The Decameron, Volume II

by Giovanni Boccaccio

minded." "Nay, but, for the love of God, sobe it," replied Calandrino, "and that speedily." "Darest thou touch her,then, with a scroll that I shall give thee?" quoth Bruno. "I dare,"replied Calandrino. "Fetch me, then," quoth Bruno, "a bit of the skin ofan unborn lamb, a live bat, three grains of incense, and a blessedcandle; and leave the rest to me." To catch the bat taxed allCalandrino's art and craft for the whole of the evening; but having atlength taken him, he brought him with the other matters to Bruno: who,having withdrawn into a room by himself, wrote on the skin somecabalistic jargon, and handed it to him, saying:--"Know, Calandrino,that, if thou touch her with this scroll, she will follow thee forthwith,and do whatever thou shalt wish. Wherefore, should Filippo go abroadto-day, get thee somehow up to her, and touch her; and then go into thebarn that is hereby--'tis the best place we have, for never a soul goesthere--and thou wilt see that she will come there too. When she is there,thou wottest well what to do." Calandrino, overjoyed as ne'er another,took the scroll, saying only:--"Comrade, leave that to me."

  Now Nello, whom Calandrino mistrusted, entered with no less zest than theothers into the affair, and was their confederate for Calandrino'sdiscomfiture; accordingly by Bruno's direction he hied to Florence, andfinding Monna Tessa:--"Thou hast scarce forgotten, Tessa," quoth he,"what a beating Calandrino gave thee, without the least cause, that daywhen he came home with the stones from Mugnone; for which I would havethee be avenged, and, so thou wilt not, call me no more kinsman orfriend. He is fallen in love with a lady up there, who is abandonedenough to go closeting herself not seldom with him, and 'tis but a shortwhile since they made assignation to forgather forthwith: so I would havethee go there, and surprise him in the act, and give him a soundtrouncing." Which when the lady heard, she deemed it no laughing matter;but started up and broke out with:--"Alas, the arrant knave! is't thus hetreats me? By the Holy Rood, never fear but I will pay him out!" Andwrapping herself in her cloak, and taking a young woman with her forcompanion, she sped more at a run than at a walk, escorted by Nello, upto Camerata. Bruno, espying her from afar, said to Filippo:--"Lo, herecomes our friend." Whereupon Filippo went to the place where Calandrinoand the others were at work, and said:--"My masters, I must needs go atonce to Florence; slacken not on that account." And so off he went, andhid himself where, unobserved, he might see what Calandrino would do.Calandrino waited only until he saw that Filippo was at some distance,and then he went down into the courtyard, where he found Niccolosa alone,and fell a talking with her. She, knowing well what she had to do, drewclose to him, and shewed him a little more familiarity than she was wont:whereupon Calandrino touched her with the scroll, and having so done,saying never a word, bent his steps towards the barn, whither Niccolosafollowed him, and being entered, shut the door, and forthwith embracedhim, threw him down on the straw that lay there, and got astride of him,and holding him fast by the arms about the shoulders, suffered him not toapproach his face to hers, but gazing upon him, as if he were the delightof her heart:--"O Calandrino, sweet my Calandrino," quoth she, "heart ofmy body, my very soul, my bliss, my consolation, ah! how long have Iyearned to hold thee in my arms and have thee all my own! Thy endearingways have utterly disarmed me; thou hast made prize of my heart with thyrebeck. Do I indeed hold thee in mine embrace?" Calandrino, scarce ableto move, murmured:--"Ah! sweet my soul, suffer me to kiss thee."Whereto:--"Nay, but thou art too hasty," replied Niccolosa. "Let me firstfeast mine eyes on thee; let me but sate them with this sweet face ofthine."

  Meanwhile Bruno and Buffalmacco had joined Filippo, so that what passedwas seen and heard by all three. And while Calandrino was thus intent tokiss Niccolosa, lo, up came Nello with Monna Tessa. "By God, I swear theyare both there," ejaculated Nello, as they entered the doorway; but thelady, now fairly furious, laid hold of him and thrust him aside, andrushing in, espied Niccolosa astride of Calandrino. Niccolosa no soonercaught sight of the lady, than up she jumped, and in a trice was besideFilippo. Monna Tessa fell upon Calandrino, who was still on the floor,planted her nails in his face, and scratched it all over: she then seizedhim by the hair, and hauling him to and fro about the barn:--"Foul,pestilent cur," quoth she, "is this the way thou treatest me? Thou oldfool! A murrain on the love I have borne thee! Hast thou not enough to doat home, that thou must needs go falling in love with strange women? Anda fine lover thou wouldst make! Dost not know thyself, knave? Dost notknow thyself, wretch? Thou, from whose whole body 'twere not possible towring enough sap for a sauce! God's faith, 'twas not Tessa that got theewith child: God's curse on her, whoever she was: verily she must be apoor creature to be enamoured of a jewel of thy rare quality." At sightof his wife, Calandrino, suspended, as it were, between life and death,ventured no defence; but, his face torn to shreds, his hair and clothesall disordered, fumbled about for his capuche, which having found, up hegot, and humbly besought his wife not to publish the matter, unless shewere minded that he should be cut to pieces, for that she that was withhim was the wife of the master of the house. "Then God give her a badyear," replied the lady. Whereupon Bruno and Buffalmacco, who by thistime had laughed their fill with Filippo and Niccolosa, came up as ifattracted by the noise; and after not a little ado pacified the lady, andcounselled Calandrino to go back to Florence, and stay there, lestFilippo should get wind of the affair, and do him a mischief. SoCalandrino, crestfallen and woebegone, got him back to Florence with hisface torn to shreds; where, daring not to shew himself at Camerata again,he endured day and night the grievous torment of his wife's vituperation.Such was the issue, to which, after ministering not a little mirth to hiscomrades, as also to Niccolosa and Filippo, this ardent lover brought hisamour.

  NOVEL VI.

  --Two young men lodge at an inn, of whom the one lies with the host'sdaughter, his wife by inadvertence lying with the other. He that lay withthe daughter afterwards gets into her father's bed and tells him all,taking him to be his comrade. They bandy words: whereupon the good woman,apprehending the circumstances, gets her to bed with her daughter, and bydivers apt words re-establishes perfect accord.--

  Calandrino as on former occasions, so also on this, moved the company tolaughter. However, when the ladies had done talking of his doings, thequeen called for a story from Pamfilo, who thus spoke:--Worshipfulladies, this Niccolosa, that Calandrino loved, has brought to my mind astory of another Niccolosa; which I am minded to tell you, because 'twillshew you how a good woman by her quick apprehension avoided a greatscandal.

  In the plain of Mugnone there was not long ago a good man that furnishedtravellers with meat and drink for money, and, for that he was in poorcircumstances, and had but a little house, gave not lodging to everycomer, but only to a few that he knew, and if they were hard bested. Nowthe good man had to wife a very fine woman, and by her had two children,to wit, a pretty and winsome girl of some fifteen or sixteen summers, asyet unmarried, and a little boy, not yet one year old, whom the mothersuckled at her own breast. The girl had found favour in the eyes of agoodly and mannerly young gentleman of our city, who was not seldom inthose parts, and loved her to the point of passion. And she, beingmightily flattered to be loved by such a gallant, studied how to comportherself so debonairly as to retain his regard, and while she did so, grewlikewise enamoured of him; and divers times, by consent of both theirlove had had its fruition, but that Pinuccio--such was the gallant'sname--shrank from the disgrace that 'twould bring upon the girl andhimself alike. But, as his passion daily waxed apace, Pinuccio, yearningto find himself abed with her, bethought him that he were best contriveto lodge with her father, deeming, from what he knew of her father'seconomy, that, if he did so, he might effect his purpose, and never asoul be the wiser: which idea no sooner struck him, than he set aboutcarrying it into effect.

  So, late one evening Pinuccio and a trusty comrade, Adriano by name, towhom he had confided his love, hired two nags, and having set upon themtwo valises, filled with straw or such-like stuff, sallied forth ofFlorence, and rode by a circuitous route to the plain of Mugnone, whichthey reached after
nightfall; and having fetched a compass, so that itmight seem as if they were coming from Romagna, they rode up to the goodman's house, and knocked at the door. The good man, knowing them bothvery well, opened to them forthwith: whereupon:--"Thou must even put usup to-night," quoth Pinuccio; "we thought to get into Florence, but, forall the speed we could make, we are but arrived here, as thou seest, atthis hour." "Pinuccio," replied the host, "thou well knowest that I canbut make a sorry shift to lodge gentlemen like you; but yet, as night hasovertaken you here, and time serves not to betake you elsewhere, I willgladly give you such accommodation as I may." The two