Big Man’s Happily Ever After

by Wylder, Penny

  It feels almost like the raising of a circus. We all came together in the morning to make the magic happen, and just as quickly we start to disperse. Tools are packed up and the boxes that hold the lights and trim are loaded onto the trucks to go back to storage. In less than fifteen minutes, the Farrell’s field is nearly a ghost town. The sun is setting and people are heading home for dinner.

  Which is exactly what I should be doing.

  Jack waves me down as I’m walking to my truck. “Come on over for dinner.”

  “That’s okay, Mr. Farrell. I’ve got leftovers waiting for me at home.”

  “Don’t be silly. We have more than enough food to go around and we’re happy to have you.”

  I stop and look him in the eye. “Thank you for the offer. Truly, but no. You have company now, and I think it’s better if I don’t intrude.” There’s no way that I’ll be able to sit at the same table as Tyler and be civil. I can’t watch Mrs. Farrell gloat, and I can’t watch the woman I love disappear, overshadowed by a man who doesn’t seem to care.

  He looks at me carefully for a moment. I’m not sure what he’s looking for, but he seems to find it. “Is that so?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ve always liked you, Casey,” he says. “I’ve watched you grow up, and I’ve seen the way you treat people. It doesn’t matter who they are or what they do, you always treat them with dignity and respect. And today in particular, I’ve come to appreciate that. I’m glad your parents did right by you. They taught you that you’re free to make your own choices, no matter what anyone else thinks.”

  I read between the lines of what he’s saying, and anger burns in my stomach. He doesn’t like the way Tyler treats Carley either, but he knows that his daughter is an adult, and he can’t interfere with her choices. And he doesn’t like the way Mrs. Farrell is pushing her toward him.

  After Christmas, I imagine he and his wife are going to have some hard discussions. But Jack is one of the best people I know, and he’d never expose Carley to gossip and humiliation intentionally. So he’ll stay quiet just like I will. Even if it kills me.

  “Thank you, Mr. Farrell. That means a lot.”

  Then, softly, he says, “I just want her to be happy.”

  I don’t say anything back to that. Because the minute I do, I’m going to give away the depth of my feelings for her.

  “And I hope that she is. But I can’t help but wish…never mind. You have a good night, Casey.” he says, heading back toward the house.

  “You too.”

  My own house seems painfully empty now, and the dinner I have is the remnants of last night’s meal that I somehow still managed to burn because I was distracted by the fact that Carley left.

  Now that I’m alone, the anger and sadness are impossible to hide. I choke down the food as quickly as possible so that I don’t have to think about it. I’m exhausted from today’s work, but there’s still restless energy running under my skin.

  Tonight is the last night before the actual fireworks, so the music will be at full volume tonight, for a little longer than normal just for one last night of acclimation. I put my ear plugs in and feed the cows while the music rumbles.

  This has been touched too. I’m trying not to look at the hay loft and remember the exquisite sex and the way Carley looked when she was absolutely unleashed. Thankfully I only have to endure the music for one more night. Then I have nine months where I won’t have to be reminded of it.

  I roll my eyes at myself. As if I won’t think about the way she felt every time I walk into the fucking barn.

  There’s no way that I’ll just be able to go to sleep. I grab my axe and head outside to the wood pile. I need to split more wood for deliveries anyway. Might as well get a head start and take out some of my anger and frustration. Though as I start, I don’t know if even the entire pile of wood that towers over my head will be enough to erase the heartbreak.

  16

  Carley

  Everyone sits down to dinner, and the atmosphere is one of excitement. Even I’m smiling. I can’t wait until tomorrow. I want to feel that magic again. And remember exactly what it feels like.

  Of course I’m seated next to Tyler again. I haven’t had the chance to talk to him yet, but I will tonight. Later. The decision being made makes me feel lighter, and ready.

  Earlier when he talked to Casey, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Partially because I’d realized that I was in love with Casey and being that close to him made me tongue tied. Partially because I was worried about what he would say to Tyler, and the reverse. They managed to keep it civil, but I could tell immediately that Tyler didn’t like him.

  I am so pleasantly exhausted. That feeling of knowing that you accomplished something good. I will get a good night’s sleep tonight after our conversation, and tomorrow…tomorrow I will talk to Casey. I hope that he won’t be angry, and that he’ll maybe want a repeat of the Fireworks Night that we had all those years ago.

  Dad comes in a little after everyone else, and he looks upset. It’s a rare thing for Dad to be upset. But the minute he sees me, he smiles and shakes his head. He’s fine. Don’t ask.

  My mother is the happiest I’ve seen her since I’ve been here. More like what I remember as a kid, before I became a disappointment. Then again, Mom has always been hot and cold with me. Jessica is the favorite, and I’ve always either been the best child or the worst. It depends on the day, and it usually has a lot to do with how closely I follow whatever she wants me to do.

  I freeze with a piece of cornbread halfway to my mouth. I am full of realizations today. Elgin wouldn’t be half so bad without my mother trying to control everything I do. Even now, she’s forcing me into a relationship I have no interest in because it is what she wants. That is a fucked-up way to treat your child.

  And I don’t even know why. Why does she want me to be with Tyler so badly? I don’t understand. Maybe I will never understand. I haven’t pressed her because she’s my mom, and I love her. But I’m not going to bow to these whims anymore.

  Unfortunately, that means I have to be prepared to accept her judgement. Even if that means that she doesn’t want to speak to me ever again.

  Tyler clears his throat and stands. “Now that everyone is here, I wanted to say a few things.”

  My family quiets down, looking at him expectantly. What the fuck?

  “Thank you for welcoming me into your home at this festive time. It’s been wonderful to see some of your traditions, and I know Carley and I will be happy coming to visit from time to time.”

  My heart stops in my chest. Where is he going with this? I want to talk to him privately and it sounds like he is about to bring all of our business into the open.

  “Tyler,” I say quietly, “can I talk to you for a minute.”

  He holds up a finger. “In a minute, I want to get this out. As all of you probably know by now, Carley and I had a rocky patch in our relationship. But I’ve come to realize how much she means to me, and how much I need her in my life.”

  Mom and Jessica are practically swooning. My father is watching Tyler carefully, and Rhett and the boys just look confused. I don’t know that they were ever filled in on the ‘Tyler is a cheating bastard’ situation.

  “That’s why I’m here, to win her back, and make sure that our love is stronger than ever. We’ve been engaged for a while, but that’s on me. There’s something I was waiting for, and now that it’s happening, I want us to set a date.”

  “What happened?” My father’s voice. Flat.

  “I just got the call this afternoon, that I’m being promoted to partner at the law firm.”

  “Partner?” My mother nearly shrieks the word. She jumps up and hugs Tyler. “Oh my goodness, congratulations. That’s so exciting!”

  “It’s something I’ve worked toward for a long time, and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have by my side.”

  He turns to me, and my stomach plummets into my toes. Please don’t do this. P
lease don’t do this. Please don’t do this.

  But he does.

  Tyler moves his chair to the side and sinks down on one knee in front of me. I’m having déjà vu from the first time he did this, and it couldn’t feel more different. Everyone in the room is holding their breath, and my mother is standing behind Tyler with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on her face. I feel sick.

  My ring is in his hand. The one that I threw back at him that day. “Carley Farrell, will you marry me? I thought we could get married here, next year, under the fireworks.”

  “Oh my goodness that will be perfect!” Jessica says.

  I’m just staring at Tyler, and he’s staring at me.

  I remember the good times that we had. Occasional tender moments and the passion that we started with. I don’t regret some parts of it. But I lost myself entirely while I was with him. I let him erase me, and for the first time in years, my head feels clear enough to take myself back.

  The part of me that wants people to be happy wishes he had just waited until I could talk to him. I also know that what I’m about to do is the equivalent of throwing a grenade in between me and my mother. But I can’t do it. The thought of going back to that life makes me feel more trapped than I’ve ever felt in Elgin.

  “No.”

  The whole room gasps.

  “What?” Tyler asks at the same time that my mother says it.

  “No,” I make my voice louder and firmer. “No I will not marry you. Not now, not next year, not under the fireworks, not ever.”

  Tyler blinks. Just stares at me. Like he can’t process what I’m saying. “But…I love you.”

  “Do you?” I ask. “Because I don’t think you do. I was going to speak to you about this privately, but you brought it up, so now we’re going to have it out.”

  He opens his mouth and I hold up a hand. “No. My turn. You say you love me, and yet you still haven’t apologized for it. You’ve said you’re sorry that you hurt me, and that you’re sorry that you didn’t come to your senses sooner. But you’ve never apologized for cheating on me for four years.

  “That’s because you’re not actually sorry. I saw the look on your face when I confronted you, Tyler. You didn’t care. It served you, so it was fine. The only reason that you even realized you wanted me back is because of what I do for you. Your bosses mentioned that you were getting married, so you want to make sure it happens. I clean the apartment and cook for you, and you want me to keep doing that for you.

  “But when I asked you what kind of changes you were willing to make in our relationship, you didn’t have an answer. You. The man who has had his entire career mapped out for over a decade. So no, I’m not going to marry you because all I am to you is a tool. And yes, you love that I am useful to you, but you don’t love me. And I don’t love you.

  “I haven’t loved you for a long time.”

  “Carley!” My mother hisses my name. “Stop it. Take all of that back right this instance. The man is on his knees for you.”

  I look at her, finally feeling the power of my own words and desires. “Are you serious right now? You want me to marry him even after everything? Even after I just said that I don’t love him?”

  “Yes,” she says. “I do.”

  Rolling my eyes, I gesture to Tyler, who’s still frozen on the ground with the ring in his hand. “For God’s sake get up. Staying in that position isn’t going to make me change my mind, and it’s certainly not going to make you less of a bastard.”

  “Hey,” Jessica snaps. “Language. My sons are here.”

  I look at her coolly. Hopefully they’ll learn that you can’t use people and expect them to be okay with that. Or further, that no matter what their parents think, once their adults they can make their own decisions.

  “Carley,” my father says softly. “Are you sure?”

  “I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life.”

  Without another word, my father gets up and leaves the table. I can’t imagine that he’s mad at me, but I don’t know where he’s going. My mother looks like steam is about to come out of her ears, and I couldn’t care less. God, this feels fucking good. Like shaking off the last of a really long sleep and finally finally being awake.

  “But—” Tyler sputters, “but I came back. I left Andi. I want to marry you.”

  “I know it may come as a shock because you’ve never been told no about anything in your life, including by me, but not everything is about you. And to me, the damage you did to our relationship is too much to overcome. Even if you hadn’t cheated, our relationship wasn’t a healthy one. I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not.”

  From elsewhere in the house, I hear my father coming down the stairs, and a clunking is along with his footsteps. When he steps into the dining room again, he has Tyler’s coat. “Come on, time to go.”

  Tyler blinks again. “What?”

  “You hurt my daughter more than anyone ever has, and she’s made her desires about you clear. You’re no longer welcome in my house. I’ve called a taxi that’s on its way and it will take you to the hotel in town. After that, Godspeed.”

  “You’re kicking me out?”

  “No.” Dad shakes his head. “I’m informing you that your sleeping accommodations have changed. Your suitcase is already in the hallway, you’re free to wait outside for the taxi.”

  “Jack—”

  He cuts off my mother’s protest. “I don’t want to hear it Nancy. This is my decision. End of story.”

  Tyler’s eyes are wild and desperate. “Carley. Please. We can make this work. I’m sorry. I really am. I never should have done what I did. It was wrong. Please don’t let him do this.”

  I look at him, taking in the sheer panic in his face, and I don’t believe him. I think it’s all for show. “Why was it wrong?”

  He’s quiet for a moment. Everyone is quiet, waiting for him to answer the question. He doesn’t. Tyler is just standing there like a gaping fish on the bank of the river.

  “Why was cheating on me wrong?” I ask him again.

  Finally, he manages. “Because I hurt you.”

  “That’s what I thought,” I sigh. “Goodbye, Tyler. I don’t ever want to see you again.”

  My father comes across the room and claps his hand on Tyler’s shoulder, guiding him out of the room. He’s not pushing, but I have no doubt that Tyler hesitating is not an option.

  Silence falls once the front door shuts.

  Mom’s voice is deadly quiet. “Jessica, Rhett, why don’t you take the boys up to bed? I need to speak to your sister.”

  Even Jessica doesn’t argue with her tone. They get the boys and disappear up the stairs as my dad comes back in. And she waits until the doors upstairs shut before she starts to speak. “What is wrong with you?”

  I look at her, my mouth falling open. “What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you? Why are you shoving me at a man who couldn’t even tell me why cheating on me for four years was wrong?”

  “What else did you want him to say? He said he was sorry that he hurt you.”

  I stand, unable to contain the energy slithering under my skin. “I want him to say that he realizes that cheating on me was a complete disrespect of me as a person and our relationship. I want him to say that him cheating was a betrayal of my trust. I want him to say that it is wrong because it is in fact, wrong, and not just because he got caught.”

  Her face is so red I could swear she’d dropped her face in blush. “You’re being silly. He apologized to you. He said that he loves you. He’s finally in a place to move your relationship forward. Why would you throw that away?”

  “Because I don’t want it,” I finally shout. “How is that so hard for you to hear? I. Don’t. Want. It. I don’t love him anymore. I’m a different person. I don’t want to marry him.”

  “Go get him,” she says. “Before that taxi gets here, go out there and say yes.”

  “No way in hell.”

  “You are ruining you
r life,” she screams at me. “You’re supposed to be the kid that got out of Tennessee, and you’re just abandoning it. All for some stupid farmhand. I saw the way you looked at that boy at his house. You’re giving up a good life to be here.”

  I shake my head slowly. “And what’s so wrong with here? You love it here. Jessica loves it here. Dad loves it here. Why can’t I love it here too?”

  She shakes her head. “You were supposed to do something more with your life, Carley. You had a chance to make it out. Not be attached to someone who will just plow the same patch of dirt for twenty years.”

  My mouth drops open, and I look over at my father. His face is blank. What the hell is going on? “You love it here,” I say again. “Right?”

  “Of course I do,” she snaps. “This is my home.”

  “It’s my home too.”

  “You could have seen the world. You had a chance to do anything you wanted. You still have that chance. And you’re utterly stupid for not taking it.”

  A moment of clarity hits me. My mother is happy here. She and my father have a good relationship in spite of all this. But she has regrets about what she didn’t do. The places she didn’t go, and she thinks that it’s too late to do those things.

  So I swallow hard and straighten my shoulders. “This is my life,” I tell her. “I get to choose what I want to do with it. You can approve or disapprove, but you don’t get to force me to do something I don’t want just because you didn’t get to do everything that you wanted. You want to travel Mom, fucking go travel. There are three months out of every year where you and Dad have no farm responsibilities. And Jessica can find her own damn childcare. Do what you want to do and stop trying to force my hand in what is—from every angle—an awful situation.”

  She just stares at me, stunned. I’ve never spoken so directly to her before. She might not have even known that I had that in me.

  “And you’re right, I do love Casey Bowman. I’ve loved him my whole life, and if not for a misunderstanding a long time ago, I probably would have been with him this entire time. If you can’t see that Casey is ten times the man that Tyler is, then you’re absolutely blind, Mom, and there’s nothing that I can do to help you.”