The Morning After the Wedding Before

by Laura Ziepe

  ‘Yes, of course,’ Holly replied as though it was obvious. ‘I’m not stupid.’

  ‘I was just checking,’ Kim replied.

  Holly’s phone beeped and her face broke into a beaming smile. ‘That’s Max now actually. Just checking that we’re going to the pool party at one.’

  ‘See, nothing to worry about is there?’ Kim said brightly, ‘he’s messaging you already.’ Again, a small part of her wished she could go back to the days where text messages were exciting and made you grin from ear to ear. Kim remembered when she’d first met Andy. Every time she even saw his name on the screen her heart would flip over. Even if he was only asking how her day was going, she would feel her spirits lift and would have a spring in her step. He’d genuinely had the power to make her feel like the happiest person alive. Now it was just normal seeing his name flash on the screen. He’d be asking what they were having for dinner or informing her he was coming home from the school a little late, that kind of thing. Just usual, everyday stuff. There was rarely anything that made her smile like Holly was doing right at that moment. Kim knew this was normal too, no spark remained the same forever, but she couldn’t help but realize that she actually missed it. Why had she turned Andy down all those times he’d tried to take her out for dinner since the children had been born? Kim always had an excuse: she didn’t want to put either of their mothers out coming over to babysit, she didn’t have anything to wear, she was too tired or she just didn’t feel like it. Why wasn’t she still trying to make effort with their marriage? Kim often felt because Andy hadn’t exactly been overjoyed when she’d accidently fallen pregnant with Mylo, she should be the one always dealing with him when he cried or needed feeding. She knew it was ludicrous, but she’d also blamed herself for Mylo being born early, questioning whether it was something she had done, even though she’d been told dozens of times it was just ‘one of those things’. Had the shock and fright of Mylo’s early birth turned Kim into a control freak where the children were concerned? She hadn’t enjoyed her pregnancy with Willow one little bit. She’d rested as much as possible, terrified an early labour was going to happen again. She only finally relaxed when she got to thirty-seven weeks’ pregnant and felt even more thrilled when Willow had been born a week after her due date at eight pounds seven.

  She remembered Andy once clicking his tongue when she re-dressed Willow before they went out for the day to meet family.

  ‘What?’ she’d asked. ‘I just think it may be cold out; she should be wearing something warmer.’

  ‘There’s just no point in me getting them dressed, is there?’ Andy had mumbled.

  Kim ignored him, thinking he was being silly. She just couldn’t help herself. She always thought she could do things better; but how did this make Andy feel? Why was she only thinking about it now she was worried about his relationship with Lily? It was as though she’d been blinded and could now finally see the error of her ways. She’d only ever meant well though; she certainly hadn’t meant to ignore her husband and make him feel inferior. Kim couldn’t wait to see Andy again and talk to him. Communication was such an important part in a relationship –everyone knew that. So why had she felt the need to run away when she’d seen those messages? Why had she fallen silent? Fear. The word popped into her head, uninvited. She was afraid of what Andy was going to tell her. Kim didn’t want this to be it. She loved Andy more than anything, and even though she was upset that he’d even replied to those inappropriate, flirty messages, a tiny little part of her felt she hadn’t helped matters over the years by behaving the way she did. Not that this excused his behaviour in any way whatsoever; she was furious at him as well as being hurt. She would never have been chatting like that with another man, even if they were just friends. A line had been crossed in her opinion, and Kim wouldn’t ever betray Andy like that. Andy often joked that he felt like a spare part, unwanted. But was he really joking though? Kim wanted to get to the bottom of why this was happening and if possible, make it all better again. Seeing Holly trying to cope with life as a single mother and having to deal with Rob being in a new relationship made Kim determined to save her family in any way she could. She would be devastated if their family was torn apart. Kim had always told herself that once she’d settled down, that would be it. No-one said a marriage was easy and Kim was willing to work at it. She didn’t want to be sending one-word messages to Andy, arranging days for him to have the children and being introduced to his new partner; it just didn’t bear thinking about.

  She clicked on Andy’s Instagram account to see if he’d posted anything new lately. He didn’t use it much and was more just someone who browsed it occasionally than someone who posted his own images and liked people’s photos. Kim couldn’t recall a time she’d ever checked up on him, but after thinking about their relationship, she was intrigued. His latest post was a selfie; he was flashing an enormous smile at the camera wearing his rugby kit on the school field. It was odd seeing Andy take a selfie, as though she was looking at a stranger. He was the least vain person she knew and didn’t really rate himself as attractive as such (something which, ironically, Kim had always found so attractive). She clicked on the image, immediately noticing the comment underneath:

  @Lily.Anderson28- Great pic xx

  Kim couldn’t hear anything against the thrumming of her ears. Her throat was tight and she couldn’t swallow. So this was Lily? Kim clicked on Lily’s page, both pleased and frightened that it wasn’t private. Did Andy write comments underneath her photos too? She was fuming. Lily’s account seemed fairly new, with just the odd selfie, photo on a night out with friends of a Jack Russell called Rex. Kim exhaled slowly, relieved there were no comments from Andy when she checked all her images. It was so ridiculous she was even doing such a thing! Kim hated to think of herself as a snoop, but it was impossible not to. She clicked on the latest selfie, looking inscrutably at Lily with her shoulder-length auburn hair, striking almond eyes and English rose, flawless skin; she looked nothing like Kim.

  Just as she was about to click off the image and get on with the rest of her day, her finger froze, as she noticed something underneath the selfie: Andy had liked her photo.

  Chapter 14

  Holly

  ‘You okay? You seem a little quiet,’ Holly asked Kim as they walked through the entrance to the pool.

  ‘Yes, course,’ Kim said, looking as though she was in a world of her own. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

  ‘You’re not worried about the children at home, are you? They’re going to be fine with Andy. We don’t have long left – let’s just enjoy our time here,’ she enthused.

  Kim nodded. ‘I’m not even going to think about home at all,’ she turned her head and smiled.

  Holly nodded and smiled back, not entirely convinced as she searched for the others. She spotted Max, sitting on the large round sun lounger and waving. Everything was going to be just fine between them; last night wouldn’t change a thing, she told herself. She needed to remain her usual positive self and stop worrying.

  Max was sitting with Callum and she suddenly felt a little ill at ease, despite telling herself she shouldn’t, knowing that he’d probably told him about what had happened between them. She felt self-conscious, as though all eyes were on her. She felt like she had a flashing sign above her head saying, Look at me.

  Emma was looking sensational in a red swimsuit, taking a selfie in front of a large bottle of champagne. She looked every bit suited to a glamourous Vegas pool party. Her long, thick hair was wavy from the humidity; anyone would guess she had hair extensions, but it was all natural. She’d always had the most beautiful hair, Holly thought. Emma was obviously posting to her Instagram again; Holly had seen lots of posts pop up on her timeline since she’d been in Vegas, many that she hadn’t even realized Emma had filmed. She wondered how Emma could always be bothered to do it; weren’t there ever times when she just wanted to turn her phone off and not check her messages? But she always had her phone in her hand, pos
ing for some picture or another, tagging the location and brands. She respected her though. It was amazing to think she only had to so much as post a video or photo to get paid. There was no alarm clock waking her up at 6 a.m. each day. No boss to answer to. No train to catch. It did seem that Charlie had more to do with Emma’s Instagram than Holly first realized and she wondered why Emma seemed to believe she needed Charlie’s input. Emma was a smart, intelligent woman; Holly just wished she could see this.

  ‘Hey everyone,’ Kim said chirpily. ‘You all okay?’

  ‘Hi,’ Holly smiled, sitting down next to Callum where there was room.

  Kim peeled off her pretty white summer dress, revealing a bright orange, cut-out swimsuit; she looked really lovely, Holly thought. She was more curvy now than before she’d had children, her bust obviously not as pert as it once had been, but she still looked great.

  ‘How was your night, Holly?’ Charlie asked, his mouth twitching as though he was holding back a grin, raising one eyebrow.

  Holly felt her face getting hotter and she slid her sunglasses from her head down onto her nose. She was irritated with herself for reacting to his comment, but couldn’t help it. She really hadn’t expected anyone to say anything. So Max had already told Charlie? She felt a hint of annoyance, but also felt more let down than angry. How old was he? It was so immature.

  ‘Fine, thank you. Yourself?’ she responded, more boldly than she felt.

  ‘I’m great,’ he grinned, looking as though he wanted to laugh, ‘just fine.’

  Idiot, Holly thought sourly. She didn’t know Charlie that well, but the more she got to know him, the more she thought he wasn’t as nice as he first seemed. There was something about the way he looked at Emma, like she was his property and he owned her. Something about his tone of voice at times that made her think something was off key.

  ‘How you doing?’ Emma asked in a shrill tone. ‘I was wondering if you both fancied coming with me a bit later on to a wedding shop here in Vegas? They’ve offered to give me some bridal accessories for free in exchange for promoting them,’ she explained. ‘Then perhaps we can do a hair trial tomorrow, Holly, if that’s okay? I honestly can’t wait for you to work your magic,’ she smiled broadly.

  ‘That’s so cool,’ Kim replied enthusiastically. ‘I can’t believe you get so much free stuff; you’re so lucky. We’ll definitely come, won’t we, Holly?’

  Emma smiled proudly, but Holly noticed that she looked distracted somehow, as though she had something on her mind.

  ‘You’ll love it when Holly does your hair; she’s amazing,’ Kim added, her face filled with awe.

  ‘Is that what you do then?’ Callum asked, listening to their conversation. ‘Wedding hair?’

  ‘Yes,’ Holly replied. ‘I specialize in bridal hairstyles so it makes perfect sense for me to do Emma’s.’ Holly was pleased she would be saving Emma some money as she knew the prices for bridal hair and make-up in Vegas certainly weren’t cheap.

  ‘I guess it’s the perfect job to have when you have kids; you can pick and choose when you work,’ Callum replied, leaning back on the sun lounger.

  It was impossible not to notice his perfect body, and Holly cleared her throat, forcing herself to look away.

  ‘It really is,’ she told him.

  Emma looked grateful. ‘Thanks so much, Holly. I still don’t know what I want yet, so I’ll have a look on Pinterest for some inspiration.’

  ‘Come on girls, let’s get some drinks and go in the pool,’ Kim suggested, looking over at the crowds laughing and splashing in the water.

  ‘How can you seriously be up for drinking again after last night?’ Emma asked in amazement.

  ‘Hair of the dog,’ Kim giggled. ‘It’s the only way to cure yourself.’

  Holly nodded and shot her a natural smile. Kim really had seemed to enjoy herself over the past few days; Holly could just about keep up with her. She seemed distracted though, as if she was drinking to block out something else on her mind and Holly reminded herself to ask her about it when they were alone.

  ‘Fancy coming in the pool?’ She turned to Max and Callum.

  Callum looked at Max with a slight shrug of his shoulders as though he would go if Max were up for it.

  ‘Maybe in a bit,’ Max replied casually, lying back and closing his eyes. ‘I want to just chill for a bit and catch some sun.’

  Holly swallowed down her disappointment, but told herself she was reading too much into things. The man was allowed to sunbathe if that’s what he wanted to do. She wouldn’t have thought anything of it if he’d said the same thing yesterday. He hadn’t though. He’d constantly been beside her, showing interest. Refusing to feel insecure and needy, Holly turned her thoughts to having a good time with her friends.

  ‘Let’s go,’ she said, beginning to sing along to a song.

  Moments later they were saying ‘Cheers’, clinking together glasses of Prosecco. Holly honestly couldn’t believe she was drinking again, but if Kim was encouraging her, then she felt obliged to follow suit.

  ‘I’m just going over to the others quickly to say hello,’ Emma told them, glancing over to some of the others who had just turned up. “I’ll be back in a bit.’

  Kim began to chat to two men who told them they were from Canada. Holly chatted to Chad from Toronto, secretly hoping that Max would notice. He didn’t seem too fussed about spending time with her today and had barely even said hello to her. It was good for him to see that she had options; despite being a mother of two in her thirties, she was certainly still desirable.

  Holly laughed at Chad’s jokes and politely answered his questions even though if she was honest, he was starting to bore her a little, droning on about his job in IT. She couldn’t help but stare at his ridiculously white teeth (clearly veneers) and was losing track of what he was saying. As she looked over at Max, her heart sank when she spotted him and Callum chatting to a group of girls. Max was throwing his head back, chuckling at something one of the girls had said, and Holly couldn’t help but feel irritated. She knew she was doing exactly the same thing and it was hypocritical, but now the doubts about how much he actually liked her were starting to set in. She’d done the exact same thing when she was younger on a holiday to Portugal. Liam had been her first (and only) one-night stand. Holly just hadn’t been able to resist his charm and promises. She’d fallen for everything. No sooner had she slept with him, he lost interest. He’d been straight onto the next girl and Holly had felt foolish when she saw him leave the bar the following evening with a girl with long dark hair. He most likely used the same lines on everyone. That was the last time she’d ever slept with somebody so soon.

  This time, Holly had told herself ,she could handle it. After all, she’d wanted it to happen , but now she was watching Max flirt with other girls, the same feelings she’d had all those years ago in Portugal were starting to come back to her. A feeling of being used and discarded, and she realized then that she probably wasn’t strong enough to have casual flings. She cared too much, even though she didn’t really know how she felt about him. Such a typical girl, she thought, irritated with herself. When she’d met Rob, she had hoped that was it. No more game-playing. No more awkward first dates. But it wasn’t meant to be. Now here she was, single in Vegas, while he was playing happy families with his new girlfriend and their children. It made her want to be home with her babies. She suddenly wanted to cuddle them. To snuggle up on the sofa and watch a Disney movie, their three bodies tangled up under the blanket. That was most likely what she’d be doing about now, she realized. Her children always made her feel loved, content and safe. When she was with them, she didn’t need anyone else in the world. They made her happier than they would ever know.

  ‘Don’t worry about him,’ Kim said caringly, her eyes flicking over to Max who now had his arm around one of the girl’s waists.

  ‘I’m not,’ Holly lied. She didn’t want to admit it, even to Kim.

  ‘You can’t fool me, Hols,
’ Kim replied tenderly, ‘I know you. I’m looking at your face now and you look shocked at his behaviour.’

  Holly nodded, watching Max’s every move intently. He was loving every second being around those other girls. Onto the next one. Just like Liam in Portugal. As much as she didn’t want to care, she knew she was upset at his change of behaviour. Nobody around this pool could have imagined the things he’d been whispering in her ear not so many hours ago, all the promises he most likely never planned to keep. He knew all the right things to say. Her mind wandered elsewhere as she noticed Charlie’s expression as he was talking to Emma. His eyes were as thin as slits and he looked angry, as though he was hissing at her.

  Kim squeezed her shoulder gently. ‘Max is only talking to that girl. I’m sure it’s harmless flirting. Maybe go and talk to him?’

  ‘Yes, maybe,’ Holly agreed, to keep her quiet.

  She wasn’t thinking about Max any more though. At that moment, he didn’t matter one little bit. There was something else Holly was concerned about.

  ‘Come on then,’ Kim said with enthusiasm, ‘let’s go and chat to the others. Forget about those girls,’ she said.

  Kim continued to talk but Holly wasn’t listening. Her eyes wouldn’t budge. They were still focused on the way Charlie seemed to be speaking to Emma, who was standing there with her head bowed, looking meek and remorseful. What on earth had happened? They seemed to be arguing about something.