by Abbi Glines
“Beau, you remember Lana. I believe you once handcuffed her to the dog fence and forced her to sing loudly for her release.”
Ashton’s introduction made me laugh. I couldn’t stop myself this time. I remember seeing Ashton’s head full of blonde curls peeking around the tree trunk at me, covering her mouth as her shoulder shook from laughter. I’d been so proud of myself for avenging her honor and making her laugh all at the same time. I met Ashton’s amused gaze, wishing for the millionth time things had gone differently and she was mine.
“I remember that. You tormented Lana so much it’s a wonder she didn’t run screaming when she saw you tonight.” Sawyer’s voice startled me. I’d forgotten he was standing there. I couldn’t think of much else with Ashton smiling up at me so sweetly.
I cleared my throat and turned my attention to Lana. “Ah, yes, but I believe you asked for it. You used to say some pretty harsh things to Ash and I never let anyone talk to Ash that way.”
Lana gave me a smile that said she knew more than she should. Had Ashton told her cousin about us? The idea she’d told someone about our summer together made me happier than it should. I wanted her to think about it. I wanted her to need to tell someone. Hell, I just wanted her.
“Where’s Nicole?” Sawyer asked, glancing over my shoulder as if expecting Nicole to latch onto me at any moment.
It took all my will power not to look at Ashton when I replied, “I broke it off with Nic. Don’t care where she is.” I wanted to see Ashton’s expression.
“Huh, really? I wasn’t expecting that. She isn’t pregnant, is she?” Sawyer’s accusation I’d broken up with Nicole because I’d knocked her up grated on my nerves. Had he always assumed the worst of me?
“No. It’s just over,” I replied in a harder tone than I usually used with him.
“Is there someone else?” Sawyer asked.
I wondered how he would react if I told him his girlfriend was the someone else. No doubt I’d lose him forever. His arm snaked around Ashton’s waist. Right now it was hard to remember he was my cousin. All I could focus on was the intense desire to rip the arm he was touching Ashton with off his body.
“Why don’t we go join the group over there and stop giving Beau the third degree?” This time I couldn’t help but look at Ashton. A smile touched her lips before she turned away from me and gazed up at Sawyer.
“You’re right, baby. I can grill him some other time,” Sawyer replied and winked at me before leading Ashton toward the group.
I stood there unable to follow them. Seeing her cuddled up against his side was painful. Breaking up with Nic had been the fair thing to do since I was only using her to cope but now there was no distraction to keep me from watching Sawyer with Ash.
“This may not be my business but the way you and Ashton keep staring at each other like you want to take a bite is going to eventually tip your cousin off. He’s a trusting person but I don’t think he’s stupid.”
I jerked my gaze off of Ashton and Sawyer’s retreating forms and turned to see Lana still standing there, frowning at me with her hands on her hips. What did she know?
“You’re right, it isn’t your business,” I snapped and started toward the keg. I needed another drink.
Ashton
Sawyer was going out of his way to make sure Lana felt comfortable with everyone. He had introduced her to the main core of his friends and even gone to get her a soda. It didn’t bother me. In fact it gave me time to watch Beau without distraction. Not having Nicole wrapped around him was a relief but it also made it almost impossible to take my eyes off of him. Beau caught me staring and winked. I bit my bottom lip to keep from laughing. A sharp elbow nudged me in the ribs, causing me to gasp and spin around to find the person the boney arm was attached to. Lana was smiling innocently at me.
“You’re being obvious,” she hissed, keeping a fake smile on her face. Her meaning, however, sunk in.
“I need to go to the car and get my phone. My mom’s probably called me ten times by now,” Lana announced.
“I’ll go with you,” I quickly replied, glancing up at Sawyer who seemed pleased I was being nice to my cousin. I used to seek out this sort of approval from him but now it annoyed me. If I didn’t like my cousin, I’d stomp on her foot just to piss him off.
Once we were safely out of the clearing and headed for the car Lana stopped walking and turned to glare at me. “You’ve about ten minutes or so to get yourself together before your knight in shining armor comes looking for us. I’m going to go get my phone and make a few phone calls.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you need to stop openly flirting with Beau while the entire football team is around to witness it. It’s like you two think you’re the only ones out there. We all have eyes, you know.”
She spun around and headed deeper into the pecan orchard toward the parked cars.
“She’s got a point but it’s my fault.” Beau’s voice should have startled me but it didn’t. Somehow I knew he’d find a way to get me alone.
“Yes, it probably is,” I said teasingly as I turned around to meet his gaze.
Beau took a step toward me then ran his hand through his hair, muttering a curse.
“I want to rip his damn arms off his body, Ash. Sawyer, who I’d do anything for. I want to hurt him. If he touches you again in front of me I’m going to crack. I can’t take this.”
I closed the space between us and wrapped my arms around his waist. I’d done this. My need to be near Beau had created this impossible situation.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered against his chest, wishing I could make this all go away. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tighter up against him.
“Don’t be sorry. Just try not to let him touch you. When he touches you I see red. I can’t take it. I don’t want to see him or anyone else touch you.”
I pulled back just enough so I could gaze up at him. His jaw was clenched tightly. Knowing he was thinking of Sawyer with such ferocity made me feel so guilty. I hadn’t wanted to come between them yet I was doing it anyway.
“What can I do to make this right, Beau? I don’t want to come between y’all. It’s the main reason I’m doing this. He’s your family.”
Beau slipped his fingers into my hair and cradled my head.
“Staying with him. Letting him touch you, hold you—GOD. It’s eating me alive. You may be keeping Sawyer from hating me but you’re only making me hate him.”
I reached up and clasped his arms, pulling them away from my head as I stepped back. Tears blurred my vision. “What am I supposed to do, Beau? You tell me. What am I supposed to do?”
He opened his mouth to respond and closed it as his eyes settled on something over my left shoulder. A possessive gleam came into his eyes as if to warn off any predators that might get near what was his. I knew without turning around who he was glowering at so fiercely. I didn’t glance back at Sawyer. I wasn’t sure what to say.
“What’s going on? Ashton never yells at people. What in the crap did you do to her, Beau?”
“It’s my fault.” Lana’s voice had me snapping my head up from my defeated stance as I turned to gawk at her.
“What?” Beau and Sawyer said at the same time.
Lana gave us all a dramatic sigh and shrugged her shoulders. “Beau was flirting with me and Ash didn’t like it. She thinks he isn’t good enough for me or something. They started bickering when she told Beau to leave me alone.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. Had Lana just lied so believably for me and Beau?
She smiled and nibbled on her fingernail like some flirty bimbo and smirked. “What? Might as well tell him the truth. You don’t think his cousin is worthy of your cousin.”
I tore my gaze off my shy, meek cousin-turned-drama-queen to study Sawyer’s face. Was he actually falling for this? Surely not. He was frowning at Beau.
“Beau, leave Ash’s cousin alone. She’s not one of your one-nig
hters. Go find some other rebound girl. There’s no use getting Ash all worked up over this.”
Unbelievable.
I glanced over at Beau and his expression told me he was past furious. He was ready to kill Sawyer. I stepped in between them, putting my back to Sawyer and pleading with Beau silently. I mouthed the word ‘please’ and watched the anger ease some before he turned and stalked off deeper into the pecan orchard.
I needed to make sure he was okay but I couldn’t do that with Sawyer standing behind me waiting for me to return to the field with him. Back to playing pretend. Back to being miserable.
“You okay?” Sawyer asked, closing the distance between us and taking both my hands in his.
No. I wasn’t okay. I was never going to be okay. Beau was off in the dark, upset and angry. I was stuck here pretending with Sawyer. AND I’d made my saint of a cousin lie for me.
“I just want to go home. I’m not feeling well,” I said, hoping Sawyer didn’t read any more into it.
“Of course. No problem.” Sawyer turned his head toward Lana. “You okay? Sorry about Beau. He can be difficult at times. Just overlook him.”
“That’s okay. I’m fine, really,” Lana replied. I could hear the guilt in her voice. This was going to eat her up. She adored Sawyer. Knowing that she’d willingly lied to him for me made my eyes sting. I was causing everyone around me pain. All my bad decisions were snowballing. At some point I was going to have to take the blame and deal with the consequences. I couldn’t keep letting people I cared about take the blows for me. I didn’t like the person I was becoming.
Chapter 18
As we stepped into my bedroom, I reached for the light switch. Lana walked around me and dropped her purse on my dresser then leveled me with a frown. She hadn’t said anything on the ride home. I’d been forced to carry on a conversation with Sawyer as if nothing had happened, while she sat silently in the back. Apparently, now she was ready to talk.
“I did that for you tonight not because I think what you’re doing is right or wrong but because I think you needed a wake-up call, not a crucifixion.” I raised my eyebrows at her explanation. “Sawyer’s a good guy. He and Beau have always been close. I can remember how thick as thieves you three were as kids. I envied your friendship with those boys. Y’all had something special. Something unique. I couldn’t just stand there and let it all come crumbling down. Besides, from the look on Beau’s face I’m afraid he would have killed Sawyer with his bare hands had Sawyer said the wrong thing.”
I sank down onto my bed and buried my head in my hands. This was a disaster. She was right. I was ruining a lifetime friendship. “What do I do?” I asked, knowing she didn’t have the magical answer either. Lana sat down beside me and patted my back. Which made me feel even worse. Here I was having a breakdown over two guys and she’d been out with me tonight because her cheating father had come to face her obnoxious mother. In the grand scheme of things her problems were much bigger.
“You choose one and let the other one go.”
It sounded incredibly simple yet it was impossible. Didn’t she see that?
“I can’t. Whoever I choose, one of them will hate the other and possibly me. Choosing one of them won’t fix anything.”
“You’re right. It won’t. You need to let them both go. If you let them both go then one day you all will have a chance of finding the friendship this is destroying.”
I hated that her words made sense. I needed to break up with Sawyer and we three all needed to move on. My chest constricted at the thought of walking away from Beau. Of not having his arms around me or burying my face in his chest. But I couldn’t have him. Having him would eventually mean losing him. He’d never get over losing Sawyer. Me, he could live without. A hot tear rolled off my chin and I reached up and wiped it away. I’d made this mess; it was only right I fix it.
“You’re right,” I whispered, staring straight ahead, “but I wish you weren’t.”
A soft knock on the door reminded me of the other issues going on in the house tonight. I reached over and squeezed Lana’s hand before the door opened and her mother stepped inside. Her hair was the same color as mine and my mother’s but that was as far as family resemblance went. Where my mother was thin and petite my aunt was heavy, big boned and wore a permanent scowl. She never seemed happy. Even before she’d caught her husband cheating on her. She hadn’t been here when we got home. Mom and Dad had also been missing. From the sounds coming down the hall everyone was back.
“Hey girls. Um, Lana, sweetheart, let’s go talk a little bit, okay.”
Lana’s hand squeezed mine this time before letting go and standing up. If my aunt would let me I’d go with her and hold her hand through the whole conversation. Lana had ended up being the friend I so desperately needed this past week. My door closed behind them and I laid back on my bed and whispered a little prayer for Lana. God knows she needs it with a mama like hers.
Beau: I’m sorry about tonight. I should have protected you.
He was taking the blame for something that was my fault. I had to find a way to stop this.
Me: You did nothing wrong. This was my decision. This summer I let this happen. I can’t change the way I feel but I can control how I handle things. I’m doing it all wrong.
Beau: What do you mean? What are you going to do?
I wasn’t sure yet. I had to think about that some more. Telling Beau I was breaking up with Sawyer wasn’t the kind of thing I needed to text him.
Me: I don’t know. I’m thinking about things.
I waited, but after a few minutes and no response, I lay the phone down beside me. If I could go back and change it all, would I?
Beau: I love you.
The warmth that flooded me answered my question for me. No. I’d never take back one moment of this summer I’d had with Beau. Closing my eyes, I drifted off to sleep.
I’m growing weary of goodbyes. Lana and her mother stood at our front door with their suitcases in hand. My aunt was headed back home to take my uncle to the cleaner’s in what would be an ugly divorce. Lana had a lot of drama and pain ahead of her. I’d begged her to just stay here with us. She could let her parents battle it out without her around but she said her mother needed her right now. In a way I understood but then I wondered if I had been in Lana’s shoes, would I be so kind? She was really the better person. I was the selfish brat.
“I’m going to miss you,” I said, wishing my voice didn’t sound so forlorn. Strange how you can think someone is ruining your life and they end up being your friend. I’d been so upset over having to share my space and listen to my aunt I hadn’t realized I had a friend right under my nose when I needed one the most. I still needed her.
“I’m going to miss you too. Keep me updated on your . . . life,” she said with a small lift to her eyebrows.
I nodded then leaned in to hug her. “Thank you,” I whispered in her ear.
“You’re welcome,” she whispered back.
“I’m so glad you girls have bonded again after all these years. We’ll have to come back and visit again soon. After I get through the divorce and all. Maybe I can use my extra money to take the two of you on a cruise. Wouldn’t that be fun?” my aunt said. It took all my will power not to recoil at her suggestion. There was no way I was going on a trip with that crazy woman, much less a ship where it was impossible to run away from her. The smirk on Lana’s face had me forcing back a giggle. She knew good and well there was no way I was going on a trip with her mama.
“Alright y’all, we’ll be in touch,” my aunt said brightly and turned to head out to her Lincoln Town Car. I stood watching as my dad helped them load their luggage into the trunk and my mother hugged and talked to her sister. Lana waved at me from the passenger seat. My room would be quiet and all mine again . . . but that no longer sounded appealing.
There are some things you don’t expect to see and Beau Vincent sauntering into the church on a Sunday morning is one of them. Finishing my sol
o hadn’t been easy. My eyes wanted to eat him up sitting alone on the back pew with his jeans on and a snug-fitting navy-blue polo stretched across his broad chest.
Sawyer hadn’t noticed his cousin, since he was on the second row to the front. I’d been sitting on that row since I was a little girl. My parents expected me either on the first or second pew. I couldn’t go back any further. Sawyer never complained. Every Sunday he was right there waiting on me to finish singing in the choir.
My gaze drifted back to meet Beau’s even though I knew it was a bad idea. He was liable to make me forget the words. A slow, titillating grin touched his lips. The sanctuary suddenly felt a hundred degrees. My face flushed and I tore my eyes off him and his delectable mouth. Somehow I managed to finish the words to How Great Thou Art without messing up. The choir began to exit through the side doors of the stage and I normally just made my way down to my pew. Today, however, I needed a breather. I fell in behind Mary Hill and let out a sigh of relief as I stepped into the warm sunshine.
“You leaving?” Jason Tibbs asked, sticking his pimply face out the door and frowning at me. His dad was the associate pastor so he felt our meager relationship gave him the right to question my actions. Instead of insulting him I took a deep breath then forced a smile and glanced back at him.
“No, my head is hurting. I needed to take a quiet break.”
He grinned, showing way too much gum and flashing his crooked overbite. His dad really needed to send the boy to an orthodontist and a dermatologist.
“Okay, I’ll leave the door unlocked then so you don’t have to walk all the way around the building to get back inside.”
I nodded and said an obligatory ‘thanks’.
The door closed quietly behind him and I knew I had limited time before people started noticing me missing from the second row.
“You hiding out here because of me?”
