She should have known Ferro wouldn’t leave it alone. He had been careful not to search too far into her memories, as she hadn’t into his. Now, however, she felt him move through her mind. She shook her head, starting to sit up, but he placed his palm very gently between her shoulder blades and held her down on the mat.
“Please do not. It is not necessary for you to see.” She spoke in a low tone. He would see so much—too much. So many times she had traded lives for what she would not give the vampire. Several times she had taken her own life, only to have the vampire bring her back. He would see that. Ferro had been so strong, refusing to meet the dawn even when he had gone past the point of hearing whispers of temptation—when there was nothing left but being a danger to the very people he had protected.
“What the entire cost to you was? I think it is more than necessary, hän ku vigyáz sielamet.” His voice was very gentle. He kept his hand on her back, a connection between them as he moved through her mind.
He’d called her the guardian of his soul. She had been that. She had fiercely guarded his soul because that was all she had. It was the one thing Sergey couldn’t take from her. Not even the memory of having to protect it and what it meant to a Carpathian woman.
“Ferro.” She whispered her protest again, tears burning behind her eyes. She didn’t want him to see her cowardice. Her failures. Her many humiliations. After the perfection of the rising with him, for him to see her in such a terrible light, she couldn’t bear it. She wanted to run and hide herself away.
His hand moved up her back very gently to the nape of her neck, where his fingers began the familiar slow, gentle massage. It felt good and she wanted to press herself into those strong fingers like a cat, but she also wanted to bury her face on the furred mat and cry her heart out.
Elisabeta. Be calm. You always think the worst of yourself in spite of me telling you how I feel about you. You saved my life and the lives of so many. Had I turned vampire, which I would have if Sergey had gotten to my soul, I would have killed many before I would have been destroyed, if indeed I could have been destroyed.
As always, his voice was steady and calm. Ferro started at the beginning of her captivity, not at the end. He knew Sergey would try when she was young and terrified to get what he wanted from her. She could barely remember those days, yet she could vividly recall the horrific punishments he meted out when she refused to hand over her lifemate’s soul.
Elisabeta, there is no need for you to experience these memories again. I want you to lie still and think of flying. Re-create the female owl in your mind. Every feather. Her ears. Her beak. Her tail. I especially want you to hear the notes of her song so you can sing the duet with her male. Any vampire listening must believe the female is truly a bird. That is a command. Do you understand me?
She closed her eyes, tears leaking out. His voice was so gentle, as only Ferro’s could be. He would spare her those ugly memories. She hadn’t looked at them in centuries. The earliest ones were the worst—before Sergey had learned to fear she would really kill herself and he couldn’t bring her back. She had chosen that option only out of sheer desperation, unable to think of any other choice when the vampire threatened the lives of children or entire villages to get to her lifemate’s soul.
She had endured the torment all those centuries for Ferro—her lifemate. He had been the reason she had continued. She’d feared for him. Feared what it would do to him if she was gone from the world. She’d sensed him somewhere, still alive, still hunting, still holding on. As long as he could, she had vowed she would. And yet there had been so many moments of weakness . . . She was so ashamed.
Ferro surrounded her with warmth. Wrapped her in the intensity of the emotion she had come to realize was love for her. His love for her.
You will feel such shame of me if you persist in looking into my memories.
I will love and admire you more. Do as I command of you, little songbird. Give me time to look upon the crimes this vampire committed against my beloved. It is necessary for a man such as me. I have waited for you to tell me, but realized it would be impossible for you to do so. I am not asking you, sívamet; I am telling you. This is something I need and must have.
It was impossible for Elisabeta not to obey. She had been conditioned by centuries of obedience, but he had called her his heart in that voice that could turn her inside out. She kept her eyes closed and turned her mind to studying the little female screech owl, focusing her attention on the small details she might miss if she ever became distracted.
She hadn’t thought about how a vampire might hear her calling back to her mate and realize her notes weren’t exact. It would be a small detail, such as a single wrong note, that would give her away and, in doing so, her lifemate. The things he was teaching her weren’t just for fun; they could well be the difference between life and death.
Ferro’s owl’s call was beautiful. He showed her the muted trill of the male’s hoo, hoo, hoo that sped up at the end but always maintained a continuous pitch. Sometimes he sang to his female a different song, one of double trills, a much more rapid burst. He had a soft croon when greeting and an excited bark. During mating season, their duet included a trembling note, a rapid tremolo call from the male, answered by a short tremolo from the female. The two owls sang a duet together and she practiced her part in her mind over and over for every season.
Ferro had a beautiful voice and often sang to her when she was upset. She loved their song. He added verses to it each rising, soothing her when she was so afraid. Now, his male owl sang to her female with that beautiful wild call, soothing and calm to his lady the way Ferro was to her. He was such a rock, an anchor in the worst storm. He didn’t make her feel as if it was only that she belonged to him; he made her feel as if he belonged to her, that it was mutual.
The male owl was that same rock to his female. They protected each other and their nest fiercely, even against humans, creatures much larger than they. She studied every aspect of the owl’s life that she could find in Ferro’s mind. She had been in the female owl and she drew on what she had found there as well.
Elisabeta had no real idea how much time had passed when Ferro suddenly yanked her into his arms, startling her with his aggression. He held her to him, nearly crushing her, his palm pressing the back of her head tight into him, so her ear was over his wildly beating heart.
“Elisabeta. Beloved. What you suffered to protect me.”
She tilted her face up to look at him. Bloodred tears dripped from his eyes and her heart nearly stopped. She couldn’t take his sorrow. At once she swamped him with soothing harmony, surrounded him with love, with everything she was, giving him all that she knew how to give. She wrapped her arms around him and held him just as tightly, closing her eyes and breathing for both of them, willing his heart to find the slower, steady beat of hers.
Ferro held her for a long time, rocking them both gently, while Elisabeta continued to keep them entwined together in a cocoon of peace. She didn’t speak, not knowing what to say. In her wildest imaginings she never would have expected her legendary warrior to care enough to shed the bloodred tears of their kind for her. That kind of sorrow and respect was reserved for greatness.
She didn’t know how to react. This was Ferro. Her lifemate. She felt panic-stricken. She had no one to tell her what to do, only her instincts. His hands stroked caresses in her hair, and every now and then she felt his lips brush kisses on top of her head. There was such an intimacy that had nothing at all to do with sex, straddling him, her body crushed against him, rocking with him, their hearts beating together.
Elisabeta felt such a part of him. She’d been terrified for him to see her past, the terrible choices the vampire had forced on her, and yet now she felt closer to him than ever before. Each time she feared Ferro’s reaction, he always came through, teaching her to trust. Not everyone was cruel like Sergey, certainly not her lifemate.
“I know I do not say it to you, Elisabeta, and you most likely need the words, but they are in my song to you. When I tell you a world of love awaits you, vaster than the ocean, I am not merely singing a lyric to you. These words are yours. For you alone. What I feel for you is incomprehensible to me. Unimaginable. I hunted centuries for you. I carved the vow to you into my body, yet even then I did not know what I would feel for you. How could I? Until I merged my mind with yours and learned to know you, found out the tremendous gift I was given, there was no way of knowing how the love in my heart for you would grow.”
He couldn’t say such things to her. She would fall apart. Already she was weeping, pressing her face into his chest and weeping like a babe. They held each other for comfort, still rocking gently, her soothing, peaceful cocoon surrounding them like his shield.
You do not have to give me the words, Ferro. I hear them in your song to me. I feel them in the things you do for me. I especially feel them in your touch. She couldn’t tell him aloud because she would be sobbing if she tried to speak.
“Never think, for one moment, that I am ashamed of you. Any sacrifice you think I made pales in comparison to what you made for me. I could not feel. I had no emotions. You felt everything. Every lash of torture that evil creature thought up, the emotions of those he forced you to witness being tortured, you endured all of that—for me.”
Ferro suddenly caught her chin and tugged until she was forced to look up at him. His eyes glittered down at her, more rust than iron. He looked like what he was, a violent, dangerous predator, the legendary hunter the Carpathian people spoke of in whispers.
“I am privileged to be your lifemate, and you are more than worthy to walk beside me.” He sounded fierce. “Understand me, hän ku vigyáz sívamet és sielamet, you would always be my choice.”
He called her “keeper of his heart and soul.” Not his soul. His heart and soul. She felt her lips tremble before her smile broke through. Happiness blossomed.
“You are my choice, Ferro. You will always be my choice.”
Something moved through his eyes, something she couldn’t quite catch, but she wished she had because it was important, and then he bent his head to hers, his mouth brushing hers with that exquisite gentleness he had that turned her heart over. She parted her lips to let him inside and he kissed her. Really kissed her, going from gentle to possessive instantly.
The moment his tongue swept inside her mouth, he poured love into her. She felt his emotion in her throat, in her veins, rushing through her bloodstream until it spread to every part of her body. He was pure fire, flames licking at her skin and settling deep in her core all over again. Just when she squirmed restlessly, he lifted his head, those eyes of his glittering down at her, all liquid, silvery-blue, making her shiver with need.
“All right, minan piŋe sarnanak, we have more work to do. I want you to learn to fly in the woods. The more you practice shifting into the owl, the faster you will be at it and the more comfortable. I trust you studied her from every angle so you know exactly what she looks like down to the smallest detail.” He sounded steady.
She took a deep breath, trying to match his calm demeanor when she was a bundle of sexual nerves.
“Yes.” She was grateful she had honed her ability to pay attention to detail over the centuries. It had been necessary to keep her mind active, and Sergey insisted that she aid him in his fight against his brothers.
“Good. Go ahead and change for me.”
Elisabeta shifted into the form of the little female Western Screech Owl. Ferro had her shift dozens of times, just as he had the first time. He wanted faster. He wanted smoother. She didn’t protest, knowing he wanted her to be absolutely comfortable, to have the details so ingrained in her mind it would be second nature to her.
It is rather nice that she is larger than the male. She felt very daring pointing that out to him since he was an extremely large man. Carpathian women were tall, and she was no exception. The males were taller as a rule, but she noticed that the brethren seemed to all be extraordinarily tall and broad shouldered.
Male amusement filled her mind. I should have given you a few extra swats on your beautiful bottom while I had the chance. Fortunately for me, my ego is not fragile and the size difference does not matter in the least.
The female owl spread her wings and fluttered them as she hopped along the ground. I do believe you are protesting a bit too much. It is okay. I know you are used to being much larger and probably have trouble being so small.
Only attempting to squash certain body parts down.
That made her laugh hard enough that she had to shift back to her normal form. She landed abruptly on the ground with her arms out for balance, glaring at him. “That was not fair.”
You have to stay focused no matter what. He sounded very self-righteous. Shift back.
Elisabeta shifted immediately. I think that was cheating but it was funny all the same. Her little female turned her head this way and that, taking advantage of the ability to rotate her head about 270 degrees in order to see around her.
It is much different flying in the woods than in a clearing, piŋe sarnanak. You have to be certain to keep your head tucked in tight as you were doing, but do not allow it to come up at all. We will not hover or glide, but move more like a bat might, flying erratically through the trees and branches. At first, we are going to practice flying low through the trees and land back here. When I feel you have the hang of it, we will learn to land on the limb of a tree.
Even within the form of an owl, Elisabeta felt her heart quicken. It was exciting to learn to fly this way, to really be able to shift and have Ferro teach her to do something so freeing and exhilarating as flying through the woods and landing in trees, even if it was really just in the very edge of the woods.
You will do exactly as I tell you. When I say to land, you are to do so immediately.
Of course, Ferro.
She was not going to fail him, or herself. He had given her so much this rising. Too much. She knew no matter what happened in their future, she would always look on this rising as the one that made her feel as if she could eventually find her way back to her birth brother—because of Ferro. She could eventually grow confident and have friends—because of her lifemate. He had given her a belief in herself.
You tell me if your eyes are giving you problems, piŋe sarnanak, or if you begin to tire.
I will. She gave him her assurance, trying not to hop in her owl form, but she desperately wanted to fly in the forest. The woods beckoned her.
Always remember that the danger of shifting to another form is that there is simplicity in taking an animal form. The longer you are in it, the more you might wish to remain. You cannot do so, Elisabeta, no matter the temptation. Your life has been difficult and the vampire knew that if you were aware of how to shift, he would lose you. I do not want to lose you to temptation.
For the first time she caught real fear from him. Not in his voice, that was as steady and as calm as ever. Not in his owl. The little male was a completely wild creature. Ferro was merged deep within her, and it was there she felt his trepidation, that very real worry that had been there all along and she hadn’t seen. In spite of his fear of losing her to shifting, Ferro had still chosen to teach her, to give her that gift. His present meant all the more to her.
I do not want to be apart from you, Ferro. No temptation would be that great.
Elisabeta had no other way of reassuring him. She wasn’t used to speaking directly to him yet, and she didn’t know how to put together words of affection, or of love. She wanted to express how much she cared for him, as he had done for her, but she didn’t write songs and she didn’t know how to express the things in her heart properly.
For one moment, Ferro, the man, moved through her mind, as if seeking reassurance, and then he was back to being her instructor.
She couldn’t help her natural reaction to his suggestion, pulling back and shaking the owl’s head back and forth in repugnance.
There may come a time when you have no choice. If you are under a vampire’s scrutiny, you have to follow through. Your owl must keep the need to hunt uppermost in her mind. Small prey is normally swallowed whole on the spot. It is your owl consuming the prey, not you, and you must allow it. You have to let go of yourself so not the slightest hint of you remains for our enemy to detect.
Deep inside the owl’s body, Elisabeta made the commitment. She let go of all ego, of all sense of self, when she needed to bring peace to the ancients, and she could do so when tricking an enemy. If that was what was required of her, then she would do it with no squeamishness. She felt Ferro’s instant approval and it warmed her.
Larger prey such as a vole will be carried in your beak to a perch just inside the woods and torn apart. He gave her a list of the various types of prey the Western Screech Owl hunted.
Now that she understood why she had to accept that she might have to hunt insects and deer mice and even devour them, she became very dedicated to learning that art as well. She was well versed in shedding her ego, that was never her problem. She needed to know the mechanics of being an owl, so she wanted to be at the forefront while she was learning. She needed to be. Now, more than ever, she paid rapt attention to every detail.
Her little female made it into the air with no problem when Ferro finally gave her the go-ahead, and then was able to fly in ever-widening circles, higher and higher, around the clearing. She didn’t allow the soaring elation to distract her.
Is your eyesight good?
She realized that as the owl, not only was she able to focus her eyesight much more clearly and for longer distances, but when she had taken back her own form, she hadn’t once even noticed that she was looking at the clearing or woods without seeing through the bars of a cage when peering around her.
Dark Song Page 25
