by Mary Shelley
Fanny smiled; yet while she saw slavery rather than a proud independence in the creed of Ethel, she admired the warmth of heart which could endow with so much brilliancy a state of privation and solitude. At the present moment, when Mrs. Villiers was rapturously announcing their scheme for leaving London, an expression of pain mantled over Fanny’s features; her clear blue eyes became suffused, a large tear gathered on her lashes. “What is the matter?” asked Ethel anxiously.
“That I am a fool — but pardon me, for the folly is already passed away. For the first time you have made it hard for me to keep my soul firm in its own single existence. I have been debarred from all intercourse with those whose ideas rise above the soil on which they tread, except in my dear books, and I thought I should never be attached to any thing but them. Yet do not think me selfish, Mr. Villiers is quite right — it is much better that you should not be apart — I am delighted with his plan.”
“Away or near, dear Fanny,” said Ethel, in a caressing tone, “I never can forget your kindness — never cease to feel the warmest friendship for you. Remember, our fathers were friends, and their children ought to inherit the same faithful attachment.”
Fanny smiled faintly. “You must not seduce me from my resolves,” she said. “I know my fate in this world, and I am determined to be true to myself to the end. Yet I am not ungrateful to you, even while I declare, that I shall do my best to forget this brief interval, during which, I have no longer, like Demogorgon, lived alone in my own world, but become aware that there are ties of sympathy between me and my fellow-creatures, in whose existence I did not believe before.”
Fanny’s language, drawn from her books, not because she tried to imitate, but because conversing perpetually with them, it was natural that she should adopt their style, was always energetic and imaginative; but her quiet manner destroyed every idea of exaggeration of sentiment: it was necessary to hear her soft and low, but very distinct voice utter her lofty sentiments, to be conscious that the calm of deep waters was the element in which she dwelt — not the fretful breakers that spend themselves in sound.
The day seemed rather long to Ethel, who counted the hours until Thursday. Gladly she laid her head on the pillow at night, and bade adieu to the foregone hours. The first thing that awoke her in the morning, was the postman’s knock; it brought, as she had been promised, a long, long letter from Edward. He had never before written with so much affection or with such an overflowing of tenderness, that made her the centre of his world — the calm fair lake to receive into its bosom the streams of thought and feeling which flowed from him, and yet which, after all, had their primal source in her. “I am a very happy girl,” thought Ethel, as she kissed the beloved papers, and gazed on them in ecstasy; “more happy than I thought it was ever given us to be in this world.”
She rose and began to dress; she delayed reading more than a line or two, that she might enjoy her dearest pleasure for a longer time — then again, unable to controul her impatience, she sat half dressed, and finished all — and was begining anew, when there was a tap at her door. It was Fanny. She looked disturbed and anxious, and Ethel’s fears were in a moment awake.
“Something annoying has occurred,” she said; “yet I do not think that there is any thing to dread, though there is a danger to prevent.” “Speak quickly,” cried Ethel, “do not keep me in suspense.”
“Be calm — it is nothing sudden, it is only a repetition of the old story. A boy has just been here — a boy you gave a sovereign to — do you remember?-the night of your arrival. It seems that he has vowed himself to your service ever since. Those two odious men, who were here once, are often at his master’s place-an alehouse, you know. Well, yesterday night, he overheard them saying, that Mr. Villier’s resort at the London coffee-house, was discovered, or at least suspected, and that a writ was to be taken out against him in the city.”
“What does that mean?” cried Ethel.
“That Mr. Villiers will probably be arrested to-day, or to-morrow, if he remains where he is.”
“I will go directly to him,” cried Ethel; “we must leave town at once. God grant that I am not too late!”
Seeing her extreme agitation, Fanny remained with her — forced her to take some breakfast, and then, fearing that if any thing had really taken place, she would be quite bewildered, asked her permission to accompany her. “Will you indeed come with me?” Ethel exclaimed, “How dear, how good you are! O yes, do come — I can never go through it all alone; I shall die, if I do not find him.”
A hackney coach had been called, and they hastened with what speed they might, to their destination. A kind of panic seized upon Ethel, a tremor shook her limbs, so that when they at last stopped, she was unable to speak. Fanny was about to ask for Mr. Villiers, when an exclamation of joy from Ethel stopped her; Edward had seen them, and was at the coach door. The snow lay thick around on the roofs of the houses, and on every atom of vantage ground it could obtain; it was then snowing, and as the chilly fleece dropped through or was driven about in the dark atmosphere, it spread a most disconsolate appearance over every thing; and nothing could look more dreary than poor Ethel’s jumbling vehicle, with its drooping animals, and the half-frozen driver. Villiers had made up his mind that he should never be mortified by seeing her again in this sort of equipage, and he hurried down, the words of reproach already on his lips, “Is this your promise?” he asked.
“Yes, dearest, it is. Come in, there is danger here. — Come in — we must go directly.”
Seeing Fanny, Villiers became aware that there was some absolute cause for their journey, so he obeyed and quickly heard the danger that threatened him. “It would have been better,” he said, “that you had come in the carriage, and that we had instantly left town.”
“Impossible!” cried Ethel; “till to-morrow — that is quite impossible. We have no money until to-morrow.”
“Well, my love, since it is so, we must arrange as well as we can. Do you return home immediately — this cold will kill you. I will take care of myself, and you can come for me on Thursday evening, as we proposed.”
“Do not ask it of me, Edward,” said Ethel; “I cannot leave you. I could never live through these two days away from you — you must not desire it — you will kill me.”
Edward kissed her pale cheek. “You tremble,” he said; “how violently you tremble! Good God! what can we do? What would you have me do?”
“Any thing, so that we remain together. It is of so little consequence where we pass the next twenty-four hours, so that we are together. There are many hotels in town.”
“I must not venture to any of these; and then to take you in this miserable manner, without servants, or any thing to command attendance. But you shall have your own way; having deprived you of every other luxury, at least, you shall have your will; which, you know, compensates for every thing with your obstinate sex.”
Ethel smiled, rejoicing to find him in so good and accommodating a humour. “Yes, pretty one,” he continued, marking her feelings, “you shall be as wretched and uncomfortable as your heart can desire. We will play the incognito in such a style, that if our adventures were printed, they would compete with those of Don Quixote and the fair Dulcinea. But Miss Derham must not be admitted into our vagabondizing — we will not detain her.”
“Yet she must know whither we are going, to bring us the letters that will confer freedom on us.”
Villiers wrote hastily an address on a card. “You will find us there,” he said. “Do not mention names when you come. We shall remain, I suppose, till Thursday.”
“But we shall see you some time to-morrow, dear Fanny?” asked Ethel. Already she looked bright and happy; she esteemed herself fortunate to have gained so easily a point she had feared she must struggle for — or perhaps give up altogether. Fanny left them, and the coachman having received his directions, drove slowly on through the deep snow, which fell thickly on the road; while they, nestling close to each other, were so en
grossed by the gladness of re-union, that had Cinderella’s godmother transmuted their crazy vehicle for a golden coach, redolent of the perfumes of fairy land, they had scarcely been aware of the change. Their own hearts formed a more real fairy land, which accompanied them whithersoever they went, and could as easily spread its enchantments over the shattered machine in which they now jumbled along, as amidst the cloth of gold and marbles of an eastern palace.
CHAPTER V.
Few people know how little is necessary to live.
What is called or thought hardship is nothing; one
unhappy feeling is worse than a thousand years of it.
— Lord Edward Fitzgerald.
Uncertain what to do, Villiers had hastily determined that they should take up their abode at a little inn near Brixton, to wait till Thursday. He did not know the place except by having passed it, and observed a smart landlady at the door; so he trusted that it would be neat and clean. There was nothing imposing in the apperance of the young pair and their hackney coach, accordingly there was no bustling civility displayed to receive them. However, when the fire was once lighted, the old-fashioned sofa drawn near, and dinner ordered, they sat together and felt very happy; outcasts though they were, wanderers from civilized existence, shut out, through poverty, from the refinements and gilt elegancies of life.
One only cloud there was, when Villiers asked his wife an explanation about their resources, and inquired whence she expected to receive money on the following day. Ethel explained. Villiers looked disturbed. There was something almost of anger in his voice, when he said, “And so, Ethel, you feel no compunction in acting in exact opposition to my wishes, my principles, my resolves?”
“But, dear Edward, what can principles have to do with borrowing a few pounds from dear good Aunt Bessy? Besides, we can repay her.”
“Be assured that we shall,” replied Villiers; “and you will never again, I trust, behave so unjustly by me. There are certain things in which we must judged and act for ourselves, and the question of money transactions is one. I may suffer — and you, alas! may also, through poverty; though you have taken pains to persuade me, that you do not feel that struggles, which, for your sake chiefly, embitter my existence. Yet they are nothing in comparison with the loss of my independence — the sense of obligation — the knowledge that my kind friends can talk over my affairs, take me to task, and call me a burthen to them. Why am I as I am? I have friends and connexions who would readily assist me at this extremity, if I asked it, and I might turn their kind feelings into sterling gold if I would; but I have no desire to work this transmutation — I prefer their friendship.”
“Do you mean,” inquired his wife, “that your friends would not love you the better for having been of service to you?”
“If they could serve me without annoyance to themselves they might; but high in rank and wealthy as many of my relations are, there is not one among them, at least of those to whom I could have recourse, who do not dispose of their resources to the uttermost shilling, in their own way. I then come to interfere with and to disarrange their plans; at first, this might not be much — but presently they would weigh me against the gold I needed, and it might happen, that my scale would kick the beam.
“I speak for myself not for others; I may be too proud, too sensitive — but so I am. Ever since I knew what pecuniary obligations were, I resolved to lay under such to no man, and this resolve was stronger than my love for you; judge therefore of its force, and the violence you do me, when you would oblige me to act against it. Did I begin to borrow, a train of thoughts would enter the lender’s mind; the consciousness of which, would haunt me like a crime. My actions would be scanned — I should be blamed for this, rebuked for that — even your name, my Ethel, which I would place, like a star in the sky, far above their mathematical measurements, would become stale in their mouths, and the propriety of our marriage canvassed: could you bear that?”
“I yield to all you say,” she answered; “yet this is strange morality. Are generosity, benevolence, and gratitude, to be exploded among us? Is justice, which orders that the rich give of his superfluity to the poor, to be banished from the world?”
“You are eloquent,” said Villiers; “but, my little wild American, this is philosophy for the back-woods only. We have got beyond the primeval simplicity of barter and exchange among gentlemen; and it is such if I give gratitude in return for fifty pounds: by-and-by my fellow-trader may grumble at the bargain. All this will become very clear to you hereafter, I fear — when knowledge of the world teaches you what sordid knaves we all are; it is to prevent your learning this lesson in a painful way, that I guard you so jealously from making a wrong step at this crisis.”
“You speak of dreams,” said Ethel, “as if dear aunt Bessy would feel any thing but pleasure in sending her mite to her own dear niece.”
“I have told you what I wish,” replied her husband, “my honour is in your hands; and I implore you, on this point, to preserve it in the way I desire. There is but one relationship that authorizes any thing like community of goods, it is that of parent and child; but we are orphans, dearest — step-children, who are not permitted to foster our filial sentiments. My father is unworthy of his name — the animal who destroys its offspring at its birth is merciful in comparison with him: had he cast me off at once, I should have hardened my hands with labour, and earned my daily bread; but I was trained to ‘high-born necessities,’ and have all the ‘wide wants and narrow powers’ of the heir of wealth. But let us dismiss this ungrateful subject. I never willingly advert, even in my own mind, to my father’s unpaternal conduct. Let us instead fancy, sweet love, that we were born to what we have — that we are cottagers, the children of mechanics, or wanderers in a barbarous country, where money is not; and imagine that this repose, this cheerful fire, this shelter from the pelting snow without, is an unexpected blessing. Strip a man bare to what nature made him, and place him here, and what a hoard of luxury and wealth would not this room contain! In the Illinois, love, few mansions could compete with this.”
This was speaking in a language which Ethel could easily comprehend; she had several times wished to express this very idea, but she feared to hurt the refined and exclusive feelings of her husband. A splendid dwelling, costly living, and many attendants, were with her the adjuncts, not the material, of life. If the stage on which she played her part was to be so decorated, it was well; if otherwise, the change did not merit her attention. Love scoffed at such idle trappings, and could build his tent of canvas, and sleep close nestled in her heart as softly, being only the more lovely and the more true, from the absence of every meretricious ornament.
This was another of Ethel’s happy evenings, when she felt drawn close to him she loved, and found elysium in the intimate union of their thoughts. The dusky room showed them but half to each other; and the looks of each, beaming with tenderness, drank life from one another’s gaze. The soft shadows thrown on their countenances, gave a lamp-like lustre to their eyes, in which the purest spirit of affection sat, weaving such unity of sentiment, such strong bonds of attachment, as made all life dwindle to a point, and freighted the passing minute with the hopes and fears of their entire existence. Not much was said, and their words were childish — words Intellette dar loro soli ambedui, which a listener would have judged to be meaningless. But the mystery of love gave a deep sense to each syllable. The hours flew lightly away. There was nothing to interrupt, nothing to disturb. Night came and the day was at an end; but Ethel looked forward to the next, with faith in its equal felicity, and did not regret the fleet passage of time.
They had been asked during the evening if they were going by any early coach on the following morning, and a simple negative was given. On that morning they sat at their breakfast, with some diminution of the sanguine hopes of the previous evening. For morning is the time for action, of looking forward, of expectation, — and they must spend this in waiting, cooped up in a little room, overlooking
no cheering scene. A high road, thickly covered with snow, on which various vehicles were perpetually passing, was immediately before them. Opposite was a row of mean-looking houses, between which might be distinguished low fields buried in snow; and the dreary dark-looking sky bending over all, added to the forlorn aspect of nature. Villiers was very impatient to get away, yet another day must be passed here, and there was no help.
On the breakfast-table the waiter had placed the bill of the previous day; it remained unnoticed, and he left it on the table when the things were taken away. “I wonder when Fanny will come,” said Ethel.
“Perhaps not at all to-day,” observed Villiers, “she knows that we intend to remain till tomorrow here; and if your aunt’s letter is delayed till then, I see no chance of her coming, nor any use in it.”
“But Aunt Bessy will not delay; her answer is certain of arriving this morning.”
“So you imagine, love. You know little of the various chances that wait upon borrowing.”
Soon after, unable to bear confinement to the house, uneasy in his thoughts, and desirous a little to dissipate them by exercise, Villiers went out. Ethel, taking a small Shakspeare, which her husband had had with him at the coffee-house, occupied herself by reading, or turning from the written page to her own thoughts, gave herself up to reverie, dwelling on many an evanescent idea, and reverting delightedly to many scenes, which her memory recalled. She was one of those who “know the pleasures of solitude, when we hold commune alone with the tranquil solemnity of nature.” The thought of her father, of the Illinois, and the measureless forest rose before her, and in her ear was the dashing of the stream which flowed near their abode. Her light feet again crossed the prairie, and a thousand appearances of sky and earth departed for ever, were retraced in her brain. “Would not Edward be happy there?” she thought: “why should we not go? We should miss dear Horatio; but what else could we regret that we leave behind? and perhaps he would join us, and then we should be quite happy.” And then her fancy pictured her new home and all its delights, till her eyes were suffused with tender feeling, as her imagination sketched a variety of scenes — the pleasant labours of cultivation, the rides, the hunting, the boating, all common-place occurrences, which, attended on by love, were exalted into a perpetual gorgeous procession of beatified hours. And then again she allowed to herself that Europe or America could contain the same delights. She recollected Italy, and her feelings grew more solemn and blissful as she meditated on the wondrous beauty and changeful but deep interest of that land of memory.
