The Decameron, Volume II

by Giovanni Boccaccio

without fail Buffalmacco will be captain, and I councillor:'tis so fixed: and the captain has not a little power to promote theadmission and enrolment of whomsoever he will: wherefore, methinks, youwould do well to make friends with Buffalmacco and honourably entreathim: he is one that, marking your great wisdom, will take a mighty likingto you forthwith; and when you have just a little dazzled him with yourwisdom and these fine things of yours, you may make your request to him;and he will not know how to say no--I have already talked with him ofyou, and he is as well disposed to you as may be--and having so done youwill leave the rest to me." Whereupon:--"Thy words are to me for anexceeding great joy," quoth the Master: "and if he be one that loves toconverse with sages, he has but to exchange a word or two with me, and Iwill answer for it that he will be ever coming to see me; for so fraughtwith wisdom am I, that I could furnish a whole city therewith, and stillremain a great sage."

  Having thus set matters in train, Bruno related the whole affair, pointby point, to Buffalmacco, to whom it seemed a thousand years till heshould be able to give Master Noodle that of which he was in quest. Thedoctor, now all agog to go the course, lost no time, and found nodifficulty, in making friends with Buffalmacco, and fell to entertaininghim, and Bruno likewise, at breakfast and supper in most magnificentstyle; while they fooled him to the top of his bent; for, being gentlementhat appreciated excellent wines and fat capons, besides other good cheerin plenty, they were inclined to be very neighbourly, and needed nosecond bidding, but, always letting him understand that there was noneother whose company they relished so much, kept ever with him.

  However, in due time the Master asked of Buffalmacco that which he hadbefore asked of Bruno. Whereat Buffalmacco feigned to be not a littleagitated, and turning angrily to Bruno, made a great pother about hisears, saying:--"By the Most High God of Pasignano I vow I can scarceforbear to give thee that over the head that should make thy nose fallabout thy heels, traitor that thou art, for 'tis thou alone that cansthave discovered these secrets to the Master." Whereupon the Masterinterposed with no little vigour, averring with oaths that 'twas fromanother source that he had gotten his knowledge; and Buffalmacco atlength allowed himself to be pacified by the sage's words. So turning tohim:--"Master," quoth he, "'tis evident indeed that you have been atBologna, and have come back hither with a mouth that blabs not, and that'twas on no pippin, as many a dolt does, but on the good long pumpkinthat you learned your A B C; and, if I mistake not, you were baptized ona Sunday;(6) and though Bruno has told me that 'twas medicine you studiedthere, 'tis my opinion that you there studied the art of catching men, ofwhich, what with your wisdom and your startling revelations, you are thegreatest master that ever I knew." He would have said more, but thedoctor, turning to Bruno, broke in with:--"Ah! what it is to consort andconverse with the wise! Who but this worthy man would thus have read mymind through and through? Less quick by far to rate me at my true worthwast thou. But what said I when thou toldst me that Buffalmacco delightedto converse with sages? Confess now; have I not kept my word?" "Verily,"quoth Bruno, "you have more than kept it." Then, addressingBuffalmacco:--"Ah!" cried the Master, "what hadst thou said, hadst thouseen me at Bologna, where there was none, great or small, doctor orscholar, but was devoted to me, so well wist I how to entertain them withmy words of wisdom. Nay more; let me tell thee that there was never aword I spoke but set every one a laughing, so great was the pleasure itgave them. And at my departure they all deplored it most bitterly, andwould have had me remain, and by way of inducement went so far as topropose that I should be sole lecturer to all the students in medicinethat were there; which offer I declined, for that I was minded to returnhither, having vast estates here, that have ever belonged to my family;which, accordingly, I did." Quoth then Bruno to Buffalmacco:--"How shewsit, now, man? Thou didst not believe me when I told thee what he was. Bythe Gospels there is never a physician in this city that has the lore ofass's urine by heart as he has: verily, thou wouldst not find his likebetween here and the gates of Paris. Now see if thou canst help doing ashe would have thee." "'Tis even as Bruno says," observed the doctor, "butI am not understood here. You Florentines are somewhat slow of wit. Wouldyou could see me in my proper element, among a company of doctors!"Whereupon:--"Of a truth, Master," quoth Buffalmacco, "your lore farexceeds any I should ever have imputed to you; wherefore, addressing youas 'tis meet to address a man of your wisdom, I give you disjointedly tounderstand that without fail I will procure your enrolment in ourcompany."

  After this promise the honours lavished by the doctor upon the two mengrew and multiplied; in return for which they diverted themselves bysetting him a prancing upon every wildest chimera in the world; andpromised, among other matters, to give him by way of mistress, theCountess of Civillari,(7) whom they averred to be the goodliest creatureto be found in all the Netherlands of the human race; and the doctorasking who this Countess might be:--"Mature my gherkin," quothBuffalmacco, "she is indeed a very great lady, and few houses are therein the world in which she has not some jurisdiction; nay, the very FriarsMinors, to say nought of other folk, pay her tribute to the sound of thekettle-drum. And I may tell you that, when she goes abroad, she makes herpresence very sensibly felt, albeit for the most part she keeps herselfclose: however, 'tis no great while since she passed by your door onenight on her way to the Arno to bathe her feet and get a breath of air;but most of her time she abides at Laterina.(8) Serjeants has she not afew that go their rounds at short intervals, bearing, one and all, therod and the bucket in token of her sovereignty, and barons in plenty inall parts, as Tamagnino della Porta,(9) Don Meta,(10) Manico diScopa,(11) Squacchera,(12) and others, with whom I doubt not you areintimately acquainted, though you may not just now bear them in mind.Such, then, is the great lady, in whose soft arms we, if we delude notourselves, will certainly place you, in which case you may well dispensewith her of Cacavincigli."

  The doctor, who had been born and bred at Bologna, and understood nottheir words, found the lady quite to his mind; and shortly afterwards thepainters brought him tidings of his election into the company. Then camethe day of the nocturnal gathering, and the doctor had the two men tobreakfast; and when they had breakfasted, he asked them after what mannerhe was to join the company. Whereupon:--"Lo, now, Master," quothBuffalmacco, "you have need of a stout heart; otherwise you may meet withsome let, to our most grievous hurt; and for what cause you have need ofthis stout heart, you shall hear. You must contrive to be to-night aboutthe hour of first sleep on one of the raised tombs that have been latelyplaced outside of Santa Maria Novella; and mind that you wear one of yourbest gowns, that your first appearance may impress the company with aproper sense of your dignity, and also because, as we are informed, forwe were not present at the time, the Countess, by reason that you are agentleman, is minded to make you a Knight of the Bath at her own charges.So you will wait there, until one, whom we shall send, come for you: who,that you may know exactly what you have to expect, will be a beast blackand horned, of no great size; and he will go snorting and bounding amainabout the piazza in front of you, with intent to terrify you; but, whenhe perceives that you are not afraid, he will draw nigh you quietly, andwhen he is close by you, then get you down from the tomb, fearingnothing; and, minding you neither of God nor of the saints, mount him,and when you are well set on his back, then fold your arms upon yourbreast, as in submission, and touch him no more. Then, going gently, hewill bear you to us; but once mind you of God, or the saints, or give wayto fear, and I warn you, he might give you a fall, or dash you againstsomething that you would find scarce pleasant; wherefore, if your heartmisgives you, you were best not to come, for you would assuredly doyourself a mischief, and us no good at all." Quoth then the doctor:--"Youknow me not as yet; 'tis perchance because I wear the gloves and the longrobe that you misdoubt me. Ah! did you but know what feats I have done intimes past at Bologna, when I used to go after the women with mycomrades, you would be lost in amazement. God's faith! on one of thosenights there was one of them, a poor sickl
y creature she was too, andstood not a cubit in height, who would not come with us; so first Itreated her to many a good cuff, and then I took her up by main force,and carried her well-nigh as far as a cross-bow will send a bolt, and socaused her, willy-nilly, come with us. And on another occasion I mind methat, having none other with me but my servant, a little after the hourof Ave Maria, I passed beside the cemetery of the Friars Minors, and,though that very day a woman had been there interred, I had no fear atall. So on this score you may make your minds easy; for indeed I am a manof exceeding great courage and prowess. And to appear before you with duedignity, I will don my scarlet gown, in which I took my doctor's degree,and it