by Pema Chodron
Indecision and vacillation also set up a pattern. Not following through on the things we start strengthens this painful habit. Eventually we think of ourselves as ineffectual when, ironically, we ourselves wrote the script.
Trungpa Rinpoche also taught that it’s better not to start the spiritual journey, than to stop as soon as it gets challenging. He used the analogy of being on the operating table and deciding it’s too painful to continue. Once we’ve been cut open and our guts are hanging out, getting up and leaving isn’t a pretty picture.
7.49
Action, the afflictions, and ability:
Three things to which my pride should be applied.
“I will do this, I myself, alone!”
These words define my pride of action.
In verses 49 through 59, Shantideva discusses both negative and positive pride, inferring the latter is a component of genuine enthusiasm. In verse 49, pride of action is a synonym for confidence. How this confidence is applied to action, the afflictions, and ability may need some explanation. First, Shantideva knows which actions are helpful and which aren’t. Second, he trusts that he can work skillfully and patiently with his afflictions. And finally, he has confidence that the ability to connect with basic goodness is his birthright.
This positive pride is energizing: like the spark of life, it inspires and encourages us. Ordinary pride—the sense of being superior and looking down on others—only makes us feel weaker.
7.50
Enfeebled by their minds’ afflictions,
Worldly folk are helpless to secure their happiness.
Compared to those who wander, I am able—
This indeed shall be my chosen task.
Even though Shantideva has claimed not to have any aptitude for this path, he now rouses his positive pride. Looking around him, he realizes he has a much better chance than most. Some people don’t consider it a problem to slander or hate or even murder their enemies. They’ve never even remotely considered working with their mind and emotions. Compared to these unfortunate folk, he is confident he can follow the way of the bodhisattva.
7.51
When others give themselves to base activities,
How can I connive as their companion?
But I shall not refrain through pride or arrogance;
My best way is to give up such conceit.
We all know how easy it is to get caught in neurotic relationships or addictions when we hang out with certain people. If we have a history with drugs or alcohol, it’s lethal to go back and fraternize with the old crowd. But how do we draw the line between ourselves and unhealthy situations without looking down on others as bad or inferior? It’s important to contemplate this point.
The longer we stick with the bodhisattva path, the more it breaks our heart to see others trapped in confusion. Instead of feeling condescending or arrogant, we see how much they’re like us. We just happen to be lucky; they, for whatever reasons, haven’t yet been able to abandon their addictions or get out of their destructive relationships.
It’s not arrogant, therefore, to keep our distance; we’re simply wise enough to know we can’t handle some situations yet. We aspire to be able to go anywhere in the future, but we accept the fact that we don’t have the strength right now.
7.52
When they find a dying serpent,
Even crows behave like soaring eagles.
Therefore if I’m weak and feeble-hearted,
Even little faults will strike and injure me.
Poverty mentality is a setup for feeling under attack. The smallest things cause us to doubt ourselves; the slightest comment can make us feel inadequate and weak.
Shantideva uses the analogy of a dying serpent. When the serpent is alive and well, it’s like a confident person; it can’t be easily wounded. But when it loses its strength, it’s like someone with low self-esteem. Suddenly the smallest bird has the devastating power of a soaring eagle. The tiniest slight feels like a major slander campaign.
7.53
How will those who basely flee the conflict,
Ever free themselves from their debility?
But those who stand their ground with proud resolve
Are hard to vanquish even by the mighty.
Those who basely flee the conflict are in the majority. At the least sign of discomfort, we run away as fast as our little feet or little mind can carry us. Shantideva asks how we will ever free ourselves if we always cave in to feelings of inadequacy.
Limitations can be acknowledged without exaggerating or succumbing to them. When we’re confident that our mind is workable, our failings don’t seem like such a big deal. They’re as temporary as clouds, and in no way diminish the skylike nature of our mind. With this kind of confidence in our limitless potential, the mightiest challenges won’t cause us to lose heart.
7.54
Therefore with a steadfast heart
I’ll get the better of my weaknesses.
But if my failings get the upper hand,
My wish to overcome the world is laughable indeed.
If we have big ideas about saving others, but are easily triggered ourselves, then something is wrong with this picture. If we want to overcome the world, the first step is to have steadfast trust that we can work wisely with our kleshas. Then we can put that confidence into action.
7.55
“I will be the victor over all;
Nothing shall prevail and bring me down!”
The lion-offspring of the Conqueror
Should constantly abide in this proud confidence.
Proud confidence isn’t anything tangible or solid. It grows as we lighten up and shed our self-righteousness. We needn’t make such a big deal about our emotions or thoughts. Because they’re essentially empty, we don’t have to struggle against them; we can let them dissolve. From this point of view, what could ever prevail and bring me down? The experience of nonconceptual emptiness brings the proud confidence that we have absolutely nothing to lose but our chains!
7.56
Those whom arrogance and pride destroy
Are thus defiled; they lack proud confidence.
They fall into the power of an evil pride,
But those with true pride will escape the enemy.
Verse 56 clearly distinguishes arrogant pride from the pride of confidence and succinctly states which is preferable.
7.57
When arrogance inflates the mind,
It draws it down to states of misery,
Or else it ruins human birth, should this be gained.
Thus one is born a slave, dependent for one’s food—
7.58
Or feebleminded, ugly, without strength,
The butt and laughingstock of everyone.
Hapless creatures puffed up with conceit!
If these you call the proud, then tell me who are wretched?
The main thing about being proud and arrogant is that people don’t like us. These aren’t attractive qualities, and they do not make for a happy life. They certainly won’t get us the job. Because no one will hire us, we might end up bereft, a slave, dependent for one’s food.
Proud confidence, on the other hand, is uplifting. It comes from the understanding that all of us are buddhas in disguise.
7.59
Those who uphold pride to vanquish pride, the enemy,
Are truly proud, the victors in the war.
Those who overwhelm the progress of that evil pride,
Perfect the fruit of buddhahood and satisfy the longings of the world.
This verse plays further with the word pride. Shantideva concludes this section by saying that we can use pride to undermine pride. Joyful confide
nce has more power than the klesha of pride. Dismantling negative pride, he affirms, brings the greatest possible benefit to oneself and to the world.
7.60
When you are beleaguered by defilements,
Fight them in a thousand ways.
Do not surrender to the host of the afflictions;
Be like a lion in a crowd of foxes.
7.61
However great may be their peril,
People will by reflex guard their eyes.
And likewise I, regardless of all hardship,
Must not fall beneath defilement’s power.
7.62
Even though I may be burned to death,
And though I may be killed, my head cut off,
At no time will I bow and scrape
Before that foe of mine, defiled emotion.
7.62A
Thus in every time and place
I will not wander from the wholesome path.
Shantideva fearlessly proclaims what’s possible for all of us. To identify with our neurosis instead of our basic goodness would be very sad: like being born a queen, but thinking of yourself as a beggar.
In my own training, I’ve been taught to look for the gaps: the gap at the end of each out-breath; the space between thoughts; the naturally occurring, nonconceptual pause after a sudden shock, unexpected noise, or moment of awe. Trungpa Rinpoche advised intentionally creating these gaps by pausing to look at the sky or stopping to listen intently. He called this “poking holes in the clouds.”
These fleeting moments of no-big-deal me, no internal conversations, no frozen opinions, are very simple yet powerful. The utter freshness of just being present introduces us to unshakable confidence: a lionlike pride that refuses to buy into any negative or limiting story lines.
Would that we could catch this Shantideva spirit. Then no outer challenge or emotional distress could lure us into ignorance and confusion. Just as people will by reflex guard their eyes in time of peril, we would instinctively interrupt the momentum of getting hooked. In every time and place, we would keep an open heart. Even if tortured or threatened with death, we’d never surrender to the lure of the kleshas or cut ourselves off from our birthright.
7.63
Like those who take great pleasure in their games,
The bodhisattvas in their every deed
Will feel the greatest joy, exhilaration,
Pleasure that will never fade or pass.
7.64
People labor hard to gain contentment
Though success is very far from sure;
But how can they be happy if they do not labor,
Those whose joy is in the work itself?
The third of the four powers, the power of joy, is described in verses 63 through 66. Along with aspiration and steadfastness, joy is an essential ingredient of enthusiasm.
Dzongsar Khyentse remarked that when we do something we don’t enjoy, we drag our feet. But doing something we love—Let’s go swimming! Let’s eat popcorn and watch videos!—makes us feel happy and light. Could we bring the same enthusiasm to freeing ourselves from pain? Could we approach awakening from self-absorption like those who take great pleasure in their games? With this kind of enthusiasm for challenge, life becomes a constant source of happiness. “The greater the challenge, the better” is the bodhisattva’s motto.
Trungpa Rinpoche’s mother-in-law initially hated him. She had been raised in apartheid South Africa and, as far as she was concerned, her daughter had married a black man. Rinpoche was absolutely delighted with the challenge of winning her over. When she was most antagonistic, he had his wife invite her to a holiday dinner. She refused to come unless he invited her personally. So he went to her house and when she opened the door, he got down on his knees and pleaded with her to join them. He courted her like this for years, and eventually she grew to love him without reservation.
The love of challenge is the bodhisattva’s secret weapon. While most of us try to avoid the slightest anxiety, hint of groundlessness, or twinge of insecurity, bodhisattvas develop a healthy appetite for difficulty.
7.65
And since I never have enough of pleasure,
Honey on the razor’s edge,
How could I have enough of merit,
Fruits of which are happiness and peace?
This image—licking honey on a razor’s edge—has become a famous analogy for addictive behavior. Because the honey tastes so delicious, we don’t want to stop; meanwhile our poor tongue is being cut to shreds. Where do we want to put our enthusiasm, into short-term gratification or the long-range happiness of a bodhisattva’s life? This is the question.
7.66
The elephant, tormented by the noonday sun,
Will dive into the waters of a lake,
And likewise I must plunge into this work
That I might bring it to completion.
This is the spirit! Like an overheated elephant diving into the waters of a lake, we can take delight in living a life that frees us from confusion. Knowing it will heal us, how could we not want to plunge into the task of cooling the heat of our kleshas?
7.67
If impaired by weakness or fatigue,
I’ll lay the work aside, the better to resume.
And I will leave tasks completed,
Anticipating thus the work to come.
The subject here is the importance of moderation and rest. Before making any commitments, we can consider our capabilities and learn to pace ourselves. We sentient beings habitually drive ourselves or flop, both of which lead to burnout. The key to remaining eager and inspired on the bodhisattva path is knowing when to take a break. On this wise and compassionate note, Shantideva ends his presentation of the four powers: aspiration, firmness, joy, and moderation.
7.68
As seasoned fighters face the swords
Of enemies upon the battle line,
Lightly dodge the weapons of defilement,
And overcome the foe with nimble skill!
The final verses of this chapter present various attributes of enthusiasm. First, the quality of nimbleness, or lightness, is introduced. It’s easy to become deadly serious about freeing ourselves from suffering. People need help now, and we have to get ourselves in shape fast! But in the so-called war against the kleshas, heavy-handedness is just another ego trip. Instead of struggling, Shantideva suggests bringing some lightness into the equation. Like children at play, like a hot elephant diving into a lake, like a joyful horse, or a breeze of delight—bring enthusiasm to the task.
In the beginning, of course, this may not seem possible; it’s the seasoned fighters who can do this. But that’s no reason to get discouraged. It may be hard work now; but refraining from kleshas and being open to whatever arises is like learning to drive a car: it gets easier with practice.
On the bodhisattva path, even after a direct experience of emptiness, it takes a long time to become skilled in helping others. Meanwhile, if you keep your sense of humor and playfully catch yourself whenever you get uptight, your lightness and confidence can’t help but grow.
7.69
If, in the fray, the soldier drops his sword,
In fright, he swiftly takes it up again.
So likewise, if the arm of mindfulness is lost,
In fear of hell be quick to get it back.
The next quality of enthusiasm is urgency. The combination of lightness and urgency is unbeatable. On one hand, it’s critical to your well-being to dismantle the kleshas; on the other hand, if you’re too driven, you simply create another form of self-absorption. The trick is to see when you get hooked, then gently but urgently come back to the present moment.
Just as a soldier
can’t be nonchalant about dropping his sword in battle, we can’t be complacent about losing our mindfulness. When our mind is distracted, the kleshas move in like a band of robbers. But if we bring our mind back with harshness or panic, we’ll never generate the self-compassion we need to progress along the path.
7.70
Just as seeping venom fills the body,
Carried on the current of the blood,
An evil thought that finds its chance,
Will spread and permeate the mind.
This is very true. We can’t underestimate the seeping venom of even tiny grudges or subtle resentments. Unacknowledged, they will spread and permeate our minds. In this and the following verses, Shantideva emphasizes the importance of mindfulness as a component of enthusiasm.
7.71
Be like a frightened man, a brimming oil jar in his hand,
And menaced by a swordsman saying:
“Spill one drop and you shall die!”
This is how the disciplined should hold themselves.
At the time of the Buddha, there was a king who discredited the power of mindfulness practice. To show the skeptical king his error, the Buddha had several men walk into the palace, carrying jars brimming with oil. Behind each of them walked a swordsman ready to strike if they spilled a drop. Although the room was filled with dancing maidens, musicians, and other distractions, none of them spilled a bit of that brimming oil. Not even a three-ring circus is distracting when there’s a sword at your back! Thus, the tremendous power of a stabilized mind was convincingly demonstrated to the king.
