolly.’ The walls of the room felt as if they were closing in and I rose to my feet, my heart thudding.
‘Many advantageous marriages begin without love,’ said Father, ‘but affection follows. And you will have children to love, including a new heir for the estate, carrying Langdon blood.’
‘How long ago did you and Dolly cook up this plan between you?’ My cheeks burned. ‘It’s a shame you didn’t consult me. I’d have told you then you were wasting your time.’
‘Emilia…’
‘No, Father!’ Dropping my mother’s pearls onto his desk with a clatter, I ran from the room.
Later, Aunt Maude tapped on my bedroom door. She came and sat on the bed beside me.
‘Did Father tell you to come and see me?’ I asked.
‘He didn’t mean to upset you,’ she said, ‘especially today. I’m sure he has no intention of forcing you to marry Dolly.’ She placed the box of pearls beside me.
I wiped my eyes with the damp handkerchief balled up in my fist. ‘It’s not only that I don’t want to marry Dolly.’ My chin quivered again. ‘Alessandro promised to write but he hasn’t. I can’t bear it if he doesn’t still want to marry me.’ I leaned back against the pillows.
Aunt Maude stroked my hand. ‘Perhaps a letter could have gone astray? Italy is a long way from here.’
‘I suppose a letter from him might arrive with Queen Caroline’s entourage,’ I said. ‘She wrote to me saying she expects to arrive at Dover in two days’ time.’
‘The Queen wrote to you?’
‘I expect the Baron wrote it but she signed it. I had so hoped for a note from Alessandro.’
‘Try not to worry about that today,’ said Aunt Maude. ‘I shall send up Daisy with a cool compress for you. We can’t have you going to your ball with swollen eyes, can we?’
‘The ball! I’d quite forgotten it.’ Dread made my shoulders slump. ‘How am I going to face Dolly?’
‘With your usual good humour,’ said Aunt Maude, her tone brisk. ‘Remember that no one is compelling you to marry him. And you’ll meet any number of suitable men over the coming months so you still have plenty of time to make your choice.’ She saw my expression. ‘Or not. At the end of the season you shall return to Italy if you wish. Most girls would give their eye teeth for these opportunities.’
I couldn’t deny that Father had been very generous but he didn’t know how deeply I felt about Alessandro. ‘I suppose I ought to apologise,’ I said.
‘Frederick has gone to an auction to purchase a painting,’ said Aunt Maude, ‘and won’t be back until later.’
I hugged her. ‘I don’t need a cold compress,’ I said, ‘and I’ll come and help you with the final preparations.’
Aunt Maude patted my hand. ‘That’s the spirit! Let’s go downstairs together.’
Chapter 20
Aunt Maude, resplendent in purple taffeta with a black lace overskirt, smiled her approval from her seat by my bedroom window. ‘You will dazzle them all tonight, Emilia.’
I touched a finger to the lustrous pearls Daisy had clasped around my neck, surprised that they weren’t cold. It was almost as if they’d retained the warmth of my mother’s skin after she’d last taken them off.
My silken skirts swished around my ankles as I drifted towards the mirror. I stared at my reflection, barely recognising myself. The glorious dress had worked its magic again and new stays had made a great deal more of my décolletage. My skin appeared as luminous as my mother’s pearls against the cream silk. During the afternoon, the visiting friseur had dressed my hair into gleaming copper curls and then entwined them with silk ribbons and lilies. I looked confident and, even to my eyes, beautiful.
‘Oh, Miss Langdon!’ said Daisy. She clasped her hands to her breast. ‘You look so lovely.’
‘Thank you, Daisy.’
She handed me the bottle of lily-of-the-valley perfume Dolly had brought me as a gift a few days before. I rubbed a few drops onto my wrists and between my breasts, faltering a little as I wondered how I could face him after what Father had told me.
Aunt Maude stood up. ‘Come, Emilia, we shall show your father how beautiful you are.’
‘I hope he won’t still be angry with me.’
Servants were bustling hither and thither as we went downstairs and the discordant sounds of musicians tuning their instruments drifted from the ballroom. Two men were carrying a harp up the stairs and magnificent arrangements of narcissi and hyacinths perfumed the air.
Aunt Maude tapped on the door of Father’s study.
Dressed in formal evening dress of brocade coat, knee breeches and white stockings, he was studying a painting propped up on his desk.
I waited for him to turn around. Would he still be angry with me? Then I forgot my anxious thoughts as I looked at the painting. It was beautiful, a nativity scene showing a stable set against a backdrop of mountains. I peered at the serene face of the Madonna as she smiled down at her babe and took a step closer to scrutinise the brushwork of the flowing drapery of her gown. Frowning, I said, ‘It looks like a work by Fra Angelico.’
‘It does, doesn’t it?’ said Father, still gazing at the painting.
‘But it can’t be,’ I said, ‘it would be far too expensive.’
‘Well done, Emilia,’ said Father. ‘It seems your travels have not been in vain. This is believed to have been painted by one of Fra Angelico’s apprentices.’ He laughed. ‘And it was still very expensive. But worth it, don’t you think?’
‘I do,’ I said.
‘Have you completed that list of places you stayed yet? I want to make a final effort to write to all the dealers to enquire after the miniatures.’
‘I’ll give it to you tomorrow.’
‘My art collection is not subject to the laws of entail,’ he said, ‘and I’m delighted that it interests you. Perhaps, if you stay in England, one day it will be yours.’
His suggestion astounded me but it wasn’t enough to bribe me to marry a man I didn’t love.
Aunt Maude coughed to gain Father’s attention.
He turned then and stared at me.
Slowly, I twirled around so that he could inspect me from all angles.
He lifted my hand and kissed it. ‘I knew you were beautiful,’ he said, ‘but tonight you are exquisite. I’m very proud to be your father, my dear.’
‘Not another word!’ he said. ‘We mustn’t spoil your first ball. All I ask is that you don’t reject the idea without considering it carefully.’
I sighed, knowing he couldn’t change my mind.
‘The first guests will arrive soon,’ said Aunt Maude.
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