by Ben Zackheim
I felt myself being lifted by her best spell. The Toss Spell was her first success as a young student. She did it as easily as she breathed. I usually asked for it as a last resort because it tended to break my bones. But I’d take broken bones over being roasted rodent kibbles any day.
When I reached fifty feet in the air I assumed I had a broken bone or two in my immediate future.
But the rat did what I thought it would do. It couldn’t resist this little morsel flying away.
It crouched and leaped. But it didn’t take into account that I’d start dropping. It had aimed too high.
Its fiery claws barely bumped the top of my head, sending me into a plummeting whirling dervish.
This was going to hurt.
But not as much as the rat’s landing. It slammed its lava head into the cliff behind me.
Once again, the Traveler moved earth to catch me. A sloping hill of really uncomfortable terrain formed below me and then guided me gently to my partner’s feet.
I didn’t waste any time. I forced myself to my wobbly feet and ran down the hill. Rebel caught up to me.
“You see Coleslaw?” I asked. She shook her head just as a car horn honked nearby. I saw one pair of headlights beaming up at us from the bottom of the hill.
When we got closer I could see the driver. It was Coleslaw, but there was something wrong with him. He was bent at the waist and leaning on the steering wheel.
I opened a rear door.
“About… time…” the little guy managed to say.
“Hey! Are you sure you’re okay to…” I started.
A distant hiss broke my concentration.
I looked up the hill. The rat shook its head and spit-hissed again. Streams of lava flowed between its flaming fangs and arched through the sky at us.
Rebel and I jumped into the backseat. We ended up tied around each other like a Twister game.
“GO!” we yelled at the same time.
Coleslaw accelerated. My head snapped back and smacked Rebel in the nose.
Coleslaw held onto the steering wheel and hopped down to slam the brakes. Rebel’s head snapped forward and smacked mine.
“Forward!” she said, holding her bleeding nose.
I pulled myself into a seated position and tried to get the seat belt “Do you even know how to drive?”
“I am a Traveler.” He slammed on the gas again.
“That doesn’t mean anything to me,” Rebel said, squinting in pain. “Does it mean anything to you, Kane?”
“He can’t drive, would be my guess.”
We veered right and caught a glimpse of the ocean. Its deep darkness looked hungry for a car with two humans and a tiny, injured driver.
“We don’t have time to grab the wheel, Coleslaw,” I said. “So listen carefully.”
“My name is Shlkxchrslew.” He was getting woozy.
“And that’s the last time anyone will ever say your name right if you don’t listen to me.”
He glared at me in the rear-view mirror.
“Lay off the steering wheel. If you do that then we’ll start going straight.”
“Oh, I see,” he said. “I thought the wheel was for going fast and slow.”
“How did you even drive here?” Rebel asked.
“Drive?” the Traveler said. “I’ve never driven a car before.”
“So we’re car thieves now,” Rebel said. “Cool.”
The rat leaped onto the road behind us, sniffed the air and sprinted after us in great bounds and leaps.
“Okay, good,” I said. “Now push down as hard as you can on the right foot.”
He slid down the seat so his feet could reach and slammed the brakes.
We started turning in circles like a top.
I could feel the car tipping.
The ocean beckoned.
“Other pedal! Other pedal!”
Good thing it wasn’t a stick-shift.
Sheer luck helped us get out of the tailspin we were in. The only problem was that we faced the wrong way. We faced the rat.
The giant rodent overshot us, its weight carrying it over our vehicle. It landed on the road and melted the pavement beneath its claws.
All it had to do was swipe at us and we’d be its plaything for the rest of the night.
It slapped us across the rear bumper. The car righted itself and faced a toll booth.
“Wheel straight,” the Traveler muttered to himself. “Push down with the right foot.” We shot forward just as a giant claw crashed into the road behind us.
Now it was just a race to the Hvalfjarðarsveit Tunnel. It went under the peninsula and I was pretty sure the entrance would be too small for Mr. Ratty.
There was a line of three cars at the booth but the Traveler hit the edge of the road, again tempting the ocean waters below. We squeaked by the cars with a smattering of Icelandic curse words trailing behind us.
Coleslaw smiled back at us, said, “Not bad, eh?” and passed out. His chin hit his chest at the same moment the giant rammed into the toll booth behind us.
I grabbed the steering wheel from the back seat and used it to pull me up into the front seat. I sat on Coleslaw for just long enough to get control of the direction. His foot dropped off the gas and was gently nudging the brakes.
We were slowing down right when we needed to speed up.
“Rebel, get him out from under me!”
“If I had a nickel for every…”
“Rebel!” But she was already pulling him as I lifted my butt up. I dropped into the drivers seat and tore down the road to the tunnel entrance. I knew from my research of the area that it was twenty feet high and 578 feet below sea level at its lowest point.
The giant was two more long steps away from us.
I glanced in the rear view mirror. The Lines told me we were still too far from the tunnel entrance.
The rat was going to get his meal.
“Kane!” Rebel yelled, as if I didn’t know these were probably our last moments together on this mortal coil.
Its left front paw raise up as it pushed off the road.
I knew where that fucking paw would land.
“Kane!”
“Aware!” I yelled back.
I jerked the steering wheel left, just a bit. The rat’s paw nipped the passenger’s side door and the car shook.
But I kept control.
We rolled into the tunnel and the giant stopped short, sliding into the arched entrance. It let out a wail of frustration. I looked in the rear view mirror just in time to see it get doused in sea water. Its collision had broken the wall holding back the ocean.
I hit top speed as if the Atlantic Ocean was on my tail, because it totally was.
“I think Coleslaw’s alive,” Rebel said. “But I have no idea what’s wrong with him.” She felt around his neck for a pulse.
The Traveler grabbed her hand, his eyes wide.
“Go to Elliðavatn,” he said, voice creaking with pain. “Hurry!”
Chapter 5
It took us an hour to get there.
Elliðavatn was a lake just outside the city. It had a tourist trap boat house and a couple more buildings on its shore.
The one we were looking for was hidden behind a wall of trees. It was a cross between a medieval hut and an Ikea catalog cover. Its straight-lines and elegant presentation slammed door-first into rickety steps, dilapidated paint and creaky windows that knocked around in the breeze.
“Creepy,” Rebel said, studying the mess in front of us.
The Travelers’ Friend opened his eyes for the first time since he’d passed out. “Bring me inside. Quickly. We…”
“Yeah, yeah, we don’t have time,” I said, lifting him out of the car. “Come on, little guy.”
“You have a read on our location?” Rebel asked the twins. Her phone was set to speaker as they tried to guide us around.
“Yeah, you’re on the outskirts of town in another place that I can’t pronounce unless I have a pickle
in my mouth,” Rose said.
“Just make sure you have eyes on us. I don’t like the looks of this place.”
“Roger that, warrior woman.”
Rebel sighed and climbed the stairs after me. I was too loaded down with imp meat to knock, so she reached over my shoulder and clawed at the door.
“Coming!” a woman’s voice called from inside. As usual, the voice had no accent. Icelanders speak better English than Americans and they speak it much clearer than we do.
A woman, around 60, opened the door. Streaks of silver hair wove through golden blond. She smiled a big smile, filled with crooked, pearl-white teeth.
The smiled dropped when she noticed I had a bearded garden gnome draped over my shoulder.
“Oh my, Shlkxchrslew. What happened to you?” She took his bearded chin in her hands and he opened his eyes. He realized I was holding him like a burping baby and pushed away from me, stumbling to the floor. He made his way to his feet with her help.
“It was an Apu, my dear,” he said. He tried to bow but he stopped short and winced in pain. “Cursed, from the looks of it. The giant’s presence almost drained my magic.”
“Because you will not carry the milk of keys,” she said. I had no idea what that meant but opted to keep my mouth shut.
“Yes, yes, maybe one day. And these are them,” he said, gesturing at us, trying to change the subject.
Our hostess looked at us again and the smile came back.
“You have no pants on,” she said.
“Sorry about that,” I said.
“No, no need to apologize,” she said. “Please help Shlkxchrslew to my couch, and I will get you something to wear.”
I’d just thrown a blanket over the Traveler when our hostess hurried back into the room with some khakis draped over a forearm.
My partner faced our hostess. Rebel seemed nervous, almost child-like for some reason. “I’m Rebel…”
“Yes, I know,” the woman said. I slipped my new pants on. “And this is Kane. I am honored to meet you both. I am Hilde. I fix organs.”
“Which organs?” I asked.
“Musical organs.”
“Is that a big business in Iceland?”
“Big enough,” she said with a smile that told me she had some secrets hidden in her answer. “So Shlkxchrslew. Is this it, then? It’s not another false alarm?”
“Yes, Hilde. It is time. But we have a problem. These are only one of two parties.”
“Oh dear. Don’t tell me. The vampires are after Mjölnir too.”
“Correct, darling,” the Traveler said. His familiarity with Hilde made Rebel and I lift an eyebrow at each other.
She smiled at me. “Well, it’s a good thing we have Kane and Rebel on our side then.”
Now we lifted both of our eyebrows. Four dancing eyebrows.
“I’m sorry. Do we know you?” I asked. I could feel Rebel coil up. Rebel does not like surprises. Surprises usually lead to attacks in our line of work.
“Everyone knows you after the Excalibur adventure, Kane. Oh my, yes, your eyes are lovely. One silver and one, what is that, green?”
I think I blushed because Rebel snickered. I shot her a frown which just made her shrug.
“Shlkxchrslew, you will need some healing tea. Stay here.”
“I’m not going anywhere. But do hurry, Hilde. We must get them to the door.”
Hilde’s smile faded, replaced by a sullen look that I didn’t like. Not a bit.
When Hilde was in the kitchen, Coleslaw gestured for me to come closer.
“Do not let her near the organ when we get there,” he whispered.
“What organ and get where?” I asked, irritated by his cryptic bombs.
“Just… you’ll know when you see it. She is a very strong woman. Very dedicated to her job. You must make sure one of you is the first to touch the organ.”
“Fine,” I said. “But when you decide to speak clearly, let me know, and we can have a real conversation.”
Hilde tip-toed in with her hands full of tea cups. With a smile, she gave a small bow to Rebel who nodded stiffly, and took the teacup from her.
I watched Rebel drink first. She was The food taster on the team. Poisons didn’t harm her for some reason that I’d stopped trying to figure out years ago. That meant she could partake of victuals and let us know when something was okay to consume. She smacked her lips gently — the all-clear sign.
“Those are incredible fingernails,” Hilde said, handing me and Coleslaw the aromatic tea. It smelled like a flower had pissed all over the cup. “Can they really cut through steel?”
“Only if I’m jacked up on Poppycock Juice,” Rebel said. Hilde laughed a gentle laugh.
“Pardon me for asking, ma’am…” I started.
“Hilde, please. I’m not so old that you have to call me ma’am, I hope.”
“Hilde, what are we doing here?”
“Shlkxchrslew didn’t tell you?”
“Slaw is being coy.”
“Just like a Travelers’ Friend,” she said smiling.
“Which makes sense, being that I am a Travelers’ Friend,” Coleslaw said, pouting.
“I think the reason he’s being this way is that I’m determined to play my role in this little adventure you’re about to go on.”
“What role is that?” Rebel asked. She leaned back against a large shelf packed with dusty books. It was hard not to check what titles were peeking out at me.
“I’ll need to be there when we get to the organ. I need to…” She gave her next words careful thought. “Brave. I need to be brave.”
“You are brave, Hilde,” Coleslaw said. “You don’t have to prove…”
“Don’t you start with me, you. You know why I must do this.”
“You two are going to have to tell us what’s going on,” I said.
Hilde sighed. “I am going to finish this life so you can get to the hammer.” A small smirk crept onto her face, as if a burden had been lifted.
“No, you’re not,” I said. “We can’t take you with us. It’s against Spirit rules.”
“Of which you’ve broken every single one. Twice,” Hilde said, smirking.
“Twice today,” Rebel had to add because she can be a real jerk.
“Can you try helping for once?” I asked her.
Rebel appeared to think about her answer. “I don’t think so, no. ”
“I am the last in a long family line. I am the only one whose sacrifice is enough to let you in.”
“Into what?”
“That I don’t know. Some say it’s Valhalla. Some say it’s Hell. But the way there is through the organ.”
“The one that you take care of,” Rebel said.
“Yes, the one that I take care of. The one my grandmother built to protect the hammer.”
“Who was your grandmother?” Rebel asked.
Hilde just smiled and picked up our cups. She walked to the kitchen and Coleslaw leaned toward us.
“Go,” the Traveler whispered. “Go now.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Take the keys on the wall over there and go to Hallgrímskirkja .”
I didn’t expect that. “The church in Rekjyavik?”
Rebel leaned forward. “The organ is hiding Mjölnir?”
The church was the highest building in Iceland. It was a tourist trap but it also had a timeless elegance to it. Something that put it above the fray. I’d heard about its organ but I hadn’t seen it yet. Too many great bars to visit. I have my priorities.
“The keys will get you into the building and into the organ,” Coleslaw said. “I will meet you there. I’ll hold off Hilde. Go.”
If the choice was between having Hilde sacrifice herself and abandoning her, I’d choose the rude route.
I grabbed the keys off the wall and followed Rebel to the entry hall.
Hilde was putting on a jacket near the front door.
“I see you’re all ready,” she said, throwing h
er purse over her shoulder. “Shall we?” She gestured to the open door.
Rebel looked over her shoulder at me, impressed.
Chapter 6
Dark, empty churches are filled with an energy that always made me nervous. That desperate urge to understand our place in the world is everywhere. But it was suppressed there, pushed down to the point of a whimper. My gut told me that Christianity was fighting the older history of Iceland.
Odin versus Jehovah.
The battle was close.
“Wow,” Rebel said. “This is one hell of a church. It’s like a rich man’s Ikea catalog.”
Hilde laughed a little too hard. A nervous laugh. It made me watch her. I waited for her to lunge at the organ. I wasn’t going to let her do anything stupid. Doing stupid things was Rebel’s job.
And, as if on cue, Rebel walked straight to the organ and started knocking on the pipes.
“Rebel, hold off,” I said.
“I’m just checking it out,” she said. “Plus I have the keys.” She held them up and smiled. She’d picked my pocket. My Rebel-proofing needed some work.
The organ’s wood was smooth as oil. The glistening surface didn’t outshine the steel and brass ornaments, but got damn close. I wished I could take the organ home. It was a treasure itself. The pipes shot straight up into a pyramid, almost reaching the church’s ceiling.
“Don’t use the key on your own,” Hilde said. “If you don’t do it right…” Her voice trailed off.
“If I don’t do it right, what…”
“I’m not cleaning it up, that’s all I’ll say,” Hilde said. I looked for her smile to appear again. It didn’t.
“Okay, then,” I said. “Coleslaw, what’s next?”
“Oh, I’ll be the one to tell you that,” Hilde said.
“Not if that means you’re opening it yourself,” I quickly responded. Rebel was with me on this. She slipped the keys into her bra.
“You cannot stop me, you three,” Hilde said. She held up her hand and showed us the keys. Rebel checked her bra. They were gone.
“I feel so violated,” she said.
