She heard the sincerity in his voice, saw it in his mind, and it gave her the determination to learn the things needed to exist in the new world she was in. She wanted to do that for him, but also, because he was right; she would have to be alone with their children at some time and she needed to know she could do whatever was necessary. It didn’t seem possible, but Ferro was an ancient hunter and he seemed to have every confidence in her.
She nodded. “It is easier to walk without shoes,” she said, to try to cover the emotion welling up like a terrible raw burning sensation in her throat and eyes.
He bent his head and brushed her lips with his. It was a brief, barely there contact, but heart-stopping all the same. She felt the butterfly wings fluttering in the pit of her stomach and pressed her hand hard over the sensation.
“Nevertheless, since it is an accepted practice to wear shoes outside, it would be better to practice in the privacy of our home with them on.”
He lifted her into his arms, cradling her close to his chest. He felt enormously strong and, although she was tall like most Carpathian women, he made her feel delicate and small. He was a very big man. She knew Sergey had purposely kept her starved to prevent her from possibly growing too powerful, which was silly when she’d never had the chance to learn anything. Now, it seemed, her lifemate was just the opposite. He was willing for her to learn everything. He wanted her to have confidence and feel her own power. She was both exhilarated and terrified by that because she knew Ferro had expectations of her and she wasn’t as certain as he was that she could meet them.
Ferro set her down inside the front room of what would eventually be the home base they would live in when they stayed in the United States; at least, she could see that was in his mind at the moment. She kept her eyes closed tightly, afraid of getting too dizzy. She needed to put the images from the rising before solidly in her mind as a reference.
“You are in front of the chair where I sat with you,” he said, his hand sliding from her waist to her hip.
The gesture felt . . . intimate. He was never heavy-handed. His palm barely skimmed her body, so light over the thin material of the formfitting gown, but she felt that touch all the way to her bones. She felt branded. His.
“I am not facing the window, am I?” She felt very daring to ask him. In a million years she would never have asked such a question. Elisabeta still wasn’t certain whether she was testing her freedom or his reaction.
“No, sívamet, I would not make such a mistake with the one who is hän ku vigyáz sívamet és sielamet. I cherish you, Elisabeta, and protect you.”
She liked that Ferro called her the keeper of his heart and soul. She had kept his soul safe for so long, struggling against Sergey’s continual assaults, his trickery and tortures over the centuries, that she felt she truly had been and still was the keeper of his soul. She wanted to be the keeper of his heart as well. That was much more difficult to believe. His soul had been entrusted to her by fate. By destiny. But his heart . . . if she held it, that was given to her by him and all the more treasured for the freely given gift.
His hands slid back up to her waist. She felt him grip her there. Steady her. He was there in her mind, adding to her courage. She could do this for him. He had that ink on his back, the one that said he had kept his honor for her. She could become brave for him. Maybe, eventually, it would be for herself, but for now, if she could do it for him it would be enough.
Elisabeta took a deep breath and forced her eyes open. She expected to feel sick and disoriented but she should have trusted in her lifemate. He had her facing a corner wall. A sconce was lit, the light flickering dimly, casting shadows over an area larger than she’d really taken in the night before. It seemed, at first, a sweeping space, but she made it a grid in her mind, viewing it as if she were seeing the wider corner through bars.
“Very clever.”
His breath was warm on her ear. He transferred his hands to her shoulders and began that slow, soothing massage she was coming to really enjoy. He had big hands with strong fingers and he got every tense knot. With just the two of them in the house, it seemed so much easier to let herself have a panic attack if that was what had to happen in order to see the room.
“Think of this as your home, piŋe sarnanak. It is only this one room. This space. This is what we have together. A fireplace to keep us warm if the weather turns cold on us and we do not want to go to the trouble of regulating our body temperatures.”
She liked the way his lips brushed her ear when he spoke to her. The way his breath warmed her and yet teased her senses at the same time, making her so aware of him. He had come even closer to her, so that she rested against his chest. She could feel his groin pressed tight against her. The long, thick columns of his thighs.
“We will have warm rugs in front of the fireplace. We will have furniture. Chairs to sit in for us and for our visitors. What do you envision in your home? Just in this space for us?”
Her heart pounded against the thick bar of his forearm. She moistened her lips several times before she dared to speak. “I have never been in a home. I do not know what one looks like. If you could show me what you mean . . .” She trailed off, uncertain if even then she could envision what she wanted.
To her utter astonishment, she felt amusement fill her mind. Not at her—at him. He laughed at himself and then shared it with her. “It has just occurred to me, Elisabeta, I know nothing about this subject, either. I avoided humans as best I could for centuries, using them only for sustenance. I certainly did not go into their homes. I did not enter into any homes of Carpathians other than Tariq’s and Dragomir’s, and then only briefly for meetings. I did not walk through their home but went straight to the meeting room in another form.”
Elisabeta found herself relaxing completely, his shared laughter at himself turning what had been stressful into something altogether different. She had never known a sense of fun. Merged as she was with him, even though she wasn’t moving very far into his memories, she knew he didn’t really remember having fun, either. Together, they were discovering that even the things neither of them really had knowledge of could be amusing if shared.
She let her body rest against his. Immediately a feeling of tranquility and peace flowed into her. She had never known anyone could have his strength, either physical or spiritual.
“Lorraine has catalogues with clothes. Perhaps . . .”
She tried not to feel the annoyance at the other woman’s name. He relied far too much on the unknown Lorraine. “I do not know what a catalogue is.”
“A magazine. A book with pictures in it.”
There was that same amusement in his mind, but this time, she was certain, the humor he felt was directed toward her irritation at the absent oh-so-perfect Lorraine.
“Lorraine is anything but perfect, piŋe sarnanak, and I thank the stars that she is Andor’s problem and not mine. She is minan sisar. To save Andor we bound our souls together. She was not Carpathian at the time and yet, knowing she could die, she still allowed us to bind her to us in order for her to go into the netherworld to find Andor. It took Sandu, Gary, Lorraine and me to be strong enough to bring him out, so yes, I respect her. She is a warrior. She is Andor’s lifemate, his problem, and he is ekäm.”
By claiming Andor as his brother and Lorraine as his sister, he was telling her that the couple were his family and, therefore, family to her.
She turned over every word he had said. She could find no lie. No inflection that would tell her he felt any differently than his words implied. “Why do you say you thank the stars she is Andor’s problem when you clearly respect and admire her?”
“She would not suit a man like me at all, nor would I suit her.”
That told her nothing at all. He was still, giving her the choice to search his memories, but she couldn’t go that far. She was taking one small step at a time. He wanted her
to look at this space and make it a home for them. She didn’t know what was in a home. He wanted her to meet Lorraine and she would do so as graciously as possible, even though she felt at such a disadvantage. She shied away from thinking about meeting with her birth brother, but knew she had that to do as well. Even if Ferro took her far away, Traian could appeal to the prince and Ferro would be forced to bring her back. He couldn’t shield her forever.
“I can, you know. I care little for what others think of me. I have not sworn allegiance to the reigning prince. He cannot order me to do anything, as I am not under his command. Most of the brethren have not sworn allegiance to him, either.”
Elisabeta didn’t know if the relief sweeping through her was a good thing or a bad thing. She only knew she didn’t want to start a war. Still, the idea of so many demands on her when she was barely able to open her eyes without placing imaginary bars in front of her sight was daunting. It was impossible for others to understand.
“I am proud of you, sívamet. You have already come such a long way. You do not realize how much you have accepted me into your life. It humbles me that you do so.” He rubbed his chin on the top of her head.
“Why have you not sworn allegiance to the reigning prince?”
“I have not sworn allegiance to a prince I have never had the chance to get to know. His father betrayed his people by keeping his eldest son alive when he knew he should destroy him. He set many things in motion that should not have been just to please his lifemate. His duty was to his people, to all of us. His hunters were doing all we could to live with honor, and yet he chose a path knowing the Carpathian people would come to the very brink of extinction if he didn’t kill his son. He left a mess to his son Mikhail.”
“How could he possibly know that?”
“Vlad had precognition. He knew. He might not have wanted to know. He might have tried to tell himself that what he saw in the future didn’t have to be, but he knew. He was a ruthless leader until it came to his own children. The rules he applied to everyone else he didn’t apply there. I will not make the mistake of following a leader blindly.”
She heard the ring of absolute truth in his voice. Ferro had gone his own way for so long, relying on himself and then his brethren, becoming such a force to be reckoned with, that even seasoned Carpathian hunters were wary of him. She understood him better and his reasoning made sense to her. He had been betrayed by someone he had believed in, just as she had been betrayed by her childhood friend. She understood betrayal and the long-term consequences.
“He is still the prince, Ferro, and unless I am misunderstanding what I overheard from the Malinov brothers, he is capable of wiping out anyone with his power. That is why he is the prince. He is the vessel for all power of the Carpathian people.”
“That is true, sívamet. Tariq is appointed to stand for him, but he is not a prince and cannot do what Mikhail can do,” Ferro admitted. “Sooner or later, the brethren will have to decide if the reigning prince is worthy of our support and defense. We have not had time to meet him for ourselves, but when we do, we will make that decision as many have done before us.”
Elisabeta thought that was fair. If one was going to fight to save a prince, or go to war for one, they should believe in him.
“So, I am looking at our space here,” she said, hoping to once again lighten the mood between them. “I like the chair we had last rising. We both fit nicely into it. Was it comfortable for you?” She felt very daring asking. She had no idea what the chair looked like. She hadn’t seen any of the furniture.
He bent his head until his lips were once again against her ear, where she could feel his warm breath. The way he did that turned her insides to melting butter.
“Are you going to drop the bars of your cage, minan piŋe sarnanak? You are my little songbird, but you can fly free in our home with me by your side.”
She liked being his songbird, although she’d never sung for him. She heard his song playing in her mind when she was nervous or upset. He had a beautiful and soothing singing voice. “I’m not quite ready to fly. I have not learned to walk that well.”
She realized she had covered his forearm with her hand and was stroking his bare skin over and over. He hadn’t protested, but she still forced herself to stop. She was taking more liberties with him than should be allowed. Worse, if she relied on him and then lost him . . .
“Elisabeta, you are my lifemate. Unless you decide you cannot be with me, I will stay by your side in this life and the next one. You will grow in confidence as you are each rising, and we will work together on building a relationship that works for the two of us regardless of what other couples think we should be.”
Ferro was always so steady, so calm and matter-of-fact. Some of that was beginning to make its way through her seemingly endless fears. He gave her the impression that he could always be counted on. That he was unchanging and no matter what happened around him, he would come through. She wanted desperately to believe that. She needed to in order to let go of terror, get out of survival mode and learn to live.
Very slowly, keeping her eyes open, she removed the bars one by one. At first, she took the ones in the middle off, allowing just a little more of the open spaces in. She waited a few heartbeats to see if she became disoriented or sick to her stomach. The outer bars helped to keep her feeling as if she were still in a smaller space.
Ferro’s arm, locked around her, tightened just a fraction, reminding her that he was there. She felt his warm breath against her ear. He stayed quiet, allowing her to work at her own pace, something she was beginning to value in him as a partner. He never hurried her, nor did he seem impatient with her. That trait in him gave her more confidence.
She drew in a deep breath as, for the first time in centuries, she was able to look at an open area without bars in front of it and not feel as if she were going to be sick or fall forward into space. It was exhilarating. A small step maybe, which no one else would even acknowledge, but for her it was huge, and Ferro had given that to her.
Elisabeta turned her head up toward his, looking over her shoulder. “You really are rather wonderful.”
His smile was slow in coming, but when it did, it lit his ever-changing eyes to that bluish-silver she loved. He bent his head and brushed her lips very gently with his. “I am honored you think so, as I believe my lifemate is rather wonderful.”
Heart beating fast like the little songbird he always called her, she turned back to examine the area in the corner, now much wider without the bars in the middle. She didn’t want to fail at the last minute, but she really wanted to take the outer bars of the cage down and be totally free of Sergey’s captivity. The vampire had done that to her. Forced her to look at everything in her life through bars. She was never a participant but always a watcher. Ferro gave her the opportunity to become a participant but only in what she wanted to do and at her own pace. She might be frightened, but he stood with her, giving her courage.
Gripping Ferro’s forearm tight, she brought down the last of the bars, the two on the outer edges of the cage she’d constructed in front of her eyes. First the one on the right side. With that curved bar down, far more space was allowed into her line of vision, or at least it seemed that way. She forced air through her lungs and pressed as close as possible to Ferro, refusing to close her eyes.
Her stomach lurched just for a moment but Ferro leaned down, his hair sweeping over her bare neck, sending delicious little shivers of awareness through her body, totally distracting her. His teeth scraped back and forth over the pulse pounding in her neck.
“You are so incredibly brave, sívamet. I think you should be called kont o sívanak instead of me.”
Strong heart. He thought she should be entitled to such a name. Her heart soared. Every time his teeth slid over the pulse in the side of her neck, she nearly forgot her own name, let alone to be disoriented by the space in front of
her. Every nerve ending in her body was alive and entirely aware of him.
“I think we will leave that title for you,” she murmured. Encouraged, she brought the last of the bars down.
The view of the room in front of her opened wide, spreading out so she could see so much more that it seemed enormous, far larger than anything she’d ever been in that she could remember. Her first inclination was to close her eyes and turn to hide her face in his chest. Before she could, pain and pleasure burst through her simultaneously, so close together the two sensations couldn’t be separated. Then it was the most erotic feeling she’d ever experienced in her life, so much so it was overwhelming. She could barely think straight, let alone worry about what she was seeing.
I could not resist tasting you again. You are . . . exquisite. Ferro stopped himself and immediately closed the wound with the healing saliva from his tongue. You are such a temptation, lifemate. Your blood calls to me. Your body calls to mine. If you have need, I will give you my blood. I was careful not to take too much.
She wouldn’t have cared if he’d drained her dry. He made her feel so beautiful and sensual, things she hadn’t known were possible. She liked that her blood called to him, but the fact that he said her body called to his made her want to hug that statement to her and hold it tightly to examine later.
“Now that you have looked at the space, Elisabeta, what do you think we should do since neither of us has a clue what a home should look like?” His chin moved back and forth over the top of her head.
She froze, unable to give him an answer. It didn’t seem to matter to him.
“Perhaps you can practice your walking and I will call Andor and his she-devil lifemate, Lorraine, to come meet you. She can bring us some ideas to look at as well. I will warn you, do not take anything she says as something I would have you do other than when it comes to house decorating. Her lifemate gives her free rein; I would not be so lenient.”
Dark Song Page 13
