Maneuvering my hand so I’m not holding her tit like I would a fast ball, Gil laughs out loud and slaps my hand away. “All right, thank you for the demonstration. I could probably throw some heat myself now with that little lesson.”
We’re both laughing when my phone rings. Digging it out of my pocket, I look down to see it’s Eddie. “Oh, it’s Eddie,” I say out loud to her. “Give me one sec, I’ll be right back.”
“Want me to pause it?” she asks.
“Nah, don’t worry about it. I’m sure this will only be a second. He’s not a big talker.” Stepping out into the front yard, I close the door behind me.
I haven’t talked to Eddie since before I went and eloped with Gil. I meant to call him, but the past week has been crazy with rehab, training, and spending time with her.
“Eddie, my man, what’s going on? I’ve been meaning to call you—”
“Dude, I’ve got great news!” he yells into my ear.
“Ah, shit man, that was loud.”
“Sorry, I’m just super happy for you.”
Wait. . . Does he know I got married? No, he can’t.
I’m quiet for a moment as I wonder if someone found out about Gillian and me.
“You still there?” he asks.
“Oh, yeah, I’m here. What’s the news?”
“Dallas wants to sign you and so does Hartford! Can you believe that?”
“Wait. . . Seriously?”
“Yeah seriously. I guess some scouts have been around, and people are talking. You’ve been on point recently in therapy and people are starting to notice.”
“Wow! That’s awesome, Ed, I’m super excited to hear it. It’s exactly what I’ve been hoping for.”
“Right, it’s your dream. A new team, a fresh start, a place to finally come back strong. You’ll be ruling the game before you know it.” He chuckles and lets out a sigh. “All right, well I’m hopping on a plane tomorrow to come up there. We can discuss the offers and see what you think is best.”
“Yeah, that sounds great. I’m stoked man.”
“Good thing you didn’t run out and get married, huh? What the hell was I thinking giving you that idea.”
Shit.
I never told him I actually did get married.
“Ed—” I’m about to tell him, when he cuts me off.
“Okay, I’ll be in touch soon. I got a plane to catch early.”
The phone goes dead and I’m left with this feeling in my chest. Did I make the wrong decision? It doesn’t feel like it.
I want to be with Gillian, I don’t doubt that. But what does she want? If I take a new job, would she be willing to move with me?
You’re a fucking idiot if you think she’ll give up everything for you.
You know she won’t. She loves her job too much.
Tucking my phone back into my pocket, I walk back in with my head down. I know I’ll never ask her to leave everything for me. That’s not even fair for me to think about.
And if I leave, I’ll never be able to stand a long distance relationship. The thought kills me inside. I don’t want to give her up, but I also don’t want to miss the only opportunity I might have to jump back in the game.
Maybe we can just make a clean break? There’s a chance we can even get the marriage annulled too. It will be like it never happened.
No harm, no foul, right?
It hurts to think about losing her. To know that I’m probably going to be leaving her behind. My heart aches and my insides feel like they’re being torn apart.
I love this girl.
But love isn’t always enough. Love doesn’t equal forever.
“Gil,” I say as I go back into the house, but when I step into the living room, I find her sleeping on the couch.
Pulling the blanket up to her shoulders, I touch her face with the weight of a feather. I don’t want to wake her, so I decide to head home. Leaning over, I kiss her forehead, and take a minute to just look at her.
It might be the last time I get this with her, this intimate moment where everything is perfect. Because life gets in the way, and our careers will keep us apart.
I’ll tell her tomorrow.
Pressing my lips against her ear, I whisper, “I love you.”
Shutting off her lights and the television, I lock up her house and head home.
11
Gillian
I feel heat against my cheek. It’s warm enough to stir me awake. Rubbing my eyes, I crack them open, blinking a few times to focus.
I’m covered up on my couch, the house is quiet, but I swear I can hear Ryon’s voice in my head telling me he loves me.
You’re going crazy, Gil. He didn’t say that. He never would because this marriage isn’t real.
I wish it was. . .
The thought lingers, making me feel full and empty at the same time. I really enjoy being with him. Ryon is funny, he’s handsome, and the sex is incredible, but I also know this is a marriage of convenience.
Not to mention this is a huge risk. And to ever call this love. . . That’s crazy. I can’t love someone I hardly know, and he can’t love me.
Pushing up on the couch, I yawn as I look around. “Ryon?” I call out, wondering where he is.
The last thing I remember is him taking a call from Eddie before I fell asleep. Slipping the blanket off my legs, I let my feet adjust to the cool floor before standing. A shiver runs through my body, so I grab the blanket and wrap myself up.
“Ryon, are you here?” Moving to the window, I pull back the blinds and see his car is gone.
He left.
I’m surprised to see he’s gone. Scooting my feet across the floor back toward the kitchen, I find a note on the counter, held down by one of the flowers he brought me.
Gillian,
You looked too perfect to wake up, so I decided to let you sleep.
I had a great time. I’d love to do this again, maybe next time I can cook for you.
Call me.
—Ryon
Smiling to myself, I touch the note softly, not able to stop my heart from exploding in my chest. I refuse to say it out loud, to truly admit what it is I’m feeling as my whole body goes warm and my heart pounds like I just ran a marathon.
You’re falling for him, Gil, and you’re falling hard.
Too hard. . . I’m falling in love.
Relaxing back against the counter, the clock on the stove is telling me it’s time to shower, dress, and head to work. I don’t have a therapy session scheduled with Ryon today, but I don’t doubt I’ll see him there.
Walking through the parking lot, I adjust my lip stick in the small mirror I keep in my purse. I want to look good for Ryon. I want to feel him watching me, to see him get excited as I tease him from a distance.
Rounding the corner, I bump into someone else. “Oh, sorry,” I say, looking up to see John.
“No, I’m sorry,” he answers, touching my shoulder as he smiles. “Don’t you look nice today. New color?”
“Excuse me?” I ask.
“The lipstick,” he says, pointing to my face. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in that color before.”
“Oh, yeah,” I respond nervously, tucking the lipstick and mirror back into my purse. “I just got it, figured I’d try it out.”
“Well, you look hot as hell.” Biting his knuckles, he takes a step back and runs his eyes from head to toe. “How about you and I go have breakfast before you start your day?”
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea, John. It’s good to maintain professional boundaries. I could lose my job if it gets back to the wrong people, even if it’s innocent.”
You’re a dirty man-whore. . . There’s not a chance in hell I’d go anywhere with you.
And my heat belongs to someone else.
“Innocent? Who ever said it would be innocent?” He licks his lips as he wags his brows.
“John, really, I can’t.” I’m being nice, professional, and trying to not tell him
to fuck off.
“Okay, okay, I get it.” He digs around in his bag, pulling out an apple and tossing it to me. “Here, it’s better than nothing.”
“Thanks.”
He starts to turn to leave, then quickly spins back to me. “Oh, congrats by the way. I heard the good news this morning. You must be happy.”
“What good news?” I ask as I twist the apple in my hand.
“Ryon getting some offers for a few big teams. You really did magic on his shoulder. What did you do, sleep with him? Was it sex magic?” John laughs, but I don’t laugh along with him.
What did he just say?
I can’t speak. I’m in shock. I didn’t have a clue he got any offers, and to have John even tease about sex with Ryon makes me worry that our relationship hasn’t been quiet like I thought.
Choking on my own words, I swallow hard as I shake my head. “Sex? Why did someone say something? Did he say something? Who said that to you?” I shoot him multiple questions in a row, and he takes a long step backwards.
“Whoa,” he says, holding up both hands. “I was only joking, no one said anything. . .” He pauses for a moment, his lids lowering as he studies me. “Holy shit, you two did it, didn’t you? You slept with him?”
“No,” I immediately answer, shaking my head. “No we didn’t. He’s a patient, that’s all.”
Smirking, John nods yes as he points at me. “Yes you did, I can see it all over your face. You can’t even look me in the eyes, can you?”
Darting my eyes to his face, I try so fucking hard to be believable. “I didn’t sleep with Ryon.”
“Right,” he says eyeing me like the lying bitch I am. I’m not convincing him, and I know it. “Well, I heard he’s signing with Hartford, that’s pretty amazing. Maybe once he’s gone, I’ll get my chance.”
Hartford? That’s on the other side of the country.
“Go to hell, John.” My eyes start to gloss, but I hold in my tears. Adjusting my bag on my arm, I sniffle, doing my best to stay calm and not lose it right here. “Thanks for the apple.” Giving him a fake smile, I rush into the building and head right for the bathroom.
I’m about to cry, I am literally about to ball my eyes out and I don’t want to do it in the middle of the gym. Closing the door, my eyes burst at the seams, and tears cascade down my cheeks.
I can’t do this today. I can’t fucking do this today.
Wiping my nose, I leave just as quickly as I arrived. No one even caught a glimpse of me. Dialing the receptionist on my phone, I tell her I’m not feeling well, and I won’t be in today. I ask her to reschedule my appointments with other therapists.
Speeding out of the parking lot, I drive home. It irks me that I’m leaving other therapists to pick up my slack for today, but I’ll never be able to focus and give anyone the attention they deserve.
I never call out sick, but today is just too much for me. The last thing I want is my patients having to comfort me while I cry. Because I know Ryon will show up and I’m not going to be able to look at him without tears glassing over my eyes.
Ryon is leaving and moving across the country. John knows what’s going on between us, he can see it, he spotted it so fucking easily, and now he’s probably going to start spreading rumors. The rumors will run, gaining a life of their own, and my heart will break even more. I’ll lose Ryon, I’ll lose my job, and then what?
I should have never left the house this morning. I made the mistake of waking up. I wish I could reverse time and wake up weeks before ever meeting Ryon.
Because I can’t take this kind of pain.
What the hell was I thinking getting involved with that man?
I should have known it was too good to be true.
Nothing good ever lasts.
12
Ryon
The ground pops and crackles as my tires pull into her driveway. The house is dark, curtains drawn, and it doesn’t look like any lights are on.
My car is full of the scent of Chinese food, and my stomach is grumbling. I’m starving, but I’m not sure if she’s hungry or not.
After learning that she called out sick today, I tried to call her a few of times, but she wouldn’t answer. It took two text messages and four calls before she finally let me know she was fine, she’s just really tired today.
The message made me laugh. Knowing that I knocked her on her ass after a night of hot sex made me feel good. I’d really like to repeat it tonight, and every night if she’ll let me.
Grabbing the plastic bag with the takeout dinner I brought, I head to her door and ring the bell. Standing outside, I look around, waiting for her to answer. Except, she doesn’t.
Maybe she’s sleeping.
Pressing my face to the window by the door, I can’t see through the curtains. Walking around to the backyard, I head up to the deck, hoping the skidding back door is open. Pulling on the handle, it’s locked, and the curtains are drawn here too.
Knocking, I try to look through the small divide between the doors, but I can’t see shit. With my face on the glass, I knock again, this time harder so I know she hears me.
“Gillian!” I call out. “It’s me, let me in.”
Nothing.
Pounding on the glass, I say, “I brought dinner. Hello?” My knuckles rap against the door over and over. “Gillian!”
The curtains fly open, and I’m met with a red eyed, wild haired woman, who looks like she’s either got the flu or has been crying hours. Her mouth folds into a scowl as her eyes turn to slits.
“Go away!” she yells back, leaving the door as a barrier between us.
“What’s going on? Are you all right?” She doesn’t answer, simply cupping her hands on her hips as her lips frown deeper. Holding up the bag, I smile. “I brought dinner.”
“And you can take it home with you. Go home, Ryon.” She starts to pull the curtains closed again, but I press my hand against the glass.
“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s gotten into you. Just let me in so we can talk. Please, tell me what’s wrong.”
Gil’s nostrils flare wide as she grips the handle and tears the door open. “Not going anywhere? Not going anywhere?” she yells, her voice teetering between tears and anger. “Do you think I’m stupid? You know what, I don’t care what you think or what you do. Do what you want, Ryon, just forget about me. How’s that?”
“I don’t know what’s going on here. I don’t want to forget about you, I’d never want to forget about you. Why are you talking like this?”
What the hell has gotten into her? What did I do wrong?
“Right, like I’m supposed to believe that. I’m just another notch on your belt, aren’t I?”
“What? Another notch?” Shaking my head, I try to reach for her hand, but she snaps it away so I can’t. “I’m really not sure what to say right now.”
“Just do what you do best, don’t say anything and go.”
“I came here because I wanted to, and because I have good news to share with you.”
“I know your news, and maybe I’d be happier if I wasn’t the last one to hear about it.” Crooking her jaw, her brows drop sharply. “I guess I thought. . .”
Her eyes cloud over and I can see the mirrored edge of tears as they bubble over her eyes. I’m still trying to figure out what she’s talking about. Have I been reading her all wrong this whole time?
I thought there was something more growing between us, but maybe I’ve been seeing something that isn’t really here. Or maybe I’ve been trying to create something that will never truly be.
“Do you really want me to go? Is that what you actually want?”
Tears start to fall down her cheeks as she stares up at me. Reaching my hand out, I run my thumb across one of her cheeks and wipe away the tears. She’s silent, and I can’t stand this quiet between us.
I’d rather have her yelling at me, screaming at me at the top of her lungs than stand here in this nothingness. No words. No voice. It’s t
orture.
“Well? Do you really want me to leave?”
Her tears turn into rushing streams as she lunges forward and throws her arms around my waist, burying her face in my chest.
“No,” she says between hiccups of air. “I don’t ever want you to leave. The thought of you leaving kills me inside. I want you here, I want you with me, I want to be with you.” Pushing herself away, she peers up at me, her cheeks glistening from fresh tears. “Is that crazy?”
Her eyes move from my face to my shirt, causing her lips to twitch into a light smile.
“What do you think? Does it look good on me?”
“Are you serious?”
“Yup, accepted the position today.” Plucking at my Solum logo t-shirt, I grin. “I really like it here. And this gives me an excuse to boss around young pitchers.” Winking at her, my smile widens.
“So you’re not going to play with Hartford?”
“Is that what this is all about?” She nods, wiping at her face. “Well I’m not, I’m not going anywhere.”
“But John said—”
“John is an idiot,” I say, cutting her off. “Yes, Hartford made me an offer, but the thought of being away from you is too much to bear. I love you, Gillian. There’s no place in the world that would ever make me as happy as being with you.”
“Really?” she asks, her eyes now welling with happy tears. “You love me?”
“I do. Don’t get me wrong, I love baseball, but I don’t need to play to leave a legacy. I can also teach and train and get to see my work on the field in the guys I help. You taught me that, you showed me that helping can be as much a gift as actually playing. But you, I love you like I’ve never loved anything else in my life.”
“I love you too.” Her voice softens as a bright smile takes over her face.
Dropping the bag of food, I grip her face, and kiss her. Her lips parts, and as she kisses me back, it feels different. This isn’t just lust, it isn’t just about sex, this is a feeling that burns into my bones, leaving me breathless.
Big Man’s Happily Ever After Page 32
