by Abbi Glines
“I’m not the one who nailed the win at the last state game,” Sawyer reminded him as he leaned against the truck and pulled me back against him.
“You know that’s right. I think we need to make sure coach gives our star corner some more wide receiver action,” Ethan piped in.
“Agreed,” Sawyer replied.
They continued to talk football but I couldn’t pay attention. Beau was directly across from me. It was taking all my will power not to look at him. I smiled and tried not to appear stiff, although I felt uncomfortable with Sawyer’s arms wrapped around my waist. Sawyer leaned down and kissed my temple casually while he talked. I heard something about a blitz and upping the practice time. But all my focus was on not staring at Beau.
“Earth to Ashton,” Kayla’s voice broke into my thoughts. I jerked my head up and stared directly at her. She seemed to be waiting on me to reply.
“Um, I didn’t hear you, sorry,” I said, feeling the blush creep up my neck. She giggled and twirled a long red curl around her finger.
“I asked you if you wanted to be one of the spirit girls this year. Maybe this year our quarterback will actually accept a spirit girl if he gets to choose you.”
Spirit girls were girls the cheerleaders added to their numbers so every football player would have a girl to make him goodies on game day. Off the record, spirit girls also happened to help their player with his homework, order him a pizza to be delivered to the school for lunch, and some unofficial things like back massages and other “hands on” activities. The starters always picked their spirit girl then the rest of the players went in a hat and the spirit girls drew names.
“Um, yes, of course,” I replied.
Sawyer chuckled. “Then Ash is mine.”
Kayla smiled but she seemed more annoyed than amused. “We’re assigning each girl two players this year. So you’ll have one more boy to take care of too. The boys haven’t picked yet but I doubt anyone else chooses you since you’re Sawyer’s. You’ll have to draw a name.”
Nicole laughed and I instantly tensed, preparing for her rude comment. Without thinking I glanced over toward the sound of her laughter and immediately wished I hadn’t. Beau was sitting on the ground leaning up against a tractor tire with his legs bent and wide open. Right in between his muscular jean-clad legs sat Nicole. She had one arm wrapped around his neck and the other one resting on his knee. It would have been easier if she’d just stood up and punched me in the gut. Maybe whacked me around a few times. At the moment the pain would be a welcome distraction to the tightness taking over my chest.
Beau’s eyes locked on mine. After everything we’d been through together I hoped I would see some small shred of . . . oh . . . I don’t know. Just something. But he didn’t look phased by me at all. It was as if those two weeks never happened. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“You know, Ashton, I’ve always wondered what it is you do so right that keeps Sawyer on such a tight leash. I mean you’ve got to be hiding some hidden talent from us.” Nicole’s words were slurred but they were loud and I was positive everyone heard her. Even people not in the little group surrounding us. My stomach turned and twisted. God, I hoped I didn’t get sick.
“It isn’t one thing, Nic, she’s perfect at everything she does.” Sawyer’s voice sounded as calm and nice as always.
Nicole snarled, “Doubt that. You just forgot what a good time feels like.”
Sawyer tensed, his arms tightened around me as if he was protecting me. I’d always wondered what Sawyer had done with Nicole in the seventh grade. At times I’d been jealous when she looked at him as if she knew him in ways I didn’t. But then he would be so careful not to do anything other than kiss me I figured he had to be as chaste as I was. “Was” being the important word here.
“Shut up, Nicole.” The words hadn’t been Sawyer’s. Beau’s deeper voice snapped out the order. Nicole giggled again and leaned forward to shake her braless boobs at Sawyer.
“You remember how much fun it was, don’t ya Saw. We had lots of fun,” she slurred.
“Shut the hell up, Nicole,” Beau growled angrily, pushing her away from him. I should be hurt that my boyfriend wasn’t as inexperienced as I’d thought. The fact he’d been unable to keep his hands off Nicole and didn’t have any problem not touching me should bother me. It didn’t. All I felt was relief at seeing Beau pushing Nicole off of him.
“What’s the matter? You don’t like hearing about how your cousin had me first? Hmmmm . . . don’t be jealous, baby. You’re the only one who’s getting in my pants tonight.” Nicole attempted to purr but her slurring kind of made it sound more like she was moaning.
Sawyer moved from behind me and took my arm to pull me away. I felt Beau’s eyes on me and I glanced back at him. In that moment I could see the Beau I’d thought loved me. His eyes said he was sorry as he pushed Nicole away absently. Not once did he break eye contact with me as Sawyer led me into the pecan orchard. There was pain in those eyes that haunted my dreams. I gave him a sad smile before turning to follow my boyfriend into the shadows of the trees. The light from the fire disappeared as did the noise. The moon managed to peek through the branches, shedding enough light to keep us from walking into a tree or tripping over a fallen branch.
“Ash, I’m so sorry,” Sawyer said, pulling me into his arms once we got to his truck. “She’s a vile human being and why I ever dated her I don’t know. I wish Beau would get rid of her.” He kissed the top of my head like I was a child he needed to comfort. I didn’t feel like crying. But I wanted to know why. For so long I thought he was without sin and I was the one who needed to be tamed, but that hadn’t been true.
“Did you have sex with her, Sawyer?” I asked, staring up at him. The guilty expression on his face answered my question for me. He cupped the side of my face with his hand.
“Ash, it was a long time ago. She was my first girlfriend and although she was pretty wild for a thirteen-year-old we were still young. Of course we didn’t have sex,” he said.
“You obviously did something. You hardly touch me yet it sounds like you did a lot more than kissing with Nicole.”
Sawyer frowned. He hadn’t been expecting me to voice my feelings. I normally reassured him when he was upset. I never wanted to ruffle his feathers. Make life easy for Sawyer had been my mantra for so long. Well, that part of this charade I was living was long gone. No more patting him on the back.
“Ashton, I made some bad decisions with Nicole. She pushed me to do some things. I gave in. But you, you’re different. You’re good. It isn’t about sex with us.”
How could you be in love with someone and not want sex? We were human. He was a teenage boy, for crying out loud. He had hormones.
“Are you not attracted to me that way? I mean I know I don’t have Nicole’s body and I won’t be winning any beauty contest, but if you love me then I would think sex with me would appeal to you.”
Three weeks ago I wouldn’t have had the nerve to say these things. Being with Beau had changed me so much.
Sawyer’s expression was somewhere between shock and confusion.
“Ashton, I respect you. You deserve respect. You’re everything I ever wanted in a girl. You’re not just some girl I’m filling my high school years with. I intend to marry you one day.”
Marry him? What? Really? Oh GOD.
He smiled at the shocked expression on my face. “I love you, Ashton. I intend to keep you forever. I’m very attracted to you. I just don’t want my future wife to lose her virginity in the bed of a truck.”
Beau
This was bullshit. She wasn’t happy. I could see it all over her face. Hell, she’d been so damn stiff while Sawyer stood there holding her it was impossible not to notice. It had also driven me mad. I hated seeing her so uncomfortable. Then Nicole had opened her stupid mouth and upset her more. I wanted to believe that she deserved all this but I couldn’t. Something was wrong. I’d been wrong not to question her when she’d come to me. M
y stupid pride had let her walk away. I’d fucked that up good.
“Stop being so mean,” Nicole said, leaning on my arm in an attempt to keep from falling on her face. I grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her down to sit on the tire behind us. She couldn’t stand up without support and I didn’t want to feel her hands on me. The look in Ash’s eyes when her gaze had met mine had made every place Nicole touched feel cheap and dirty. I wanted her away from me.
“What’s going on with you and Ash?” Kayla’s question snapped me out of my inner turmoil and I shifted my gaze to meet her curious one. Damn. Leave it to a female to see what no one else notices.
“Nothing is going on with me and Ash.”
She raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Hmmm, whatever, Beau,” she replied before lifting her red solo cup to her lips. The girl had always been nosy.
“Can you get Nic home?” I asked Ethan, stepping far enough away that she couldn’t paw at me.
Ethan shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. If she comes on to me are you gonna kick my ass tomorrow?”
“Nah, enjoy yourself.”
Ethan smirked and shook his head. I didn’t wait around to see what other stupid comments came out of his mouth.
I headed for my truck. Staying here was impossible. I’d only come because I’d known she would be here. Wanting to see her had been my sole purpose for putting up with Nicole and Sawyer. I missed her. I missed her so fucking much. After the sad smile and hopeful look in her eyes as she walked away I had a new sense of hope that maybe this wasn’t over. Maybe I still had a chance.
Chapter 13
Ashton
The parking lot at the school was almost empty. Only a few parked cars remained. I recognized Sawyer’s truck as well as Beau’s. They would both still be at practice. I’d put off going home for over an hour. Sawyer was in the weight room and he hadn’t responded to my last text. Going home wasn’t something I could handle just yet. My Aunt Caroline and her daughter Lana had descended upon our house last night and were staying for an undetermined amount of time. Uncle Nolan had been caught doing things he shouldn’t with his secretary on top of the copy machine and Aunt Caroline had fled their home in Mississippi. We were the “only place she could think of” and didn’t that make us lotto winners. Aunt Caroline cried and regaled anyone who would listen about what she’d found my uncle doing. Hearing it the first time was hard enough. I really didn’t want to keep having to suffer through the recaps. Having Lana invade my personal space was beyond frustrating. She was so polite and polished. I wanted to scream or possibly mess up her hair and slap her around until she showed some emotion.
Leann had left for college already, Sawyer was always busy with football and Beau was acting like I didn’t exist. It was times like this when I felt so alone and lost I’d run to my Grana’s so she could make everything right again. Life was so unfair.
“What did your car do wrong?”
Beau’s voice startled me. I spun around to find him only a few feet behind me with his helmet and shoulder pads in one hand and the shirt he should be wearing in the other. Lordy, did he have to walk around shirtless? He shifted his gaze from my car to my face. I shuffled my feet nervously. We hadn’t been alone in sixteen, no, make that seventeen days.
“You’ve been standing here glowering at your car for five minutes. I’m assuming it’s somehow offended you.”
Tears stung my eyes. Being this close to him and having him actually look at me and speak directly to me was wonderful and so incredibly painful.
“What’s wrong, Ash?”
Swallowing the lump in my throat didn’t help. I bit down on my bottom lip and shrugged. He stood there silently for a moment. I could see the indecision on his face. Finally he reached for my book bag and touched my waist.
“Come with me. You can talk and I’ll listen.”
I didn’t argue. I wanted this. I needed him. I let him guide me to his truck and he opened the passenger’s door so I could climb in.
We didn’t speak at first. I worked on getting my emotions under control while he turned his truck down a familiar road I knew led to our spot on the bay.
“You wanna tell me what’s got you upset?” he asked.
He glanced at me for a second but quickly shifted his eyes back to the road. I wasn’t sure how to answer this question. A lot of things were wrong. I was with Sawyer, acting like someone I wasn’t. Someone I’d realized I didn’t even like. School had started back and Beau was there every day in the halls, in the cafeteria, in my classrooms. I could see him and not touch him. It was killing me. Then of course there was my Aunt Caroline and Lana taking away the only refuge I had left. My house. My room.
“Come on, Ash, tell me what’s going on.”
“My uncle cheated on my aunt and now my aunt and my cousin have moved into my house. Lana is in my room all the time. I have no privacy. My aunt is crying and retelling the awful story of how she caught him. There’s nowhere to hide. I just want to run off into the woods and scream.”
A soft chuckle from beside me should have ticked me off to have him laughing at my predicament, but I’d missed the sound so much it made me smile.
“Family can be a bitch,” he said a little somberly. I wondered if he was talking about Sawyer. Did he care I was with Sawyer? I couldn’t tell. I wanted to believe he was hiding his feelings from me but it seemed very unlikely. He laughed and flirted with every pretty face at school just like he’d always done.
“So I found you standing a few feet away from your car glaring at it like it had teeth and was going to bite you, because you didn’t want to go home?”
I thought about admitting I missed him. That I’d fought the urge daily to get in my car and ride down to the bar he’d taken me to play pool, hoping to find him.
He patted the spot beside him and I scooted over without hesitation. His hand found mine and he squeezed it. For the first time since Sawyer had come home I felt complete. Being with Beau made me believe everything would be okay. That the issues keeping us apart wouldn’t always matter and everything would eventually turn out alright.
We pulled onto our piece of land overlooking the Mobile Bay. Everything seemed so different in the sunlight. He released my hand and I started to scoot away when his arm slid behind me to pull me closer to his side. I let out a contented sigh and rested my head in the crook of his arm. Neither of us spoke. We just sat there and watched the sun set over the water in silence.
My eyes began to droop and I smiled, thinking how easy everything was with him.
“Ash.” Beau’s breath tickled my ear. My eyes flew open and it took me a moment to remember where I was at. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I slowly sat up.
“I fell asleep,” I mumbled.
Beau chuckled. “Yeah, you did.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
Beau tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and flashed me the crooked smile that never failed to make my heart flutter.
“Don’t be. I can’t think of a better time I’ve had since . . . well, since.”
What did he mean by that? Since when? Since this summer when it’d been just us? Before he’d let me walk out of his trailer without an argument?
“I need to get you back. Sawyer’s texted your phone and called you several times. The last time he called I figured it was time I woke you. Even though I enjoyed having you sleep on me.”
My heart thumped against my chest. Hearing him say things like that to me gave me hope. Hope for what, I didn’t know. I’d been the one to decide it wasn’t worth it. He handed me my phone.
“Answer him. This is going to be hard enough to explain as it is.”
I read both texts from him asking me where I was at. He sounded concerned in his last one. My car being left at the school parking lot was bothering him.
Beau’s phone rang and he glanced down at it and frowned. “It’s Sawyer.”
I reached for his phone. “Here, let me answer it. I might as well explain.
Besides, we did nothing wrong.”
“Hello?”
“Ash? Where are you? Why’re you answering Beau’s phone. I’ve been trying to call you.”
“I’m sorry. I know. I was just about to call you. I’ve been asleep. Beau found me in the parking lot. I didn’t want to go home and face all the drama. He offered to listen to me rant some and I ended up falling asleep. He let me sleep. But he’s bringing me back to my car now.”
Sawyer was quiet for a moment. I glanced over at Beau, who was watching me with something that reminded me of a lion who sensed danger and was getting ready to pounce.
“Okay, I’ll go wait for you at your car,” he finally replied.
I wasn’t sure what Sawyer was thinking by the tone of his voice. Normally I could gauge his mood over the phone.
“I’ll see you in a little while then,” I said and handed the phone back to Beau. He closed it and nodded toward the passenger side of the truck.
“If he’s going to be waiting on us you probably need to scoot over. I’m not sure he’d be that understanding.”
Beau cranked the truck and turned it back toward town. Reluctantly I slid back over to the far side of the truck. Away from his warmth.
“Beau . . . thank you. I needed this. I needed, I needed . . . you.”
He let out a heavy sigh and shook his head.
“Saying things like that to me makes this so damn hard. I’ll always be here for you. But don’t tell me you need me.”
“But I can’t help it. I do.”
“Damn it, Ash. I can’t listen to that. I can’t think about it. I can deal with denying myself what I need. What I want. But I can’t deny you.”
“You love Sawyer. He’s like your brother. Could you really hurt him that way? Could you really lose him over a girl? I don’t know if I could let you do it. One day you would resent me for coming between the two of you. You would never be able to love me. I would always be a reminder of how I was the reason you lost Sawyer.”
