by Laura Ziepe
When he just lay there with his back to her, she knew it wasn’t good news. Charlie was a master at ignoring her. He was the most stubborn person that Emma had ever met. If he had a problem with something she’d done (no matter how small), he could blank her for days on end. It drove Emma crazy and he knew it. She could never be bothered to argue and keep up the silent treatment. When Emma was angry with something he’d done, she was of the belief that she would end up talking to him anyway, so the best thing to do was talk about their issue straight away and move forward. It was a much more productive, healthy way of dealing with things. She wasn’t one to drag it on and on. She wondered how long it would last this time? It couldn’t be too long or the wedding wouldn’t go ahead. He could hardly stand there at the altar remaining silent when the vicar asked him, ‘Do you take Emma Langford to be your lawfully wedded wife?’ Just imagine.
Emma lay with her head on his shoulder even though she knew he was in one of his moods. If only she knew what had happened so she could attempt to make things right again. Charlie’s moods were draining. They could be scary too.
‘Everything okay?’ she asked gently, finding his hand under the covers and squeezing it.
He ripped his hand away, making her flinch and he got out of the bed, stomping to the bathroom.
Silence.
Emma’s heart sank and she picked up her phone as a distraction, noticing that Frankie had texted her.
Morning Em. You okay? Hope you’re not feeling too worse for wear this morning. Just checking we’re still meeting at one. by the pool? Xx
Emma sighed. If she did go out today, there was no way she was drinking. She questioned, not for the first time, whether it would be better for her in the long run to just not drink any more. That way she wouldn’t upset Charlie as often. That way, she’d remember exactly what had gone on and wouldn’t have to feel like this.
Charlie marched out of the bathroom in only a white towel around his waist. Despite the fact he wasn’t talking to her, it never failed to amaze her how attracted she was to him. As she gazed at his perfectly toned abs and broad shoulders wet from the shower, she still wanted him. That was the problem. The sex they had was mind-blowing, the make-up sex even better. It almost made it worth arguing just to rip each other’s clothes off afterwards. Almost, she thought, feeling downbeat. His moods were getting more and more frequent. The way he treated her was getting more and more concerning.
‘Charlie,’ Emma started, hating how desperate she sounded, ‘what’s wrong? What have I done to upset you? Just tell me. Please,’ she begged. Her voice was small and pathetic, exactly how she felt.
He sprayed his deodorant without a care in the world.
‘Please Charlie,’ she continued, unable to face the day if they were on bad terms. They were going to be around their friends and family all day and she really didn’t want it to be frosty between them. It was be awkward and obvious to everyone else that there was an atmosphere. Couldn’t he just put it to the side just for once and talk about it? Couldn’t he just grow up for once?
He started to brush his hair in the mirror.
‘Don’t ignore me,’ she said tiredly. ‘We have people who have travelled a long way to be here for us. If you can’t do it for me, then do it for them.’
She could see his jaw clenching and she knew he was thinking about what she was saying.
She exhaled loudly. ‘What exactly have I done wrong? How am I supposed to even apologize if you won’t even speak to me?’
He turned to her with a flinty stare. ‘You’re an embarrassment,’ he spat. ‘That’s why I’m not talking to you.’
He’d spoken and she felt a wave of relief. This was going to be sorted out quicker than it usually was. Emma held her breath, racking her brains. She knew he would be overreacting. He always did. She actually tried to not go out with him any more because it only ever ended up in an argument. She’d really hoped it would be different in Vegas. After all, they were getting married. Surely he knew how much she loved him if she was going to be his wife? Surely his insecurities would go away after that? She thought back to when they went out to dinner once and he ignored her the entire time because he thought she’d fancied a man sitting behind him.
‘What are you talking about?’ Emma had asked in bafflement. She hadn’t even been sure which man he was talking about as it had been really busy. There were lots of other couples all around them.
He’d looked the other way, anywhere but at her, and blanked the question.
‘I don’t fancy anyone except you, Charlie. When are you going to get that into your head?’ She had been looking forward to the meal as it was a new Italian restaurant in their area, and Emma recalled looking round with envy at the other normal couples chatting away. Why couldn’t they be like that? Why couldn’t they just have a night out without something upsetting him? She was so disappointed he was ruining their night out. So frustrated by his jealousy that she wanted to scream. When Charlie was nice, he was lovely. He honestly made her feel like the most special, loved person in the world. But when he was like this it was like thinking you’d won the lottery, only to double-check and find one of the numbers was wrong. He just made her feel so disappointed that he had this side to him.
She took a deep breath. ‘Look, I’m sorry for whatever it is I’ve done to embarrass you. I really am. But you need to snap out of it, Charlie. We’re getting married. You can’t keep behaving like this.’ She closed her eyes, exhausted with constantly trying to reason with him.
‘You spoke to me like an idiot,’ he retorted furiously, ‘in front of everyone.’ He was glaring at her looking exasperated. ‘After everything I do for you, Emma! Do you know how much I’ve actually helped you get to where you are with your career? Do you? Half these free things we’re getting given are because of me.’ He jabbed his chest violently.
‘I’m sorry, Charlie, and you know how grateful I am for everything you’ve done. I’m so sorry for whatever it was I said,’ Emma replied, hating that her voice was scratchy with nerves. ‘I would never do anything to make you look stupid. I’d had too much to drink; you have to accept my apology so we can just meet everyone today and have a good time.’
When he just ignored her, she tried again.
‘What was it that I said?’ she ventured wanly.
‘You were trying to control me,’ he responded hotly, his face darkening. ‘Telling me I’d had enough to drink and trying to make me look bad because I wasn’t willing to take you home when you decided you wanted to leave,’ he fumed with a grimace. ‘I was enjoying myself with my mates. I don’t appreciate you telling me what I can and can’t do.’
Emma shook her head, wishing this were all over. Hoping he was going to forgive her quickly this time. She hated arguing. She’d never seen her parents argue once; they spoke to each other calmly, with respect. Emma didn’t know what she’d done to deserve to be spoken to the way Charlie did. Even if she’d tried to get him to go home when he was with his mates, was that such a bad thing? Was that really trying to control him? She’d most likely needed him to get her back and look after her, like any normal fiancé would. He was the one who had wanted to meet up on their stag and hen nights too, not the other way around. Not that she would dare to say that; it just wasn’t worth another row. Then there was the fact he kept bringing up how much he did for her. Emma was confused; he’d always wanted to get involved in her brand deals, give them a once-over to make sure she was given as much as he felt she should be. Whenever she suggested she was capable of managing her own life, he was quick to tell her how much she needed him, but then constantly threw it back in her face.
The sooner she agreed with him, the sooner it would be done. She got out of bed and stood behind him, looking at his face as he dressed in the mirror. She walked up closely behind him and put her arms around his waist.
‘Please, Charlie. I’m sorry, okay? I won’t tell you what to do ever again. I swear it.’ She knew she shouldn’t even be a
pologizing. She was aware she was allowing him to control her, not the other way around, which he was trying to imply. But Emma just wanted an easy life. She just wanted to get on and see the nice Charlie again.
She kissed the back of his neck, trying with all her power to wash away his agitation. Her eyes flicked to his softening expression in the mirror and she knew it was working. He turned around and kissed her roughly, just like she knew he would. His hands reached for her bra as he unhooked it hungrily, pushing her back on the bed. Emma wished she didn’t want him the way she did. Their relationship wasn’t healthy and at times, Emma had to admit, she didn’t actually like Charlie. He was like a spoilt child, petulant and unreasonable, but as he tugged at her underwear, Emma couldn’t help but crave every inch of him. She despised his tantrums, but when he finally forgave her for whatever little thing she’d done, when she finally managed to turn him round, it was always such a turn-on for her. As he pressed his body up against her and she arched her back longingly, she wondered if she could honestly put up with this for the rest of her life. You were meant to take someone for better or worse, but what if the worse was clearly starting to outweigh the better?
Later as they lay in bed watching television, Charlie’s phone rang.
‘You alright, mate?’ he answered.
Emma attempted to listen to who was speaking but the voice on the other end of the line was muffled.
‘Yeah, one o’clock, that’s right. It was a good night, wasn’t it? Where did you end up going in the end?’ Charlie grinned and let out a loud, excitable laugh. ‘No way! Trust you,’ he said.
Emma sat there frowning, wondering who it was and what they were talking about.
‘Okay, mate. I’ll see you soon,’ Charlie said before putting the phone down.
‘Who was that?’ Emma enquired curiously. ‘What were they talking about?’
‘That was Max, just wondering where we were going,’ he answered with a slight smile. Charlie and Max had become good friends since meeting at Callum’s gym several years ago. Charlie had kept talking about his friend Max from work, singing his praises, and it had been a coincidence when Emma realized she already knew him from college. Callum didn’t seem to go out with them as much and Emma guessed it was probably because he owned the gym and perhaps didn’t want to always mix business with pleasure.
‘Right,’ Emma said slowly, ‘and what else did he say?’ she asked.
‘You’ll never guess what he ended up doing last night? Or should I say, who he ended up doing,’ he chuckled.
Emma knew before he even told her, but she felt annoyed for her friend. Why was Max blurting out what had happened to Charlie like an ignorant loudmouth? ‘He slept with Holly?’ she guessed.
‘Yep,’ Charlie was smiling. A typical man, impressed by his friend’s antics.
‘I don’t think he should be telling you that,’ Emma responded, lines creasing her forehead. She knew she wouldn’t be happy if she were in Holly’s position. It was as though Max couldn’t wait to blab about it. It was immature and boastful. Holly wasn’t just some girl he’d met on a night out; she was Emma’s friend attending her wedding. She felt disappointed he didn’t have a little more respect. It was different when she heard about him bragging about someone she didn’t know.
‘Oh lighten up.,’ Charlie brushed away her comment. ‘He told me not to say anything. It’s hardly a big deal, is it?’
‘It probably is to Holly,’ she said pointedly. She paused for a moment, deep in thought. ‘If you didn’t bring me home last night, who did?’ she asked him interestedly. She genuinely had no idea.
‘What?’ Charlie asked, confused now she’d changed the subject.
‘You didn’t want to come back last night, you said earlier. Did you end up coming back in the end or did someone else get me home?’ she asked.
‘Oh, it was Frankie who brought you back. Anyway, we’d better start getting ready,’ he said, turning to her and looking at her lovingly. He kissed her on the nose. ‘I love you, Em. So bloody much.’
He was Jeckyl and Hyde. He blew hot and then cold. Emma never knew where she stood. She was always walking on eggshells. Skating on thin ice. She nodded, wondering if she was strong enough to do this for the rest of her life. What on earth was she signing up for?
Chapter 13
Kim
Kim clicked off the cute image that Emma had just posted on her Instagram of her and Charlie smiling in bed together, thinking what a cute couple they made, and turned to Holly who was talking about the previous night.
‘It doesn’t matter, Holly,’ Kim said calmly, trying to hide her surprise. ‘You obviously really like him.’
Holly had just announced that she’d slept with Max the previous evening. She appeared a little apprehensive and sheepish, unsure if she had done the right thing. Holly was single and she’d had a rough year after splitting up with Rob. She was thirty-two and she’d slept with a guy she clearly liked more than she was letting on. Holly never normally had one-night stands. It just seemed like something from the past. Kim never imagined she’d be talking about this kind of thing again with Holly when they both had children, yet here she was, trying to make her friend know that the situation was okay. She’d stayed the night in Max’s room and was worried she was going to regret it. She was scared she was going to feel awkward around him and it would change things between them.
‘I don’t know what came over me,’ Holly said looking a little guilty. ‘He’s just so good-looking and charming. I guess I just want to move on from Rob. You know what they say …’
‘You only get over someone by getting under another?’ Kim raised her eyebrow. ‘You did what you wanted to do at the time, good for you,’ Kim replied. ‘Being single and having sex with someone you fancy is hardly a crime, is it? You’re just enjoying yourself and you’re entitled to. Don’t beat yourself up about it.’
‘Yes, I know,’ Holly sighed. ‘But I like him. Well I think I do. If I’m honest, he’s probably not as down to earth as I’d usually go for and I hate the fact that he stares at every woman that walks past,’ she said rolling her eyes, ‘but I just don’t want things to feel uncomfortable between us now.’
‘What was it like anyway?’ Kim asked her, her eyes twinkling as she waited for some details. This was interesting stuff and it made Kim feel like a teenager again.
Holly’s face split into a grin. ‘Amazing,’ she gushed, ‘honestly, so good. I’ve been so used to sleeping with the same man that I completely forgot what it was like to be with someone else. It was so much more exciting. Max was unfamiliar and new. The sex between Rob and I became such a routine in the end I knew exactly what was going to happen and when. Do you know what I mean?’ She asked. ‘Oh, actually you probably don’t. You and Andy have such a strong relationship,’ she added.
Kim forced a smile. Of course she knew what Holly meant. It was exactly the same for Kim and Andy. They tended to do the same thing every time; Sunday morning was their day, and if Kim was honest, once it was over with she’d feel a bit relieved she could relax for another week. Though as she sat there thinking about it, she doubted it was even every week any more. When was the last time they’d had sex? The thought startled her and hit her like a fever. It couldn’t have been too recently because Kim would remember. They’d once been so passionate, kissing at every opportunity and able to have sex when they felt like it. Kim even used to dress up for him! Once upon a time they would do role-play and games. It was always fun and always exhilarating. She just simply couldn’t imagine having the time and energy to do that now. Her whole day was filled up with jobs: feed the children, get them washed and dressed, brush their teeth, make a packed lunch, get them out of the house, meet the other mothers, do the food shopping, make the dinner, clean the kitchen, put on the washing. At the end of it all, when the children finally went to bed, Kim just wanted to unwind. She wanted to put her feet up and watch television with a cup of tea – was that really so bad? She hated to say
it, but sex now felt a little like another job to do on her never-ending list. She was just always so tired, usually having been up in the night with the children. She rarely felt sexy any more, never having the time to make an effort with her appearance like she once had. She viewed sex with her husband like she did going to the gym: she wasn’t always overly keen at thought of it, but doing it was never as bad as she thought it would be, and she always felt much better afterwards, as though it brought them closer together. It wasn’t as though she didn’t enjoy it when it happened, because she did, but it had become a bit mundane and predictable. ‘It’s nice to feel comfortable and relaxed with someone you know though,’ Kim said, perhaps trying to convince herself. ‘It’s nice to be in love with the person you’re doing it with.’
Holly nodded slowly. ‘Yes, I know all of that, but it’s much more enthralling to be in lust,’ she smirked, ‘and honestly, Max was incredible. We did it five times.’
Now she was just showing off, Kim thought. ‘Five?’ she squawked.
Holly laughed gaily. ‘Yep.’
Kim couldn’t help but feel envious. There was her not even having sex five times in a month and Holly had done it five times in one night. She couldn’t deny there was a part of her that was envious of the fact her friend was single and could have fun with whoever she liked. She had no-one to answer to. She could be with whoever she wanted. It felt like a lifetime ago that Kim had been in that position. It had been years since she’d been all over Andy, in that stage where you just couldn’t get enough of each other. That feeling when you first met someone, and the infatuation and electricity you felt every time they so much as touched you, could never come back again. It was a bit like lighting a sparkler. It started off so strong and powerful, bright and alive, before slowly and quietly fizzling out. When the spark had gone, it simply couldn’t be lit up again. Or could it? Kim knew that her marriage needed work in more ways than one. She could see that now. Her marriage had taken a backseat since having children; it was something she just assumed was working, while she was getting on with her busy life and putting all her time and attention into the kids. Since the messages from Lily, now Kim wasn’t so sure. She turned her thoughts back to Holly. ‘Were you careful?’ Kim asked Holly seriously. She wasn’t deliberately trying to put a downer on the situation, but she thought it was an important thing to ask.
