by Pema Chodron
6.38
And when, as victims of defilement,
Beings even cause their own destruction,
Even if compassion does not rise in us,
We can at least refrain from being angry.
We have to be honest with ourselves. At this point in our bodhisattva career, it may be asking too much to have compassion for some unlikable troublemaker. But we can at least refrain from speaking or acting out of anger. Even if we can’t shed a tear over the ridiculousness of the human condition, by refraining from retaliation and the misery it causes, we will do what’s best for everyone.
6.39
If those who are like wanton children
Are by nature prone to injure others,
What point is there in being angry—
Like resenting fire for its heat?
6.40
And if their faults are fleeting and contingent,
If living beings are by nature wholesome,
It’s likewise senseless to resent them—
As well be angry at the sky for having clouds!
Verses 39 and 40 present two alternatives. If we believe that people are basically bad by nature, then why get angry with them? Why not simply accept that they’re prone to causing harm, and let it go? Getting angry is like resenting fire for its heat.
If we see people as basically good and their faults as fleeting and contingent, then why get upset at their temporary lapses? That would be like getting angry at the sky for having clouds. Remembering this, we can cool down on the spot and avoid unnecessary pain.
My personal experience of working with Shantideva’s instructions is that, even if some of them don’t work for me, the willingness to simply pause—to create a gap and shift gears—always helps.
6.41
Although indeed it is the stick that hurts me,
I am angry at the one who wields it, striking me.
But he is driven and impelled by anger—
So it is his wrath I should resent.
This verse says more about developing patience through tolerance. How do we develop the willingness to not retaliate? Shantideva’s approach is based on developing tenderness for the human predicament and, if that’s not possible, to at least realize that anger increases our suffering. It’s like eating poison seeds and wondering why we get sicker.
To interrupt anger’s momentum, he suggests these contemplations on the futility of our habitual responses. Ask yourself once again: Why do I get angry at people and not inanimate things? How much of my anger is caused by fixed views of good and bad, right and wrong? And couldn’t I have some tolerance for others who, just like me, keep creating their own misery? The real culprits are the kleshas themselves, and couldn’t we all use some compassionate guidance in working with them?
6.42
I it was who in the past
Did harm to beings such as these.
And so, when others do me mischief,
It is only just that they should injure me.
Here is another way to reflect on being harmed. Consider the law of karma: what goes around comes around. If you steal, you can expect at some future time to be robbed. If you gossip, sooner or later you’ll be the one being slandered. When we ponder the multiple factors coming together to cause an unfortunate event, we should at least consider that one of them is our former deeds.
Westerners often have a hard time with this teaching because of guilt. When difficult things happen, they think it’s because they’re fundamentally bad or being punished.
My favorite clarification of this misunderstanding comes from Kelsang Gyatso’s book Meaningful to Behold. If a child is told not to play with matches and does so anyway, it may result in her getting burned. Then the child has a chance to learn about cause and effect firsthand. As a result, she might conclude for herself that being careless with matches has painful results. She is wiser because of her mishap. But if the child feels she got burned as a punishment for not obeying Mommy and Daddy, then all she learns is guilt. Her intelligence is interfered with, and she doesn’t profit from her mistake.
Understanding karma like this gives us tremendous freedom to create our own future. The way we relate to being hit on the head with a branch, right now, affects how we’ll relate to being harmed at a later time.
6.43
Their weapons and my body—
Both are causes of my suffering!
They their weapons drew, while I held out my body.
Who then is more worthy of my anger?
The words or actions of others can wound us as much as any weapon. The meaning of this verse is that both their words and my reactivity are equally responsible for my pain.
A remark that provokes me may not affect you at all. We all have to work on our side of the equation. We can’t stop others from saying mean words, but we can work on developing patience. We can work on relaxing with the restlessness of our energy by remaining like a log and not retaliating.
6.44
This human form is like a running sore;
Merely touched, it cannot stand the pain!
I’m the one who clings to it with blind attachment;
Whom should I resent when pain occurs?
Here Shantideva uses one of his familiar teaching devices: he repeats himself. My uptightness, he says, causes me as much pain as other people’s deeds.
6.45
We who are like senseless children
Shrink from suffering, but love its causes.
We hurt ourselves; our pain is self-inflicted!
Why should others be the object of our anger?
Shantideva is speaking in a tender way. How sad it is that we, like children who don’t know any better, continue doing the very things that cause us suffering. Moreover, we love these causes—the addictions, the gossip, the overwork, the feeding of our critical mind. We associate them with comfort, satisfaction, and well-being. Why don’t we get angry with ourselves for hurting ourselves, rather than blaming others? Or, in our Western culture, where we’re so prone to self-criticism, it might be better to ask, “Why don’t we have some compassion for our situation?”
6.46
Who indeed should I be angry with?
This pain is all my own contriving—
Likewise all the janitors of hell
And all the groves of razor trees!
As has been said before, the hells in which we find ourselves are a projection of our mind. Our pain is for the most part self-inflicted. The good news is that once we see this, we might be motivated to free ourselves from our misery-producing ways.
6.47
Those who harm me come against me,
Summoned by my evil karma.
But they will be the ones who go to hell,
And so it is myself who bring their ruin.
Verses 47 through 51 are contemplations on the pain that purifies oneself, but hurts the person who inflicts it.
This is another idea that seems difficult for Westerners to accept: when someone harms us, they create the cause of their own suffering. They do this by strengthening habits that imprison them in a cycle of pain and confusion. It’s not that we are responsible for what someone else does, and certainly not that we should feel guilty. But when they harm us, we unintentionally become the means of their undoing. Had they looked on us with loving-kindness, however, we’d be the cause of their gathering virtue.
What I find helpful in this teaching is that what’s true for them is also true for me. The way I regard those who hurt me today will affect how I experience the world in the future. In any encounter, we have a choice: we can strengthen our resentment or our understanding and empathy. We can widen the gap between ourselves and others or lessen it.
6.48
Because of them, and through the exercise of patience,
My many sins are cleansed and purified.
But they will be the ones who, thanks to me,
Will have the long-drawn agonies of hell.
6.49
Therefore I am their tormentor!
Therefore it is they who bring me benefit!
Thus with what perversity, pernicious mind,
Will you be angry with your enemies?
The teaching here is the same. The troublemakers in our lives harm themselves, but benefit us by provoking us to practice patience. We can be grateful to whomever or whatever shows us we’re still “provokable.”
In any given situation, whoever justifies getting enraged loses and whoever uses that same situation to develop tolerance wins. Personally, I find this simple logic very helpful.
6.50
For if a patient quality of mind
Is mine, I shall avoid the pains of hell.
But though indeed I save myself,
What of my foes, what fate’s in store for them?
At some point, we know we can work with our mind. We’ve listened to the dharma and pondered it. If someone is continually angry with us—a family member, for example—it occurs to us that we have tools to work with this intelligently and kindly. But what about our parents or siblings? Although we may have a long way to go, they may not have a clue that they’re causing themselves unnecessary pain. What’s in store for them if they keep strengthening the habit of anger? Remembering this can make us more compassionate toward them and motivate us to practice patience.
6.51
If I repay them harm for harm,
Indeed they’ll not be saved thereby;
And all my noble actions will be spoiled,
Austerity of patience brought to nothing.
This very clearly states the same essential message. Retaliation doesn’t help anyone: it doesn’t help others and it definitely doesn’t help me. This ends the section on the third kind of patience: patience that comes from developing the tolerance to not strike back.
Throughout all these teachings, Shantideva does his best to undermine our ordinary, commonsense attitude toward enemies and other irritants. He refutes our knee-jerk reaction that retaliation makes the most sense.
Specific Situations for Practicing Patience
Patience, Part Two
CONTINUING IN CHAPTER 6 of The Way of the Bodhisattva, Shantideva now lists various painful situations in which we can learn to relax and practice patience.
6.52
The mind is bodiless:
By no one can it be destroyed.
And yet it grasps the body tightly,
Falling victim to the body’s pain.
6.53
Scorn and hostile words,
And comments that I do not like to hear—
My body is not harmed by them.
What reason do you have, O mind, for your resentment?
6.54
Contempt and scorn that others show me
Now and in my future lives—
Since none of it can bite and swallow me,
Why is it that I’m so averse to it?
The topic of verses 52 through 54 is practicing patience when we’re scorned, criticized, or treated condescendingly. When I was a child we used to say “sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me.” This is Shantideva’s message: hostile words are merely sounds coming out of someone’s mouth. If they were in a foreign language, we wouldn’t even react. But because of our past history and present state of mind, we interpret these sounds in a way that causes us to fly into a rage. Could we even consider not doing this?
6.55
Perhaps I turn from it because
It hinders me from having what I want.
But all my property I’ll leave behind,
While sins will keep me steady company.
Perhaps, Shantideva muses, we resent hostile words because we fear that if people dislike us, they may prevent us from acquiring the possessions and wealth we desire. But this, he acknowledges, doesn’t make sense. When we die, we will leave all our property behind; only karmic consequences will keep us steady company.
It would be wise not to strengthen negative propensities, no matter what their justification. Even if someone slanders us and threatens our reputation, it would be better to lose everything than to strengthen the causes of pain. In verses 56 through 61, he continues this reflection on “you can’t take it with you.”
6.56
Better far for me to die today,
Than live a long and evil life.
However great may be my length of days,
The pain of dying will be all the same.
6.57
One man dreams he lives a hundred years
Of happiness, but then he wakes.
Another dreams an instant’s joy,
But then he, likewise, wakes.
6.58
And when they wake, the happiness of both
Is finished, never to return.
Likewise, when the hour of death comes round,
Our lives are over, whether brief or long.
6.59
Though we be rich in worldly goods,
Delighting in our wealth for many years,
Despoiled and stripped as though by thieves,
We must go naked and with empty hands.
Whether our dreamlike life is long or short, in the end we die. Most of us hope for a long and happy dream and leave it at that. But if our long, happy dream is built on other people’s suffering, the consequences won’t be pleasant. A short dream in which we shed destructive habits would be preferable.
6.60
Perhaps we’ll claim that by our wealth we live,
And living, gather merit, dissipating evil.
But if we’re ruthless for the sake of gain,
It’s evil we will gather, dissipating merit!
6.61
What use then will our lives have been
When all is so degenerate and spoiled?
What use is there in living such a life
When evil is the only consequence?
These verses say more about ruthlessness for the sake of gain. We might claim we need to gather wealth in order to do virtuous deeds, like building temples or feeding the poor. With this Mafiastyle logic, we try to justify retaliating against those who would keep us from getting rich. But Shantideva makes it clear that our negative actions far outweigh any wholesome deeds we might perform in the hope of gathering a bit of merit.
6.62
If, when others slander us, we claim
Our anger is because they harm themselves,
How is it we do not resent
Their slander when it’s aimed at someone else?
We could always use dharma logic to justify our anger: “I’m angry because Mary is harming herself. When she slanders me, look at the painful consequences she creates for herself!” Such an argument might make us feel quite virtuous. But Shantideva replies, “In that case, why don’t I see you getting angry about Mary’s bad karma when she slanders someone else?”
6.63
If we bear with such antipathy,
Remarking that it’s due to other factors,
Why are we impatient when they slander us?
Emotion, after all, has been the cause of it.
We might claim that our not getting upset with Mary’s antipathy toward someone else is due to other factors. For example, we think that the other person deserved to be told off. We say to ourselves, “He’s
so consumed by his emotions that Mary needed to point that out.” To this, Shantideva is quick to reply: “Well then, since you also seem to be consumed by emotion, wouldn’t Mary have every right to disapprove of you?” I sense he’s having fun here with his logic and reasoning.
6.64
Even those who vilify and undermine
The sacred Doctrine, images, and stupas
Are not the proper objects of our anger;
The buddhas are themselves untouched thereby.
Perhaps we feel we could justify anger if someone harms the teachings or sacred images, but Shantideva disagrees. The buddhas themselves would not get upset; in fact, they would only feel compassion. So how can we presume to get self-righteous on their behalf?
6.65
And even if our teachers, relatives, and friends
Are now the object of aggression,
All derives from factors just explained.
This we should perceive, and curb our wrath.
Verse 65 discusses developing patience when those we love and admire are scorned. If our teacher is the object of aggression, it’s ridiculous to get angry. This is exactly what our teacher wouldn’t want us to do. If our loved one is being scorned, once again, we could reflect that, just like us, the aggressors are victims of their kleshas. If we become outraged, we become like mirror images of our foes. They, however, have no instructions for working with their emotions. Knowing that even with these instructions we still have difficulties, we might become more open-minded toward our adversaries and let this insight curb our wrath.
6.66
Beings suffer injury alike
From lifeless things as well as living beings;
So why be angry only with the latter?
Rather let us simply bear with harm.
