by Nicole Locke
‘I’m sorry,’ he said.
‘I suspect you’re not,’ she answered. ‘Were you just waiting to frighten me to death?’
‘I was waiting until we were out of range of the others.’
Around the corner and she knew where she was. So close to everything familiar and she still couldn’t reach her family. Her longing for them was acute.
‘You’re truly not supposed to say a word,’ she said.
‘I suspect the order was not only to protect you, but us as well. We’re not usually trusting of others.’
‘Usually?’
‘Why did you tell him I didn’t speak that day when he asked?’ he continued. ‘You could have.’
So many days ago! ‘This is the question you want to ask of me? Not who I am and who is Grace and what I’m doing there?’
‘That is easily answerable.’
She stumbled. He gestured with his arm to help her, but she waved him off.
This man appeared to be kind, but couldn’t be trusted. He was handsome and, the way he held himself, he knew it. But he was not soft. He might not be scarred or battered like some of the others, but if he was with these men, he could hold his own. A deadly predator among other deadly predators.
‘How do you know who I am?’
‘You’re the woman he brought to care for the child...’ He paused. ‘We don’t ask questions about our past.’
Nothing of the past, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t ask questions of the present. ‘What would he have done if I had told him your friend wrenched my arm and you gave comforting words?’
He stopped and regarded her for a moment before he resumed walking. ‘I am heartened you took my words as they were meant. They were all I could conceivably give you when Baldr was there.’
Aliette waited only a step or two for more information, but none came. ‘Will you not tell me more? I know nothing. I don’t know who he is, or how you know the baby is not mine. But she’s his, isn’t she? Where is her mother?’
Brows drawn, he said, ‘I can’t save you. But if I could, if I knew, I would have. How is your arm?’
No answers. But they were talking of mercenaries and captors and broken arms. ‘This is ridiculous. What is your name.’
He gave a chuff of surprise. ‘Louve.’
Easily done, she wanted to press her luck. ‘And him? Will you tell me his name?’
A quick smile. ‘He wants all to call him “sir.” I call him by his name to vex him.’
‘And yet he does not harm you for it. So why shouldn’t I know it?’
He stepped to the side. ‘You haven’t been with him long, but I know you are clever. You must have seen some contradictions with him by now. Saying one thing and doing another.’
Complications and contradictions with Darkness? A man who kidnapped her and fed her, who wanted to hold a child, but wouldn’t, who looked as if he wanted to touch her, kiss her—
Louve smiled. ‘I can see you have. The man who has taken you in is...complicated. He has to be many things and in the past he was forced to be many things. Sometimes I think he forgets and falls into habit with his deeds and words. Sometimes, I believe he purposefully uses his past to protect his future.’
‘I don’t understand your words at all.’
‘And I can’t tell you more and keep his friendship.’
‘Friendship?’
Louve shook his head. ‘A slip of the tongue.’
The mercenary looked too pleased for that to be the truth. ‘He doesn’t want to be your friend.’
Louve lifted a shoulder, which was all the truth she needed for proof that Darkness was complicated, contradictory and held far too many secrets. ‘Tell me something else. Anything.’
He glanced down to her. ‘All you need to understand is he hasn’t told you his name and so neither will I. Come, we need to move on.’
Aliette fell in step with the strange mercenary. His explanation of Darkness rang true, but she didn’t know why. He was full of contradictions, but why he felt he had to have them to protect himself, when he obviously held wealth and power, was dumbfounding. As was this mercenary.
‘You’re not like the other men,’ she said. ‘Why do you work for him?’
His gait lengthened. ‘He pays well.’
‘But you don’t do it for the coin.’
He looked away before he laughed. ‘Everyone works for coin.’
Louve was trying to appear at ease, but he wasn’t. For one, his eyes didn’t reach hers. For another, his laugh wasn’t all that easy.
A few more steps before he slowed, and glanced her way. She saw not the mercenary, but the man he was. ‘You want the truth? Maybe I wanted a different life.’
It couldn’t be true. ‘How terrible was your life before that you would choose him?’
He looked away, but not quick enough to hide his discomfiture. Then she remembered. He didn’t say he wanted a better life—he said a different life. Louve hadn’t fled a worse life, he’d fled a better life.
Aliette struggled all her days. Never did she think, not once, she’d be living as she had been with a warm bed and meals waiting for her when she wanted them.
In her opinion, someone would have to be witless to flee a good life for a bad one. But in the little time they spent together, she knew with certainty that Louve wasn’t dimwitted.
Which was the reason to stop conversing with him. He was the enemy and kept her away from her family. It’d be easier to search for her family without him, or if she was taller, and there weren’t so many horses blocking her views.
It’d been too long since she had seen Gabriel—he might see her first and rush to her aid. She prayed that wouldn’t happen. If only...
‘I know you’re intending to escape,’ Louve said. ‘The food you’ve stashed in your gown is noticeable despite your cloak,’ he said. ‘No doubt the others noticed that, too. You’re too slight to hide much. You’re about as large as Cook now.’
Aliette clutched her cloak tighter. This was her only chance to help her family. She had to take the risk. ‘It’s not for me.’
‘Then not planning to escape.’
She’d seen Louve train, she couldn’t outrun him, nor did she have the element of surprise. ‘Not now.’
‘What will you do with that food?’ he said.
How much to tell him? ‘I need to give it to some people...then I’ll return.’
Near an abandoned building, Louve stopped his easy gait, and adjusted his stance. ‘I’ll wait here for you for no more than an hour.’
She couldn’t trust such a boon. She couldn’t trust this man.
His gaze softened as if he guessed her thoughts. ‘If you don’t return, he’ll kill me.’
‘You didn’t have to tell me that,’ she said. ‘I’d return only because you are giving me this time.’
A flash of a smile. ‘You truly are what you appeared to be.’
‘What is that?’
‘Honest. Kind.’
She’d never been described as such her entire life. ‘Why is that surprising?’
‘Because he never touches the innocent ones.’ He pointed ahead. ‘You best be going. The time we talk counts.’
Aliette wanted to thank him for allowing this. She knew the risk she took and she didn’t mean for him to take one as well. If he found out, Darkness would no doubt—
‘Go!’ he said, laughing. ‘I can hold my own.’
Aliette ran on ahead.
* * *
‘Child!’ Helewise called the moment she stepped through the window.
The smell assaulted her. Days away and she instantly knew the chamber pots hadn’t been emptied as frequently as she had done it. It clashed with the smell of rotting food and unwashed bodies.
These were smells she’d grown up with all her life. One
fortnight away and it was as if she never grown up here at all.
‘It’s me,’ she called. ‘I’ve returned!’
She entered the other room. Vernon and Helewise were huddled in a corner. A few burning embers in a metal pan glowed at their feet. The sunlight was dim, but it was the most secure area of the house. They could talk, have a fire and not be seen.
They were safe. ‘You’re here.’
‘Where else could I kind go?’ Vernon said.
The joy of seeing them dimmed with her guilt. Her fault they were here. Regardless...
‘It’s so good to see you.’ Eagerly stepping forward, she clasped the food around her waist as she crouched before them. ‘I’ve been so worried. I’m so sorry I was—
‘Aliette?’ Vernon said, his gaze going from her head to her hands to her knees and back again. ‘My eyes...they’ve worsened!’
‘Not your eyes,’ Helewise said, a note of disbelief and archness to her voice, ‘that’s our Aliette with fine clothes and hair. And I smell food, too.’
Vernon scuttled back and hit the wall. ‘What have you done?’
Neither of them had ever behaved this way to her. Had her appearance changed so much already? She’d bathed, true, and her hair, usually bound in a cap, hung free. Her serviceable gown was a sturdy brown wool, which fit her perfectly with no discernible holes. She suspected the chemise, which was fine and the softest item she’d ever touched, was not meant for the poor, but if they were foolish enough to spend the coin, she would only take advantage. As she took advantage of the warmth of the thick green cloak that was lined with fur around the inside edges that weighted the cloak against wind.
‘I was able to bathe,’ she said.
‘And a bit more,’ Helewise murmured.
‘Here.’ Aliette swept her green cloak away from her body and dislodged the three loaves of bread and leg of pork. ‘This is all for you.’
Helewise avoided her eyes. Aliette swung around. No one was there. What was the matter—? Why would Helewise not look at her? She never—Oh. They thought...they thought she had sold herself.
Of course they did, they’d been on the streets long enough. This type of bounty could never be gained by mere thieving. Still, it was the hurt of their opinion that surprised her.
Over the years, Aliette had built defences against people’s judgements and it was easier to push people away, to not trust, to survive. Except she’d somehow developed these slivers in her defence since she’d last seen her family. Enough for her to wonder about life in a house with food, clothing and warmth. Enough to wonder about reading and a future of days filled with something else besides survival. About a child whom she could truly keep.
Slivers to the walls she held herself in that allowed her to see Darkness cradling his child, to be fascinated by his beauty, to want to kiss him. And enough to be hurt when he rejected her.
Maybe they should look at her warily, she didn’t even know herself anymore. And all the worse because she would inevitably be tossed to the streets again.
For now she needed to explain this bounty she’d received. But how?
‘Where’s Gabriel?’
‘Out to find food,’ Vernon said.
Guilt. She’d been living in luxury and he was risking himself. ‘Not to steal?’
‘I think he learned his lesson the day you were taken.’
‘You know.’
‘Gabriel followed you,’ Helewise said, ‘and saw the men take you away.’
‘He was meant to stay with you.’
Helewise gestured in a placating manner. ‘He felt responsible. We couldn’t hold him here.’
Gabriel was terrified of roaming the streets alone. He’d always let her take the risk—for him to be so brave was a miracle. ‘And since?’
‘Do you need to ask?’ Vernon said, no kindness to his voice. ‘It’s been almost a fortnight, child.’
Guilt was the least of her feelings now. These weren’t mere slivers in her defences, she’d developed cracks. What had happened to her? Hadn’t she learned her lessons already. She’d wanted her family, but she needed to stay strong for them. Not...thinking about days of sitting on a sun-warmed bench, reading.
‘Where were you taken?’ Vernon asked. ‘Why do you have such clothes and food?’
They’d glanced at the food, but neither had taken it. This wasn’t the joyous reunion she expected. Her family was starving. They should be eating with abandon.
‘The food is for you. Please eat as much as you like.’
‘You’re not staying.’
She didn’t belong here. No, that couldn’t be true. If she didn’t belong here, then where else? This was the home she had found for her family. It was a good home and she would return when she could. ‘I can’t stay. I wanted to talk to Gabriel. To ensure—’
‘He’s taking care of us, Aliette,’ Helewise said.
The mothering tone in her voice made it all the worse. ‘He’s a child!’
‘No, he’s not,’ Vernon said. ‘You never told us what you’ve done. Who took you?’
Were they concerned for her or for themselves? Her loyalty was, should be, to them. Not to a man who kidnapped and confused her. Maybe if she remembered that, this feeling of vulnerability would disappear. ‘A man has a child and he took me to care for her.’
‘To dress you like that?’
Simple clothes. She knew they were after she saw what the mercenaries, what he, wore. Yet they were a luxury.
‘I know none of it makes any sense. Anyone who can pay for such clothes should be able to hire a servant instead of steal them, but that’s what he did and I’m there for now.’
‘I don’t understand,’ Vernon said.
She smiled at him. ‘I don’t trust it either. But the child, Grace, needs care, and I can’t just abandon her. If this visit goes well, I’ll will try to return every day this week with more food.’
Helewise pointed to the pork. ‘More than that?’
‘Much more.’ Aliette’s thoughts flooded with the platters of delicacies she’d been privy to over the last few days. ‘Tell Gabriel to stay safe and stop looking for me. I’ll return.’
Encasing her found family in an embrace eased her heart. In the dead of night, her parents had left her never to return. She also had left her family, though she didn’t mean to. For days she worried they wouldn’t be here when she returned.
‘You’ll be here when I return?’ she asked.
‘If we can,’ Helewise said, her eyes softening. ‘If we’re not, we’ll try to make it to the bridge. Will that do?’
Aliette brushed the tears from her cheeks. They were, and continued to be, her family.
* * *
‘That didn’t take long.’ Louve pushed off the wall.
Aliette jumped and glared at the smirking mercenary. ‘You’re not surprised.’
‘You look lighter than when you left. Where’s your cloak?’
She lifted a shoulder. ‘I must have dropped it somewhere.’
‘We can replace the cloak, but Cook will notice the missing pork.’
Aliette knew she’d taken a risk stealing so much, but, if she couldn’t return, she wanted to ensure they had as much as possible.
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she said.
‘I’ll tell him I ate it,’ Louve said.
He wasn’t lying. ‘Why would you do that?’
Louve exhaled. ‘You are too trusting! You just confessed you took the pork.’
‘You already knew.’
‘Yes, but you confirmed it. I could report everything to him.’
She shrugged.
Louve’s brows rose. ‘You expect me to report it. Now I’m offended. Don’t you care for your life?’
‘Everyone cares for their life.’
‘But you—’ Louve stopped himself. ‘You care about others more.’
She ignored him. It was the truth.
‘I thought I’d admired you before, but I only do more so now. My God, he found a prize with you.’
‘I’m no man’s prize.’
Louve stopped. ‘What do you know of men?’
The feel of her captor’s calloused thumbs rubbing away her tears. Her wrapping her hands around his wrists, pulling on his strength, knowing it would be there. Heat rose to her cheeks. With her complexion, she couldn’t hide it.
‘Nothing! You know nothing. You’re not only—How did he find you?’ Louve muttered other words which made her only blush further until he glowered. ‘I’ve been around the field or two, and I’ve been with that man for some time. Trust me when I say you’re his prize.’
‘He’s done nothing—’
‘Oh, I know and so do the other men. So it’s bold of you to steal from him. He’s already a sword drawn, but since you’ve arrived, he’s been stabbing at anything and everything in his way. He hasn’t been training with us, either afraid he’d cause true harm or because he doesn’t want to unleash something that can’t be stopped. And today, I’ll feel the brunt of that. Word of advice when it comes to him? Watch his deeds, then you’ll know the man.’
‘Are you—? There’ll be consequences. Don’t help me.’
Louve pointed behind to where her home was. ‘I already did. Understand I’m allowed liberties and we’ll both take advantage of them now. Is food the only commodity you need?’
‘What are you saying?’
‘Whatever you’re doing or whomever you’re feeding, I’m certain they need more than food. You doubt I would procure them, or that it’s safe?’
When you were as poor as they were, there was too much need. Could she risk trusting this man? For her family, she’d do anything.
‘I need blankets, kindling and some boots. For a boy about this size.’
Louve froze. All sense of humour gone. ‘Is there a man?’ At her confusion, he continued, ‘Is there a man that you’re feeding?’
Vernon wouldn’t want Louve to bring him clothes. After today, Aliette wasn’t certain he’d appreciate it. But he was there and he did need food.
